A Stolen Heart

by Beverley Hollowed

  “I guess eventually,” Emma shrugged. This was something she had thought a lot about. “But she is still so young, I don’t think she would understand right now. But he wants to be part of her life and I want him to be as well so I think in time I will have to have that conversation with her.”

  “What did he say when you told him you were going home?” Louise asked taking the chance seems as Emma was answering her questions

  “Not much,” Emma sighed as she remembered Zach’s face when she told him she was leaving. “But he looked like I had...”

  “Given him a kick in the balls” Louise butted in and laughed out loud.

  “Well I wouldn’t have quite put it like that” she replied with a little giggle. “But yes, he looked a bit gutted”.

  “It’s a shame really” Louise said. “He seems like a really nice guy and he is still hot!!!”

  “Louise!” Emma scolded her, completely panicked that he might have heard it.

  “Oh relax, he couldn’t hear me,” Louise said and gave her a smile. “But I really don’t understand why you don’t want to give it a go.”

  “It’s complicated,” Emma replied as she watched Zach pushing Mia on the swing. He glanced over at her and smiled, but his eyes were sad. She had to look away. “I need some time. It’s been such a long year. First losing Jonathan, and then having to go through the pregnancy alone, a week ago I thought I was going to lose Mia but instead we lost Dad. My head is so messed up right now. I need time for just me and the girls. Maybe in time that will change but right now that’s the way it is”.

  “What if you decide you want him?” Louise asked softly. “But it is too late.”

  “I guess that is just the chance I will have to take.” Emma said sadly.

  After a while Louise said she was going to bring Andrew home. Lily was still fast asleep in her pram so Emma said she would stay for a while longer because Mia was having such a good time. She sat there and enjoyed the warm spring sun that was touching her face like an old friend. She thought about having to say goodbye to everyone that coming Saturday and she knew it wasn’t something she was looking forward to.

  She never liked goodbyes but this time she knew it was going to be the hardest she would ever have to face. She was home now for almost four weeks and had become too comfortable back in the safety of her family. Also the thoughts of leaving her mother when she was so devastated at the loss of her beloved Gerry.

  But she needed to get her own life back on track. And she knew she wasn’t going to do that if she stayed here much longer.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Zach said, startling Emma as he sat down next to her. She looked up and saw Mia happily play in the sand pit a few feet away from where they were sitting. “You were miles away.”

  “I was just thinking about Mam.” she replied with a sad smile.

  “How is she holding up?” Zach asked looking at Emma straight in the eyes.

  “She seems to be ok,” Emma shrugged as she pulled her eyes from him. Her heart pounded hard. Even after all this time he still had such a huge effect on her. “But I don’t think it has really hit her yet.”

  “It must be hard for you to leave her?” he said, but something in his voice made her realize he was talking about more than just her mother.

  “Yes it will be hard” she replied not moving her eyes from him. “I don’t want to say goodbye to anyone. But I have to go. I know it’s hard to understand and the truth is I don’t fully understand it myself.”

  He didn’t reply and they sat in silence for a few minutes until Emma spoke again.

  She wanted to tell him she really didn’t want to leave him, and she really didn’t. But she was afraid to let herself get hurt again. She was not the same girl he had fallen in love with all those years earlier. What if he realized he couldn’t love the new her. And she would lose him again. She was so afraid to open herself up to that heart ache again.

  “Zach I know you’re hurt,” she said but this time she didn’t look at him. “We have both been hurt. And I wish things had turned out differently. But I need time. I need time to straighten my head out. I have spent the last five years so angry, at what I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong I was happy but there was always something, I don’t know, something missing. I carried my secret around with me for so long that it has left me a little empty inside. I wish that the love I feel inside me was enough but I am afraid...”

  She stopped and tried to steady her voice. She didn’t want to cry, she had cried enough. She swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath.

  “I don’t want to hurt anymore,” she whispered and she fought back the tears. “Please understand, I am not saying no, just not yet.”

  “I guess I can accept that,” he said and reached out and took her hand. She looked up at him and smiled gratefully. She wanted to kiss him but she resisted. It would be unfair to give him mixed signals. She looked back at Mia and smiled at her as she glanced over towards them.

  She hoped that in time she could open herself to the possibility of been loved again. Only time would tell. But she had hope in her heart, hope of something better to come.

  Three days later she kissed her family goodbye once again and climbed into the taxi that would take her to the airport. She wouldn’t let anyone bring her instead she chose to say her goodbye in the privacy of her family home.

  Jenna had decided to say for a while longer to spend some more time with Jack. They had grown quite close over the past few days and Emma was happy that her best friend and her brother had found happiness and that someone they had both been searching for, for so long.

  Emma hugged them both and told them she hoped that things worked out for them and they would both be happy. And she truly meant it. She thought they were perfect for each other and seeing them together now she wondered how she had never thought if it before.

  She hugged Conner and gave Andrew a kiss before she turned to Louise.

  Then she hugged a very tearful Louise who just sobbed when Emma pulled her closer to her.

  “Take care of yourself, Lou” Emma said and kissed her little sister on the forehead. “I love you so much. Take care of my nephew and make sure he knows who is favourite aunty is.”

  “I’ll show him your photo every day,” Louise said as she tried to smile through the tears.

  “Thank you for being you” Emma whispered hugging her once again. “You are the most amazing person I know. I love you so much.”

  Then she turned to Grace who had called by to say goodbye and who was now also in tears.

  “Take care of my little sister for me,” Emma said as she hugged her friend. “You have been a wonderful friend to me, be that for her. She needs someone to watch over her. Keep her out of trouble.”

  “I promise,” Grace sobbed as she hugged Emma tighter. She wished she never had to let her go.

  Then she turned to her mother. The tears she had fought so hard to hold back now were flowing freely.

  “Mom, I love you so much” she said as she hugged her mother tightly. “I am only a phone call away and if you need me I will be on the next plane you just have to call, promise me.”

  “I know you are pet,” Helen said trying to be brave for her daughter. “I promise if I need you, you will be the first to know. But I’ll be fine. I have this lot to keep me busy.”

  “I promise I with be home soon,” Emma said when she finally released her mother from her arms. “I won’t be a stranger again; I promise you will be sick of looking at me.”

  “Isn’t Zach coming to say goodbye?” Jack asked from behind her. He asked what everyone else was wondering.

  “We said our goodbyes last night,” she replied and gave him a reassuring smile but inside her heart was breaking. “We thought it would be better for Mia.”

  “Zach is going to come to visit us,” Mia said excitedly at mention of Zach’s name. Emma smiled at her daughter and she loved how much Mia loved Zach already.

  “T
hat’s wonderful news sweetheart,” Helen said as she bent down and kissed her granddaughter. “Be a good girl for your Mammy. And mind her and Lily for your old gran.”

  Then she turned to Lily who was wrapped up all snug in her carry seat. She kissed her softly on the forehead.

  “Be good little one,” Helen said, as she could fight the tears no longer. Be good for your Mammy.”

  After Emma had kissed all her family once again she finally walked out and got into the taxi that was waiting to take her to the airport. When all her bags were in, she climbed into the back of the taxi with Mia and Lily in her carry tot on either side of her and sobbed softly.

  She looked out the window at her family and watched as they all waved frantically at her as the car moved slowly down the road. She watched out the window until they were out of sight and all she had was her memories of each of their faces.

  Chapter 32

  Her flight home was long and tiring. Even though both Lily and Mia slept most of the flight, Emma didn’t manage to drift off to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she thought of her families face as they watched her drive out of their life once again. Then she thought of Zach. She thought about the night before. She remembered how sad he looked and how hard it had been to be strong and resist the urge to tell him she had changed her mind and that she wanted to stay and be with him.

  The whole family had gone out for dinner the night before for both Helen’s birthday and Emma’s last night. Louise had asked Zach to join them after all he was Mia’s father and like it or not that made him family now. They had gone to the restaurant they had always gone to when her family were celebrating something. And although this was not so much a celebration it was just what the family needed at that moment.

  The night passed well but there was an unspoken sadness around the table, and though no one said what it was they knew just exactly what, or rather who was missing.

  “I would like to make a toast,” Helen said as she stood up at the table. Emma watched her mother as she stood up in her seat. Helen Kelly was a very beautiful woman for her years and had always taken great pride in her appearance. But these past few days she had suddenly grown old and looked so tired. But being here with her family around her had somehow seemed to pick her spirit up and she was looking more like the real Helen Kelly. “To my wonderful children, you have each in your own way been my rock these past few days. I know Gerry would be so proud of how each of you carried yourselves these past few days and so was I. And I am so grateful to God for each one of you,” She paused for a moment to compose herself again. She looked down at the table for a moment and everyone else looked at each other and wondered if someone should say something. But Helen looked up again and smiled.

  “I would also like to wish Emma so much love and the very best of luck,” Helen said looking down at Emma who was sitting at the far end of the table. “Have a safe journey home my pet and be happy. So if you would all raise your glasses and make a wish. To the future.”

  “To the future,” they all echoed together as the raised their glasses.

  After the meal they all headed back to the house were Helen had gotten a few drinks in for her family so they could enjoy their final night altogether before Emma headed back to the States.

  Zach, who had been particularly quiet all evening, helped Emma get the girls ready for bed and helped her settled them for the night. Before he left the room he kissed Mia softly on the head and he that promised he would visit her soon.

  “I should be going,” Zach said as he and Emma quietly crept down the stairs.

  “You are welcome to stay,” Emma replied.

  “I think you should spend tonight with your family,” he said as he took his coat and headed for the door.

  “I would like you to stay,” she admitted honestly.

  “I can’t,” he replied, turning his gaze down to his shoes. “I eh... I have to umm... I have to be up early for work in the morning, so I should eh... I should call it a night.”

  “Oh,” Emma sighed sadly, she knew he was lying. She just realized he was a terrible liar. “Ok.”

  “That’s a lie” he confessed and quickly looked up at Emma, their eyes met for a moment but he quickly looked away. “The truth is, this is just too hard. I don’t want to have to say goodbye but if I have no choice I would rather do it quickly.”

  “I guess I understand,” she said and a very real pain filled her chest as her heart broke. “And I am sorry. I wish I could say I would stay and that we could be together because that’s what part of me wants too.”

  “Then why don’t you” Zach replied, grasping on to a glimmer of hope. He took her by the hands and looked straight into her eyes. “Please give us a chance. This time pick me, Love me. There is no reason you can’t stay here and try to make this work, I love you. I have never stopped loving you. So I am begging you. Please don’t do this, please don’t leave me again. Unless you can tell me why? Because I really don’t get it.”

  .

  “Because it wouldn’t be fair on you or on the girls or even me,” she explained. “Zach, my life has been such a mess. I was devastated when Jonathan died. Maybe he wasn’t the love of my life but I still loved him. He had become my best friend and losing him left such a whole in my life. Now I have lost my Dad and I am struggling to keep it together for the girls but I am doing my best. I do have feelings for you and yes it’s true once I loved you more than anything and the truth is I probably still do. I have never stopped loving you. But so much has happened since then that I am afraid I would be staying for the wrong reason. You see, I want to be with you because I love you not because I am afraid of being alone. And right now I don’t honestly know how I feel. I need some time.”

  “But I know you love me” he said pulling her close to him. His once familiar scent filled her nose and she could hear his heart thump rapidly in his chest. “I can see it in your eyes, and I love you too. Please Emma, don’t so this. Don’t leave me again.”

  He pulled her to him and his covered her mouth with his. She allowed herself to melt into his arms and it felt like she had finally come home. Her heart longed for him. It always did. She loved him as much as ever before, maybe ever more.

  His kiss deepened as his tongue dipped into her mouth and softly stroked hers. She slid her arms up his chest and around his firm shoulders.

  “Emma,” he said breathless against her lips. “I still love you. Don’t leave. I can’t lose you again.”

  Emma’s heart broke. She loved him, probably more than she could have ever dreamed possible. She longed to tell him the words he wanted to hear but she was afraid. Her heart was already so damaged. If he hurt her again she would never get over it.

  “I need time,” she said as hot tears broke free from her eyes and trickled down her cheek.

  “Please,” he said looking in her eyes. “Please don’t leave, give us a chance.” He pulled her to him and kissed her again like this was the last thing he would do in this world.

  “Come with me,” she said she said breathlessly when he finally released her from his embrace.

  “I can’t” he replied. In truth part of him was afraid as well. He loved her so completely that it scared him. He had fallen to pieces when he lost her five years ago and it was hard to pick up the pieces and start all over again. And as much as he wanted to be with her part of him was afraid he would never match up to Jonathan. Maybe if she stayed here, they would have a better chance. But starting again back in the States would be like stepping into someone else’s life and he didn’t know if he could do that.

  “And I can’t stay,” she whispered softly.

  “Then what else is there to say,” he replied. He bent down and kissed her softly on the cheek. “Take care of yourself Emma but when you are ready and if you feel you could still love me, well you know where I am.”

  Without another word he was gone and Emma was left standing there in the dark of her mother’s hallway feeling cold and very, very al
one. She slumped down onto the floor and sobbed.

  “Would you like something to drink?” the flight attendant asked snapping Emma out of her day dream.

  “No thank you,” Emma replied with a smile.

  “They both look so peaceful,” the girl said nodding towards Emma’s two sleeping beauties. Emma followed her gaze towards Mia and Lily, who were both sleeping soundly. “Sometimes the kids scream from the minute we take off until we land.”

  “She is worn out,” Emma said, rubbing Mia’s long blonde hair. “And this one has only spent most of the last eight weeks asleep. I think I am going to spend my life trying to drag her out of bed in the morning.”

  “You have two beautiful girls,” the girl said. ”There Daddy will have trouble chasing the boys from the door when they are older.”

  “Thank you,” Emma said and smiled. She wondered who would do the chasing what with Jonathan gone and Zach on the other side of the world. It was another thing she would have to deal with herself.

  This is your own doing! She thought to herself sadly

  When they touched down in JFK it was a little after 9 o’clock local time. Emma felt so tired, as she waited at the luggage belt for her cases. Mia was pulling her trousers and was crying on and off but Lily continued to sleep in her carry seat. When she finally claimed her bags with the help of one of the airline staff, she headed towards the arrivals gate.

  When she walked through the doors she saw Jeff and Alycia waiting for her. When they saw her, they waved to make sure that she saw them. When she reached them Alycia wrapped her arms around Emma and hugged her tightly.

  “You look tired,” Alycia said looking at Emma with concern when she released her from her arms and instinctively reached down and picked up Mia. “We were so sorry to hear about your Dad.”

  “Thanks,” Emma replied with a grateful smile. “And thank you so much for the beautiful flowers you sent. It meant a lot to both me and Mam.”

  “How is Helen?” Jeff asked as he hugged her tight before taking hold of the baggage trolley.

  “Oh you know,” she sighed sadly as she thought of her Mam standing waving her goodbye from her front door. “She is trying her best, but I don’t really think it has hit her yet.”