Becoming His

by Mariah Dietz

  “Have you been tested?” I blurt out, instantly feeling embarrassed by my lack of tact.

  “Yes.” Max nods and glances over at me again. “Yes, I got tested a month ago and I’m completely clean. I have strict rules about protection. Your parents went all out educating you on drinking, my mom did the same with me about sex.”

  My thoughts briefly wander to my own discussions about sex with my mom, and I consider having had them with my dad and nearly shudder.

  “You know I didn’t sleep with all those girls in high school, right?”

  I pretend not to appear as shocked as I feel and watch as his eyebrows rise as he nods. “You thought I did.”

  “I saw a lot of girls coming and going from your house while your mom was at work.”

  “I didn’t even make out with half of them.”

  We’re both quiet for a few moments. My mind races from questions and concerns to imagining Max with other girls while this new information leaks into my thoughts with a whole new barrage of thoughts and questions.

  “Why did they come over, then?” I don’t want to doubt Max, and yet there’s no viable conclusions that I can draw. Granted, high school is a breeding ground for rumors, but I was his neighbor and saw it happen.

  “I think some of them wanted to do more than just hang out. I think more just wanted to have something to say. Piss off a guy they were flirting with or a friend that they were fighting with.” He shrugs, and glances over at me, his lips pressing firmly together and his blue eyes looking ashamed. I feel a rush of relief by his discomfort to know they hadn’t all been there for what we’d thought.

  “What did you guys do?”

  Max’s lips quirk up slightly. “Most of the time I’d watch baseball, and they’d do whatever they wanted, like talking on the phone. Sometimes someone would really think I was going to do something with them, but most of the girls that came over knew before they got there that nothing would happen.”

  A small part of me wants to focus on this unveiling and ask a dozen more questions about why they would do this, and why he’d allow it, but a larger piece of my mind has begun contemplating my own situation.

  “What are you thinking?” Max asks.

  “I don’t know.” I carefully try to articulate my feelings and concerns. “I knew you were experienced, Max. I knew that before anything started. It’s just these insecurities I suddenly have are intimidating the hell out of me.” He doesn’t understand what I’m trying to hint at as his brows knit together.

  “What if I’m bad? What if you start thinking of one of your ex’s? I don’t like the idea of being compared to—”

  Max pulls the car onto the shoulder of the road, unbuckles his seat belt, and leans forward grasping my face in both of his hands. He holds me with gentleness, but firmly so I can’t move as he stares directly into my eyes.

  “Ace, stop. This is why you have nothing to worry about.” He presses his lips to mine. The instant pull fills me with heat and yearning that is so strong I know it’s coming from both Max and me. It hasn’t managed to dim at all in the past few days, rather it’s even more potent.

  He pulls back and stares into my eyes as his breathing comes out in gasps. His eyes silently search mine in confirmation and I understand exactly what he means. I haven’t slept with other guys, but I’ve dated more than I’d like to admit, so I know that what I feel with Max is different; the tingles, the racing hearts, the haggard breathing, we’re like active live wires that when we connect—ignite.

  “You have nothing to be insecure about. Nothing.” He stares into my eyes for a long moment before kissing my forehead, the tip of my nose and then my lips. “Nothing,” he repeats.

  I take his hands from my face and press a kiss to the inside of each of his palms and nod as I focus on his eyes, confirming that I understand.

  His lips spread wide in a smile as he sits back and puts his Jeep back into gear. He reaches over and takes my left hand in his right and holds it securely as we pull back out into traffic.

  Saturday we spend our first day apart when Max goes to see his friend Wes, a guy that he has known from baseball for years. Max is thrilled to see him and invited me to tag along, but I declined knowing that he’ll have a better time without worrying about me being entertained. I invite Abby over instead.

  She and Jesse both come over and the three of us hang out for a while until Jameson and Kendall arrive home from having gone to San Diego to take a load of stuff to Kendall’s apartment.

  “Hey, guys, this is Jesse. Jesse this is my sister Kendall and her boyfriend, Jameson.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Jameson says, offering his hand to Jesse who shakes it with an easy smile as Abby begins discussing classes with Kendall.

  “Where’s Max?” Jameson asks.

  “He’s hanging out with his friend Wes. I think he’ll be back soon though.”

  “Alright, well you guys want to play some basketball, then? We can warm up until he gets here. I’m dying in this heat.” Jameson pulls his shirt from his body.

  We bob in the water and talk, getting acquainted. I still don’t know much about Jesse; he seems nice but rather quiet, and I’m working to break down a layer of his outer shell as Jameson and Kendall flirt and grope at one another, occasionally joining in on our conversation.

  “I’m seriously going to miss these moments,” Abby says from where she’s sprawled across a float with her eyes closed.

  A giant splash rains down on us as Jameson plunges into the water, emerging with a satisfied grin as Abby shrieks at him.

  “You were a little too dry to be in a pool. Plus you’re starting to get freckles,” he says with a laugh.

  “Just because I don’t want to be ass-white like you!” she yells, running a hand carefully under each of her eyes.

  “Ass-white? I’m pretty sure my ass is whiter than the rest of me,” he says, turning around and gripping the edge of his shorts, “Here, you guys tell me.”

  “No one wants to see your white ass.” I turn, hearing Max’s voice and see him shaking his head at Jameson, obviously curious as to how our conversation has landed here, though not looking overly surprised.

  “Some people seem to really enjoy seeing my white ass.” Jameson leers at Kendall, earning a round of laughs.

  Max quickly peels off his T-shirt and slides into the water, raising his arms up to guard me as I shoot the basketball that has floated over to my side.

  “What’s that?” Max asks as the ball leaves my hand. He holds my arm up, peering at my side.

  “You got inked?”

  “What?” Abby cries, swimming over.

  “We all did.” I explain.

  Max shakes his head. “Who’s we? When?”

  “My sisters. We got them when you guys went fishing.” Max looks over to Jameson as if to confirm this.

  “You never said anything.” Max’s wounded expression fills me with guilt.

  “You? She never said anything to me either!” Abby wades over to me, her light brown eyes narrowed on me.

  “We kind of forced her,” Kendall offers. “We decided we wanted to get a tattoo together and thought she might say no so we kind of just brought her.” Max carefully lifts the band of my bathing suit to reveal the entire piece and nothing more. “We all got the same thing.”

  “Did that hurt?” Abby asks, touching it lightly with her finger. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, Harper Jo!”

  “It’s not that I was keeping it from anyone. It just wasn’t that big of a deal,” I say, feeling slightly indignant. “Now that it’s healed I kind of forget about it because I don’t really see it.”

  “Where’s yours, Kendall?” Abby asks.

  Kendall turns around and pulls her bathing suit down to reveal her hip.

  “They look so sexy!” Abby cries. “I want one now!”

  “Ace hated it, said it was cliché.”

  “It is cliché,” I correct her, going to retrieve the basketball.

>   “Max, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is my boyfriend Max,” I say, swimming back to them. Jesse looks from me to Max and a look of curiosity crosses his face that I ignore as Jameson starts the game by separating teams.

  Max and I lie on his bed watching a movie. My parents are off at a fundraiser, and we both still have a hint of chlorine dancing on our skin. I snuggle in closer to him, trying to get some sort of reaction. All evening he’s seemed a bit distant.

  After watching far too much of the movie without incurring any distractions or interruptions, I reach over and press pause on the remote. “Talk to me. Please.” I grip one of his hands within mine. Max looks up at me and then lets out a deep sigh. “What’s wrong? Is this because I didn’t tell you about the tattoo?” I ask. “Really, I wasn’t trying to keep it from you.”

  “I don’t know. It’s not that I didn’t know, it’s that I found out at the same time some other dude did. He looked at me like I’m either the biggest asshat or doesn’t think we’re serious.”

  “Max, I’m sorry. Really, I am. But who cares about Jesse? He doesn’t even know you. Hell, he barely knows me.” I tighten my grip on his fingers. “When you got home I was just distracted with trying to distinguish if you had feelings for me, and what those feelings were, that it kind of got moved to the back burner. Hell, if I’d have thought about it, I probably would have shown you in an attempt to flirt with you.”

  “I know, I was too, and I understand it all. It’s just the look he gave me.” He pauses, running a hand over his head a couple of times. “It just pisses me off.”

  I nod in understanding and sit up to straddle Max’s waist. His hands come up to rest on my thighs. “It’s probably a good thing I was distracted by being pissed off though. That bikini you wore today should be framed. That’s why Paul’s such a creeper. If I didn’t want to bash in his face, I might actually feel a little bad for him.” A slow grin turns the corners of his lips up before I playfully shove him against the pillows.

  He rolls me onto my back in one quick move, hovering over me. I let out a laugh, holding onto his biceps, and watch as his eyes scan my body.

  “Can I see it again?” His voice drops to a near whisper and I nod, reaching down to lift the side of my tank top. Max shakes his head once and pulls the cotton from my fingers. He slowly lifts it, exposing the same amount of me that I was going to, possibly less. The fact his hand is the one revealing my skin makes my lungs constrict and my heart flutter. He gently slides a hand under the strap of my bikini to push it up and softly traces the small image with his finger before dipping down to do the same with his lips.

  “It is sexy as hell,” he whispers, running his hand over it again, and then down my ribs, “But that had to have hurt like a bitch.”

  I can’t formulate words. Barely succeeding in making my breathing not sound as labored And I know that the pain was well worth it, just for this moment.

  Saturday morning arrives. It’s moving day.

  Abby and I had rented an apartment at the end of May and had gotten all of our furniture and decorations completed by the time summer arrived so she’d have a place to stay since she originally decided she wasn’t going home to Jersey this summer. She had changed her mind after receiving a few calls from her family and friends, but it didn’t affect anything, except making moving a lot easier. All I have to worry about are my clothes and toiletries. Granted, that still requires my car, my mom’s impractical Southern California SUV, and Max’s Jeep.

  Abby bounds down the stairs, wrapping her arms around me as she squeals and bounces in place.

  “Hey, Abs!” I say with a laugh as I hug her.

  “I brought Jesse to help,” she says, looking over her shoulder. I follow her gaze and see Jesse slowly approaching us. I can’t quite get a read on him, and he seems to be looking at me with the same thought.

  Abby opens my back door, grabs a pile of clothes still on hangers, and heads for the stairs as Jesse lifts a box from my passenger seat.

  “Well, Ace, if there was ever a concern that you weren’t your mother’s daughter, I think it was squashed today,” Dad says, eyeing the mountains of clothes around my room. “Where are they all going to fit?”

  I shrug and open a box filled with shoes.

  “How many pairs of shoes do you own?” Jameson asks, dropping another box labeled shoes beside me.

  “I know you helped Kendall move, so I don’t want to hear anything.”

  “Alright, sweetheart, we have to get going. Your father and I are supposed to be attending a charity dinner this evenin’ for the hospital,” my mom says.

  “If you think of anything you forgot or need, you just holler.” She stands, straightening her red blouse. “The house is going to feel so empty again,” she says quietly, as a couple of stray tears run down her cheeks.

  I stand up and pull her in for a hug. She holds me tightly, running a hand over my hair several times while whispering how much she loves me, as the scent of her sweet, floral perfume, makeup, hairspray, and home linger in my senses, even after she pulls away to go hug Abby. I watch as she releases her and moves onto Jameson and lastly Max.

  “You take care of my baby,” she says as Max wraps his large arms around her small frame. “Don’t let her try walking to class when it’s dark. She thinks no one is ever going to bother her. What she doesn’t realize is that everyone notices her. Everyone.”

  “I’m only ten feet away, Mom.”

  “I promise I’ll watch out for her and keep her safe,” Max assures her.

  I roll my eyes, turning to my dad. Even though I’m less than an hour away, saying goodbye to him is the hardest part of being away at college. I’ll miss our morning catch ups and having him around. I take a deep breath, willing myself not to cry, and press my face firmly against his shoulder. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I immerse myself into the safety and warmth of his embrace.

  “Time goes too fast,” he says quietly as he holds me close. “I love you, Ace. More than you’ll ever know.” He kisses the top of my head and gives me a final squeeze. “I’ll see you all in a couple of weeks, right?”

  I nod and force a smile. “And I’ll call you after Newsroom.”

  “You’d better call me more often than that!” He guffaws. “Now that I have texting, instant messaging, and that walkie-talkie thingy you girls put on my phone, I better get updates at least three times a week.”

  “Oh, David, she’ll be busy!” Mom exclaims. “What walkie-talkie thing?” She looks up at him.

  “You master texting and we’ll discuss upgrading you,” I tease.

  My dad laughs, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as I follow them out to the parking lot and watch as they climb back in my mom’s car. I feel Max standing close behind and lean into him as I wave, watching my parents drive away.

  “I bet we can find some ice cream,” Max offers, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting hold.

  I shake my head. “I’ve got to figure out what to do with all of my clothes.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” he says calmly and follows me back up to my apartment.

  They don’t fit.

  Max sits on my bed, offering assistance as he watches a baseball game, while I resituate things several times in an attempt to get everything inside.

  Eventually I concede and fill a box to take back to my parents. Moving onto my shoes, I arrange them by how often they’re worn and color.

  Once all of my toiletries are unpacked and Max has taken care of all of the empty boxes, I plop down on my bed and sigh.

  “I already miss you being next door.” Max comes over to lie beside me.

  “We can do sleepovers now though.” He lifts his eyebrows. My eyes go wide, hearing he’s done with going slow.

  He quickly shakes his head. “We’re waiting five more weeks.”

  I try to hide my disappointment. “So are you staying here tonight?”

  “Do you want me to stay here tonight?”

  “Do you want m
e to want you to stay the night?” I raise my eyebrows and my lips curve into a smile.

  He chuckles, pulling me to him so I’m lying atop his chest. “Yes! Tell me you want me to stay!”

  “Please stay,” I beg, slightly pouting my lips and playing along. He grabs my lower lip between his teeth, gently nipping at it, as he pulls my hips down to meet his. My breath instantly quickens as his hips lift ever so slightly off of the mattress, pressing further against me.

  “That’s cheating.” I grumble and press my hand on his chest, sliding forward so I sit above his waist.

  “Kendall asked me to go get some pizzas with her. They’re having a small ‘get together’ at their apartment tonight,” I say, climbing over him and off the bed. Max grabs my hand as I begin stepping away and pulls me back.

  “Where are you going? And what exactly is a get together?”

  “With those two, probably a party. I need to invoke the three-foot rule,” I explain, running a hand through my hair and looking at his eyes still heavy with lust.

  My phone chimes from the nightstand and I sigh, reaching over to grab it.

  Kendall: U ready?

  Me: Coming

  Kendall: Gross, TMI

  I roll my eyes, not bothering to respond to her, as I offer Max the option to come with me.

  I grab my purse and head to meet Kendall as Max finishes a call with Wes. I head down the metal stairs, looking down at my phone as it buzzes again, notifying me of another text message. As I open it, I see Kendall’s name and the beginning of her message scroll across my screen as I crash into someone.

  I grip the banister and watch my keys crash to the cement landing and instantly feel horrified at my negligence.

  “I’m so sorry!” I cry in apology, bending down to retrieve my keys.

  “Baby Bosse?” My spine snaps hearing the familiar voice, and I come face to face with Nathan Hudson and inwardly groan.

  “You’re my neighbor?” he asks, his eyes alight as I avoid stating the obvious. The soft, echoing thud of someone jogging down the steps has me turning to see Max approaching us, his strides slow as he gets closer and his eyes look from me to Nate. I follow his gaze.