Caleb was silent for a handful of seconds, and Ethan was sure he was about to refuse. He was asking for way too much. It wasn’t Caleb’s responsibility to offer himself up as a guinea pig for Ethan to figure out if maybe he wasn’t done working out exactly what his sexuality looked like.
The thing was, though, that it had always been other people calling him straight. Now that he thought about it, it felt as though he’d just accepted that as the truth without ever really asking himself what he really wanted, how he really felt.
It hadn’t been an issue until Caleb came along. He’d wondered if he was attracted to men before, and decided he was wrong every time. But he’d decided based on the fact that people were laughing at him for it, or because he was scared.
Caleb wasn’t laughing, and Ethan wasn’t afraid of him. That was encouraging.
“Okay,” Caleb said eventually. “We can do that.”
“Are you sure?” It wasn’t exactly an enthusiastic response, but then, Ethan hadn’t known what to expect.
“I’m sure. I don’t want to freak you out by sounding too excited about it, but I am sure. It would make me feel a lot better about dragging you out here, if this is what you want.”
“It is.” Ethan swallowed. “You’re being very cool about finding out your best friend is maybe into guys.”
“Ethan, I’m gay.” Caleb smiled wryly at him. “I’m used to the concept of men who are attracted to other men.”
Ethan barked a laugh, looking down at his lap again. “Good point. I guess I’m the one not being cool about it.”
“Which is okay,” Caleb said. “It was a big deal for me, too. And I’ll be here for you.”
“Thanks.” Ethan shifted in place. Now that he’d asked, he wasn’t sure what to do next. He wanted to kiss Caleb, but working up the courage to do it was proving more difficult than he’d imagined, even when he already had Caleb’s permission.
“Okay,” Caleb said after a few moments, standing. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do, but I am going to put you to bed. Unless you have other plans?”
Ethan raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? I mean, I’m not objecting, but seriously?”
“You want the full boyfriend experience, you’re gonna get it.” Caleb reached out and started unbuttoning Ethan’s shirt. “I wouldn’t do this all the time. But you’re stressed, I’m stressed, and taking care of you will make me feel better.”
Ethan stared up at Caleb, moving when he needed to so Caleb could get his shirt off, but otherwise in awe. It had been maybe two minutes since he’d asked Caleb to pretend to be his boyfriend, and he already felt loved.
How did people bring themselves to treat Caleb so badly? Ethan had never understood, but he understood even less now.
“Are you sure? Because I could be doing something for you.”
“You are doing something for me.” Caleb smiled a tiny, warm smile that Ethan had never seen on him before. Whatever it meant, he liked it. “I’ll let you take your own pants off.” He backed away, starting to unbutton his own shirt.
“So we’re just… going to bed?”
“Well, we’re not teenagers anymore, so we don’t have to have our makeout sessions in the back of a car. This is something I really like, and I’m thinking you’ll enjoy it, too.”
That sounded more like it. Ethan’s stomach fluttered at the thought, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He kicked off his shoes and wriggled out of his pants, then climbed into bed. Caleb followed him, the mattress dipping as he settled down. The air in the room was cool enough now that it was cozy under the blankets. Everything about this made him feel safe, which Ethan suspected was deliberate.
He rolled over to face Caleb, smiling shyly as he looked at him. It probably should have been weird to be on the verge of kissing his best friend, on purpose, for no other reason than that he wanted to, but all Ethan felt was excitement. He hoped Caleb felt the same way.
“Don’t be afraid to tell me if you don’t like something,” Caleb said, reaching out and resting his hand on Caleb’s hip. Even through the fabric of his t-shirt and underwear, Ethan felt a spark at the contact. He’d been worried that he’d freak out at the last moment, but it didn’t look as though that was going to happen.
“I don’t like that you’re so far away,” Ethan said. “Does that count?”
Caleb scooted closer, curling his fingers into Ethan’s t-shirt. Part of him wished he hadn’t worn one under his shirt so that he’d be able to feel Caleb’s touch against his skin now. He could do that later, though. They had plenty of time before they went home.
“So, umm…” Ethan wet his lips. “I’m gonna kiss you now.”
Caleb smiled, closing his eyes. That made it a lot easier, though Ethan still hesitated as he leaned in, pausing just before he made contact with Caleb’s lips. He let his own eyes fall closed, taking a moment to breathe in Caleb’s aftershave and the faint hint of salty air clinging to his skin. He sighed as their lips touched, pressing closer immediately, wanting more.
Ethan kissed Caleb as though he might shatter under him at first, delicate and soft and cautious, but the moment Caleb let a needy murmur slip, he parted his lips and kissed harder. Heat sparked in the pit of his stomach, the familiar warmth of arousal making everything seem more urgent.
Caleb’s lips were so soft, and his mouth tasted of champagne, and everything about the moment was perfect. Ethan was hooked within seconds, unable to drag himself away until the air between them became too hot to breathe.
He broke off, opening his eyes again to look at Caleb. His heart pounded in his ears as he waited for a verdict.
Caleb reached up to stroke his cheek, smiling fondly at him. “You’re so sweet,” he said, laughter in his voice.
“Sweet?” Ethan swallowed, not sure sweet was a good thing. He was new to doing this with a guy, and there wasn’t exactly a long string of women in his past, but he wasn’t a total virgin, either.
“Sweet is nice,” Caleb assured him. “I never get to have sweet. I like it.”
Ethan blushed, searching Caleb’s face and deciding that he was telling the truth. “I like this,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss Caleb again. This time, he was brave enough to reach out and touch him, splaying his hand over Caleb’s ribs, curling his fingers into the fabric of his vest.
He could feel his cock hardening in response to the heat of Caleb’s body. Caleb would notice in a second, but Ethan wasn’t worried about that. He wanted Caleb to know that while he maybe didn’t want more right now, he did want more later.
The last thing Ethan wanted was for Caleb to think he was using him. That wasn’t what this was about. He wasn’t sure what it was about just yet, but he’d figure it out. He just needed time.
“Want me to help you with that?” Caleb asked, glancing down toward Ethan’s crotch. Ethan hesitated. Did he? Was he ready?
“I’m not sure,” he said, figuring honesty was his best option.
“Then don’t let me pressure you.” Caleb squeezed Ethan’s hip. “I don’t want you doing anything you’re not sure about, okay? Because you mean too much to me to risk losing you over sex.”
Ethan swallowed. Caleb had talked about how much Ethan meant to him before, but it suddenly took on whole new layers of meaning. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
He wasn’t sure about a lot of things, but Caleb seemed to be willing to give him space to explore. That was what he needed most.
“What about you?” Ethan asked. He couldn’t be sure if Caleb was as turned on as he was, but he wanted to know.
“I’m fine. This probably sounds weird, but I kind of like the feeling of being aroused and then letting it fade. Not that I’m necessarily expecting this to go any further, but if it does, it’s going to make the sex hotter when the time comes. Trust me.”
“So what you’re saying is that you’re into extended foreplay?” Ethan smiled slowly. He could do that. That sounded awesome.
�
��Even if it doesn’t go anywhere,” Caleb agreed. “Seriously, no pressure. I don’t want to scar you for life over this, and I promise it’ll all be forgotten the moment we set foot on the plane home.”
Ethan nodded, reaching out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Caleb’s ear. That sounded doable. He liked the idea of there being a limit on this, an end point in sight. They wouldn’t have to have any awkward conversations about when and how it was going to end, that way, and he could just enjoy what Caleb was offering now. “Okay. Can I kiss you a little more, now?”
Caleb’s whole face lit up. “Absolutely.”
Before Ethan could move, Caleb leaned in again and pressed their lips together, taking charge of the kiss this time. He kept it slow and sweet, though, the same as they’d started out. Even as Ethan parted his lips a fraction to feel just a little more of Caleb, he knew Caleb wasn’t going to push him. He’d known that before, trusted that his best friend would never do anything to hurt him, but now it was a concrete fact, and he could relax.
He could kiss Caleb until he fell asleep, and Caleb wouldn’t expect anything more of him. Not tonight, not in the morning, not ever.
If he hadn’t met Caleb, he would never have even felt safe enough to ask himself whether he was attracted to men. Caleb had given him that, and now he was giving him the means to find out. Whatever happened over the next few days, Ethan was going to owe him one hell of a debt.
For now, though, he was content to kiss him, run his fingers over the thin layer of fabric between them, and let himself drift off happy.
Chapter Twelve
Caleb woke with Ethan curled around him, the other man’s morning erection pressing against his back. With every ounce of willpower he had, he resisted wriggling against it. Not freaking Ethan out was the most important thing right now.
He was honored that Ethan had come to him with his questions about his sexuality, and excited to be able to help. The part of him that had always wanted this was soaring with happiness, content to lie in Ethan’s arms all morning, if that was what Ethan wanted, and enjoy every last second.
The part of him that understood how reality worked knew that he was a test subject, and getting attached to the idea of being Ethan’s boyfriend was dangerous. He’d had enough trouble trusting himself when they’d only been faking it in public—now they were doing something else entirely, and Caleb wasn’t sure he’d be able to let go once they headed home.
He wanted to. Ethan meant the world to him, and he didn’t want to lose him over this. He wanted to be an emotionally mature adult who could understand that Ethan wasn’t meant for him, that they weren’t on the same page and probably never would be, but that was hard.
Ethan had been the best boyfriend he’d ever had, and he’d only had him for a few days. This was going to ruin him for all other men. Worse, if he didn’t stay on top of his feelings, it would make him resent Ethan later for not being interested in him. He’d seen that play out before; it was ugly and painful for everyone involved, and Caleb didn’t want to do that to either of them.
He owed it to Ethan to be there for him while he was asking some big, heavy questions about his life, though. That was what best friends were for.
“Morning,” Ethan murmured, pulling Caleb out of his thoughts and back to the present. “Oh,” he said a moment later, letting go of him and moving his hips away. “Sorry about that.”
“I didn’t mind.” Caleb rolled over to face Ethan, who was blushing all the way down his neck. “I like cuddles.”
“Maybe, but you didn’t need my dick sticking into you,” Ethan said, not making eye contact. Caleb couldn’t help smiling at him, surprised by how adorable he was being.
“I took it as a compliment. And also as a totally natural response to being curled up against a warm body. I’m used to sharing a bed with other men. I know what to expect.”
Ethan wet his lips. “Yeah, I guess I’m the one who doesn’t. I just don’t want you to think…”
“I don’t think anything,” Caleb assured him when Ethan seemed to have trouble articulating what he didn’t want. “Not anything bad, anyway.”
Ethan nodded, a tiny smile turning up one corner of his lips. Caleb didn’t get to see him in the morning very often, and hadn’t felt as though he could look closely before now. Ethan’s hair was a fluffy mess, his eyelids heavy and his face slack. In short, he was soft and gorgeous, and if Caleb wasn’t forcing himself to hold back, he couldn’t have resisted kissing him.
“I don’t want you to think I’m expecting you to have sex with me just because I asked. Or will ask. You know what I mean. Kisses are one thing, but…”
“If you’re hesitating to ask because you think I’ll say no, stop hesitating,” Caleb said, swallowing. There would be no going back from this, but he owed it to Ethan to support him, and he owed it to himself to take the opportunity while it was on offer. Otherwise, he’d always wonder what it might have been like.
“Really?” Ethan asked softly, looking as though he still expected to be shot down.
“Really.” Caleb reached out, running his fingertips along the edge of Ethan’s jaw. “I’m easy. At least I’m convinced you’ll still respect me after.”
“Of course,” Ethan frowned at him, as though the idea of not doing so had never crossed his mind. Of course it hadn’t. Ethan was a sweetheart through and through.
“I know. I’ve just made a lot of terrible decisions in the past.”
“So, umm,” Ethan began, blushing to the tips of his ears. “Can I… can we… is it okay if I touch you?”
Caleb bit down on his lip so he wouldn’t give away how good that sounded. He wanted to seem enthusiastic enough to make Ethan comfortable, but he didn’t need Ethan to know how often he’d fantasized about exactly this.
Ethan glanced down, then reached out and traced the shape of Caleb’s cock through his boxer briefs. Caleb whined, not ready for the shock of Ethan touching him like this.
“Is that not okay?” Ethan asked, moving his hand an inch away from Caleb’s body.
“No, no, it’s fine.” Caleb took a deep breath. “Good, even. Consider my body yours to play with.”
Ethan smiled at that, moving his hand up to the waistband of Caleb’s underwear. Caleb held his breath as Ethan’s fingertips traced the edge of it, threatening to pull them down but never actually doing so.
For whatever reason, he hadn’t expected Ethan to be good at teasing. Or even interested in teasing. It was too easy to forget that he was only new to men, not new to sex entirely.
“What do you like?” Ethan asked after a moment.
“Don’t worry about me,” Caleb said, not wanting to scare Ethan away with demands. He’d been told he was too hard to please before, and he wasn’t about to risk this fragile moment by asking for something Ethan didn’t want to do.
“I’m not worried, I’m curious.” Ethan looked back up at Caleb’s face. “Talk to me about what you like.”
Caleb wet his lips, considering. He didn’t want to seem as though he was keeping secrets, but he also didn’t want to seem high-maintenance.
Despite all his promises to himself that he wouldn’t get attached, he didn’t want to ruin this. He wanted Ethan to enjoy himself so much that he decided it was easier to date the guy he’d experimented with than go find someone more to his taste. Someone better.
“I guess I like the normal things.” Caleb shrugged. “I like being kissed. I like being touched. I like feeling someone else’s weight on top of me.”
Ethan grinned, and then, before Caleb realized what was happening, rolled them both over so he was lying on top, pressing Caleb down into the mattress. A jolt of arousal made Caleb gasp, reveling in the feel of Ethan’s larger frame holding him in place.
“Like this?” Ethan asked, shifting so that his knees were either side of Caleb’s legs, but his hips were still pressing down against him. Caleb nodded, at a loss for words. His heart was hammering in his chest, heat building in his
stomach.
For whatever reason, Ethan kept managing to do exactly the right thing. Or maybe it just seemed like exactly the right thing because Caleb had been fantasizing about it for years.
To Caleb’s delight, Ethan leaned down to kiss him, rolling their hips together as he moved. Caleb moaned into the kiss, grabbing at Ethan’s shoulders and then settling on gripping his back, digging his fingers into the firm muscles he could feel there.
Ethan was all firm muscle under his t-shirt, exactly as Caleb had expected after seeing him half-naked. Not that Caleb really cared. It was Ethan he wanted, not his body. He wanted the man who cheered him up after a bad week and brought him coffee at work in the mornings and helped him pick up the pieces after every bad relationship without a single word of complaint.
“Is this okay?” Ethan murmured as he broke the kiss, moving to rub his cheek against Caleb’s. The gesture was so intimate that it made Caleb’s heart hurt. He could have stayed in exactly this position forever and died happy.
“This is more than okay,” Caleb said, trying to keep some of the emotion out of his voice. He couldn’t afford to give himself away. He wouldn’t be safe to Ethan anymore if Ethan knew how he really felt about him.
Ethan hummed, kissing the side of his neck. “Stubble is weird. Not bad weird. But weird.”
Caleb laughed. “I can’t really comment, since I don’t know any different.”
“Do I seem different? To other guys, I mean.” Ethan paused, sitting up to look Caleb in the eyes.
Caleb moved his hands to rest on the curve of Ethan’s waist, keeping his touch light. “To me, you seem like Ethan. Which isn’t a bad thing at all. I’d choose to spend time with you before just about anyone else. It just normally wouldn’t be time in bed.”
“But you’re okay with it?”
“Absolutely,” Caleb said, not wanting to end up talking himself out of sex. “I… umm…”
Caleb swallowed, unable to think of any way to end that sentence except with I love you. Saying that out loud would be a disaster. Ethan might never speak to him again.
The Wedding Date Page 7