Onyx: Unity

by J. S. Lee

  I frowned, trying to work out what the words were. The two looked up, saw me watching, and instantly stuck the phone into a bag, hurrying off.

  I watched them go, an uneasy feeling settling over me. After making sure I had all my belongings, I walked backstage, seeking out the translator. She was waiting patiently outside the green room where Onyx were likely changing.

  “Excuse me,” I said, joining her. “I heard a girl say something, and I was wondering if you could tell me what it meant?”

  “Of course,” the woman nodded.

  “My pronunciation is terrible, but it sounded something like ‘zabisher is spratch zoy cadanzky’.”

  The woman gave me a pained smile.

  My pronunciation was probably worse than terrible. “Zabishere isch spratch zoy zadenskey?” I tried again.

  The woman tilted her head. “I think I understand what you’re trying to say, but that is a terrible thing… ‘zabij się i sprawdź czy ktoś zatęskni’?” she offered.

  I nodded. “That sounds a lot better than what I attempted. What does it mean?”

  “Kill yourself and see if anyone notices.”

  My eyes widened in disbelief. “Is there-?”

  “Kate!” Before I could ask if there was anything vaguely similar that I could have heard, Taeyoon poked his head out of the dressing room. “We are ready to go.”

  I knew the drill – it was time to start taking things out to the minibus.

  “I must go,” the translator said. “Don’t respond to it.” She walked off.

  “Kate?” Taeyoon prompted me.

  I pushed the conversation and translation out of my mind, focusing on the task at hand. Half of the luggage that we hauled around with us was stage clothing and makeup and that meant at least eight full size cases going to the venue every time. At least we didn’t have to deal with sound and light equipment.

  I climbed into the back of the minibus, sinking into the seat. Now that I had a moment to stop, I realized how exhausted I was. Maybe a nap, and then I would start on the editing.

  The door to the minibus was suddenly full of people as Onyx, still experiencing a concert-high, piled in. Unlike previous journeys, none came to sit with me, even though I could see JongB was dying to take the seat beside me.

  Instead he slid into the one in front of me, stretching out. “Oh man!” he exclaimed, his hands reaching out above his head as he cracked his neck. “I can’t wait until we get back to the apartment.”

  From the seats in front, Youngbin turned around. “Why?”

  “My feet are looking forward to a massage.”

  Well, fuck. I forgot about that.

  Still…

  “Worth it,” I muttered, leaning forward so my words, in English, wouldn’t be caught by Dongjun as he took the seat next to me.

  “You are uploading your photographs tonight?” he asked me.

  “I will try to get my edits done tonight,” I told him, settling back to put my seatbelt on. “I’m tired and I need sleep. Plus, I may have over committed myself,” I added, vaguely. “But Atlantis usually want them within a few days – a week at most. I can work on the plane if I need to.”

  Dongjun shook his head. “I will have mine uploaded tonight.”

  Great.

  “I think it’s best that you do too. There’s no need to make Atlantis wait.”

  I slowly ran my tongue over my lip, but I stopped myself from ripping into him when I noticed Eunhae and Ahreum watching. I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of everyone – I’d talk to him privately when we got back to the apartment.

  Or I would have done if Taeyoon hadn’t descended on him straight away. I unloaded the cases with the others, moving them into the living room ready for the morning when we were back at the airport.

  “It’s a lunchtime flight,” Sungmin reminded me. “We will need to leave here mid-morning.”

  I nodded, rubbing at the back of my neck as I walked up to my room. JongB was leaning against the door, a far-too smug expression on his face. The curled lip dropped as he saw me. “Kate, are you OK?”

  I nodded. “I’m just tired: a few weeks off and suddenly I’ve forgotten how to work.”

  “You look pale.” He stepped up to me, taking a shoulder in each hand as he peered at my face. “Maybe we should-”

  “The next words out of your mouth better hadn’t be suggesting I go to a hospital,” I cut him off, dryly. Hospitals were Koreans’ answer to everything – right down to a hangover. “You’ve been in Seoul too long.”

  JongB stepped back, holding his hands up as he gave me a sheepish grin. “Fine. But you should get some rest. You look tired.”

  My hand went to my hip and I shot him a look. “Oh gee, I mean, considering there are six individuals who keep me up most nights, I wonder why that could be?”

  Looking completely unashamed, JongB leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “I’ve heard you moan, I’ve heard you scream, but I’ve never heard you complain. Get some sleep.” He started to walk away but paused, grinning at me. “I’ll get that foot rub tomorrow.”

  I walked into my room, carefully setting my camera on the small table and then turned on my MacBook. Wearily, I sank onto the bed, flopping backwards. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and pulled up Instagram.

  Ignoring the thousands of like notifications from the last Onyx pictures I’d posted, I searched for Anita’s profile. The last picture she had posted was from a couple of hours ago – just after the concert had started. It was a picture of Jiwon, but it looked like it was from the Paris show. The text was in Polish and my Instagram was doing the annoying thing of not offering a translation.

  Whatever.

  It was a good photograph – it was one of mine… - but I had my own photographs to edit and I had no doubt Dongjun was working on his right now.

  I left the phone on the bed and went to the table, curling my legs up underneath me.

  My expectation that I would distract myself and lose track of time in photo editing was not realized. Instead, my attention kept getting dragged back to my phone.

  “Focus, Kate,” I scolded myself. “It’s already past midnight and you’re not even half done.”

  Two pictures later, I scooped up my phone as I walked down to the kitchen. JongB was addicted to Red Bull and I knew Eunhye had bought some for the fridge when we’d arrived.

  I cracked a can open and then returned to Anita’s post. I had an app which would translate it… only Instagram had now decided it was capable of doing the translation.

  I’m sorry, dearest Jiwon. I never wanted to hurt you. I did. I am sorry. I hope Heaven is forgiving.

  There was something about the caption which turned my blood cold.

  I opened up Facebook.

  Call me obsessive, but after the accident, I had done some serious Facebook stalking and found her account. While I hadn’t befriended her, I had skimmed it. She kept most of the K-Pop stuff off it, so I barely checked it after that.

  What I saw made me drop the phone.

  제 14 장

  Boom

  I grabbed the phone off the floor, praying I had imagined the post.

  I hadn’t.

  Tonight, my beloved sister tried to take her life because of hateful bullies. Bullies who picked on her because of her passions…

  I wasn’t sure how accurate the auto translate was, but the picture of the blood was pretty telling.

  “Oh…” I mumbled, falling heavily into one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

  I wasn’t going to sit there and pretend that I liked her, and I wasn’t still angry as hell at what she had done, but that was too much. Without thinking, I was on my feet, walking out of the house.

  The post had a location tag on it – a hospital. I walked down the street to a busier one, flagging down a taxi. After thrusting my phone in his face to give him the address, I sat back in the seat, scrolling through the two Social Media sites.

  After the crash she had rece
ived so much hate. I’d never read the comments – I’d just been looking at what she had posted, which had become less and less over the weeks. Hell, I was surprised she hadn’t deleted the accounts.

  There had been a post late last night saying how she was going to the show to apologize in person.

  I was responsible, in part for this.

  Her name being released to the press? Jiwon had given them the screenshots of messages.

  As soon as I arrived at the hospital, I realized what a stupid decision that had been too. It was the middle of the night – it was not visiting hours. And while most staff members spoke some English, they were all saying the same thing: no visitors.

  “Katie?”

  I turned at the sound of Jiwon’s voice. “What are you doing here?”

  “The same thing you are,” he responded.

  Without checking who was around, he strode up to me and wrapped his arms around me. I wasn’t sure if the hug was for my benefit or for his. “Are you OK?” I asked him when he didn’t let go.

  “No,” he muttered.

  I hugged him tighter.

  “I need to find her, Katie. I need to apologize. I didn’t want this. I need to make this right.”

  I wanted to tell him that it would be alright and that it wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t say that to myself – because it wasn’t true.

  I stepped back. “Let’s find her. This isn’t the biggest hospital. There aren’t a lot of people around.”

  Jiwon reached for my hand, taking it in his. He nodded.

  “It’s a good thing no one knows who you are here,” I muttered as he led me down a corridor.

  “I wouldn’t care if they did,” he responded, gruffly.

  Considering that was partly why we were here in the first place, I couldn’t help but let out a sigh at the weight pressing down on me. The only thing that stopped me pointing that out to him was that I knew that was his way of telling me he wasn’t doing great.

  We walked the corridors, unnoticed, for some time until I finally saw a sign for the psychiatric ward. The door wasn’t locked, like I expected it to be. There was also a lack of nurses or orderlies around.

  “I feel like we’ve walked into a horror movie,” I mumbled, moving closer to Jiwon.

  Jiwon glanced down at me, the faintest hint of a smile appearing on his lips. “You really need to stop watching Netflix with CX.” He stopped suddenly, pointing at a door.

  I nearly punched him – I thought he was trying to scare me.

  It was Anita.

  She was lying in a bed, staring up at the ceiling.

  “You want to go in?” I asked.

  “No,” Jiwon replied. He walked over to the door and knocked on it. Anita’s head turned towards the door. In the dim light in her room, she seemed to grow paler.

  When she did nothing but gape at him, Jiwon stepped forward into the room, holding the door open for me. I closed it behind us, lingering by it as Jiwon walked over.

  Anita stared at him with wide eyes, muttering something in Polish. Jiwon turned and looked at me. “English, Japanese, and Korean,” I shrugged. “The Korean I’m still learning, and my Japanese is good, but not perfect.”

  “I asked if he was a ghost,” Anita said, in Korean. “And I am not surprised you’re here too.”

  I looked past Jiwon and found her glowering at me. Despite everything, I had never wanted her to end up where she was – or worse – but regardless of my empathy, I still didn’t like her. “How good is your Korean?” I folded my arms. “Because this wasn’t exactly a visit that was going to have an interpreter with him.”

  “No fighting!” Jiwon said, raising his voice only slightly as he hissed at the pair of us in English. When I clamped my lips closed, he pointed at the chair by Anita’s bed. “I sit?”

  Anita nodded, waving her hand at the chair. The action drew attention to the stark white bandages on her wrists. Judging from the way she quickly hid them under her sheets, Jiwon had noticed them too.

  “Shall I turn the light on?” I offered.

  “Nobody knows you’re here, do they?” Anita asked Jiwon, softly.

  There was a moment where Jiwon frowned, before shaking his head.

  “Leave them off,” Anita told me. “I don’t want you to get in trouble for being here.”

  I pursed my lips, saying nothing, and instead moved to the foot of the bed so I could see Jiwon better. He wouldn’t like to ask me to translate, and at least this way, I could see his face.

  “Are you OK?” he asked her.

  Her response was in Polish.

  I sighed. “We’re not trying to be difficult, but we don’t speak Polish. If Korean is too-”

  “I’m here. I failed,” she said, in Korean.

  “Failed what?” I asked.

  “At doing what Jiwon wanted. Leaving his life for good.”

  “Whoa!” I exclaimed, holding both my hands up in front of me. “Whoa! No! That is absolutely not what Jiwon wants,” I told her before Jiwon could get a word out.

  He shot me a look and then turned back to Anita. “No,” he said, in English. “That’s not what I want. Ever. Your life is important.” Struggling to find the words, he switched back to Korean. “You did things that you shouldn’t have, and I am angry at you for that, but I would never wish you dead.”

  “It’s my fault the car accident happened,” Anita mumbled, looking away.

  “The paparazzi chasing us were to blame for the car accident,” Jiwon told her. He shrugged. “But it’s true that they were only following us because of the story and photograph you released.”

  “So it was my fault.”

  I folded my arms with a sigh, but I kept my lips firmly closed. Much as I wanted to comment, this was Jiwon’s conversation.

  “Your actions had consequences,” he agreed with a nod of his head. “But that still doesn’t mean I ever wanted you dead.”

  “Then what did you want?”

  “What I wanted was for you to respect the boundaries. I’m an idol, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a person. We are entitled to our privacy as much as you are.” Jiwon ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “We’re all people – Onyx. I told you in Amsterdam that making bad comments against one of us hurts all of us. We go all around the world and we meet people who have been brought up with different beliefs and values, but that doesn’t mean we can’t respect each other.”

  “You’re bring that up?” Anita asked, her face contorting in a sneer. “That’s why you think I’m here?”

  Jiwon tilted his head, frowning. “You asked what I wanted, and I’m telling you: respect. Respect for who I am as an idol, and more importantly, who I am as a person. Who we all are. You got upset because you thought there was something happening between MinMin and me. There wasn’t. Then you got upset that there was something happening between Kate and me… You have your beliefs and you’re entitled to them, but the things you said about MinMin were ugly. They hurt. They hurt me, and they hurt him. The things you said about Kate were just as hurtful.”

  “Doesn’t make them any less true,” she muttered.

  “Like the hurtful things said about you?” I asked, arching an eyebrow.

  Anita refused to look at me, but Jiwon met my gaze and softly shook his head.

  “I’ve never understood how a fan can love a person so much and yet be so upset when they hear that person could be happy. Surely… surely being their fan means you want them to be happy?”

  “I do want Jiwon-” she turned to Jiwon. “I do want you to be happy. But I know that she could never do that.”

  “Isn’t that for me to decide?” Jiwon asked, softly. “Whether I was with MinMin or with Kate – isn’t that for me to decide?”

  Anita pulled a face. “She’s not good enough for you.”

  “And you are?” I snorted.

  “I saw how you looked at me in the line,” Anita sneered at me. The sneer disappeared as her gaze fell to her blanket. “And you
didn’t even look at me.” That last part was aimed at Jiwon.

  “I was mad at you,” Jiwon shrugged. “I still am.”

  “That makes two of us,” I agreed. “Your actions hurt Onyx. They hurt Jiwon. And I’m not just talking emotionally, Jiwon, MinMin, their manager, me – we spent time in the hospital. Ina… someone died.”

  “No one was supposed to die!” Anita exclaimed. “Nobody was supposed to get hurt. Not like that. I just wanted you to feel how I felt with everyone hating me. With you hating me.” Tears started to trickle down her cheeks, but once more she was only talking to Jiwon.

  I sucked in a deep breath. “Anita, I’m angry at you and I’m likely to be for some time, but I can see that’s something that’s irrelevant to you, so I will leave you and Jiwon to talk. For what it’s worth, I don’t want to see you in here, and I certainly don’t want you dead. I hope that being here gets you some help.” I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t look at me. “I’ll wait outside,” I told Jiwon.

  Jiwon nodded, gratefully, and I stepped out. Just down the corridor from her room were some chairs and I sat down on one of them, bringing my knees up in front of me and resting my cheek on them. It was late, and I was tired.

  I also didn’t know how I felt.

  I’d been honest: I was angry at her. Jiwon may have been right in that she wasn’t directly at fault for the accident, but she still had some responsibility for it. I also never wanted her to attempt to take her life for it.

  And much as I wanted to blame her, it wasn’t completely her fault Onyx and I were hiding our relationship like we were. The truth was she had made us be more cautious, but we would always have to hide it until they no longer wanted to be Onyx. I didn’t see that happening any time soon. They’d talked about enlistment and how they were going to try to time it so there would be the minimal amount of time without being all six of them, but also so there could be sub-units so their Gems wouldn’t forget about them.

  With my arms still wrapped around my legs, I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. I wasn’t sure if Jiwon would be able to get through to her.

  Jiwon appeared about twenty minutes later, standing in front of me as he looked down at me. “Are you OK?” I asked him.