Becoming His

by Mariah Dietz

  The movie plays for a while and I focus on paying attention to it. I’m even enjoying it, wondering why I’ve never watched the series before, when I notice Max’s hand fractionally move, tightening his grip on my waist, making my breath leave me in a sudden rush. I turn to Max and catch him looking at me with an intensity that tells me he’s the hunter and I’m about to be the prey as he watches my every move. The exhilaration of seeing him look at me like this washes all of my inhibitions away and before I can think twice about it, I swing my leg over his lap, straddling his waist and find his lips.

  Max’s lips meld to mine and a small groan escapes as desire builds inside of me like I’ve never felt.

  I’ve kissed a decent number of guys in my life. The first couple, and then a few later on, had made me wonder why people kiss; they had been messy and forceful, leaving me with the strong desire to brush my teeth. Most had been fun and taught me to really like kissing, feeling a boy being soft and tender was something I enjoyed the thrill of, and knowing that they wanted me had fueled me to kiss guys sometimes even though I had little interest in them. Kissing Max is something entirely different. I’m not thinking, I’m reacting, like a puppet being directed by his body, his mouth, and his hands, which move over me burning a brazen trail in their wake. All I can think about is how I can get closer to him, touch more of him, taste more of him.

  He turns his head and makes a soft trail to the sensitive skin behind my ear that he had found in the basement. Shivers course through me as he continues down to my collarbone and my hands drop to his waist, where I tug on his shirt, trying to rid the barrier. Max pulls back and quickly peels it off tossing the wad of cotton against the wall behind me, where it falls with a nearly silent hush to the floor. I look down at his body and watch as his broad chest rises and falls with his breaths, tracing over the tattoos that wind from just above his elbow to his shoulder and down around part of his chest with my eyes before looking back up to his face. His eyes are filled with fervor and excitement that fills me with a similar effect to taking straight shots of vodka. I reach for his shoulders and pull his face back to mine where I close my lips over his.

  As the kiss deepens, my hands travel across the contours of his chest and stomach until they reach the V-cut that is so perfectly prominent along his hips. A growl cuts from Max’s throat that only serves to build my excitement. His hand captures both of my wrists and he pulls back, dusting a line of kisses across my shoulder, before he leans back and creates a barrier of air between us that suddenly seems nearly impenetrable from the havoc he wreaks on my nerves and emotions.

  “We have to slow down.” His voice comes out husky and thick, and I slowly nod in response, not certain of how else to respond.

  “Ace, I’m not looking for you to be one of those girls. You’re different.” My mind begins racing in an attempt to understand every possible explanation this vague sentence holds.

  “Talk to me. Stop over analyzing things and talk to me.”

  “You don’t want me.” My words are a statement, not a question.

  Max shakes his head with a small chuckle, “I’m going to be beating myself up for the next decade for stopping us here.” He gently reaches up and runs his thumb down the side of my face.

  “Is it because you know?”

  “Know what?”

  “I’ve never … that I’m a virgin,” I say, nervously toying with the sheet.

  “Kyle really is going to kill me,” Max groans, leaning back against the pillows. “You’re a virgin?” he asks a bit too loudly. “How in the hell did that happen?”

  “What do you mean how did that happen?” I ask, feeling slightly indignant. “Kendall told you that I was at the bonfire.” I scoot further back, the gap growing between us.

  Max grabs my hips and pulls me closer, shaking his head. “No she didn’t.”

  “Yes, she did. When you asked if Eric was my first.”

  “I didn’t realize she meant you were a virgin! I’m sorry, it’s just in high school, I knew tons, like seriously ridiculous amounts of guys from school that were infatuated with you! You dated a good number of guys, I just assumed …” I look at him and shake my head slowly. “We definitely need to slow down then. I mean, really, that could have gone, and then …” Max’s words cut off as he gets lost in thought. “Ace, I don’t want you to be just some girl. You know that right?” He carefully watches my eyes, waiting as I absorb his statement. “We’re doing this, you and me, we’re dating. I want to be the guy your parents and you trust and respect.”

  “Then we may have to create a three-foot rule, because I feel like I’m trying to corrupt you or something over here.” This time when I scoot back he allows me to do so and runs a hand down his face.

  “You’re really a virgin?”

  “You say that as if it’s the biggest mood killer,” I say, frowning.

  “No, believe me, it’s far from a mood killer. I just never expected it.” he says, taking a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter though, I wasn’t going to allow things to go that far tonight regardless.”

  My eyes travel from Max’s face, down to his bare chest, and I grab another pillow from beside me and place it between us.

  Max laughs, grabbing it. He tosses it to the wall his shirt had hit. “I want things to be different with you.”

  “Are you, Max Miller, telling me that you want to have an emotional relationship with me, prior to having a physical one?” I ask, turning my eyes to his face.

  “I’m telling you, Harper Bosse, that I want to learn everything about you, and I want us to be able to have a strong enough relationship that when I piss you off … because that will happen on occasion and when it does, you and I have something stronger than sex that will help us get through it.”

  “You are such a girl,” I tease.

  Max grins at me. “I blame Jameson, he looks like a dude, but really, that guy probably has more estrogen than your entire house.”

  I laugh and then start thinking about Max’s previous relationships; it never seemed like any of them stuck around long, prompting me to my next question. “So how long is slow?” I ask.

  “I don’t know, a while,” Max says, shrugging. “A month or two, maybe more?”

  “You’re serious?” My eyes widen in shock and disappointment. That wasn’t the answer I had been expecting.

  “I’m going to make sure you don’t regret it.”

  I sag into the pillows in defeat. Honestly, I’m glad he stopped us. The fact that Max respects me enough to not want to have sex right away, even when he hadn’t known that I’m a virgin speaks volumes to me. However, there’s a frustration brewing in me that makes it difficult to focus on being rational.

  We watch nearly the entire movie with our full attention. Well, nearly our full attention; occasionally something breaks our focus, like when I try to resituate to get my phone out of my back pocket and accidentally scoot a bit closer to him than I’d intended and feel Max’s muscles tighten. At first he does nothing to my disappointment, so I press back even further into his pelvis and feel his breathing stop for a moment before he surprises me by rolling me onto my back and straddling me, locking both of my hands in one of his above my head and kissing the hell out of me.

  Once, I’m not even trying to catch his attention and simply brush some hair back that tickles my neck, then I’m being pulled on top of him, his hands splayed over the curve of my hips.

  “I should go home.” My voice is soft as the credits finish and the screen goes dark. Really, the last thing I want to do right now is leave, even if nothing more happens. Just staying right here in Max’s warmth with his scent enveloping me makes me resist wanting to ever move again.

  “I’ll text Kendall and find out what she’s doing.” I grab my phone off his nightstand and prop myself up on my elbow to text her, trying to remain in our cocoon as long as possible.

  Me: Hey, you still awake? We should probably go.

  I hit send as Max lightly trails
the tips of his fingers over my shoulder and down along my spine making goose bumps erupt over my skin. I watch as he smiles, his eyes seeming to notice the effect he has on me.

  I climb out of bed knowing that if I don’t, it will be me that tries to cross the boundary line again.

  “Jameson and I are going to San Diego tomorrow … or today to bring a couple of car loads up. I should be home by like five. Do you want to grab some dinner with me?” Max gently holds both sides of my face in his hands and moves my head up and down in a nodding motion.

  I laugh, cupping my hands over his. “I’ll be here.” Max grins, softly kissing me once more as my phone buzzes indicating a text message.

  Kendall: Ready when u r ... Anxiously aw8ing details.

  “Your entire family is going to know when slow ends, huh?” Max asks, making no attempt to hide the fact that he just read my screen.

  “That is a risk.”

  “Talk about pressure,” he jokes, heading to retrieve his shirt from the floor.

  Downstairs we find Kendall and Jameson making out against the wall in the foyer. I step around them to slide my feet into my flip flops before returning to Max. Grasping his shirt in my fists, I give him one last kiss.

  “Say ‘goodnight, Jameson,’” I instruct, stepping around Jameson and Kendall again and opening the front door.

  “Goodnight, Jameson,” Kendall mumbles, still kissing him, making no attempt to move as I head outside.

  When I get up to my room I turn on the lights and see Max at his window, looking at me. I smile and wave, crossing the room and open it.

  “Goodnight, Ace.”

  “Goodnight, Max.” I call and leave the window open as I go and change and brush my teeth to get ready for bed.

  Max’s light goes off shortly after mine, and I lie in my bed hardly able to sleep as the excitement of the last few hours runs through my head on repeat.

  The next morning I make my way downstairs, shocked that it’s past nine. I never sleep in.

  “There she is.” Kendall sits at the kitchen table with a grin spread across her face. My mom and Jenny are with her, each wearing matching guilty expressions confirming they’ve been discussing me.

  “Max wear you out last night?” she asks, arching an eyebrow.

  I shoot her a death glare as my face flushes.

  “Kendall!” Mom chastises her, but she still has the shadow of a smile playing on her perfectly made-up face.

  “I can’t believe you guys are talking about me,” I say incredulously.

  “Oh, come on. You and Max have practically been dating all summer!” Jenny cries with a grin.

  “It was just a matter of time,” Mom adds, bringing her coffee cup to her lips to hide her smile.

  I reach for the granola as I take a seat.

  “I like Max. The Miller boys are hot!” Jenny says with an approving smile, “Gosh, do you remember how obsessed Savannah was with Hank when they first moved in? She’s going to want details! Hell, I want details! How was it?”

  My sisters have little shame when it comes to discussing sex, even in the presence of our mom, something that even when the day comes I don’t think I will ever be ready for.

  “We didn’t sleep together!” I cry out. “When did you even get home? Where’s Lilly?” I ask, turning to glance around the room.

  “You didn’t?” Kendall looks at me with genuine shock before her eyes narrow, speculating whether or not I’m telling the truth. “But you guys are together now, right? Like officially, exclusively together?”

  “Officially, exclusively together,” I fight the climb of my lips as I repeat her words and pour milk into my cereal. “What about you and Jameson, did you guys finally figure things out?”

  “You’ll be happy to know we did,” Kendall says, grinning proudly.

  “Are you texting, Mom?” Jenny asks, leaning across the table toward her.

  “I just started. Your daddy was showing me how so I can get in touch with you girls, since apparently you don’t talk on the phone or write notes anymore. You simply send these weird coded messages to each other.”

  “Text Ace, Mom. She spells things out. She’s the only person I’ve ever seen send a message with a semi colon.” Kendall smirks. “Didn’t you get her text last night?” she asks, looking to Jenny who’s looking over our mom’s shoulder.

  “You’re such a liar!” Jenny accuses, laughing out loud.

  I’m barely able to ask what’s going on when my phone, as well as Kendall’s and Jenny’s all buzz and chime simultaneously. I look down to see I have a new text message from Mom and open it.

  Mom: Good ness ace and maxx are finally dating. Took them long eggnog! I’m planning on a roast tonight. Love you.

  “Mom, are you serious?” I cry, reading the text a couple of times. “Who all did you send that to?”

  “What do you mean?” she asks innocently as her phone begins to chime with incoming messages. Jenny and Kendall are doubled over laughing as I pull her phone out of her hand to assess the damage.

  “At least her spelling has improved,” Kendall offers.

  “Oh my gosh, Mom,” I groan. “You sent that message to everyone you sent that message to last night.” I scroll through the list of recipients as my mom avoids eye contact with me. “Did you send that to everyone in your contacts list?” I ask, still scrolling through this list of names as more messages continue to stream in.

  “Well, they were all going to find out eventually,” she says, trying to smile at me.

  “Did you send it to Sharon?” I ask, already knowing the answer as my phone vibrates on the table.

  Max: glad UR mom is so happy about us ;)

  I want to die.

  “I’m never going to live this down.” I groan, dropping my head to the kitchen table as our phones continue receiving incoming texts.

  Abby: U may need 2 teach UR mom 2 text … but Im glad 2 hear about Max … cnt wait 2 hear all about it l8r! luv u!

  Mindi: Max is hot!!! But U may want 2 take Mom’s phone away ;) Kyle is freaking out a little. Bawhahahahaha

  Then there is the multitude of messages from people that send their reply to the entire group over and over again.

  Aunt Susan: Who’s Max? He better treat her well! Excited for the roast, what time ;)

  Shelly: Is that the neighbor boy U told me about? I hope so!! Eggnog? You mean enough??

  Jameson: Woo Hoo!!!!!

  Eventually I turn my phone off.

  When the doorbell rings that evening I’m standing in the kitchen with my dad as he makes margaritas for himself and my mom. He briefly looks up from the pulsing blender and smiles what I’m fairly certain is meant to be an encouraging smile, making me wonder when I got so lame that he feels I need the boost of confidence.

  I push off the counter, feeling like I need to prove something to them, to myself, even though I still have the urge to hide under a large rock after the text my mother sent this morning that I’m still receiving messages about. I run a hand through my hair which is down around my shoulders and take a deep breath.

  I swing the door open and find Max beaming down at me with the full force of his beautiful smile. He doesn’t hesitate. Reaching forward, he pulls me against himself and kisses me while wrapping a hand around my back, snaking the other into my hair. His lips softly move with mine while my hands reach out to grip his shirt. I press myself further into him and our kiss continues another moment before he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.

  “I figured since most of the town now knows we’re dating, I’m allowed to do that,” Max says quietly. My cheeks instantly heat with embarrassment that has his grin stretching.

  “I’m sorry, I swear, I had no idea—”

  “No, it saves me from having to rent a billboard to inform everyone you’re taken.” He winks at me.

  “I thought we were finally resuming Jason Bourne tonight?” I ask, latching my seat belt as I climb into Max’s Jeep.

  He shakes
his head slightly, “I need to be in well lit, heavily populated areas with you for now,” he replies, bringing the Jeep to life.

  “So, I was thinking about slow …” I run my finger along the stitching of the seat. I feel horrified at the idea of discussing the specifics of this, and have been rehearsing this since Sunday, and already feel like I’m failing as my voice sounds unsteady and my palms sweat.

  “God, you’re distracting!” Max murmurs, taking my hand in his. “What exactly have you been thinking?” He looks over and makes eye contact with me before returning his attention to the road.

  “I’m willing to wait six weeks, not a day more. I also don’t want us to have it scheduled down to the detail so that it’s circled on the calendar. I want it to be spontaneous and in the moment.”

  “Six weeks?” he repeats, “Why six weeks?”

  “Because my birthday’s in seven, and from what I’ve heard, Fifty Shades lied about wanting to have sex twelve hundred times within the same week of losing your virginity.”

  He squeezes my hand and glances back to me. “It sounds like you’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

  “More than I care to admit.”

  “Do you want to know anything about my …” Max swallows audibly as he glances at me, a look of unease across his face.

  I shake my head slightly. “I prefer ignorance.”

  “I’ve slept with other women though, Ace. Not as many as you apparently think I have, but I don’t want you to feel angry or caught off guard if you learn something you don’t like.”

  I turn to look out the passenger window, slowly processing Max’s words. Do I want to know a number? Do I want names or details? Is his past going to haunt me? Would Max be imagining other women? Was he already? What about STDs?

  “Ace, talk to me.” He runs his thumb over the back of my hand.