“Oh, honey, of course you can. Help yourself to anything you find in the kitchen. You should know you don’t have to ask.” She smiled warmly. I thanked her and rummaged through the cabinets until I found something I could eat.
Later, when Rydan and I, along with Ender and Naminé, stepped outside for some fresh air, I was totally shocked by how unusually warm it was. I cast my gaze toward the sky and noticed the puffy, black clouds rumbling in our direction. Warm air whipped through my hair, making it infinitely more stringy.
Yay.
That was when I realized Mycah was there, leaning against his hot Italian car parked in the driveway. My heart leapt to my throat. He was back. Then my airborne heart took a nosedive into the pit of my stomach when he made no attempt to come greet me as I wobbled shakily toward where he stood. Ender and Naminé passed me.
“How’d it go? Did you find Nikolai?” Rydan let go of my hand, taking strides closer to Mycah as he lowered his voice. “Is it safe to use the Sindora?”
Horses drew my attention away as they neighed in the background. They ran around their fenced-in pasture like headless chickens. They must’ve been distressed about the impending storm. Still, they were magnificent and beautiful to watch.
“No, I couldn’t find him. He vanished without a trace,” Mycah answered calmly. “I checked the ones slain at the Ëlemmiire over for microchips and then destroyed any I found. I’ve deduced that’s how their organization keeps tabs on the men if left alive with their microchips intact. They’d be located and informed of everything I made them forget. I tried to track Nikolai to their east-coast nest with the intent of wiping the entire lot of their memories, then give them all brand new ones and destroy their base. But they were gone. I don’t know if it would have lasted or completely rid us of them, but it would’ve delayed the organization from finding us again.” Mycah turned to face his car, laying his hands on the roof. Stress poured off his shoulders in waves.
“Is this how you’ve always dealt with them?” I didn’t believe it was, but needed confirmation straight from the horse’s mouth.
“No,” he answered sadly.
“What did you used to do?” I scrunched my eyebrows, wondering why he didn’t just do things like before.
“Kill them.” He kept his face turned away from us, ashamed.
“What changed?” my voice came out breathy, barely audible.
“You. You changed me.” He brought his eyes back to mine. “That moment I was taking Nikolai’s life, the first time they had you strapped in that miserable hospital bed. When you stopped me...I felt what you were feeling. I saw humans differently through your emotions. You valued their lives, and before that, I never had.”
“Really?” That was so hard for me to believe, knowing he spent so much time in the Earthly realm.
“You have to understand. I was brought up to believe humans were inferior to us. Weak and destructive. Not to mention they were a nuisance, always getting in my way. I had never felt the desire to spare someone’s life as strongly as I had before you wished it that day.” He slid his fingers through my hair. “I would do anything you asked of me. Anything you wish, it’s yours.”
Oh god.
The air completely whooshed out of my lungs, my skin tingling all over. There was no way I could respond after that. I knew not to even try. But then he quickly changed his demeanor, as if catching himself doing something wrong. His eyes reflected guilt as they flashed to Ender. He jerked his hand away and went back to facing a different direction.
“What’re we gonna do about the Dark Wing Ducks, then? We can’t leave them out there always looking for a way to force you into submission,” Rydan said firmly. “Your new way obviously isn’t working. They won’t erase their own memories after they’re brought up to speed again. You need to go back to eliminating them,” Rydan huffed dramatically as he shifted feet impatiently only steps away from where Mycah stood.
“If you want to be a bloody hero and go hunt every one of them down in a killing spree, be my guest.” Mycah raised his eyebrow humorlessly.
I snapped my head to him, surprised by this. “Mycah!”
He let out a long sigh as his eyes dragged to mine. “Mm?”
“You know that’s not what he wants. But what if Rydan is right? Maybe you should…kill them all.” I didn’t like saying the words, but Nikolai was ruthless and a murderer. I was sick of people getting hurt because of him, and he wasn’t going to stop until he had what he wanted. Mycah’s eyes shot to mine, surprised.
“You want me to kill an entire lot of men?” he asked me, like he didn’t even recognize who I was. I shifted from one foot to the other, made uncomfortable by the piercing look he gave me.
“What else are we going to do against them? We can’t just let them continue on out there. They’ll come looking for someone else to use as a hostage, or follow us back to Luïnil. Nikolai will never stop! I shouldn’t have kept you from doing it that first time when I was the hostage.” I made myself sick, but really, what choice did we have? If I had let Mycah take care of Nikolai when he had wanted to, Zaylie would’ve never been captured and shot. There was no telling who they’d go after next.
“It won’t stop whether we kill them or not. There will always be a new Nikolai. He wasn’t the first to be sent for the Sindora. There have been plenty before him, and believe me when I say, they have a never-ending supply of Nikolais, only with different names. This lot will only be replaced shortly after.” Mycah’s English accent was harder, crisper, anytime he spoke of something seriously. Dread filled me from head to toe as I chewed on my bottom lip.
“Then what do you suggest?” Honestly, I was relieved he didn’t want to kill them, despite the fear the idea elicited. It wasn’t that I ever wanted to kill them; the mere thought made me want to gag. But like Rydan had said in his room—when it boiled down to it, I would choose us over them.
“I don’t bloody know,” Mycah growled. “I haven’t the slightest idea where their true headquarters are. They have locations that none of the others have knowledge of or even been to as a safety precaution. Their memories are clean of what we really need from them and won’t do any good.”
Ender spoke up, “We need not be concerned with them at this moment. Our kingdom is suffering. If what you said is true, Remycah, and we are in the clear of them for now, then we must use the Sindora secretly and return to Aselaira. That is our first priority.”
“Rydan and I must train first. We have much to strengthen before going against our uncle and we must start now. We all need to. And now is the perfect opportunity to do so in peace, without fear of Ohtar getting to us first. Let’s go.” Mycah went to get in his car, but I grabbed him by the arm to stop him.
“I’m coming to train with you, too.”
“The hell you are. You’re getting worse. I can see it and feel it. You should be resting.” He pulled out of my hold.
“Mycah, please. I won’t train then, okay? I’ll just watch. Don’t make me go back in that house alone. Don’t leave me by myself when you’re all off doing important things.”
Hesitating, he stared into my eyes for a long moment before finally opening the passenger door for me. Everyone else took off toward the car Rydan would drive, since Mycah’s vehicle only had room for the two of us.
As I drew closer, it was impossible not to notice how utterly handsome he looked in his black leather jacket. He reminded me of when I had seen him at the Homecoming Festival. He was so incredibly dashing then, and he was just as dashing now—if not more. My heart suddenly turned into one of those Mexican jumping beans right there in my chest cavity. As I slid past his body to enter the car, his delicious scent made my mouth water. “Thanks.”
Little did he know, I wasn’t thanking him for opening my door as much as I was thanking him for my body’s reaction to his deliciousness—It was just that good.
Or maybe he did know it, since he could feel my emotions.
Grrr. I suppressed the urge t
o cross my arms, flustered by basically being a wide-open book that he could read 24/7.
“My pleasure.” He shut the door softly before going around to his side and getting in. I scrunched my face together, puzzled by the true meaning of his words. Was it his pleasure opening the door for me, or for causing my body to have enjoyable reactions?
I huffed. Whatever. He was impossible to figure out when he had all these extra insights into my true emotions. He was an enigma.
As we continued the drive to a secluded place to train, nothing felt resolved or even remotely better, despite having part of an action-plan. However, that could wait. Calming down the inner gymnasium full of butterflies Mycah always seemed to set off into hysterics was my first order of business as he pulled onto the main street. I took notice of how good it felt to be in his proximity. My soul, as Ender described it, could finally breathe easily. I wanted to touch him, or rather, I wanted more than anything for him to touch me, but I knew he was avoiding me.
“Uh, Mycah?” I asked meekly.
“Yes, love?” He kept his eyes on the road.
“Are you mad at me or something?” I chewed on my lip.
“I am not mad, beautiful.” I blushed at the compliment. Or maybe it was just a term of endearment. Either way, my cheeks filled with heat.
“Are you okay?” He had to be acting this way because of Ender, but I was afraid to bring it up. I’d much rather him be the one to say it.
“Mm, I’m just fine.” He shifted the gearstick flawlessly.
He drove me crazy. I wanted to just…to just…rip off my seatbelt and attack him with kisses. It was torture. Did this mean he was doing as Ender asked? Was this the end for us? I couldn’t handle it. No, please no.
A quiet roll of thunder had me gazing out the window. When I had woken, it seemed the sun had been shining so brightly, but now, it was like it never happened, except for the moist heat. I took off my coat, feeling overheated.
“Thank you for letting me go with you. I’m happy you’re back.” And I was. Even though that happiness was shrouded by somberness. When they were done training, we’d have to have a serious discussion.
“I can feel that you are worse. Did you sleep well? No nightmares, I hope.” He slowly blinked toward me.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m worse. But last night I did sleep pretty well with no nightmares. Not this time, anyway. Guess I was lucky.” I forced a half-smile and tried my best not to let the whole forbidden thing come out before we could talk about it. I also left out the part about the horrible nightmare I had the other night. At least I didn’t have to keep up the façade that I was feeling normal. I had hoped he couldn’t feel the exhaustion and ache I had throbbing throughout my insides, but apparently he did. I was sure he knew I felt like a complete train-wreck.
“I suppose so.” He pulled into an empty parking lot that was near the woods as we waited for everyone else to get there.
I didn’t want to get out. My body felt heavier than a herd of elephants. I was grateful we stayed sitting in his car, though it was in silence. It was comfortable, but my heart raced with worry over several things. Setting the Mycah fiasco aside, it was unsettling thinking about going into a huge war against powerful elves while I felt like leftover doo-doo someone tried to scrape off the bottom of their shoe. If I were to return to Luïnil, how was I ever going to fight against Ohtar if I couldn't even get out of a darn car?
The answer was, I couldn’t. And that thought right there was scarier than anything.
Surprisingly, Mycah suddenly unbuckled my seatbelt. He pulled me over the gearshift until I sat on his lap, then wrapped his arms tightly around my body, holding me close.
Immediately I melted into him, my head tucked under his chin. My arms were under his as I drew the one not lying against his chest up to place along his collarbone beneath his shirt. I needed to feel his skin, even if only a little.
I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I held it in as best I could. Mycah covered the side of my head with his hand, kissing the top. He pressed his lips there for a good while before letting up. Something inside me basked in his embrace, despite the rest of my suffering.
“Ender berated me for hours. I’m not supposed to touch you or get close to you. But I cannot bear to keep my skin from yours,” he whispered into my hair.
I knew it. It was obvious Ender had done a number on his conscience before he had left, similar to what he had tried on me. And although I had previously been wishing Mycah would come out and say it, now that he had, I regretted that wish. Hearing the words, hearing that he wasn’t even supposed to touch me leave his lips was like stomping on my heart. Rydan’s SUV slid into the spot next to us.
I nodded so that Mycah knew I had heard him. After opening the door, he slid my body out of the car with his before setting my feet on the ground.
“Let’s go,” he said strongly to everyone once they exited their vehicle. I strode up to Rydan with a heavy weight in both my heart and body, taking his hand in mine. If there were ever a time I needed my best friend, and without him even knowing it, it would be this moment.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I sat watching on a crispy patch of dying grass as the four of them, plus Calen and Lómë, trained in the art of war. Mycah and Rydan were exercising their sword skills, and Ender and Naminé were working on hand-to-hand combat. I shivered like a maniac and it wasn’t even that cold out. First I was hot, then I’d go cold. It was back and forth non-stop as I struggled to breathe normally.
“Is it just me, or does it really suck having to train to kill someone efficiently and in the most deadly, quickest way possible? It’s making my stomach hurt watching you guys,” I complained through mumbled, ragged breaths.
Ender paused his training to respond, “It is natural for you to feel that way. You are a Healer. Healers cannot tolerate suffering, death, or any kind of pain shown in others. Your soul will ache for those in need.”
I dropped my hands into my lap that my chin had been resting on. “I knew it. I knew there was some freaky, elfy reason for me to still be such a mess over what I did in Luïnil.”
“I am unaware of your actions in Luïnil, nor of what you are referring to exactly, but there are many behavioral accompaniments to being both a Healer and a combination of our races. I already explained to you that you have two warring bloods running through your veins. I am afraid my dear, you have much going on inside of you to overcome. Your genetic makeup has advantages and disadvantages. It is up to you, and only you, to learn how to master what you have been given,” Ender lectured me in a Ninja Master sort of way.
“You’re right. And I want to be stronger. I want to control my emotions and not let them overtake me ever again,” I whispered more to myself than to anyone else. It was a huge personal goal of mine. If I were to return to the other realm, I didn’t want what had happened to me when I had been around Wood Elves and Night Elves fighting to ever occur again. Ender’s words opened my eyes to the reality of my circumstances. The magical Tavas blood that flared in me and caused me to kill those Isil’Elda soldiers also caused the Healer part of me, along with the Isil part of me, to cry out in pain for those deaths. It nearly drove me mad. I had been a crazy person for so many reasons during those times, and because I hadn't understood then what the different aspects of power I had going on inside of me were, I fell victim to it.
But not anymore. I would control the Tavas blood that raged for vengeance against the Isil’Elda. And then hopefully, my mental and emotional state wouldn’t suffer the consequences. The part I had yet to understand was the Healer aspect affecting me so negatively. “What else can you tell me about Healer stuff? Um…is it normal for a Healer to feel like they’ve been hit by a bus after reviving someone from death?”
“I do not know. I have not been associated with a Healer who possessed that ability before you, nor am I informed of all the details concerning Healers. As an Elda Guardian, we are taught the varied rare Maite’Ona gifts, but even
then the information is little.”
Disappointment was plentiful lately, so why would this moment be any different? I couldn’t catch a break. Clenching my teeth, I ignored the anxiety of the unknown over what was happening to me, since there was nothing I could do about it.
“So uh, Ry, can you explain a bit more how Lómë was a mouse a little bit ago? Did you say she was a Shifter or something like that?” I asked Rydan, wanting to move my thoughts onto something else, but also because I’d been curious about it for a while. My eyes watched the beautiful tiger pace back and forth.
“Yeah, she’s a Shifter. She can take different animal forms if she has enough energy to do so, especially if I’m near her. She didn’t want to be seen by people,” Rydan explained.
“What about Calen?” I moved my gaze to the purplish-red bird that was clearly not from this world. “Hasn’t anyone around questioned her?”
Naminé laughed lightly as she explained, “Humans cannot see her, or any phoenix for that matter.” I thought my jaw dropped slightly, but who was I kidding? It wasn’t the most shocking thing I had heard today.
I fell backward onto my back, staring up at the swaying trees above me. The cool, autumn breeze swept through the painted leaves, resembling the sound of water. It reminded me of the large sea that sat below the castle of Aselaira.
Suddenly, I thought of something else I had been dying to find out more about. “Has it really been a year? How is that possible?” I quietly asked, “Does that really mean I’m almost nineteen before I even got the chance to be eighteen?” I felt the blood drop from my face.
“And I’m eighteen?” Rydan added.
Ender explained, “Time moves a great deal slower in Luïnil. As long as an elda is not kept in the Earthly realm, the time will shift. Earth will speed us by with no thought to it. No, Rydan. You were born nineteen cycles ago, according to Earthly years. But do not be concerned over your Earthly age. You are immortal. Nineteen is a babe compared to nine hundred, which you shall certainly see.”
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