“Wait, hold up. I’m nineteen?” Rydan asked in disbelief, his hand outstretched as if he could somehow halt the truth from crashing into him.
“Yes, of course you are, dear boy. I was present for your birth. But age really is not pondered in our realm, for we live too long to give notice. We are not bound by time and are not slaves to the clock that ticks by, such as the way humans live,” Ender said further.
So I really was nineteen without a diploma. Rydan ran a hand through his hair in shock, but quickly dismissed the crazy concept with a shake of his head. I could tell he didn’t want to think about it at the moment. And neither did I, really.
As I watched Mycah, who was diligently avoiding my eyes as he lithely maneuvered his practice strokes, I suddenly realized something. My chest squeezed tight. These selfless, self-sacrificing, amazing individuals—Ender, Naminé, Rydan, and Mycah—were putting everything they could into a cause much bigger than me. Each one of them were laying their own life on the line for the greater good—to save an entire kingdom of people from perishing by the hands of evil.
But what was I doing? I was distracting their true king from his destiny. I’d be throwing away everything they were currently working so hard toward just because I couldn’t let Mycah go. It didn’t just affect me, or even just Mycah. It affected Rydan and Naminé, even her family, such as Cathar. I’d affect all the lives being lost in Lassaira over the war that Mycah plans to end when he takes back the throne. But if I get in his way, if I ruin his chance of being recognized as the true king, then that war would never end. It would continue on forever and ever, for all eternity…
I shuddered. All those lives would be on me. All of them. And I couldn’t stand for that. As soon as they were done training here, Mycah and I would be hashing this out.
They continued while I sat on the sidelines crumbling in my own world over what I’d be about to do, until several hours later when the sun began to set and their stomachs grumbled for food. I should’ve been hungry too, but I wasn’t. I was more nauseated than anything. We headed to our parked cars. I placed my fingers over the door handle of Mycah’s car, but hesitated.
“Mind if we make a pit-stop real quick before heading back to your house, Ry?” I pointed between Mycah and myself. “There’s something I wanna do real quick.”
Rydan nodded his head as he climbed into the driver’s seat of his mother’s SUV. Ender didn’t look happy about my little excursion one bit, but didn’t voice any objections once I gave him a reassuring look. I couldn’t tell what Mycah was thinking either as we slid into his car. I directed him where to go.
Upon arrival at the parking lot, Mycah slipped his palm over mine and laced our fingers together as we walked the rest of the way to our destination. I was thrilled over this one gesture; the pounding of my heart had to have been heard by his ultra-sensitive hearing. It was unnerving, and yet my heart fluttered even more just thinking about it.
The temperature was back to being fall-like—crisp, clean, and cool, as the storm passed by without ever reaching us. The air whipped through my hair as the sun played peek-a-boo behind white, fluffy clouds. I could hear the ocean waves crashing in the distance, and while Mycah was here next to me—holding my hand firmly and grazing his thumb over my knuckles—I wished I could pretend all was right in the world.
But I knew it wasn’t. It would only be an illusion to hide the fact that my world was about to tumble to the ground. Sighing, I led him to the point of my being here and stopped in front of the gravestone once we reached it.
ELIZABETH JEAN MILLER
BELOVED DAUGHTER, WIFE AND MOTHER
1972-2002
We sat down on the ground in the cemetery as I hung my head in silence. Mycah, too, stayed quiet, waiting for me to be the first one to speak. I finally did a few minutes later.
“I come here every year on the anniversary of her death. I’d bring with me our favorite breakfast that we used to eat together. Strawberry pastries with powdered sugar and chocolate milk.” I laughed lightly at the memory. “I didn’t get to do that this year, though. A year flashed by in a blink of an eye, and I wasn’t even here to live through it.”
Mycah grazed his hands up and down my back slowly, letting me speak. I was unforgivably relieved he was back to touching me, but it was foolish to feel that way. And most likely it was because Ender wasn’t around to see it, so it really made no difference either way. He knew being with me was wrong. I didn’t want to have to hide it in front of Ender. We couldn’t be Romeo and Juliet. I refused for us both to die in the end.
“I wanted to talk to you in private,” I started then hesitated before I continued. “Ender berated me about being with you, too. I didn’t want to believe it at first…I mean…not being part of your destiny feels so contrary to what’s in my heart and soul. But I get now that Ender is right, because it involves way more than just the two of us. The sad part is, I’m bad for you, Mycah. Ender’s right about everything. I’d only hold you back from achieving greatness. And you need to be great. You need to be a great king. You have lives depending on this, depending on you to be an amazing leader who puts them above everyone else. And I distract you from fulfilling your true purpose. Your destiny. You do have one, and I’m not part of it. You risked everyone’s lives by saving me from falling off that cliff. And, believe me, I’m so grateful for your sacrifice, but it shows you need to learn to not put me first above your people. And so I understand that you need to let me go if it means saving your kingdom.”
He tried to speak but I wouldn’t let him. I had so much I wanted to get off my chest, I needed to get it out before anything he could say would mess it all up the way I had it planned in my head.
“I know you’re going to leave to go back to Aselaira soon, and I said I didn’t want to go.” My chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. I was afraid of him leaving me behind again. I didn’t think I could bear it, even if I couldn’t actually be in a relationship with him. “But I changed my mind. I’m going to go, and I’m going to help you take back your throne. We’ll be stronger together. We can defeat Ohtar if we all go against him.”
Again, he opened his mouth to protest, but I silenced him by putting a finger to his soft lips. “Wait, just let me get this out. What I’m trying to say is, I’m ready to do whatever it is you ask of me. I’m ready to put myself aside and stand by you and fight. Death may be easy when you don’t want to live, but it’s hard when you do. It’s hard when you want others to live. But I’m learning to accept that death will take the ones I love unless I deliver it first. I’m done letting death defeat me. Instead, I want to defeat your uncle alongside you, and I will do whatever I can to win this war. Including doing what is necessary so that you and others might live.”
Mycah slowly slid his thumb down my cheekbone and over my lips, his mouth opening a bit then closing as he searched for the right words to say. “I don’t want you to ever have to fight. If I had one wish, it’d be that you never have to see war in your lifetime.”
“I know. I know you wish that. And I wish the same for you and for everyone I love. But our wish won’t come true. It’s inevitable. I know that now. And even though it’s breaking my heart, I can’t stand in the way of your destiny. Whether that results in me next to you on the battlefield or if it means letting you go,” I choked on the words, tears threatening to burst, “if it means letting you go, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll keep my distance from you, like Ender asked. I won’t make you choose between your people or me, because I know what it’d be. I couldn’t live with myself.”
He would choose me, and it would kill me if people suffered just so we could indulge in one another. My father would hate and resent me, and that was something I couldn’t live with either. I couldn’t be that selfish. I stood up and turned to leave, but Mycah quickly grasped my bicep. Emotion was thick in his voice, “Nariella, no. You are my destiny. I don’t care what Ender said.”
My eyes automatically flew to his, but I im
mediately regretted it. His red, hurt-filled eyes had my entire soul fracturing into shards. I shook my head, the devastation of what I had to do closing my throat in a vise-grip. “I…I can’t.”
I broke from his grip and ran toward his car, leaving him there at my mother’s grave. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and if I had stayed one more second, I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. A sob was lodged in the middle of my throat as I wrapped my arms around my stomach with a desperate squeeze. We might not be able to express anything for one another outwardly, but I knew I would love this creature—Remycah Avel Zafriel—until my dying days.
Once I reached the Alfa Romeo, an excruciating pain stabbed me in the stomach. I doubled over, grabbing for consciousness, but lost all control. A film of sweat coated my skin and a loud ringing in my ears masked all sound.
A memory of Cathar’s words rushed into my mind like a flash flood. “Your eyes will begin to dim the more you draw ones from death. Eventually, you will no longer be able to heal at all.” Realization hit me hard. After healing all those Night Elves, which were all huge life-or-death-type healings, what if undoing Zaylie’s death sent me closer to the edge of my limit? Would doing too much kill me? Was this the end?
I crashed to my kneecaps against the pavement as all the light from the day was extinguished right before my eyes.
“Nari?” a familiar female voice said into the dark abyss of my mind. Wait, or was this real? Was I still alive? I opened my eyes to find Zaylie’s golden-brown ones staring into mine.
“Zales?” I croaked roughly. I felt like I’d been hit by a snowplow, and then my heart had been thrown into a blender to top it all off. “How long have I been out for? Where am I?”
“You’re in your room at Rydan’s house. You’ve been sleeping for a few days, Mycah said. I came to see you.” Zaylie pushed the sweaty hair off my forehead. Hearing Mycah’s name made my head spin. It was too much. I had to ignore it. I had to pretend I wasn’t dying from heartbreak.
“A few days? Man.” I grasped my head as I tried to sit up, willing myself not to puke all over my best friend’s beautiful blue shirt.
“Hey, don’t force it. Stay relaxed,” she crooned.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you so much.” I took her shoulders and crushed my body against hers, squeezing tight. I needed her more than ever.
“Me too. I’ve come bearing sad news, though.”
“What do you mean? What is it?” Panic shot through my system. Lately, bad news always meant horrible news when it came to my life.
“Mycah told me you guys have to go back. You’re leaving in a week. He says there’s something wrong with you and the only way to fix it is if you go back home to where you’re from. Is this true? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Holy crap. It was strange hearing those words come from Zaylie’s mouth. I knew we had told her the truth about who we were and where we came from, but gosh. It was still weird as heck discussing these things so openly with her. And I had no idea we were going back in a week.
“Yeah, I guess it is. I mean, I don’t know for sure if going back home will fix what’s going on with me, but…Mycah…seems to think it will.” It tore me up to speak his name. “Besides, they have to go back whether I go or not. Their kingdom is dying, Zales. They’re like…really important people. And I promised I’d go and help. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but, I kinda just decided to go recently and this whole health thing isn’t really something I wanna talk about.”
“Hey, I get it. I just wish I had known you were sick. I would’ve made you soup and brought you tons of books to read,” she laughed, her beautiful Australian accent making me smile.
“Thanks. It’s the thought that counts.”
“Everyone always says that, but I seriously beg to differ.” She laughed again.
“Yeah, I don’t know. Soup and books do sound really nice right about now.” I couldn’t help smiling along some more. She soothed me without even realizing it.
“Do you think you’d be up to coming over tomorrow? I reeeaaalllyy want you to hang out with my cousin Lachlan, and maybe we can have a going away party for you guys! On the down-low of course. Only we’ll know it’s an actual going away party.” She winked at me.
“Maybe. I might not be much fun, but I can at least pretend to be normal, when in reality I’ll appear to be a giant bump on a log. Think anyone will notice?”
“Nah, and if they do, I’ll be sure to give them a good whack across the head. No worries.” She gave me a hug.
“Thanks, Zales. I appreciate everything, and especially for you dropping by. It was good to see you.” She had no idea how good.
She said her good-byes and left me to wallow in my misery alone. I didn’t want to tell her that what hurt me worse than this unknown sickness were the repercussions of my break-up with Mycah. I didn’t want to think about it, so mentioning it out loud was completely out of the question at this point. It tore my heart apart as it was. I hated the feeling that I wouldn’t be able to kiss him ever again, or the fact that I wouldn’t get to feel his heart beating beneath my fingertips…No, I couldn’t focus on that. I’d never stay strong if I let my mind wander into dangerous territory.
We couldn’t be together and that was that.
Chapter Twenty-Four
~Naminé~
Remycah paced the length of Rydan’s land that lay behind the house with set determination. His hands were either clenched into his dark hair if they were not being run through it, or they were at his hips. Occasionally, he crossed his arms over his chest, but they did not remain that way for long. I surmised his troubles stemmed from something related to Nariella, whether it was her degenerating health or something else, as I stood watch from the corner outside the house. He was quite worried, and it was more than apparent to us all.
Ender joined him, and they began whispering. I could not help eavesdropping as Ender said, “What do you believe to be wrong with her? Tell me honestly.”
“It is much worse than I feared. She has no idea how bad it is, and it may be best to keep it that way. I do not wish to frighten her whilst she is in this condition,” Remycah lowered his voice.
“What has given you this impression?” Ender sounded quite concerned.
“You mustn’t tell her, but I unconsciously saw her last thought before she fainted. She was told if she heals too much, she’d reach a limit and would no longer have the ability to heal. That her eyes would dim. We must return to Luïnil as quickly as we can. Perhaps the land shall strengthen and sustain her until we are able to locate a Maite’Ona Healer. It is the only thing I can think to do, and I cannot bear watching her suffer a second more,” Remycah replied.
“Then we shall go at dawn.” Ender turned to leave, except Remycah prevented him from doing so by seizing his arm.
“If only it were that easy. Believe me, I want to, more than anything. Unfortunately, we are not ready to face my uncle as of yet. Rydan is much too weak.” Remycah wiped a hand down his face. “We must train here whilst we have the protection of doing so freely, though I fear we do not have the time to achieve what is needed. I have no choice but to limit the training to a week, and then we’ll go back. Nariella cannot wait longer than that. Tell the others. I’ll make the arrangements.”
I was unexpectedly yanked from behind, my back colliding with someone’s hard chest. A whisper at my ear said, “Shh.”
My heart could not be contained as it thumped loudly against my chest. Rydan’s unique scent came over me, and I quickly lost my breath. He dragged me backward until we were out of sight. Gliding his fingers through mine, our hands crossed together and then re-crossed in a continuous fluid motion, reveling in the feel of each other’s skin. He led me into the quiet of the large, red barn that housed the horses at night. Currently, it was empty while the sun shone brilliantly out its doors.
I wanted to speak, but could not, for I feared my dutiful mind would betray the great desir
e I had burning in my heart and force us apart. Rydan turned his body to face mine as he walked backward, his playful silver eyes meeting mine. “Hey.”
“Hello,” I replied, unable to keep my smile at bay.
“I know this is against the rules, but you’ve been avoiding me, and I can’t have that.”
“Rydan—”
“I can’t, Naminé,” he interrupted in a deep, husky voice, and my breath hitched. “You’re the girl of my dreams. Literally. And you’ve been the only one since. I only dream of you.”
The heat in my cheeks was scorching. “That is because I purposely enter your dreams, Rydan. Nothing more.”
“You’re wrong. You’re what I see in my daydreams, too. And those you don’t control.” Oh, dear sea and stars. He pulled me over to a tall ladder resting against the beam of a loft. He climbed it with one hand, never letting go of mine with his other. Together, we ascended the building. “Come on, out here.”
“Out there? Are you mad?” I was utterly confused, for he wished to continue out the window. We had to have been a hundred feet into the air.
“Nah. Okay, maybe a little crazy, but that’s beside the point. Let’s go. I won’t let you fall.” He stepped out the window onto a ledge, then helped me do the same. We made our way on top of the structure until we sat precariously on the roof.
You could see the land quite well up here. Large trees were stretched far and wide, and I imagined their roots digging deep into the soil, providing them strength as they seemed to reach for the sun. The blue ocean could be seen far in the distance as it sparkled beautifully.
“It’s magnificent,” I breathed.
“I just wanted to sit with you, even if it could only be for five minutes.” Rydan slid his eyes to mine, and I felt paralyzed. My intent was to respond in some way, but the action was interrupted once his fingers swept over my temple and behind my ear, along with the curtain of my long hair.
The Sweet Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 85