Desire by Starlight

by Radclyffe

  “Oh yes, yes.”

  Gard fondled Jenna’s breasts beneath her blouse and popped the button on her jeans. “Watch the rainbow, Jenna.”

  Jenna gripped her wrist weakly. “If you touch me, I’m afraid I’ll—”

  “Shh, I know.” Gard skimmed her fingertips beneath smooth silk, caressing the satiny flesh between Jenna’s legs. Jenna’s clitoris was so hard she’d come very quickly, and Gard had never wanted anything more. She swirled her fingertips over the firm prominence and Jenna trembled in her arms. She kissed Jenna’s temple and sheltered her from the downpour in the curve of her body, afraid to break the spell that held them suspended in the arch of color flaming above them.

  Trembling, Jenna pressed her mouth to Gard’s throat. “You’re going to make me come.”

  “Let me.” Gard’s chest was so tight she couldn’t get enough air. Her head spun but she struggled to go slow, wanting to please Jenna more than she wanted her next breath. She dipped lower, slipped inside, cradled Jenna in her palm as she cradled her against her body. Jenna tightened around her. “You’re so close, baby. Let me.”

  “Yes.” Jenna whimpered, her lip between her teeth, her lids almost closed. Her voice thinned to a whisper. “Please. You feel so good. I have to.”

  Gard kissed her softly, filling her mouth, filling her body, holding her gently and stroking her over and over and over until the rainbow shattered with her cries.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jenna was torn between opening her eyes, needing to see Gard’s face, and never opening her eyes again, wanting to drift forever in the incredible haven of Gard’s arms. Still cradled against Gard’s chest, she couldn’t move, but she felt wonderful. Intensely satisfied. Incredibly pleasured. Inexplicably cherished. Terrifyingly vulnerable. She’d always considered an orgasm just an orgasm—never bad, always enjoyable—and she’d just experienced the most fabulous one of her life. But the amazing climax wasn’t what had shattered her into a million pieces. No. That was Gard. All Gard. The way she touched her, held her, knew her. Knew what she needed, what she wanted, what she longed for even when she had refused to admit it. Gard made her feel treasured, and realizing just how much that mattered scared her down to her toes.

  “Are you all right?” Gard’s breath was a warm wind teasing over her neck.

  “Anything I say is going to sound ridiculous.” Jenna forced her eyes open, willing her spaghetti-limp arms and legs into action. Bracing her hands on Gard’s thighs, she pushed herself upright and swiveled to face her. Oh God. Her heart couldn’t take much more. Gard’s hair lay in dark wet strands over her forehead and clung to her neck in curling tendrils. Rain ran in rivulets over her cheeks and dripped from the edge of her jaw. Her lips were parted, her breath coming fast, her eyes wild as the midnight hunt. Jenna framed her face, brushing away the clear crystal drops clinging to her lashes with her thumbs. “You’re so beautiful my heart hurts.”

  Gard clasped Jenna’s waist. Her throat rippled but no sound came out. Naked need rode hard in her eyes.

  “Oh,” Jenna whispered, kissing her softly. “No more teasing. I want to take care of you, gorgeous. Right now.” She kissed her again and fumbled for the button on Gard’s fly, her fingers still clumsy in the aftermath of her off-the-Richter-scale orgasm.

  “We can wait,” Gard said hoarsely. “I’m—”

  “Oh, don’t even try that line on me.” Jenna caressed Gard’s cheek. “I can’t tell you how much I want you—you probably wouldn’t believe me. But I can show you, and I know you need it.”

  Jenna got Gard’s fly open, worked her hand inside, and clasped her gently, one fingertip gliding firmly down over her clitoris and almost into her. Gard stiffened and her eyes rolled before she seemed to focus on Jenna’s face.

  “Jenna, I—” She choked, her hips jerking when Jenna squeezed slowly.

  “The next time,” Jenna nipped Gard’s lip and pushed a little deeper, “I’m going to make you wait for a long, long time. But not today. You can’t wait today, can you?”

  Jenna stroked and Gard shuddered, gripping Jenna’s shoulders, fingers digging in as if she were trying to hold herself up.

  “Oh no, you can’t wait,” Jenna whispered, enthralled by the sight of Gard slowly coming apart right in front of her. She teased her a little, then stroked harder, fingers gliding out and then dipping back inside, each pass making her clitoris jump. “You’re going to come all over me in about two seconds, aren’t you?”

  Gard panted, her hands opening and closing convulsively. “Jen…You’ll make me…Oh fu—”

  Jenna kissed her, filled her, massaged her in her palm until her clitoris grew impossibly hard, pulsed rapidly, and exploded. Gard jerked and tried to pull away but Jenna held her fast with a fist in her hair, kissing her as Gard groaned into her mouth. When Gard finally sagged forward, Jenna clasped her tightly, one arm around her shoulders, her fingers still inside her. She kissed her damp forehead, her eyelids, her mouth. Gard—normally so contained, so defended—looked so exposed Jenna would have killed to protect her at that moment. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

  Gard pressed her forehead to Jenna’s shoulder, her breath coming hard. She contracted around Jenna’s fingers and, with a helpless whine, pushed down hard into Jenna’s hand. “Oh, no…Jenna, God…”

  “Oh yes, sweetheart.” Jenna watched, rapt, as the pleasure rained down Gard’s face. “Yes.”

  Gard struggled to keep her eyes open, Jenna’s fierce expression making her come even harder. She came so fast and so hard it was almost painful. Almost. When the climax finally relented, she was lying on her side, her head pillowed between Jenna’s breasts. She didn’t remember falling or being caught. Totally wasted, stunned by how easily Jenna had taken her, she rubbed her cheek against the soft skin exposed by Jenna’s open blouse. She wanted to laugh and cry and do it again.

  “Better?” Jenna whispered.

  “Am I still alive?”

  Jenna played her fingers through Gard’s hair. “I certainly hope so. That was just an appetizer.”

  Gard chuckled and kissed Jenna’s throat. “I’m not sure whether that’s a threat or a promise.”

  “I guess we’ll see, won’t we.”

  Jenna sounded pensive, a little distant. Gard tensed, wondering if what she heard was regret. “I’m sorry I was a little quick off the mark. I’m not usually—”

  “Oh, shut up,” Jenna said lightly. “You ought to know how sexy it is to get a woman so excited she comes the second you touch her. Considering that’s what you did to me.”

  “That’s different.”

  Jenna tugged on Gard’s hair, forcing her to tilt her head back until their eyes met. “Don’t even think of going there with me. I like to be in charge in bed—which means everything goes both ways.”

  “In charge, huh?” Gard grinned. “Those sound like fighting words.”

  “You can always try.”

  Gard kissed her. The flirtatious note in Jenna’s voice didn’t bother her. After the intensity of what they’d just shared, she understood needing to back off a little. Hell, part of her wanted to run for the hills. What bothered her was the worry Jenna was trying, and failing, to hide. “Challenge accepted. In fact—”

  A sharp ring fractured the steamy stillness of the glade and they both jerked. When the sound came again, Gard grabbed the phone off her belt, sat up, and stared at the readout.

  “Damn it. Sorry. It’s Rob—my tech. He wouldn’t call me unless—”

  “It’s okay.” Jenna stood and arranged her clothes, her expression suddenly remote. “We ought to be getting back anyhow.”

  “Hello? Hold on for a second, Rob.” Gard grasped Jenna’s hand. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, of course not.”

  Jenna hurriedly gathered up the remains of the picnic, rushing as if she couldn’t wait to leave. Gard knelt on the blanket, her shirt out, her pants open, her body and soul even more naked. What the hell had just happened?

/>   *

  Jenna edged over to the far side of her seat as Gard headed down the mountain into Vermont, hating the distance she had put between them every bit as much as she needed it. Up there, in that secret, beautiful, out-of-time place she had ventured far from her safety zone. She hadn’t just lost control, she’d surrendered every protective instinct she’d ever had, physically and emotionally. She had wanted Gard so damn much. She hadn’t been able to feel her enough, couldn’t get her close enough. If she’d had a way to pull Gard inside her skin, she would have done it. She’d never in her life wanted to be that connected to another soul, to be joined. To be one. Now, when some small bit of rationality had returned, she couldn’t absorb wanting her that way, not when all she’d ever wanted, all she’d fought for, was to stand alone and never to be dependent on anyone. Never to rely on someone who might leave her, betray her, use her. She knew somewhere deep inside that Gard was not that kind of person, but knowing and feeling were two different things. Right at this moment she was just plain scared.

  “You want to tell me what’s going on?” Gard said quietly.

  “Nothing,” Jenna said quickly. “I’m just a little—” She laughed, hearing the tremor in her voice. “I’m a little done in. You’re pretty powerful, Dr. Davis.”

  Gard looked away from the road, giving Jenna a searching glance. “You’re flattering me. Don’t insult me, not after what just happened.”

  “You’re wrong about the flattery part. I know what happened up there. How…it was.”

  Gard nodded slowly. “Intense.” A grin flashed across her face and quickly disappeared. “Pretty damn amazing.”

  She reached across the seat to take Jenna’s hand, but Jenna folded her hands in her lap, pretending not to notice. She couldn’t touch her, not without losing her mind. Maybe losing herself. “I don’t want you to think it was anything less than spectacular for me. You were—you are—wonderful.”

  “I hear a but coming.”

  “No. No buts.” Jenna struggled to get everything back on solid, safe ground. Back to where they were before. “Not at all. I love being with you. The company is splendid. The sex outstanding. What more could anyone want?”

  “Not a thing.”

  Gard sounded agreeable, but when Jenna sneaked a look at her out of the corner of her eye, Gard’s hand was clenched on her thigh, the knuckles white, and the edge of her jaw so sharp Jenna could have bled on it.

  “Good,” Jenna said, ignoring the stab of guilt and disappointment. Damn it, she was doing this all wrong and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out where she’d gotten so off track. She had to keep going, though, no matter how much of a mess she was making. If she didn’t, they would both end up getting hurt. “Then we’re still on the same page about what this is. Right?”

  “Absolutely. After all, we both know how this is going to end. In another couple of weeks, you’ll be back in New York.”

  “Yes,” Jenna said softly. “I will.”

  *

  Gard turned onto the drive at Jenna’s a little before five in the afternoon. The thirty-mile return trip was a blur. They’d made casual conversation, light and easy and totally meaningless. As if nothing had happened an hour before under the cover of sunshine and rain. Jenna had said all the right things, and probably meant them too. The sex had been great. Hell, a whole lot better than great. Her heart still hadn’t settled after the crazy, mind-blowing orgasm. No wait, two orgasms. That never happened to her. Jenna was right. The sex was spectacular. If she could just get the incredible scent of Jenna off her skin, out of her mind, she might be able to get her head back on straight. And now she was lying to herself.

  She wasn’t turned around about great sex. She was turned around about Jenna. The way Jenna opened for her, yielded for her, let herself be touched. Just thinking about it made her head swim and her belly tighten. God damn it. She wanted her again, right now.

  “Sorry I had to cut things short,” Gard said. “Katie said Windstorm isn’t looking so good. I need to check him.”

  Jenna opened the door but didn’t get out. “Katie. She’s the blonde with the big black stallion. We saw him this morning, right? That testicular torsion?”

  “That’s right. I thought he was mending, but she told Rob he’s off his feed now. Chronic pain and anxiety can disrupt the intestinal function and horses can colic. When that happens, they can go quickly. I don’t want to lose him.”

  “Of course. I hope he’s going to be all right.” Jenna smiled faintly at Gard. “You do realize she has a thing for you.”

  Gard frowned. “A thing. Katie? No, I don’t think so.”

  Jenna’s brows rose.

  “Okay, maybe a little interest, but it’s nothing serious.”

  Jenna climbed out and leaned her forearm against the cab roof, gazing in at Gard. “Nothing serious. Like us, you mean.”

  “Don’t put words in my mouth, Jenna,” Gard said. “There’s nothing casual about what happened up there on that mountainside.”

  Jenna sighed. “I know. And I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”

  “Do you want to do field calls with me again tomorrow? I start at five.”

  Jenna shook her head. “I don’t think so, thanks. I’ve got a lot of writing to do and with everything I’ve seen today, I’m anxious to get at it. I usually write at least six hours a day, sometimes more. A whole day away and I’m off my schedule.”

  “I understand. I’m glad it was helpful.”

  “Gard…”

  “It’s okay.” Gard tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. Saying good-bye felt so final. She had to go—Katie and Windstorm were waiting. But she had a sick feeling that if she drove out of the driveway, she was never going to see Jenna again. “I don’t want to say thanks for today, because that’s not what I mean. But…” Gard took a deep breath. “I want to thank you for what you made me feel. I haven’t felt anything like that in a long time. And I’m not talking about the sex.”

  Jenna closed her eyes. “I know. Me too.”

  “I’ll see you, then.”

  “Yes,” Jenna said.

  Gard pulled away, knowing they were both pretending everything was all right. When she looked back, Jenna stood on the porch, watching her go. Leaving her made her want to howl in protest. She wanted to slam the truck around, gun it back there, and take her right where she stood. Driving away hurt so much, she was surprised she wasn’t leaving a trail of blood on the road.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Jenna ignored the insistent tapping as long as she dared. Finally she couldn’t pretend she didn’t hear the knocking any longer and swiveled in the desk chair, squinting in the murky half-light cast by her computer screen at Alice, standing in the doorway of her new office. Dressed in casual stone gray pants, a pale blue boatneck sweater, and docksiders, with her hair caught back in a loose ponytail, she looked for all the world like a New England native.

  “Hi,” Jenna said. “You look terrific.”

  “I discovered the true lifeblood of the economy in these parts.” Alice came in and sat on the end of the sofa facing Jenna. “Outlet malls. I may have lost a little control in J.Crew. Or maybe it was Calvin Klein. I had to buy another suitcase.”

  “That look on you works.” She checked the time on her monitor. After midnight. The last time she’d noticed had been shortly before seven. “Been out on a date?”

  “Hardly. I did have a serious case of cabin fever, though, and visited Ye Olde Tavern on the other side of town.”

  Jenna laughed despite the ache in her heart. “Is it really called that?”

  “No. I think it’s called something ingenious, like Joe’s or Charlie’s or Bill’s Beer Joint.”

  “God, Alice. You probably shouldn’t be wandering around by yourself out in the wilds.”

  Alice snorted and pulled the tie from her hair. When she shook her head to loosen the waves, her breasts swayed beneath the almost-tight cotton sweater. The motion was wholly unconscious a
nd completely sensual. Her full lips, luscious body, and earthy magnetism promised passionate pleasures.

  “I’m serious. A woman like you, without an escort? Dangerous.” Jenna smiled, conscious of Alice’s charms and just as aware she didn’t feel the slightest spark. Whatever attraction she’d entertained before…before Gard had evaporated.

  “Dangerous? For whom?” Alice grinned. “Really, everyone was completely civilized. I was, however, the only unattached woman there who didn’t seem to be angling for someone to take her home. And I have to tell you, the pickings were slim.”

  “Were you the only lesbian?”

  Alice rolled her eyes. “Probably within a thousand miles.”

  “Well, we know that isn’t true. There’s the lovely sheriff, don’t forget. And I’m here.”

  “Yes.” Alice’s expression grew solemn. “And that’s what I’m here about. You’ve been holed up in this office for three days. Have you even been to bed?”

  “Yes. Every night.”

  “When?”

  Jenna looked sideways, wondering how far she could stretch the truth. “I’m getting enough sleep.”

  “And that’s avoidance. Which generally means the opposite of what you’re saying.” Alice propped her elbows on her knees and cupped her chin in her hands. “What’s going on?”

  Jenna gestured to the computer in self-defense. “You can see what I’m doing. I’m twenty-five thousand words in and about getting to the end of the first act. This is always the hardest part for me, you know that.”

  “I know you think it’s always the hardest part. You always lay a perfect foundation for everything that comes later on in the book, you just don’t believe it until you’re done.”

  “Well, none of that helps me when I’m in the middle of it.” Jenna probably sounded petulant but she couldn’t help it. She was tired, her nerves were a wreck, and the only time she had any peace was when she was actively working. The second her concentration lapsed and she surfaced from the fictional world she was creating, she hurt all over. She couldn’t stop thinking about the interlude on the mountainside with Gard. How wonderful she’d felt and how hard it was not to see her. Gard hadn’t called and she hadn’t called her. She didn’t blame Gard for staying away. She’d driven her away, knowingly, intentionally. All the same, she hurt.