You Are My Sunshine

by Angie Merriam

  “You did a very good thing for Granny you know, calling 9-1-1. What a big boy you're growing up to be. Your mother and I are so proud of you for that.”

  “Is Granny okay?” Elijah asked quietly. “We hope so, son. As soon as we know we promise to tell you how Granny is, okay? You're a big kid now, a hero. ” He shook his head in response again while he fidgeted with his fingers.

  “Son, was there anyone else in the house today?”

  “Uncle Joe,” Elijah replied and I felt a vice around my heart. Shit, had he come here to hurt my mother? Did he know my father was going to talk? I looked at Matt and tried to convey that I was freaking the fuck out inside. He seemed to get it because he was careful about his next words.

  “Uncle Joe, huh? How fun. Did you show him your trains?”

  “No, he was talking to Granny. I was playing, Daddy.”

  “Were they talking loud?”

  “No, just talking.”

  “Okay, buddy, are you sure you're okay?”

  “I'm fine, Daddy. Can we go see Granny?”

  “Yeah, of course. Go play with your trains for a minute then we will go okay,” I answered for Matt. I stood and put Dani in her playpen and looked at Matt. “I need to get up to the hospital,” I said. “Yeah, I'll drive us.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Of course. Let me go check on Dade then we can go, okay?”

  “Okay but I'm going with you to talk to Dade. The kids are fine,” I told him, and he shook his head in defeat. He knew arguing with me would get him nowhere.

  When we walked into the kitchen the first thing I saw was a small pool of blood. I hadn't seen that before.

  “What do you have?” Matt asked. Dade came over to us and broke it down.

  “It looks like she was hit from behind, with that baking dish. She didn't seem to put up a struggle and the lack of blood pooled tells us she wasn't hit with a deadly blow. We are sweeping for fingerprints now. I think your mom is going to be fine, Sunny.”

  “Thank God. Thanks, Dade,” I said and kissed his cheek. “We are looking at this as an attack, possibly attempted murder. Do you know anyone that might want to hurt your mom?”

  “Yes, but I can't talk about it here or now. I need to go see my mom. Can you and Trish come by the house tonight? I need to tell you a few things but it's only between us and Trish for now, okay?” I wasn't really leaving it open for negotiation, but I wasn't sure what to do with my dad's little story just yet. I knew I could trust Matt and Dade, and I wanted my best friend with me, moral girl support I guess.

  “Six?” I asked. “Yeah, sounds good.”

  “Good, come on, Matt. You can drop us off at the hospital then you need to get back to work and figure out who this sick fucker is,” I said and turned to get the kids.

  I didn't wait for Matt before scooping Dani up and draping her pink diaper bag over my shoulder and taking Elijah's hand leading him outside. I strapped both kids in and looked to see if Matt was coming. He was standing on the porch talking to Dade, both looked serious and determined. Shit was hitting the fan. After talking to my dad, I was sure it was one of his buddies who attacked my mother, maybe a warning to keep her mouth shut. I didn't think it would be too difficult to narrow down the suspects since my dad's group consisted of five men, including him. This definitely gave Nick a pass.

  I was lost in thought when Matt finally slid into the passenger seat. “Ready?” He said as he turned the key. “Been ready,” I said a little snottier than I intended, but I needed to see my mother. “I know, babe. I'm sorry. Dade,” he began but I cut him off. “Save it for tonight, Matt, please. I just want to see my mom. I need to see it for myself that she's okay,” I said trying to hold the tears back. Matt's hand found its way to my upper thigh and rested there, squeezing every now and then to remind me that he was there for me.

  “I'm scared, Matt,” I admitted.

  “I know, Sunny. Your mom will be okay. She's a tough lady,” he replied and smiled halfheartedly at me. If he only knew how comforting that smile was to me.

  “Yeah, I'm sure she'll be fine,” I replied and covered his hand with my own and turned on the radio. An 80s power ballad floated through the car. Matt had a love for the hair bands. One thing he took a ton of shit from everyone about, but he stood strong in his love of the electric guitar and dudes looking like women. I was more a country girl but didn't mind some of the songs he played for me. This was actually one of my favorites that he listened to, Heaven by Warrant. I let my head relax against the seat and sang along to the lyrics.

  I stopped when I realized he kept staring at me with a goofy look of pride on his handsome face. “What?” I asked defensively. “You don't like my singing?”

  “Oh no, baby, I love your singing. I'm just surprised to hear you singing this. Not only singing but you know the words, all the words!” He said excitedly and with just a little pride.

  “I guess I kind of like this one,” I admitted.

  “I thought you hated anything that wasn't by Tim McGraw or Faith Hill,” he said teasingly.

  “I have a diverse musical palate,” I replied to his laughter.

  “Since when, baby? Every time I turned on anything but country you pouted, every time. Have you been a closet hair band lover all this time, Sunshine Everly?”

  “Hell no. I like one song, let's not get all crazy here. Well, maybe I like a few of the songs you listen to and for your information I enjoy almost all country singers, it's not limited to my favorite power couple.”

  “Okay, you like all of country music but also just said you like a few songs. Tell me what they are,” he said and looked at me, his brown eyes soft and pleading and excited. “Please?”

  “Mommy likes Skid Row, Daddy,” Elijah said from the back seat.

  “Elijah, that was our secret, baby. You just sold Mommy out. I thought you were sleeping anyway,” I said in mock scolding and he giggled while Matt laughed.

  “Thank you, Elijah. I knew your mom had some taste,” he said to our boy who was clearly pleased with himself.

  “You're teaching our son his hair bands?”

  “Absolutely. That boy has good taste like his dad.”

  “Jesus, what's next? Are you gonna grow his hair out, put some makeup on him, and buy him a leather jacket?”

  “I wouldn't go that far but I do have an electric guitar that I recently bought for him. I want to teach him to play but I wanted to talk to you about it first.”

  “That would be nice, Matt. And by the way I kind of like Skid Row, Poison, Def Leppard and Bon Jovi. That's it though and only their slow songs. The rest gives me a headache,” I conceded and laughed at his shocked look.

  “God I love you, Sunshine,” he said as we pulled into the hospital.

  We walked into the hospital together, hand in hand. “Hey, Matt.”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For taking my mind off of all of this,” I say offering him a weak smile.

  “I'd do anything to see you smile, Sunny. Come on, let's check on your mom.” He placed his hand on my lower back, urging me ahead with a gentle push.

  We found my dad in the waiting room. Our town is small and our hospital is tiny. “Dad. Is she okay?” I asked before he saw me. He lifted his head and could see he'd been crying. I felt bile rise in my throat as I feared the worse.

  “Sunny,” he said and pulled in close and held me. I could feel his tears on my cheek, and his body was shaking badly.

  “Dad, you're scaring me.” He finally pulled away and composed himself a little. “Sorry, Sunny, I'm scared myself,” he said. “She's having some kind of scan done on her head to make sure there was no brain damage caused by the blow. They think she will make a full recovery but she just won't wake up, Sunny.” The agony in my dad's voice sliced through me. “Can we see her?” I asked.

  “Yeah, one at a time. I was just in there so you go ahead,” he encouraged. I looked to Matt f
or support. I wanted to see my mother badly, but I was nervous. My mother was vibrant and lively and strong. Seeing her laid out on her floor was shocking but seeing her in a hospital bed hooked up to machines and IVs will be devastating. Something about hospitals struck me as gloomy, a place to die. I realize that's irrational and hospitals are there to heal but knowing that didn't matter. Having my mother lying in a hospital, unconscious scares the shit out of me. My dad's reassurance that she'd make a full recovery did nothing to sooth my nerves or my panicked heart. As long as she was there, asleep, she could die and that thought felt like a knife through my heart.

  “It's okay, babe. She's going to be okay. Go see your mom. I'll take your dad and the kids to the cafeteria.” I looked at Matt and saw safety and reassurance there. He smiled a small smile, and that gave me the strength I was missing.

  “Thanks, Matt,” I said. He handed Dani to my dad and came to stand in front of me. His fingers found their way under my chin, lifting gently so I could look in his eyes while his thumb wiped tears from my face. “Go on, Sunny, you can do this,” he encouraged. He knows me so well. Not only do I hate hospitals, but I hate feeling out of control. My mother's condition was out of my control, and I hate not being able to help her. I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him softly. “Go,” he whispered and let go of my chin.

  “Elijah, why don't we take Grandpa and Dani for ice cream?” He said as he scooped up our five year old that was far too big for me to lift but seemed so small in his daddy's arms. My dad looked at me with as much encouragement as he could muster up. He knew me well too because I was his mirror image. He hated being there as much as I did, but he loved my mother more so he'd stay as long as it took for her to wake up. I offered him a weak smile and wiped the tears away and sucked in a deep breath. “Eat some for me,” I said over my shoulder as I walked down the hall towards my mother's room.

  I stood outside of her room trying to slow my rapid heart down. My chest felt tight, and silently I had to talk myself down from the edge of a panic attack. “Just open the fucking door, Sunshine,” I said out loud not caring if anyone heard me talk to myself. My hand was resting on the door. All I had to do was push. 1, 2, 3, I counted and pushed the door open and walked inside.

  She looked so peaceful it took my breath away. I'd always thought my mother had the face of an angel, so kind and loving and beautiful. I walked to her bed and pulled a chair up beside it. I sat for a while, just looking at her, remembering her. I took her hand in mine and kissed her soft skin.

  “Hey, Mom. I don't know if you can hear me but they say you're going to be just fine. You just have to wake up. I understand if you don't want to yet, it's all fucked up here in reality. I'd sleep too if I could. Matt and Dade are going to figure out who did this to you. He won't get far. Dad's here too. He is really worried about you. You know Dad and I, we don't handle this shit very well.” I stopped when I felt her hand squeeze my hand. She hated my trucker mouth. I giggled a little. “You can hear me can't you?” She didn't respond, but I knew she was there. I felt the worry that was suffocating my heart and soul slightly fade away.

  “Dad told me everything, Mom. I promise we will find him and he will pay. I promise, Mom.” She squeezed my hand again. I sat quietly for a few minutes willing her to open her eyes. After what seemed like forever I gave up on her waking up. I rose up to kiss her goodbye, “I'll be back later, Mom. You just rest for now but I want to see you awake and smiling soon, okay?” I whispered in her ear and felt her head move. I slowly pulled away and looked at her face. Her mouth was open slightly. “Sunshine?” She asked. “Holy shit, you're awake,” I said excitedly. “Sunshine, listen to me. Your uncle Joe,” she began. “I know about it, Mom,” I told her. She slowly shook her head ‘no’, and I saw a tear escape her closed eyes. “No, look at him,” was all she said before her mouth closed, and I felt her still under my touch.

  “Mom? Come back to me. Wake up, Mom,” I pleaded, but she stayed asleep. Maybe the truth of whatever she knew was too much to bear so her subconscious pulled her under. I didn't know if that was even possible, but it made me feel better. “I will figure this out, Mom, and make things right. I promise. I love you. Sweet dreams,” I whispered and kissed her on the lips before going to find my dad.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It had always been the five of them, Kenny, Randy, Steve Walt and him. They grew up together. They were blood brothers. Their families were close and their bond unbreakable, or so he thought. He couldn't be sure that Kenny was telling Sunshine about their past, but he couldn't be sure he wasn't either. That girl was with a cop for Christ's sake. She couldn't be trusted, blood or not.

  When he showed up at Kenny's house, he wasn't intending to send a message, via Alice, but what choice did he have? He thought about the conversation with Alice. She didn't have a problem expressing her worries to him. She trusted him. Why wouldn't she? He gave her the child that Kenny never could. He had loved her at one point so when she asked him, all those years ago, to give her what she'd always wanted he didn't hesitate. She never misled him or promised him a future with her. He knew what he was doing. She loved Kenny but wanted a child desperately. She was the first and only woman he'd ever really made love to. He made love to his wife out of necessity and the others because he needed to feel their lives beneath him as much as he had to feel the power of taking that life away. He never loved another woman though. Only Alice.

  When he walked into her house and saw Elijah and Danica playing happily in the front room, he felt an unusual longing. Those were his grandkids but they only knew him as Uncle Joe and that's all they would ever know him as. He never regretted his decision to give Alice what she wanted, but every now and then he felt a kind of sadness, which was a feeling he wasn't used to nor did he like. He found her in the kitchen, baking. She always fucking baked and she still looked sexy doing it.

  She'd been a beautiful woman back then and had aged gracefully. She was still the loveliest creature he'd ever laid eyes on, and he silently cursed his brother for getting the girl. Her dark hair was showing signs of gray but still sat in a bun gracefully on top of her perfectly shaped head. Her eyes had small lines around them, and her mouth had the faintest smile lines, but it didn't take away from her beauty. Her body was slightly plumper than it had been, but he liked it. He craved it. He shook the image from his head and reminded himself that she belonged to his brother.

  When he greeted her, it was with the intention of making small talk before finding Kenny. He needed to talk to his brother. Needed his reassurance.

  “Good morning, Alice,” he said quietly. She turned to see him in the doorway and smiled at him. She never knew of his true feelings for her. She would have never asked him if she'd known. Feelings getting in the middle of sleeping with your brother in law to impregnate yourself made it too real, too personal. No, he knew she never would have gone through with it if she'd known.

  “Well, good morning to you, Joe. What brings you over so early?” She asked innocently.

  “Came by to see Kenny. What has you baking so early in the morning?” He asked and she laughed a little, wiping flour from her face.

  “You know me. Times get tough you bake! Cookies and pie make everything better, right?” She replied, and he could hear a nervous edge in her voice.

  “No one bakes better than you, Alice. Where is that brother of mine anyway?”

  “Oh, he and Sunshine went for a ride. They should be back soon. Cookie?” She offered and he took it along with the mug of coffee she'd poured him. They sat and chatted casually like they'd always done while he waited for Kenny. His brother was taking a really long time which worried him. He knew deep inside that he was telling Sunshine everything. If that happened his time was coming, quickly.

  His brother, in all their years, never let on that he knew his brother was a killer, but Joe was sure he knew. How could he not? He was a great pretender too. He pretended his little brother was normal. He pretended it was just a silly game when
Joe would bring home dead animals. He even helped dig the graves. When he brought Brenda to his friends, he thought for sure his brother would see him for the monster he was, but he never opened his mouth. Three murders would be too much for Kenny to handle. Joe thought. Yes, his time was coming to an end.

  Without too much thought he opened his mouth and said the things to Alice he'd always felt. His life was changing. He knew he wouldn't be able to continue living as he had been. The time had come to move onto his special girl. He'd have to begin planning that and quickly but first he'd tell Alice everything. She did things to him, made him want to be a better person. Brought out the honesty in him. He sometimes wondered if she had chosen him would it have changed his life. Maybe the urge to kill would have been silenced by the peacefulness she always made him feel.