Beyond Forgetting

Home > Other > Beyond Forgetting > Page 9
Beyond Forgetting Page 9

by Howard White


  study the monument, bigger, you’d say

  than life size. But he always was. The head

  turns far to one side on the long neck

  listening for a distant sound or watching

  some pretty girl passing in 1956.

  I stand there as I planned to, wait

  for some appropriate thought to shape itself

  or maybe a remembered line or two, expect

  a hyperbolic joke, to hear the sound

  of a familiar voice—an unexpected phrase

  from the other side of light.

  I listen, wait for it, the tall man’s

  latest trick, what he might have to say

  about being immortalized in a public park

  among pissing dogs and shitting pigeons

  and sleeping homeless men, and the late

  last lostness of everything,

  like the ghost mouth of Pushkin’s stone guest

  the metal lips to open with a whim

  or jape by cosmic radio from Ameliasburgh,

  whispering across the fields of eternity,

  beyond the limits of silence the ventriloquist

  offering his one last unlikely and phantasmal poem.

  Susan Musgrave

  Thirty-Two Uses for Al Purdy’s Ashes

  Smuggle them to Paris and fling them

  into the Seine. PS He was wrong

  when he wrote, “To Paris Never Again”

  Put them in an egg-timer—that way

  he can go on being useful, at least

  for three minutes at a time

  (pulverize him first, in a blender)

  Like his no good ’48 Pontiac

  refusing to turn over in below zero weather,

  let the wreckers haul his ashes away

  Or stash them in the trunk of your car:

  when you’re stuck in deep snow sprinkle them

  under your bald tires for traction

  Mix them with twenty tons of concrete,

  like Lawrence at Taos, erect

  a permanent monument to his banned

  poetry in Fenelon Falls

  Shout “these ashes oughta be worth some beer!”

  in the tavern at the Quinte Hotel, and wait

  for a bottomless glass with yellow flowers in it

  to appear

  Mix one part ashes to three parts

  homemade beer in a crock under the table,

  stir with a broom, and consume

  in excessive moderation

  Fertilize the dwarf trees at the Arctic Circle

  so that one day they might grow to be

  as tall as he, always the first

  to know when it was raining

  Scatter them at Roblin’s Mills

  to shimmer among the pollen

  or out over Roblin Lake

  where the great *boing* they make

  will arouse summer cottagers

  Place them beside your bed where they can

  watch you make love, vulgarly

  and immensely, in the little time left

  Declare them an aphrodisiac, more potent

  than the gallbladder of a bear

  with none of the side-effects of Viagra

  Stitch them in the hem of your summer dress

  where his weight will keep it

  from flying up in the wind, exposing

  everything: he would like that

  Let them harden, the way the heart must harden

  as the might lessens, then lob them

  at the slimy, drivelling, snivelling,

  palsied, pulseless lot of critics who ever uttered

  a single derogatory phrase in anti-praise

  of his poetry

  Award them the Nobel Prize

  for humility

  Administer them as a dietary supplement

  to existential Eskimo dogs with a preference

  for violet toilet paper and violent

  appetites for human excrement: dogs

  that made him pray daily

  for constipation in Pangnirtung

  Bequeath them to Margaret Atwood,

  casually inserted between the covers

  of Wm Barrett’s IRRATIONAL MAN

  Lose them where the ghosts of his Cariboo

  horses graze on, when you stop to buy oranges

  from the corner grocer at 100 Mile House

  Distribute them from a hang-glider

  over the Galapagos Islands

  where blue-footed boobies will shield him

  from over-exposure to ultraviolet rays

  Offer them as a tip to the shoeshine boys

  on the Avenida Juarez, all twenty of them

  who once shined his shoes for one peso

  and 20 centavos—9 and a half cents—

  years ago when 9 and a half cents

  was worth twice that amount

  Encapsulate them in the ruins of Quintana Roo

  under the green eyes of quetzals, Tulum parrots,

  and the blue, unappeasable sky—

  that 600 years later they may still be warm

  Declare them culturally modified property

  and have them preserved for posterity

  in the Museum of Modern Man, and, as

  he would be the first to add, Modern Wife

  As a last resort auction them off

  to the highest bidder, the archives

  at Queens or Cornell where

  Auden’s tarry lungs wheeze on

  next to the decomposed kidneys of Dylan Thomas;

  this will ensure Al’s survival in Academia, also

  But on no account cast his ashes to the wind:

  they will blow back in your face as if to say

  he is, in some form, poetic or other, here

  to stay, with sestinas still to write

  and articles to rewrite

  for The Imperial Oil Review

  No, give these mortal remains away

  that they be used as a mojo to end the dirty

  cleansing in Kosovo, taken as a cure

  for depression in Namu, BC, for defeat

  in the country north of Belleville, for poverty

  hopping a boxcar west out of Winnipeg

  all the way to Vancouver, for heroin addiction

  in Vancouver; a cure for loneliness

  in North Saanich, for love in Oaxaca,

  courtship in Cuernavaca, adultery

  in Ameliasburgh, the one sure cure

  for extremely deep hopelessness

  in the Eternal City, for death, everywhere,

  pressed in a letter sent whispering to you

  Laurence Hutchman

  Al Purdy’s Place

  I

  I turn onto the road leading to Ameliasburgh.

  Nearly twenty years since

  I visited this place where

  you wandered under the large beams,

  through the old grist mill,

  in searching for dusty motes of sunlight

  until you stared into the face of Owen Roblin.

  The ’73 Ford is gone,

  your tall lanky figure does not stride to meet me again.

  The waters of Roblin Lake are rough.

  Around broken boards I step

  to see blue wooden chairs weathered on the deck;

  Eurithe, Michael Ondaatje and Margaret Laurence

  would have drunk beer here late into the summer’s night.

  The old cabin you built as a study is locked.

  In the box by the door I see a lamp

  that would have shone light

  on your hiccoughing typ
ewriter, on the poems

  that spoke of Fidel on Revolutionary Square,

  of Gus and you before the Kremlin,

  searching for the ghost of Helen in the dusty city of Troy,

  recounting the tough, angry Tarahumara women in Mexico,

  the scenes evoking the ghosts of Machu Picchu and your friend Earl.

  You sat in that study until it became the freight car:

  across the prairies into the sudden mountains,

  until the dust of the land entered you in those voices,

  speaking now through your poems.

  You were working on Reaching for the Beaufort Sea,

  talking about time,

  how we continually mourn the past,

  how we live on a thin edge,

  a slice of time that exists only in the present

  before it becomes the past.

  II

  I remember the letter from Ameliasburgh

  that invited me to send you poems.

  I still hear your distinct voice,

  with its currents of wit and humour,

  a gusto, a buildup and release.

  I remember the time in Montreal at El Gitano

  after so much sangria

  when we argued poetry late into the night.

  Through the rough gravel of Purdy Lane,

  I drive to the cemetery alongside the river.

  There, in the wet grass is the black shiny tome

  with the words, “The Voice of the Land.”

  Someone has left a note

  and stuck a ballpoint pen in the earth.

  Lorna Crozier

  A Cat Named Purdy

  If Al comes back

  it will be as something gaunt and big—

  a tree perhaps, like Thompson’s pine

  he tore from a calendar and taped

  on the bathroom wall. The last thing

  I’d expect is a cat. Unlike Eliot

  he didn’t like them. Our last cat

  we’d called Nowlan. When I told Al

  we’d name our new one Purdy, he shouted,

  waved his arms and almost threw me out

  though we’d been having a grand time

  reciting from memory Leda and the Swan

  line by line to one another, our voices

  loud above the beating of the wings.

  His favourite in-law, Eurithe’s sister Norma,

  for years has rescued cats. She finds them

  in the wild, brings them home and gentles them

  until they’re tame enough to give away. Maybe

  she’ll find him wandering beyond the world

  of doors and windows, beyond the glow

  from someone’s reading lamp,

  and he’ll be coaxed inside, wet and matted,

  eyes a little mad, Norma, whom,

  when he was alive he also loved,

  offering a bowl of milk to calm him,

  her flannel shirt to keep him warm.

  To take this story further and why not,

  Eurithe, now that she’s alone, will be persuaded

  to accept a scruffy stray—long-limbed,

  ungainly for a cat. With quintessential Purdy

  I-don’t-give-a-damn paired with a cat’s

  he’ll leap into her lap that’s not

  welcomed one in years, he’ll sigh and purr.

  And with his paws, big as his hands

  when he was a boy but now not clumsy

  or afraid, he’ll retract

  his claws and knead the softness of that

  oh, familiar flesh.

  Elegies

  Doug Paisley

  Last Night

  The saddest thing I guess

  Was I’ve grown used to being here

  More familiar than I’d imagined

  What’s left is the everyday

  The faces are all on photographs

  The voices are on cassettes

  I can visit them over and over

  Like we think we’d like to do

  You’re over on the other side of the water

  No longer fearful of the dark, I hope

  These are the same birds but they wouldn’t know you

  They navigate through blinking towers

  And narrowing corridors

  I wouldn’t bother telling you a damn thing about this world

  Selfish isn’t it?

  No one waited like you did

  No one could enjoy it when it came like you could

  Now you’re waiting for everything to hurry up and end

  One night at a time

  Doug Beardsley

  Breakout

  At 100 Mile House I try to make sense

  of the place 40 years after the fact

  of your poem & the book that made

  the Purdy name a household word

  & this broken-down town, empty of horses

  Cariboo or otherwise & no people either—

  if you discount grinning Secwepemc kids

  from Canim Lake or bored housewives

  feeling their first biodynamic massage

  in spas sheltered beneath toy mountains

  without substance, without weight. No more

  horses here, historical, ancient or

  anywhichway only the ghosts of horses

  & you BIG AL, tall in the saddle beyond all measure

  gripping the reins ham-fisted

  saddle-bags chocked full of a lifetime

  of hands-on experience, readings & poems

  stirrups digging in for the last long ride.

  Julie McNeill

  Trains, Beer & Bronze

  the voice of the land

  Years after train cars

  took your young man’s voice

  and roughened it

  took your impressionable ears

  and pounded into them

  the pulse of Canada

  you brewed people’s poetry

  in the A-frame’s simplicity

  and shared it

  After the published books

  you ambled into the lecture hall

  shirtsleeves rolled up

  and gave thirsty students

  tales for All the Annettes,

  The Cariboo Horses…

  and carried the hangers-on

  to the windy patios

  of rooftop bars

  Today I hear your voice

  in the wind blowing across Queen’s Park

  your loose shirt draped in light snow

  the pocket pen & notebook cold

  but your pages filled

  with rich warm poems

  while other poets sit in the A-frame

  wondering where you’ve gone

  leaving wet rings under beer glasses

  Patrick Lane

  For Al Purdy

  It wasn’t the brawling man who wrote of dangerous women with whiskey-coloured eyes, it was the other man I knew in ’62, the awkward one you hid inside the Contact book, the one who spoke of lines that never end. That’s what I heard first and that’s the man I knew. It was the uneasiness you had with the myth you’d made of yourself. You were a mama’s boy and spoiled like only-children are. Even your ride on the freight train back in the thirties wasn’t a real struggle, was more adventure than endurance. Survival had nothing to do with it, though later you’d learn, picking through Air Force garbage with Eurithe to keep food on the table. Three days in Vancouver and you couldn’t wait to hop a freight back to Ontario, homesick, a little scared. Suffering was never your strong point. It took Eurithe to help you with that. But I remember ’66, the night we left the Cecil to visit Newlove on Yew Street and giddy with drink I threw a full bottle
of beer at the sky. You stopped dead and waited till the bottle fell and smashed. Only throw empty bottles at the moon, you said, shaking your head at the waste of a drink. It’s a metaphor I’ve lived with in this life, that moon. Or the time we stole books at the McStew Launch in ’73. You told me to stop taking the poetry. Take the picture books, you said. No one will give you money for a poem. Jack McClelland was railing at us and Newlove was dancing drunk on a table while Farley glowered in a corner because he wasn’t the centre of attention. Clarkson was prissy and Layton was trying once again to get laid. God knows where Acorn was. All names now, men and women either dead or getting closer. And you? I could talk with you about the attributes of Rubus spectabilis and Etruscan tombs. We could go from there to a discussion about the relative venom of Laticauda colubrina. You liked the leaps and made a poetry from space. You went from the yellow-lipped sea krait to the eyes of Eurithe and found love at the end of your complaint. I think love was at the heart of all you did, the only loss you knew. Not knowing what you should learn, you learned everything. An autodidact (I loved that word when I was young, it gave my ignorance a name) you put in everything you could, your mind moving like your body, a poem too big to fit into the world. Sitting at the kitchen table three months before your death you told me you’d never had a friend. Are you my friend? you asked. I’ll never forget your eyes. There were never any cheap tricks in your art. It’s the one thing you taught me. Don’t tell it slant, you might’ve said. Your poems were Möbius strips. Following your mind was like my wandering in South America years ago. I knew there was no end, it was the going I had to learn, the nowhere we all get to. I split the word these days. Right now I’m here. You liked the story of me almost dying from a centipede sting in the jungle east of Ecuador, the little brown woman who nursed me back to life as she fed me soup made from boiled cuy. Like most men you liked stories. All your confessions were metaphors, those tired horses in the dust at Hundred Mile the measure. Or the time you made coffee in the frying pan in Toronto for Lorna and me, the bubbles of bacon grease just something to add body to the day. With you I could almost make it through. I fixed your deathbed, the second-hand you and Eurithe bought at a garage sale. You stood in a reel while I hammered it together. Three days later you were gone. I could say I still have words but none of them add up to you. Whispers mostly in the racket. Poems go round and round, this one too, never quite getting there, but I still live, and your ivory thought is all that keeps me warm some nights, still writing, still alive. It’s a cheap out, Al, but where else to go but back to you grabbing picture books, telling me once again that poems don’t sell. They never did.

 

‹ Prev