Our Little Secret

by Ashelyn Drake

  “Just don’t piss her off too much. She might extend your punishment instead.”

  “Good point.” He tilts my chin toward him. “So you really won’t kiss me until Meredith is history? I could wash my mouth out with soap if you want.”

  I smile. “Come on. I’m not that good a kisser that you’d be willing to endure that torture.”

  “I’m enduring Meredith for you. A little soap is nothing.”

  I lean forward and press my lips to his. He wraps his arms around me, and I can tell he’s dying to let loose. But I keep my legs pulled into my chest, forming a barrier between us. He lets go.

  “I’m not trying to punish you, you know.”

  He nods. “I know. I get it.”

  “Um, I sort of told your sister that we were planning a surprise party for her next weekend.”

  His head yanks back. “Where did that come from?”

  “It was my sorry attempt at a change of subject.” I was hoping to ease this tension between us, but it’s a major fail.

  He stands up. “If I can’t touch you right now, I’m going to sit over there. Okay?” He points to his desk chair.

  I nod. Distance is probably good. I’m not sure how long I can hold out either before I cave.

  “So, why did you tell Tori we were throwing her a party?”

  “She saw you called me and that we talked for an hour.”

  “She went through my phone? I have text messages on there from you, too.”

  I wave my hand. “I don’t think she saw them. She picked up your phone by mistake, and she tried to dial me. She saw my number in the call log. That’s all.”

  “And she asked you about it.”

  “Yup. I had to make up something.”

  “A party was a smart idea.”

  “Yeah, except now we need to plan it.”

  “Well, I can cover the invite list. I’ll just spread the word at school. And we could have it here. It’s too late to book a place on this short notice.”

  I nod. “I guess you’ll be taking Meredith.”

  “I guess. Unless I get lucky and she dumps me before then. But knowing her, she’ll take my birthday and make it all about her. The girlfriend of the birthday boy.”

  “You just called her your girlfriend.” The word is like a sucker punch to my heart.

  “I just meant that’s how she’ll see it.”

  “Right.” I feel my dinner threatening to come up. I get up and walk toward the door. “Well, I guess you have the party under control, so I’m going to head out.”

  “Becca, wait.” He jumps up and reaches for me. “Please don’t go.”

  “I have to.” How can he not see how this is tearing me up inside? I know he’s a guy, but come on. I shouldn’t have to spell this out for him.

  “You’re not going to wait for me, are you?”

  I meet his eyes, and for the first time, looking at him doesn’t make my heart flutter. “I don’t know.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Look what Toby bought for me!” Meredith holds her necklace up for her admirers to see. “Isn’t he the sweetest boyfriend ever?” She turns and smiles at him.

  I study his face, trying to see if it’s true. Did he really buy her a present? Did I ruin everything Friday night when I said I wasn’t sure if I was going to wait for him?

  “Hey, what’s up?” Tori leans against my locker. Ryder adjusts his bag on his shoulder and nods at me, his typical greeting.

  I tilt my head in Meredith’s direction. “I guess your brother bought her a present.”

  “That dick. My birthday is this weekend, and he buys her an expensive gift. All I know is, he better have spent a pretty penny on me, or he’s getting a serious ass kicking.”

  “Your birthday’s this weekend?” Ryder teases. Tori elbows him in the stomach in a really playful way. They’re cute together. Too cute.

  “Well, I’ve had my fill of couples for one day.”

  “But it’s only seven a.m.,” Tori says.

  “What’s your point?” I shut my locker. “Your party is all taken care of. Toby really handled all of it, so you can thank him.”

  “Ugh, you let Toby handle it? Great. There’ll be basketball decorations, beer, and beef jerky. Thanks, Becca. You’re supposed to be my best friend. Couldn’t you have at least made sure he didn’t ruin my party?”

  “First, it’s supposed to be a surprise, so we shouldn’t even be talking about this. Second, he’s always with Meredith. It’s not like I could help him plan it.”

  “Then why did you involve him in the first place?”

  I shrug. It’s not easy to avoid lying, no matter how hard I try. “I’ll fix it. Don’t worry.” I take off toward my class with Meredith’s squeals of joy chasing me down the hall.

  I start down the stairs when someone grabs me from behind.

  “Got a second?” Toby asks.

  I look around at the crowded hallway. “This isn’t a good time. People can see us.”

  “Then meet me fifth period. Please.” His eyes plead with me before he walks away, getting lost in the flow of traffic. I can’t help wondering how he got away from Meredith.

  All morning I debate meeting Toby. I know if I’m around him, I won’t be able to end this, but a huge part of me thinks I should end it. I won’t have to lie to Tori anymore or risk jeopardizing our friendship. Toby and Meredith could be the power couple everyone thinks they are, and my life can go back to normal. Only I don’t want normal. I want Toby.

  Mrs. Engleberg nods off about ten minutes into study hall, so I grab my bag and head to the stage. I have to take the long way to dodge the security cop, and Toby is already behind the stage curtain when I get there.

  “I thought you weren’t coming,” he says.

  “I did too.” I fiddle with the strap of my bag, not sure how long I’m staying.

  “I didn’t buy her that necklace.”

  “You didn’t?”

  He steps toward me. “Of course not. She bought it over the weekend when we were at the mall.”

  “You’re hanging out on weekends now too?”

  “I had no excuse not to. You won’t see me, remember?”

  I shake my head. “Don’t turn this around on me. You don’t have to go along with her plan.”

  “It’s what you wanted. You asked me to do this. For us. Or did you forget that?” His tone is more hurt than angry.

  “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t fair to either one of us.”

  “You really thought I’d buy her a necklace?”

  I shrug, and my bag slips from my shoulder. Toby grabs it for me, putting it back in place and brushing my hair behind my back. “So, she bought it for herself and told everyone you gave it to her? That’s kind of sad.”

  “What can I say? She wants her status back. I’m just a means to get it.”

  “That’s not all you are.”

  “To her it is.” He lowers his head. “And after our conversation on Friday, I’m not sure I mean anything to you anymore either.”

  “You do.”

  He raises his eyes to mine. “If I asked you to prove it, would you?”

  “Here?”

  “This is our spot.”

  “In hiding.” I nod and let out a sigh. “I hate that our spot is a secret. That all we are is a secret.”

  “It was fun at first, but I’m pretty tired of it too.”

  Is that why he asked me to come here? To tell me he’s giving up on us? “I understand.”

  “Understand what?”

  “What you’re trying to say.”

  “Which is?” He wrinkles his brow at me, not following.

  “You don’t want to sneak around anymore.”

  “We haven’t been. Not really.”

  I nod again. “I get it. Um, I guess, thanks for telling me.”

  He shakes his head. “Telling you what? I feel like we’re having two different conversations right now.”

  “That you don’t want t
o be with me. It’s fine.” I choke on the last word. It’s anything but fine, but maybe this is the only answer for us.

  He grabs my hand. “No, it’s not. Because that’s not what I’m saying at all.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  “I want to come clean.”

  “About?”

  He grabs my face and stares into my eyes. “Damn, Becca, why aren’t you getting this? I want to come clean about us. Tell Tori. Tell everyone. I’m tired of pretending I’m not into you. I’m tired of seeing you and not being able to kiss you.” His eyes lower to my lips. “If I ask for permission to kiss you, are you going to turn me down?”

  “Are you asking permission to ask me permission?” I give a small laugh, and he does the same.

  “I guess I am.”

  “Then you have my permission.”

  “To ask or to kiss you?” His eyes search mine.

  Instead of answering, I lean forward and kiss him. It’s not like last time. I don’t feel hurt anymore. I feel like fixing this. All of it. Because Toby and I should be together, and I need to make everyone see that. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me off the ground. I let out a little laugh, and he sets me back down.

  “Does this mean we’re okay?” he asks.

  “Yeah, but we have to do something. This can’t go on.”

  “I agree.” He removes his hands from my waist and turns away.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t think straight when I’m touching you.”

  I smile, loving that I have that effect on him.

  “I’ll have to talk to Meredith. Tell her it’s over.”

  “What’s over?” Meredith pulls the curtain aside and joins us backstage.

  Toby whirls around to face her, and I take a step toward him. It’s not that I’m afraid of Meredith. I’m not. It’s just that Toby and I haven’t figured this out yet, and there’s no way she’s going to help us.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks.

  “Well, I was looking for you, and Jeff said he saw you heading toward the stage.” She looks at me. “Who knew I’d find both of you?”

  “I never said I was going to stop seeing Becca.” Toby’s voice is strong, confident. I wish I felt the same way.

  “And what would you have done if someone else walked in on you two doing…?” She looks between us.

  “That’s not your concern,” Toby says.

  “Oh I think it is, boyfriend.”

  “Yeah, about that.” Toby steps toward her. “You have until the party on Saturday to break up with me.” He looks over his shoulder at me. “Because I’m taking Becca.”

  “You are not! I say when this is over, Toby. Not you!”

  He faces her again, not the least bit intimidated. “Not anymore. I’m telling Tori the truth. I’m only telling you first to be nice.”

  I’ve never wanted to kiss him more.

  “To be nice? Don’t do me any favors.” Meredith practically spits the words out.

  “Okay, fine. We can tell everyone now. Becca and I will walk out of here holding hands, and it will all be over.”

  “Like hell you will!” She looks at me. “Talk some sense into him before he ruins this for both of us.”

  “Meredith, we’re being more than reasonable here. Just break up with Toby. He’s still willing to let you be the one to end it. Your reputation will remain intact.” She has to let this go.

  “For like two seconds. You can’t show up at the party together. You two can’t start dating right after we break up. What will people think?”

  Toby stands up straight and looks right at Meredith. “That’s not my problem. Or Becca’s.”

  “Look,” I say. “If you don’t want it to look like Toby and I got together the second you broke up with him—”

  “You mean dumped his ass.” She crosses her arms in front of her.

  “Whatever. If you don’t want it to look that way, then do it soon. It’s Monday. That gives you five days until the party.”

  “That’s still not enough time.”

  Toby grabs my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “Yeah, well it’s the most you’re going to get.”

  Meredith shakes her head. “This is unbelievable. How am I going to explain this?” She holds up her necklace. “I just paraded this necklace around, talking about what a great boyfriend you are. What reason could I possibly give for dumping you right after you bought me an expensive gift?”

  “I guess you shouldn’t have lied and said Toby gave it to you,” I say.

  She scoffs. “Like you’re one to talk. You’ve been lying to your best friend for who knows how long. You’re no better than me, so don’t think for a second that you are. I’m the type of person who gets what she wants. You”—she looks down at me—“you’re nothing special.”

  I never realized her hatred for me was this deep, but she clearly resents having me in her life. My house is bigger than hers. My parents have better jobs than hers. I never even thought about that, but clearly she has, and she’s been trying to make up for it ever since the Barbie lunchbox incident.

  “You can’t talk to her like that,” Toby says. “And in case you haven’t noticed, you’re the only one who thinks you’re better than everyone else.”

  She glares at him, and by the way her nostrils are flaring I can tell she’s barely holding it together. “I’ll find a way to make you out to be the bad guy, so be prepared. But I better not see the two of you together before I end this. Or I swear I’ll make you both regret it.” She storms out.

  I squeeze Toby’s hand. “What do you think she’ll do?”

  “No idea. But she’s pissed, so I’m sure it will be quite a show.”

  I rack my brain, trying to think of something Meredith can use against him. And then it hits me—the ultimate payback for a desperate girl seeking revenge. The very thing Meredith brought up when she caught Toby and me together at his house. She thought Toby just used her for sex—made her sleep with him and then dumped her. Knowing Meredith, she’s willing to go to any lengths to keep her reputation. She won’t care that Toby will be destroyed in the process. “Oh God!”

  “What?”

  I don’t know how to tell him this, but I have to. He has to be ready. “She’s going to tell everyone you forced her to sleep with you.”

  “What? I did not! She threw herself at me, and that was months ago.”

  Months ago? “You haven’t…in months?”

  “It happened once. Once. That’s all. And it wasn’t my idea.”

  “So you didn’t break up with her right after you…?” I can’t bring myself to say it.

  “No!”

  I relax a little, happy that Toby isn’t that guy at all. I should’ve known better. “I’m sorry I ever thought—”

  “Don’t be. But you’re right. She’s going to make the whole school think I pressured her into sex.”

  I don’t know how to get him out of this. He could deny it, but Meredith is a girl. A girl who can turn on tears like a faucet. And now she’s back at the top of the popular scale. Toby doesn’t stand a chance.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “I think our best bet is to stay away from each other and let Meredith handle this her own way,” Toby says.

  “But she could spread this rumor throughout half the school by the end of the day.” He’s nowhere near as worried about this as he should be.

  He takes my hands in his. “You don’t believe I did that, and that’s all that matters to me.”

  “Toby, that’s sweet, but believe me, you’re going to care if the entire school looks at you like you’re a…” I shake my head.

  “We’ll deal with that if and when it happens.”

  I don’t want to let it go. This is too huge to just hope it blows over. I want to come up with a plan, but the bell rings and we have to get to class.

  “Relax. We’ll figure something out.”

  “Remember when our biggest problem was not
letting Tori find out about us?”

  He smiles. “We’ll deal with that too.” He kisses me and disappears through the curtains.

  All day I wait for Meredith to drop the bomb. It’s torture. I’m more worried about Toby than anything else. He’s such a good guy. He made a mistake. One he regrets, and Meredith is going to make him pay for it, all so she can stay popular. It’s so wrong it makes me sick. Toby doesn’t deserve this, and I want to help him but I’m not sure how. No one is going to take my word over Meredith’s.

  “Did you hear?” Amber Sherman says, leaning forward to whisper to the girl sitting next to me, Rachel Something-or-other.

  “What?” Rachel asks.

  “Meredith told me that Toby bought her that necklace to try to make up with her.”

  “For what?”

  My stomach clenches as I slouch down, trying to listen to every word they say, and hoping it has nothing to do with Meredith’s threat.

  “She said he forgot to invite her to his birthday party. He said he assumed she’d go since she’s his girlfriend, but she reminded him that girls like to be invited places.”

  “It’s like he doesn’t even know her,” Rachel says. “He’s lucky to have Meredith. She’s so supportive of his basketball.”

  I roll my eyes. Meredith is a cheerleader. It’s her job to support the basketball team. Man, she has these girls buying every word she says. And that’s really bad news for Toby. Still, I’m relieved she hasn’t mentioned anything about sex. Yet.

  “Great job on the quiz, Miss Daniels,” Mr. Rollar says, placing my paper on the desk. “Like I said, you and Mr. Michaels make quite the pair.”

  Amber and Rachel lean toward me at the same time. “What was that about you and Toby?”

  They look like they’re ready to claw my eyes out on Meredith’s behalf. “Um, he’s my tutor.”

  Rachel smirks, and Amber sits back in her seat, stifling a laugh. “Poor Toby,” Rachel mumbles.

  I really hate those girls.

  After class I pack up my things and head to my locker, but I almost can’t get there thanks to the crowd in the hall. Oh God! This is it. Tori comes up behind me with Ryder in tow. “Hey. I heard Meredith was ripping my brother a new one.”