A Stolen Heart

by Beverley Hollowed

  Zach didn’t reply. He shifted uneasily in his seat.

  “I’m sorry,” Emma said realizing he found it hard to talk about this. “I know it hard on you to think she sees him as her Daddy but she does and I can’t change that. To be honest I wouldn’t want to. They had a great relationship together and it has made her who she is today.”

  “I know,” he nodded, still looking uncomfortable with the conversation. “And I respect that, I do but I would like to think I could have the chance to have the same relationship with her now.”

  Emma realized that if she was going to go home it was going to make it harder for him to have the relationship he wanted and she need to make that clear him that she was going to be going home at some point. She was not going to lie to him anymore. She wasn’t going to lie to anyone ever again.

  “Zach,” Emma began taking a deep breath. “I am really happy that you want to be part of Mia’s life. And you can be as much or as little as you are happy with and I promise I will never stand in your way of that, not anymore.”

  “But?” Zach said sensing he wasn’t going to like what was coming next. “I sense there is a ‘but’ coming.”

  “But the girls and I will be returning to the States,” Emma said unable to look Zach in the eye. She knew this was the last thing he wanted to hear. “Coming here was never meant to be a long term thing. We have to go home sometime.”

  “I see,” he said felt and looking crushed. “When were you planning to go back?”

  “Soon,” she said suddenly unable to look at him anymore. She knew this was going to be hard. But she had no idea it would be this hard. “Probably by this weekend.”

  “That soon?” he replied and Emma could clearly hear the disappointment in his voice. And her heart sank. She seemed to be hurting everyone that mattered to her lately. But this time it was something she needed to do. “I was hoping to spend some time with Mia. I have a lot to catch up on.”

  “I know you do,” Emma replied with a pang of guilt. “And I know that’s my fault but we have a life back there to go back to. Beside I am feeling a little in the way here. My family needs some space. Especially Louise, she blames me for what happened to Dad and she has every right to. I can’t stay here and know I have caused so much pain for everyone.”

  “If its space you need you could come and stay with me,” Zach suggested hopefully. “I have a nice house now with plenty of room. You could have as much time and space as you need.”

  “That’s very sweet of you,” Emma replied grateful for the offer. “But I think it’s best if we go home. It is the best thing for the girls. Besides I don’t think Joanna would be very happy about it, would she.”

  “Joanna?” Zach repeated unsure what she was getting at.

  “Yeah” Emma replied. “You and her are still together aren’t you? You were together today.”

  “Joanna and I are over” he said, surprised she assumed they were still together. “She turned up today uninvited. She thought by simply apologizing to you for what she had done, I would forget about it and welcome her back with open arms. But she was mistaken.”

  “I just thought …” Emma not sure what she really thought about what he just told her. “Seeing you with her today I assumed…”

  “Emma, it’s always been you,” Zach said reaching over and taking hold of her hand. “It’s you I want, you and the two girls. You could stay and we could see what happens.”

  “Zach, I wish I could say yes, I really do” Emma stared at her hand in Zach, trying hard to find the right words to say. “But I can’t stay. We have a life that we need to return to. I need to keep life normal for Mia and she is happy there in her home. I’m sorry”.

  “And what about us?” Zach asked, looking completely crestfallen. “I can’t lose you again. Please don’t do this to us.”

  “Zach I would love to say what you want to hear,” Emma said. “I really would but I can’t. I am not in a good place right now and it would be unfair to make a promise to you that right now, I don’t know if I can keep.”

  “I am willing to take the chance,” he begged, panic was now very evident in his voice.

  “But right now I’m not” Emma replied honestly. “I won’t do it to you and I won’t do it to the girls. I can’t pack them both up and take them from their lives for a maybe. Zach I would love to be with you but I am afraid I would be doing it for the wrong reasons. I want to be with you because I love you not because I am afraid of being alone and right now I don’t know which it is. But maybe you could come with us. We could take things slowly and see where they take us”

  “But my job is here” he replied. “I have worked so hard to get to where I am now and I can’t just walk away from it.”

  “And neither can I,” Emma said sadly. “I have to do what is for the best for the girls and right now the right thing is to go home. I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too” Zach said as he stood up and walked towards the door.

  “Can I see Mia again before you go back?” he asked unable to look Emma in the eyes.

  “Of course you can” she reassured him. The sadness in his face tugged on Emma’s heart and made it ache. “You can spend as much time as you like with her. And you know you could come and visit, whenever you want. I want her to know her real Dad. You are her Dad Zach. I promise I will never stand in your way again.”

  “Ok so,” he said and tried his hardest to smile as he turned to open the door. “I’ll be in touch.”

  Emma walked him to the door and watched as he walked down the foot path and climbed into his car. When he was gone, Emma slipped back into the house and picked up her coat. She scribbled a note on the pad to say she needed a little space and she would be back soon

  She walked down to the sea front and sat on the bench at the end of the pier where she and Zach had met so many times before. She looked out over the sea and watched as the waves crashed on to the sand and then turned and rushed back out to sea.

  She thought about Jonathan, she wished he was sitting there next to her so she could ask him what she should do next with her life. She thought about Zach’s offer to stay for good and try again. She wondered if she could pack up everything and move back home. She wondered if she could be happy here again. If maybe, she could make a new life for herself here.

  But she loved her life back in the states. And Mia was happy she had her friends and she went to nursery and loved it there. And then there was Jeff and Alycia and of course Jenna. Jenna was her best friend.

  But then she thought of who she would be leaving behind here. Her Mam, Jack, Louise, Grace and of course there was Zach. But then she thought of Louise, Louise wouldn’t even talk to her. Could she stay and have to face Louise every day knowing how much she hated her?

  “Hey,” a voice said from behind her startling her. Emma spun around in her seat and was surprised to see Louise standing there.

  Chapter 30

  “Louise,” Emma said completely unnerved by her sister standing in front of her. She wondered if Louise had come down to tell her exactly what she thought of her. Had she come down for a confrontation? Emma hoped not. She really didn’t have the strength inside her to handle it.

  “Can we talk?” Louise said nervously as she bit her lip and fidgeted uneasily.

  “Sure,” Emma said as she slid over on the bench and made room for Louise next to her.

  They sat side by side for a while both staring out over the sea, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Louise broke the silence.

  “It’s been a really weird few days,” she said keeping her eyes fixed straight ahead.

  “I guess so,” Emma replied taking a quick sideways glance at her younger sister. She looked somewhat different to Emma, somehow older.

  “Mam said you have decided to go home,” she added.

  “I think it’s time,” Emma replied as she shifted nervously on her seat. “I think maybe I need to give everyone some space and time to come to terms with wh
at happened to Dad.”

  “And leaving us now is going to help us, is it?” Louise said with a mixture of sadness and anger.

  “I honestly don’t know,” Emma sighed. “But what I do know is I can’t stay and face you all everyday knowing you all blame me for what happened to Dad. I can see you look at me with so much anger and hate in your eyes.”

  “I don’t blame you for what happened,” Louise said her words surprising Emma. “Mom told me you think that we blame you for what happened but we don’t.”

  “Don’t you?” Emma replied and instantly regretted the tone she used.

  “No Emma. We don’t!” Louise said firmly looking her straight in the face. “It might surprise you to know that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Not every waking thought we have has you in it.”

  “I never thought it did,” Emma said defensively. “But you haven’t said two words to me since Dad died. Every time I walked into the room you left. You can’t even look at me. What was I supposed to think?”

  “I know and I am sorry” Louise said this time her tone much softer. “I have treated you badly and I am sorry but I was mad at you for lying to me.”

  “I never lied to you,” Emma was completely taken back by what Louise said. She hadn’t a clue what Louise.

  “Well you didn’t tell me the truth,” Louise shot back. “Jesus Emma, I was with you the night you met that guy. I saw you kissing him, granted I had no idea it was you but still you could have told me. You have kept this secret all these years and you couldn’t even trust me. That’s what you and Jack fell out over but as usual I was left in the dark. You shut me out like you always do”.

  “Jack didn’t know about Mia,” Emma snapped back defensively. “Nobody knew that.”

  “Ok, but why didn’t you tell me when you came home?” Louise asked. “That day we sat in the coffee shop and he came in. You could have told me then instead you let me waffle on about the time I accused him of stalking me...Oh God I accused him of stalking me and all the time it was you he was trying to see, I am such an idiot." Emma couldn’t help but laugh as she remembered the story Louise had told her about the night she accosted Zach in O’Grady’s and accused him for stalking her.

  “It’s not funny,” Louise replied, giving Emma a playfully punch on the arm but then had to smile herself.

  “Lou, I’m sorry,” Emma said her voice turning a little serious once again but also remaining soft and gentle. “I should have trusted you enough to tell you the truth. You have been the one person who hasn’t treated me like a fragile little bird since I got here. You are an amazing person I promise you, no more secrets.” She wrapped her arms around her sister and hugged her tightly.

  They started to walk back to the house, their arms kink in one another’s.

  “So what is going to happen now with you and Zach?” Louise asked as they walked back together.

  “He wants us to stay,” Emma replied. “To try and make a go of things.”

  “Oh my God!” Louise squealed suddenly sounding more like her old self. “Are you going to stay?”

  “I don’t think so,” Emma replied. “I have a whole life back home and I can’t just drop everything and come home. I can’t just pull Mia out of her world she has been through so much already I need to try and keep some sort of normality for her.”

  “What about Zach?” Louise asked.

  “I asked him to come back with us,” she replied. “But he said he couldn’t. So I guess that’s that.”

  “Emma I am so sorry,” Louise said honestly.

  “It’s okay,” Emma replied sadly. “I guess I had accepted a long time ago things were over between me and him. Coming back here has stirred some old memories but I guess that’s all they ever can be, just memories.”

  “Well for what it is worth, I think that guy is crazy,” Louise replied very matter-of-factly. “I mean he is obviously still madly in love with you. I could see the way he looked at you at the grave yard. Don’t get me wrong I love Conner and he loves me but he has never looked at me the way Zach looked at you. The guy is crazy about you but if he can’t step up to the plate maybe you’re better off without him.”

  “Thanks Lou” Emma said grateful for her sister’s support.

  “Hey I have a bit of news myself” Louise said as they reached their parents front garden. “Guess who I caught kissing the other night.”

  “I have no idea.” Emma replied.

  “Only Jack, and wait for it…” she said adding a long pause for dramatic effect. “Jenna.”

  “Fuck off!” Emma blurted out, completely shock by her sister revelation.

  “I swear,” Louise said solemnly. “I walked into the kitchen and they were all over each other. Ok course when they saw me the jumped apart from each other like they were struck by lightning. They pretended nothing was going on but I Sooo caught them.”

  Louise slid her key into the front door and when they both stepped into the hallway the came across Jack and Jenna standing in the hall with a very guilty look on both their faces.

  Louise looked at Emma and the both burst out laughing.

  “Well it’s nice to see you girls have finally made up,” Helen said from the door way of the hall. She was holding Lily in her arms and a bottle in her hand. Conner had just gone and picked both her and Andrew from Grace’s mother’s house. Emma looked at her little girl nestled happily in her Nana’s arms. Emma realized that maybe she hadn’t been giving her quite the attention she needed these past few days.

  She took her from her mother’s arms and held her close to her. She softly kissed her soft little face. She looked at her mother and smiled gratefully

  “Where’s Mia?” Emma asked.

  “She is helping Conner give Andrew a bath,” Helen said with a smile. “When I stuck my head a few minutes ago she and Conner were actually wetter then Andrew.”

  “I think I will go and give him a hand,” Louise said before she headed upstairs.

  Emma headed into the sitting room with Lily and sat in the armchair and snuggled Lily closer to her.

  “Are you okay pet?” Helen said as she walked in and sat on the sofa across from Emma.

  “Yeah, I am okay,” she replied with a tired smile. “What about you? How are you holding up?”

  “I am ok” Helen said as Emma noticed just how tired and old looking her mother had become. “It’s rather strange, I know he’s gone but I keep expecting him to walk through the door. I know we knew this day was coming but as prepared as you think you are, nothing really can prepare you for the sudden emptiness.”

  “I wish I could tell you that it doesn’t last and you’ll get over it,” Emma said as tears filled her eyes. She knew the exact hurt her mother was feeling and wished she could take that pain away for her. “But the truth is you don’t get over it, how can you. But you do get used to it. And little by little you find that every time the door opens your heart doesn’t jump because you think it is him. And then one morning you wake up and for the first time you don’t open your eyes and don’t expect to see him there and your heart doesn’t sink when your realize that he isn’t. And slowly you will realize that every waking thought isn’t about him anymore. And memories of what you once had will make you feel happy instead of breaking your heart that you can’t make more.”

  “I just can’t imagine not seeing him ever again,” Helen said as she pulled out a tissue out of her pocket and dabbed a stray tear from her eye. “I have known him most of my life. He was the only man I had ever loved. He was my best friend.”

  Emma realized she couldn’t compare what she and Jonathan had with the bond her parents had. She loved him but she was not her true love. And right then she realized that the part of her that still mourned for Jonathan also mourned for Zach. For the perfect love she had lost and now was letting slip away again.

  But she knew she needed to think of her girls and in particular Mia. Her little world had been turned upside down and she needed to fix it for her.r />
  But if she was honest part of the reason she had turned Zach’s offer down was because she had once been badly hurt by him and even though now she knew it wasn’t his fault, she was afraid to open herself and the girls up to that kind of hurt again.

  No she was making the right decision. At least she thought she was.

  “I think I will call it a night,” Helen said standing up and walking over to kiss Emma and Lily before she headed up to bed.

  Emma sat Lily forward and gently rubbed her back until she finally gave in and broke her wind. Emma gently kissed her on the forehead. “I promise I will make a wonderful life for you my precious. And the three of us can be happy again, I know it.”

  Chapter 31

  Emma booked a flight to bring her and the girl’s home for Saturday evening. She had struggled over her decision but in the end she realized putting it off was only delaying the inevitable. She told a devastated Zach the news when he called by the next day to see Mia. But none the less he wished her well and promised he would keep in touch with her and promised he would always be there for Mia. He also promised he would be there for Lily. He said he owed it to Jonathan after all he had been such a great Dad to Mia. Emma thought this was very sweet.

  Emma had planned to take Mia to the playground with Louise and Andrew that day and asked Zach if he would like to accompany them, which he did.

  When they got to the playground, Zach took Mia to the swing and Emma and Louise sat on the bench and watched them.

  “She seems to really like him,” Louise said as she lifted Andrew out of his pram and sat him on her knee so he could see Mia. Andrew waved his arms excitedly every time Mia squealed with joy on the swing.

  “Yes she does,” Emma smiled as she watched her daughter play happily with Zach. “She seems very, very taken with him”.

  “Are you going to tell her that he is her father?” Louise asked, not beating around the bush.