Our Little Secret

by Ashelyn Drake

  “Why? Don’t I deserve the same honesty?”

  He lets go of me and sits on his bed. “Of course you do.”

  “So then why didn’t you tell me? I want an answer.”

  “Because I knew you’d never hang out with me if I told you I don’t do the relationship thing.”

  “That’s so the wrong answer, Toby.” Hot tears threaten to spill down my cheeks, but I choke them back and start for the door.

  “Just wait. Please.”

  I stop, but more because I’m shaking with anger and don’t want to risk having to explain it to Tori on my way out of here. “Why? You just said this means nothing to you. Why would I stay?”

  “No, that’s not what I said, and I did try to tell you later on. I said I didn’t know where this was going, and that wasn’t a lie.”

  “Yes, it was. You knew exactly where it was going. The only place you let your relationships go. Nowhere.” I’m trying to keep my composure, but I’m dying inside. I thought I was finally getting my dream guy, but maybe Toby isn’t at all who I thought he was.

  “That’s not true. I knew you were different. I know you. You aren’t the same as the other girls at school. You’ve always been part of my life. I thought maybe…”

  “Maybe what? Toby, you have five seconds before I walk out that door and we’re done.”

  “You’re saying we’re not?” His eyes are hopeful.

  God, guys can be so dumb sometimes. “Would I be here if we were?”

  He nods. “I thought maybe I could be in a relationship with you. Call you my girlfriend.”

  There’s nothing romantic about a maybe, but I know this is a huge deal for him. He’s never called anyone his girlfriend, and the fact that he thought he could call me that…well, I don’t feel all that angry anymore.

  “Promise me something.”

  He stares into my eyes. “What?”

  “Don’t call me that unless you’re sure it’s what you want. Don’t say it because you think it’s what I want to hear. I won’t end up like Meredith.”

  “I promise.” He reaches for my hands, and I let him take them.

  I sigh, not sure if I’m making the right decision, but I don’t want to lose him. He’s right about us being a huge part of each other’s lives. How many people end up with lifelong friends? My parents don’t have any. They don’t even talk to the people they went to college with anymore. Toby’s just as important to me as Tori is.

  “Are you still mad at me?”

  I shake my head. “I guess not, but you need to tell Meredith that it’s really over.”

  “I will.” He tugs my hands a little, asking me to join him on the bed. I sit down. “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

  I think about the first time we kissed—how he asked for permission. The memory breaks down the last of the wall I put up when I realized he slept with Meredith. “Yes.”

  He presses his lips to mine, and it’s exactly like our first kiss. Long, passionate, but at the same time soft and sweet.

  “Knock, knock, math nerds,” Tori calls, opening the door. The door I thought was locked.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Toby and I pull apart as fast as we can, but his watch catches on the bottom of my shirt and tears it. I cover the rip with my arm.

  “Um, I guess my doorknob isn’t sticking anymore,” Toby says. I don’t think he’s breathing at all.

  Tori shrugs and examines her nails, not noticing how awkward Toby and I both look. “I told Dad about it. He must have fixed it for you.”

  Mr. Michaels is the least handy person I know. If he fixed the door, it explains why it won’t lock anymore.

  “Thanks.” Toby stands up and runs his hand through his hair. “Well, I think we’re good for today, Becca. Good job.”

  I don’t know how to get up without Tori seeing my ripped shirt. I grab my bag and widen my eyes at Toby. Luckily, he takes the hint and grabs my books for me. I shove them inside my bag and hold it in front of me.

  “Have a good night, you two,” Toby says.

  I walk toward Tori, and she leans in to whisper, “Did you ask him about Ryder?”

  “Oh.” I turn to Toby. “Would you please tell your sister about Ryder? Put her out of her misery.”

  “Hey. What, are you two ganging up on me now?” She elbows me. “You’re my friend, remember?”

  “Relax,” Toby says. “Becca was only trying to make me tell you.”

  “Tell me what?” She steps into the room.

  “Ryder wants to know if you’ll go to an early lunch, a movie, and then whatever.”

  She squeals. “Of course! Especially the whatever part!”

  Toby gives me an “I told you so” look.

  “So, is he going to call me? Did you give him my number?” She looks like she’s about to burst out of her own skin.

  “Yes, I gave him your number. He’ll probably call you tonight.”

  Tori grabs my arm and tugs me into the hall. “Come on. You have to help me pick out an outfit.”

  I look back over my shoulder at Toby. He smiles as I’m dragged off to Tori’s room. I can’t hide my shirt all night, even with Tori in her Ryder-induced state of euphoria, so I rack my brain for an excuse.

  “I knew he’d call. I knew it. We just clicked last weekend, you know?” She opens her closet and I put my bag down on the bed. Better to get this over with right away. She flings aside hanger after hanger. “Ugh, I need something really sexy but that doesn’t look like I’m trying to be sexy. Know what I mean?”

  Not at all. “I’m sure whatever you wear will be fine.”

  “What about that shirt you bought?” She wheels around to face me. “Did you return it?”

  “No. I sort of forgot to.”

  “Good. I’m borrowing it.”

  “But I’m not keeping it.”

  “Then I’ll buy it from you.” Her eyes lower. “Hey, what happened to your shirt?”

  “Oh, I got it caught on the spiral of my notebook. I didn’t know it was caught, and I ended up tearing my shirt when I threw my notebook in frustration.” I hold my breath, waiting to see if she buys it.

  “You really need a new tutor. I know I keep saying it, but it must be torture studying with Toby.” She searches her dresser and pulls out a pair of jeans that are so tight on her they look painted on.

  “No.” I shake my head. “That’s going to look like you’re trying too hard.”

  “Says the girl wearing a ripped t-shirt.”

  “I’m trying to help you. Be nice.”

  “Yes, but I want to look sexy, and you choose comfort over sexy every time.”

  “Touché.” I freeze as the word comes out of my mouth.

  “What did you just say?” She looks up from the jeans with wide eyes.

  “Nothing. Why?”

  She steps toward me. “You said ‘touché.’ Toby says that all the time.”

  “Does he?”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know. This is bad, Becca. You’re starting to act like him and sound like him.”

  “No, I’m not.” I force a laugh.

  “Yeah, you are. You’re picking on me, which you never did before he started tutoring you, and now you say ‘touché?’”

  “Okay, I guess maybe I got it from him. I don’t see what the big deal is, though.”

  “That’s scary.”

  I don’t feel like getting into this again. The more I defend Toby the more suspicious she’s going to get. “Whatever,” I say, using her favorite word.

  She smiles and goes back to looking for the perfect pair of jeans for her date.

  ***

  Saturday morning I’m up early, expecting to jump out of a moving plane with Toby. My stomach is queasy as I walk into the kitchen, holding the permission form I printed off the Internet last night. I’m not sure who to ask, Mom or Dad. I don’t think either one will go for me risking my own life like this. But maybe that’s a good thing. I’ll get out of staring down death from te
n thousand feet in the air, and Toby and I can do something else together.

  “What do you have there, sweetheart?” Dad asks, pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

  “Oh, um, it’s a permission slip.”

  “Something for school?” Mom asks, bringing her coffee to the table.

  “No. Some of the kids from school are going skydiving today, and they asked me to come.”

  Mom nearly spills her coffee. “What on earth would make you want to jump out of an airplane?”

  Dad laughs and brings his cereal and orange juice to the table. “I can understand why she’d want to. I did some pretty crazy things when I was her age.”

  “Great, Jack, put ideas in her head.” Mom shoots him a look.

  “Did you ever go skydiving, Dad?” I sit down because my knees are feeling shaky.

  “Once. I was a sophomore in college, and the guys in my dorm decided to go on Halloween.”

  “How appropriate,” Mom says, squeezing her coffee mug. “What better day to tempt death?”

  “Would you relax?” Dad removes her hands from the mug. “If you squeeze that any tighter, you’re going to break it.”

  “Relax? Our only child wants to jump out of a plane and you want me to relax?”

  “You jump tandem the first several times. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “Tandem? What’s that?” It sounds like a trig term, which doesn’t make me excited at all.

  Dad takes a sip of juice. “You have an instructor strapped to your back. They do everything, and you just enjoy the ride.”

  That doesn’t sound too bad. I won’t have to worry about screwing up.

  “And what if the chute fails?” Mom asks.

  “Rarely happens.” Dad shrugs one shoulder, but Mom looks horrified.

  “You know, I think maybe I’ll give this some more thought.” I stand up, feeling like my stomach has already plummeted a few thousand feet.

  “Good idea,” Mom says as I head back upstairs.

  I dial Toby.

  “Good morning, beautiful.”

  “That’s new.”

  “I read it off the container of eggs.”

  I laugh. “Making another big family breakfast this morning?”

  “What can I say? I’m that nice.”

  “I bet Tori’s being nice to you now that you got her a date with Ryder.”

  “Somewhat. I just hope he doesn’t dump her in a week. She’ll rip my eyes out and then shove them down Ryder’s throat.”

  “Wait a second. If you’re making eggs, then you’re in the kitchen.”

  “You catch on quick.”

  “Where’s Tori?”

  “Dining room.”

  My pulse quickens. “Why’d you answer your phone then?” I should’ve texted him first.

  “Don’t sweat it. She’s eating.”

  My call waiting beeps. “Hang on. I’m getting another call.” I check the screen. “Oh God! It’s Tori. I’ve got to go.”

  “No, um, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His voice is funny, and I can picture Tori in the room with him, watching.

  “Okay, hang on. And keep talking. Pretend I’m still on the line.”

  He laughs. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  “Be right back.” I click over to Tori. “Hello?”

  “You’re never going to believe this.”

  “Good morning to you, too.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Toby is on the phone with the mystery girl.”

  “How do you know?” God, I hope he’s doing a good job talking to dead air.

  “I just walked into the kitchen to see what was taking so long with the eggs, and I heard him say, ‘Good morning, beautiful.’”

  “Doesn’t it say that on the egg container?”

  “So?”

  “Maybe he was just reading it.”

  “That’s so weird.”

  “What?”

  “That’s what he told her.”

  Crap! I’m such an idiot sometimes. I force a laugh. “I guess you were right last night. I’m starting to talk like him. Weird.”

  “Yeah, weird all right.”

  “So, what time is your date?”

  “Ten. Are you even listening to me?”

  “Yeah, I’m just not convinced he’s really talking to a girl. Can you hear what he’s saying now?”

  “Hang on. Here, I’ll hold the phone out so you can hear, too.” I picture her hiding behind the center island, holding up her phone. Toby’s voice is quiet, but I can make out what he’s saying. “Yeah, I can go. I just have to clean up this mess, and then I’ll meet you there. Okay. Sounds good.”

  I wait for Tori to get back on the line. “Did you hear that?” she whispers.

  “Yeah. Sounds like he made plans with someone. Probably Jeff.”

  “Why would he call Jeff beautiful?”

  “I told you it was probably just him reading the eggs.” I look at the clock. “Hey, are you dressed and ready? It’s almost time for your date.”

  “Crap! Got to go!”

  When she hangs up, I see both calls are dropped. Toby’s gone. I’m going to have to wait for him to call me to change our plans.

  I eat some breakfast and take a warm shower. Still no call from Toby. I don’t think he’d pick me up, even with Tori out on a date. It’s still too risky. Where is he?

  My cell rings at a quarter to ten, and I grab it. “There you are. I was wondering where you were. You just hung up before.”

  “Yeah, I had to get ready for my date.”

  I hold the phone away from me and check the screen. Tori. Damn it! I thought it said Toby.

  “Um, I know, but I knew you’d call again before you left.” I smack my fist against my forehead.

  “You did?”

  “Yup. I think I know my own best friend.”

  “Weird. I didn’t even know I was going to call you.”

  I force a laugh. “So, what’s up?”

  “Red ruby or watermelon blast?”

  Lip gloss. She called me to ask which lip gloss she should wear. “Which one did you have on last weekend? Ryder seemed to like it.”

  She squeals. “Genius! Red ruby it is. Hey, what are you doing today?”

  “Not sure yet.” At least I can keep from lying right now. I don’t know what Toby and I will do if we don’t skydive. “You should go. Ryder’s going to be there any second.”

  “I know, but I have to ask you something first.”

  “Okay. What is it?”

  “Why did my brother call you last night?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Oh God! How could she know? “What do you mean?” Playing dumb never works with Tori, so what the hell am I doing?

  “I mean, why did Toby call you last night? It’s a simple question.”

  Sure. And my simple answer will cost me my best friend. “Um, he had a question about the trig homework.”

  “My straight A, math wiz of a brother called you with a question about the math homework? How stupid do you think I am?”

  Crap. “Wait, what makes you think he called me anyway?” Toby would’ve warned me if Tori overheard us talking, just like he did earlier.

  “Because I grabbed his cell by mistake this morning. They were both on the table, and I was in a rush. I went to dial your number, and it wasn’t in my contacts. It was in the call log, though. I realized it wasn’t my phone. And that I’m not the only Michaels calling you. Care to explain?”

  Double crap. If she saw the call log, then she knows we were on the phone for an hour last night. My mind swirls with possible excuses—lies. More lies. But Toby and I are perfect together. We fit. If I don’t lie to Tori… “Your birthday,” I blurt out.

  “What about it?”

  “I’m planning a surprise party, and Toby is helping me.”

  “But it’s his birthday, too. Isn’t that like planning his own party? Or are you not inviting him?”

  Damn it! I have to start thinking ahead. “Um,
he doesn’t like surprises, remember? So I told him, and the surprise was just going to be for you.”

  “And you’re telling me you got my brother to spend an hour on the phone, planning my surprise party? What the hell did you give him in exchange?”

  How about an intense make-out session behind the stage during fifth period? “He said he couldn’t think of a good gift for you, so he thought he should help plan the party to make up for it.”

  “Oh really? He thinks he can skimp on my gift just because he helped you plan my party? Yeah, right! I got him basketball tickets.”

  “You did? The Knicks?” Maybe she does really love him after all.

  “No, they were way too expensive for my budget. But who cares what team it is. They’re basketball tickets. He’ll go.”

  “Way to put some thought into his present.” What am I going to get him? It can’t be anything too big. We just started dating, and we aren’t public, so it can’t be anything people would ask about. This so isn’t going to be easy. And now I have to throw a party for Tori and Toby. There goes the rest of my allowance for the year.

  “Why couldn’t you two plan the party during your tutoring sessions?”

  “Um, because we’re busy studying.” And making out.

  “Well, I really don’t like you two hanging out so much. He has his own friends. You and I don’t get to spend much time together anymore since your trig grade went to hell.”

  “I know, but I really don’t see why you and Toby can’t have the same friends anyway.” Might as well get it out there and see how she reacts. “I’ve known you both all my life. It’s kind of weird not being friends with him. I mean, I guess I do think of him as a friend in a way.”

  “Are you kidding me? Before you started tutoring, you two only said about two words to each other, hi and bye.”

  She’s exaggerating, but I let it go. “Don’t you think that’s crazy? We grew up together.”

  “No, it’s not crazy. We have our own friends. It’s always been that way.”

  I’ve reached my limit. This has to stop. “Ever since Allison, right?”

  “Did Toby mention her to you?” She’s practically yelling into the phone, but her voice quivers like she’s holding back tears.

  “She was my friend too, Tori.”