Waiting to Breathe: Book One of the Waiting Duet

by Alyson Reynolds

“It’ll work itself out, Nate. You can’t do everything for him.”

  “I know, but I still worry about the punk."

  She smiled reassuringly and damned if it didn’t make me feel better.

  ____

  Olivia loved the small town charm of Madison. She insisted that we stop by the little bakery on Main Street so she could pick up a dessert to bring back to the house. We walked around the Riverwalk so we would have some time to ourselves before we were overwhelmed by my rambunctious family.

  My mom owned a beautiful colonial house on the outskirts of town. It had been in the family for years, and eventually it would be mine to inherit since I was the oldest. I loved the house and secretly I wanted to know what Olivia thought of it. If she didn’t like it as much as I did, it might be a tough pill to swallow because eventually I wanted to raise a family there. The longer I was with her, the more I could see us married and having kids together. Thoughts like that threw me off because settling down hadn’t been on my radar before Liv.

  “I love this town,” she said as we walked through downtown. Christmas lights lined the storefronts, giving the street a classic feel.

  “I’m glad. I love Oxford too, but this will always be home for me. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t live close to the beach.”

  “Finn and I have a special spot at home that I’ll have to show you. Being able to spend so much time on the beach has been my only saving grace these past few years.”

  “I know what you mean,” I said pulling her close and kissing her forehead. “Ready to go meet my insane family?”

  “I’ve already met your grandparents. I think I’ll be okay.” She smiled and my heart sped up in my chest. Three little words were on the tip of my tongue, but as much as I wanted to say them, it wasn’t the right time.

  “Olivia, I’m really happy you’re here with me.”

  “Me too, Nathaniel.”

  ____

  I pushed open the front door and called out to let everyone know we were there. They yelled back from the kitchen and we started in that direction. Reaching back for Olivia’s hand, I led the way through the large house. My mom wrapped me in a hug as soon as I walked into the large kitchen. As soon as she saw Olivia, she pushed me away and hugged her tightly.

  “You must be, Olivia. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Diana.”

  My mom mouthed ‘she’s cute’ over Olivia’s shoulder at me and I grinned.

  “Mom, let the poor girl go,” my brother said from the other side of the kitchen. “I’m Riley, the only sane one of the bunch.”

  My grandparents walked in from the living room and started talking with Liv and my Mom. I stood back and watched Olivia charm everyone the same way she’d bewitched me. My girl was back and I was happy to see her enjoying herself again. Getting away from the stress of school and constantly being around Christian seemed to be helping.

  I was surprised when my aunt and my extended family showed up a few hours later. My cousin Sarah had a little girl that was almost two and absolutely adorable. The little girl loved Olivia and spent most of the time they were there climbing all over her. As I watched Olivia reading a book to her, I got lost in thoughts of how wonderful Olivia was with the toddler. Sadie’s little eyes fluttered as she drifted off to sleep in Liv’s arms. It should be terrifying for me to think of how perfect Olivia looked with a baby in her arms, but it was all too easy for me to imagine that it was our child. Somehow she made me want that sooner rather than later. I knew she would be an amazing mother and I finally got a good idea of just how large the sacrifice was for her to give up Ellie. It was one thing to think of a teenage mother giving up their child, but it was something completely different to realize how much Olivia wanted to be a mother one day and gave her child up for adoption.

  Olivia looked across the room at me and flashed a huge smile. I got lost in her eyes and forgot what I was saying to Riley for a few seconds. His hand clapped me on the shoulder, startling me out of my thoughts.

  “You have it bad brother.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You and Olivia. It’s nice to see you happy and not stressed out for once.”

  I watched Olivia holding the baby in her arms and singing to her softly. I hoped that I was seeing my future.

  “She’s an amazing girl,” I said quietly.

  “Keep her happy.”

  “I’m trying.”

  My mom squeezed my arm and smiled as I walked past her. Watching my mom with her family and being this happy was amazing. She hadn’t acted like this since before my dad died. When he died, it was like part of her had died with him. Seeing Olivia next to my mom made me realize that part of the reason I was so concerned about her and how she was acting had a lot to do with my Mom.

  “How are you doing over here, cupcake?” I asked. I kissed her head as I sat down next to her. She wrapped her arms around me and snuggled in.

  “I’m good. Your little cousin Sadie is adorable.”

  “You looked like you were having fun with her. I hope my family hasn’t overwhelmed you. I didn’t know my aunt was coming too.”

  “It was nice meeting them. I really like your family, Nate.”

  ____

  We spent the rest of the week baking cookies and drinking hot chocolate by the fireplace. By the time we left to go to Abby and Noah’s house my mom had already adopted Olivia as her honorary daughter-in-law. She had even pulled me aside the day before we left and gave me her old wedding ring. My eyes widened as she quickly shoved it in my hands.

  “Just in case,” she said.

  I watched as she went off to distract Olivia while I packed the little black velvet box in the bottom of my bag. If that didn’t speak volumes about my mother’s love for Olivia I didn’t know what did. It was amazing watching Olivia laugh with my family like she had always been there. The more I watched them, the more that little black box weighed on my mind.

  My anxiety ramped up as we took Highway 17 south to Charleston. Nate tried to distract me, but I was so nervous that I could barely stay still. With each passing mile I wanted to tell him to turn the car around, that I had changed my mind. I didn’t know how I should act and I wondered what Abby and Noah would think if I did something wrong. Would they still like me?

  Diana had been reassuring when I told her about Ellie and our trip to see her. Nate explained to me before we went to his house that he hadn’t told his mom or brother anything about Ellie out of respect for me. It was sweet really that he wanted the decision to be mine if I told them or not. Everything that he did proved how much he loved me and I couldn’t understand why he had chosen me.

  Nate’s hand on my thigh started me from my thoughts. I stared up at him and he tried not to laugh.

  “We’re about thirty minutes out. Do you want to stop by the hotel first?”

  “Please.”

  “Breath, cupcake,” he said reassuringly and patting my leg.

  Our room was awesome. Nate had booked us a suite and the views were beautiful. I had big plans for the huge king sized bed when we came back for the night.

  “Quit looking at the bed like that, or I’m going to throw you down on it before we make it out of here.” I pouted and he laughed. “Maybe that’s what you need to calm your nerves, cupcake.”

  He pulled me against his chest and I gasped as he slid his hands into my panties. My fingers dug into his shoulders as he circled my clit with his fingers.

  “Nate,” I said weakly.

  “Do you want this?” he asked huskily.

  I nodded and arched against him as he pushed his finger inside me. His lips trailed my neck and a shiver ran up my spine. Within minutes he had me on the brink and I wasn’t over thinking anything. All I knew was his hands and his lips on me. Nate held me up as my orgasm ripped through my body quickly. He wrapped his arm around me as I came down from the high that he had just given me.

  “Feeling better?”

  I nodded, too relaxed to ac
tually speak. He pulled me into his lap and we settled on the edge of the bed. My head rested on his shoulders and eventually my heart rate came back to normal.

  “Are you ready to go?”

  I nodded. “Just don’t leave me.”

  He kissed my neck. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

  ____

  Noah and Abby lived in a cute house on James Island. If Nate hadn’t been by my side, I’m not sure I would have been able to knock on their door. I was finally relaxed enough to be comfortable talking on the phone with them, let alone meeting in person.

  I hesitated and Nate squeezed my hand.

  “You can do this, cupcake.”

  As soon as I rang the bell, Abby threw open the door and grabbed me up in a huge hug. She was a tiny woman with the kindest eyes I had ever seen. Noah stood behind her grinning from ear to ear. Nate introduced himself because I couldn’t focus on anything but the beautiful baby girl Noah held in his arms. When he held her out to me, I took her from him slowly.

  Ellie looked at me with wise, understanding eyes that looked just like mine. Tears slipped down my cheeks as I held my daughter for the first time since the hospital. Abby was crying too as she watched. Noah pulled her into his side and she laid her head on his shoulder. Even Nate’s eyes looked a little damp as everyone took in the scene.

  Thank goodness for Nate. He talked to Noah and Abby the whole afternoon while I watched Ellie in complete amazement. Everything she did was the most enchanting thing I had ever witnessed. She was such a bright baby and I was so proud of her. When they laid Ellie down for bed, Nate and I left with promises to be back in the morning.

  I was quiet on the way back to the hotel, but Nate seemed to understand that I needed time to process everything. Instead of jumping me as soon as we walked into the room, he held me. All the plans I’d had for that big king sized bed were gone. I curled up on the bed and Nate pulled me against him. His presence was comforting and exactly what I needed after the emotionally draining day.

  ____

  I woke up to Nate rubbing his fingers up and down my arm softly. Turning over, I smiled at him and kissed his throat.

  “Good morning, cupcake. How are you feeling this morning?”

  “Much better.”

  “I know it was a lot to take in.” He was quiet for a few minutes. “Ellie looks just like you.”

  “Does she? She has my eyes, but I think she resembles Christian too.”

  “A little, but I definitely see more of you.” He grinned. “And not just because I want to.”

  I grabbed his hand and played with his fingers for a few minutes while we laid in the comfortable silence.

  “Thank you, Nate.”

  “For what?” he asked sitting up, bracing his head in his hand and looking at me.

  “Everything. Dealing with me, helping me deal with this. You just seem to know what I need before I need it.”

  Nate leaned over. “There is no dealing with you, Olivia. You’re doing this on your own; I’m just here if you need me. It’s amazing to watch you with that little girl. I know and support the reasons that you chose Noah and Abby, but if you had decided to do this on your own, you would have been just fine.”

  Tears pricked my eyes. “Really?”

  “You’re going to make an amazing mother one day when you’re ready, Olivia.”

  His mouth captured mine and he cupped my face perfectly. I reached for him and we slowly made love. Soft kisses and breathless sighs filled the room. We weren’t rushed or frenzied. As my body shook with my release, I realized I could see myself with this man forever.

  ____

  Abby handed me a cup of coffee and sat down in the seat across from me. Her kind eyes made me certain in the fact that I had chosen her and Noah for Ellie. I instinctively knew she would be a good mother.

  “I’m glad you decided to come up here, Olivia. I know you had reservations, but I think this is the perfect way to spend Christmas.”

  “I wanted to thank you, not just for Christmas, but for everything you are doing for Ellie. I appreciate the updates and mementos. They mean the world to me. As hard as it is that she’s not with me, I know she’s loved and safe with you and Noah.”

  Tears filled Abby’s eyes and she dabbed at them with a napkin.

  “I should be thanking you. Noah and I tried for years to have kids with no luck. We never expected to have you drop this amazing little girl at our doorstep. I’m thankful that you want to be in Ellie’s life; most women wouldn’t want that. She’s going to have questions when she grows up and I hope that between all of us, we can answer them for her.”

  I smiled sadly and nodded.

  “I’m also happy that you found a good man. I know how much Christian hurt you, but Nate is wonderful and he really loves you.”

  “I love him too. He’s amazing and I’m really lucky to have him.”

  “That’s because I’m awesome,” Nate said from behind me, breaking the serious mood.

  “And so humble too,” I said as I laughed and flushed, wondering how much he had overheard. Abby chimed in behind me and I turned to look at him. “Hmm…seems like we’ve had this conversation before.”

  “Probably so, cupcake. I’m sure it won’t be the last time. Do you want me to go get the presents from the car?”

  “Please.”

  He kissed me on the forehead and went out the door to grab the gifts I’d bought for everyone.

  “He’s studying to be a doctor?” Abby asked.

  “Yeah, he wants to specialize in oncology.”

  “Any specific reason?”

  “His father died from lung cancer,” I answered softly.

  “I’m so sorry. It was none of my business.”

  “No, Nate would be the first person to tell you why he decided on pre-med. I never met his father, but the rest of his family is amazing. I can see why he would want to try to make a difference for another family.”

  “So are there wedding bells in the future?”

  I opened my mouth and nothing came out; I closed it and blushed furiously. Nate was standing in the door smirking at me. He had obviously heard Abby and was waiting for me to put my foot in my mouth.

  “I haven’t asked yet,” he said, looking directly at me. His emerald eyes flashed something I didn’t recognize. Abby whipped around and she turned as red as I was. She obviously hadn’t heard him come in either. Nate chuckled and carried the presents past us into the living room.

  “He’s like a freaking cat, you never hear him coming,” she said laughing.

  “All the time,” I agreed, giggling.

  ____

  The next morning we watched Ellie open her presents. Her little giggles were like music to me. I watched everything she did with joy. By the end of the day, I was exhausted from chasing her around. I don’t know how Abby does it every day.

  We sat around talking until it was way after Ellie’s bedtime. None of us wanted to have the tearful goodbye that was coming. Nate looked at me and I knew he was wondering if he was going to have to drop kick Noah as we stole Ellie out the door. I kissed her little head and took a deep breath of her hair. Amazingly, I was composed as we said our goodbyes. Abby and Noah hugged me tight.

  Within minutes, Nate was parking in front of our hotel, but instead of leading us inside we walked out onto the public beach. He settled us onto the blanket he pulled out of the backseat. We stared out into the ocean and finally the tears fell. I had been strong for as long as I could. Nate held me and let me get it all out. When I stopped, he brushed his fingers over my cheeks.

  “Are you okay, cupcake?”

  I laughed softly, “You and that damn nickname.”

  He grinned and I answered him, “I’m actually better than I thought I would be. Thank you for coming with me. This break has been amazing.”

  “Merry Christmas, Olivia.”

  “Merry Christmas, Nathaniel.”

  Olivia was thrilled to see Finn, but not nearly
as enthusiastic about her parents. To me they seemed polite, but distant. They asked all the right questions about our visit with Ellie and meeting my parents, everything seemed rehearsed though. Putting it mildly, her parents made my entire family look fucking amazing even at their worst.

  The second day we were there, Finn asked me to go golfing with him and his dad. Olivia practically pushed me out the door. I had a sinking suspicion that it was more for Finn’s sake than for me to enjoy golfing, but as any good boyfriend or friend would, I dutifully went along.

  We reached the sixth hole before their dad started his interrogation. I had fully expected it, but it was still annoying.

  “So, Nathaniel Ford. The Ford family owns quite a bit of real estate up and down the coast line, correct?”

  No fucking shit.

  “Yes, sir. My grandfather is the founder of Ford Holdings.”

  “You must be a businessman then.”

  “Actually, no. I’m pre-med.”

  He looked at me incredulously and it took everything I had not to smirk at him.

  “You’re telling me that you aren’t going into the family business? Why in the hell not? Ford Holdings is worth well over a billion dollars.”

  “Dad, Nate chose pre-med. He’s going to make a damn good doctor,” Finn cut in, shooting me a look.

  “You want to be a teacher, Finn. I’m not surprised that you would say that,” Thomas said dismissively.

  “I’m taking your fucking classes, Dad. Can we just drop this?”

  “Finn, really?”

  I teed up my ball and hit a two hundred fifty yard drive, landing if not on the green incredibly close. I couldn’t keep the satisfied smirk off my face.

  “I think Finn would be an awesome teacher. He’s patient and compassionate. Most people lack those qualities,” I said pointedly. “I decided to go into pre-med because my father died of lung cancer, Thomas. My specialty will be oncology paired with a minor in psychology.”