Our Little Secret

by Ashelyn Drake

  I can’t respond. I’m too busy trying to hear Meredith, which isn’t too hard, considering she’s practically yelling.

  “You thought some stupid necklace could patch things up? Well, think again, Toby. We’re over. Finished. You’re not worth the ground I walk on. You take me for granted. You’d rather study trig with that geek, Becca Daniels, than party with your friends. And you’re lousy in bed.”

  Ouch. Cackles and cheers ring through the hall as the crowd parts and lets Meredith through. She smiles triumphantly, and when she reaches me, she raises an eyebrow. As much as I hate her, I have an overwhelming urge to hug her. She didn’t accuse Toby of anything really bad. She kept the breakup to petty crap that didn’t really mean a thing. I’m grateful for that.

  “Well, there goes Toby’s street cred.” Tori laughs.

  “He’s your brother.” I open my locker and stuff my books inside. “You could be a little more sensitive.”

  “What was that thing about Toby tutoring you anyway?” Ryder asks.

  “I was sort of bombing trig, so Tori asked Toby to tutor me.”

  “Oh.” He nods. “The way Meredith made it sound, I thought maybe you and Toby—”

  “What? God no!” Tori shakes her head. “That’s just ridiculous.”

  Great. One problem down and one to go. All around us, people are yelling things at Toby. Awful things. Somehow Meredith has become their queen, and they’re all taking her side. He walks over to us and sighs.

  “Good job, bro.” Tori pats his shoulder. “You may be lame in the sack, but Meredith’s a bitch. You’re better off without her.”

  “Thanks.” He rolls his eyes before meeting my gaze.

  I give him a small smile. “So, I got an A on my last trig quiz, but this next unit is pretty tough. You think you have time to tutor me this week?”

  “I think his schedule is pretty wide open now.” Ryder pats Toby on the back and laughs.

  “Gee thanks, man. You’re a real friend.”

  “Just busting on you. Don’t be so sensitive.” Ryder drapes his arm around Tori and they walk out. Toby and I fall in step behind them. His hand brushes mine, which is as close to holding hands as we can get right now. Even though Meredith didn’t attack Toby with the sex card, she still might if we go public before Saturday. Five days. Then Toby and I can be together. I just hope it doesn’t mean the end of my friendship with Tori.

  ***

  “So, that wasn’t too bad,” I say, sitting down on Toby’s bed.

  He locks the bedroom door behind him. “Oh no. I’m just lame in bed. Not bad at all.” He drops some crickets in Elvis’s cage.

  “Okay, I know that’s so not cool, but it could’ve been a lot worse.”

  His ego is majorly bruised, and unfortunately, I can’t help him with it because I’m in no position to dispute what Meredith said.

  “What are you studying in trig?” He sits down next to me.

  “Already got it. It’s totally easy.”

  “Oh.” He perks up a little. “So, this study session is…”

  “Strictly a make-out session. If that’s okay with you.” I smile.

  “Oh, that’s more than okay with me.” He leans into me, cupping my face in his hand. “I do believe that’s the first time you’ve asked for my permission.”

  “I think you’re right.” I tilt my head and kiss him. It feels amazing to know I’m the only girl pressing my lips to his. No more Meredith. Our path is clear. Of course it leads to Tori, but I’m choosing not to think about that until Saturday. I have five days to enjoy this. To bask in Toby’s lips.

  He deepens the kiss and tips me back on the bed. He’s leaning over me, his weight pressing down on my body. His fingers tickle my stomach and I laugh.

  “That wasn’t the reaction I was going for.”

  “Sorry, but you tickled me. What did you expect?”

  “To give you chills. To drive you crazy. Not for you to laugh.”

  I pull his lips back to mine. His kiss is hungry and I can barely breathe. I turn my head, gasping for air. He buries his head in my neck. A moan escapes my lips, and he takes that as encouragement. I feel his fingers unbutton my jeans. This can’t happen yet. Not until everything is out in the open. I push my hands against his chest. “Toby.”

  He lifts his head and looks at me. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m not ready. We just got back together, and we haven’t even told Tori yet.”

  He sits up and runs his hands through his hair. Is he mad at me? He can’t be. No way could he expect me to jump into bed with him this soon.

  “I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I didn’t mean to…I just got caught up in the moment.”

  I sit up so we’re shoulder to shoulder. “It’s okay. I missed you too this past week, but you know I’ve never…” We talk in a lot of unfinished sentences these days.

  “I know. And I’m more than willing to wait. It’s just been a crazy day. I wasn’t thinking.” The disappointment on his face isn’t lost on me.

  “Do you want me to go?”

  He turns his head toward me. “No. Not even a little bit.”

  “Okay, good.”

  He stands up and gets his guitar. I’m expecting him to get his iPod, but instead he just sits down and plays. It’s not a song I’ve heard before, but it’s beautiful. I close my eyes, listening to the melody. And then he starts singing. The words are beautiful too, especially in Toby’s deep voice. I’m swaying to the music until I hear my name. Oh my God. He wrote a song for me. My eyes open and I see him staring at me. He’s singing to me, pouring his heart out. I recognize the words because they describe me and my life. And that’s when I realize Toby’s crush on me might actually be bigger than my crush on him. He’s been watching me. He knows me. Really knows me. A tear trickles down my cheek as he plays the last chord.

  “That was…I don’t even know what to say.”

  “I was going to wait to play it for you, but now felt right.”

  “I loved it.” What I want to say is “I love you,” but it’s still too soon. Isn’t it? Or does knowing each other for seventeen years actually make it perfectly normal to feel this way?

  He puts the guitar down and walks over to me, pulling me to my feet. He reaches for my jeans again, but this time he buttons them. I’d forgotten about them. “Bec, I hope you know I never considered Meredith my girlfriend.”

  I nod. “I know.”

  “But I do consider you my girlfriend. I mean, if you’re willing to be.”

  “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” My heart flutters. He’s willing to change the way he feels about relationships and titles for me.

  “That’s sort of what the song was about.”

  I replay the lyrics in my head. “Will you be my girl?”

  He smiles. “Well, I can’t do the girl part, but change it to guy and my answer’s yes.”

  I sigh, a content, couldn’t-be-happier sigh. “You’re incredible, you know that?”

  “I know you are.”

  I cup his face and kiss him. “And my answer is yes too.”

  He wraps his arms around me and lifts me up. “Would it be really cliché if I spin you around?”

  “Yes, but do it anyway.”

  He does, and we both laugh and topple onto the bed. He doesn’t push any boundaries. We just make-out for two hours. Two really amazing hours.

  “Tori is going to come looking for me if I don’t get out of here.”

  “Five more minutes?” He kisses my neck.

  “No.” I gently push him away.

  He holds up four fingers. “Four more?”

  “No.”

  He lowers one finger.

  I kiss him again, quickly, and scoot off the bed before he can get his hands on me.

  “No fair.”

  “See you tomorrow.”

  He lies back on his bed. “I’ll see you in about”—he looks at his watch—“thirty minutes or so when I fall asleep.”


  “Careful there. You’re starting to sound like you’re—”

  “Falling hard?”

  My heart skips. I wasn’t expecting him to say that. He sits up, swinging his legs onto the floor. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  “No. It’s okay. I’m just surprised. But not in a bad way. Not at all.”

  “I’m going to say goodnight before I ruin the evening.”

  “You didn’t ruin it.” He made it better. I don’t think either one of us is ready to say the L-word yet, though. “Sweet dreams.”

  “That’s my line.” He smiles.

  “Goodnight, Toby.”

  “Night.”

  I have to force myself to leave his room, and I don’t do it a minute too soon. Tori is right outside his door.

  “I was just coming to see what was taking you guys so long.” She points to my hands. “No books?”

  “Oh.” Damn it. “Toby found this great website with practice problems. We already did all the ones in this unit, and I needed some extra practice.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Leave it to my brother to know websites that provide you with extra homework.”

  I follow her to her room. “Well, I’m grateful.”

  “So what do you think about him and Meredith breaking up today?”

  I shrug. “I guess I kind of saw it coming.” Since I knew about it.

  “Really? I didn’t. She got him to commit. I never thought that would happen.” She picks up the nail file and straightens the edge of her pinky nail.

  “He’s changed.”

  “How so?”

  “I don’t know. He just seems different lately.” This might be the perfect chance to lay some groundwork for this weekend. Make her see what I see in Toby.

  “You know he does play his guitar a lot lately. He’s gotten pretty good.” She puts down the nail file and looks at me. “Hey, did I hear him playing tonight?”

  “Yeah. While I was taking that online practice test. The music helps me concentrate.”

  “It’s weird because he doesn’t usually sing along. I’m surprised he’d sing in front of you.”

  I shrug. “I guess he’s comfortable around me.”

  “I thought I even heard him sing your name, but I must have been hearing things, right? I mean there’s nothing going on between you two. There couldn’t be. You both know how much that would piss me off.”

  A lump forms in my throat. What am I supposed to say? I don’t want to lie, but she flat out asked. I swallow hard and clear my throat. “I wouldn’t want to piss you off.”

  She nods, thinking I’m agreeing with her. Really, I’m letting her know I don’t want her to be mad at me for having feelings for Toby.

  Chapter Twenty

  “She’s going to hate us both.”

  “No, she’s not. We’ll sit her down and make her understand.” Toby kisses me.

  We’ve been meeting every day during fifth period again. I love the time together, but I can’t wait to get our relationship out in the open. I’ve had enough with hiding and keeping secrets, and I can’t take the thought of Tori never talking to me again. I need to make her be okay with this. Having the perfect guy shouldn’t come at the expense of my best friend.

  I pull away and give him a stern look.

  He groans. “Please don’t let her ruin the little time we have together.”

  “It’s Thursday. The party is in two days, and we have no idea what we’re going to say to her.”

  “Did you buy her a good present?” He leans in for another kiss, but I press my finger to his lips.

  “Did you?”

  He shrugs. “I got her a gift certificate for a spa treatment.”

  “Wow. She’ll actually love that.” I’m impressed.

  “What about you?”

  “I got her those boots she’s been eyeing.”

  “Nice. So, we’ll give her the gifts first, and then she won’t be so mad when we tell her we’re into each other.”

  “You really think dangling presents in front of her is going to keep her from getting mad?”

  He shrugs. “It worked when she was younger.”

  “Maybe we should think about what we’re going to say, just in case she’s matured a little since then.”

  He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. “I’d rather talk about what you got me for my birthday.”

  “Getting me as your girlfriend isn’t enough?” I pretend to be hurt.

  “Good try, but I already have you as my girlfriend. You said yes the other night.” He presses his lips to mine.

  I’m breathless when I pull away. “Okay, you need to stop playing dirty. We have to talk about this.”

  “We have five minutes left in the period. Do you really want to spend it talking about Tori?” His fingers trace my collarbone, sending tingles through me.

  “So not fair.”

  “Then fight back.” He leans forward to kiss my neck, but I get to his first. He laughs, but it’s quickly replaced by a moan. The next five minutes fly by.

  We leave the stage separately, just like always, but I run right into Meredith, who must have been waiting for me.

  “What do you want?” I ask, picking up the pace and hoping she won’t follow. She does anyway.

  “We need to talk. It’s about Saturday.”

  “I think after the way you publicly humiliated Toby, you can consider yourself officially uninvited to his party.”

  “I thought the party was for Tori. Or did you forget about your dear best friend?”

  I stop and whirl around to face her. “What the hell do you want from me? I’m not in the mood for games.”

  “Good, because I’m not playing around.” She grabs my arms and pulls me into an empty classroom.

  “What the hell, Meredith?”

  “I’ve been thinking.”

  I cross my arms. “Then this should be good.”

  She glares at me. “Shut up and listen.”

  I drop my arms and advance on the door. “Forget it. I’m out of here.”

  She blocks the door. “Not so fast. You need to listen to me.”

  “What could you possibly say that is of any interest to me?”

  “How about this? If you and Toby come clean to Tori, she’s going to dump your ass faster than you can blink. You think just because you’ve been friends forever that she’s going to let you date her brother? She doesn’t let her friends near him. I’m not sure how you got her to let him tutor you, but she’ll see this as a huge betrayal. Especially when I tell her how long this has been going on.”

  “Why would you do that? You got what you wanted already. You got your precious little fan club back. You turned half the school against Toby. What else do you want?”

  “How about my virginity back?”

  I step back. I thought that attack was off the table. I thought Toby and I had been wrong about how evil Meredith was and the lengths she’d go to hurt him. “That was your own fault.”

  “Let me know if you feel the same way after he steals yours.” She grabs the door handle, but I stop her, placing my hand over hers.

  “I’m not you. I don’t throw myself at him. I don’t have to sleep with him to get him to date me.”

  “Give him a few weeks. He’ll start getting bored, and I’ll bet you anything you do exactly what I did.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “He never cared about you like this. It’s nowhere near the same situation.”

  “You keep telling yourself that, but Toby Michaels is never going to change.”

  I let go of her hand, not because I believe her, but because I want her to leave. I’m done listening to her lies. She’s bitter and hurt, and I’m not going to let her convince me that Toby’s a bad guy.

  She walks out and the late bell rings. I head to trig, knowing I’m getting my second late in a matter of weeks. I may be getting my second detention soon too.

  “Miss Daniels, nice of you to join us,”
Mr. Rollar says.

  “Sorry. I don’t suppose you’d believe I was held hostage in an empty classroom by the biggest bitch in school.”

  Mr. Rollar glares at me and only then do I realize I said “bitch.” Out loud. To a teacher. Crap.

  “I’m sorry to say that not only do I not believe you, but you’ll be spending this afternoon in detention for your poor choice of words.” He writes up the slip and hands it to me.

  Wonderful. This day keeps getting better and better.

  I raise my hand and participate as much as possible, trying to get back in Mr. Rollar’s good graces. But no such luck. When the bell rings, I’m still holding my detention slip, and Mr. Rollar is packing up for the day, not even looking in my direction. I go up to his desk and stand there, but he doesn’t acknowledge me.

  “Um, Mr. Rollar, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m having a bad day, and I didn’t mean to say that word out loud. But I really was dragged into an empty classroom. Meredith Ackles had a mouthful for me, and she wouldn’t let me go until I heard what she wanted to say.”

  “Be that as it may, Miss Daniels, I can’t lift your detention. This is your second tardy to my class and you used language that is not suitable inside school walls. The entire class heard you. What would it say if I didn’t enforce the rules?”

  I should’ve known a math teacher would be all about following rules. That’s what equations are. Sets of rules to solve a problem. “I understand, and again, I’m sorry.”

  “I appreciate that. Now you better go before you’re late for detention.”

  I head straight for the detention room, afraid to stop at my locker first. I don’t want to end up in here tomorrow too. I take the same seat as last time. Only I’m pretty sure Toby won’t be stopping by to keep me company today. I pull out my cell under my desk and text him.

  Becca: Meredith cornered me. Made me late. In detention.

  Toby: That bitch.

  Becca: That’s what I said. Aloud. To Mr. Rollar.

  Toby: Hence the detention?

  Becca: Pretty much.

  Toby: Want me to pull the fire alarm or something? Get you out of there?