Waiting to Breathe: Book One of the Waiting Duet

by Alyson Reynolds

  “It’s amazing how much she looks like you.”

  “Thank you, but I see a lot of you in her too. Nate said she was the perfect mix of both of us.”

  “Nate went with you?” he asked softly.

  “Yeah, he did. We split the break between our families.”

  “Listen, I know I’ve been a dick, but I’m really happy about you and Nate. He’s good for you.”

  Huh? I never expected this in a million years.

  “Um…thanks. He is good for me,” I said. “I was thinking, I have tons of pictures of Ellie that Abby sent to me. Would you like to have some of them?”

  “You would do that for me?” He tentatively asked.

  “She is our daughter, Christian. No matter what the problems are between us, I’m not going to ever stand in the way of you seeing her if that’s what you want. We all agreed on an open adoption.” I put my phone back in my bag. “I’ll bring the pictures to the house one night this week when I’m there.”

  “Or you text me and I’ll pick them up. I appreciate it, Olivia.”

  A shiver ran up my spine. There was no way I would ever let Christian back into my dorm room. It was hard enough to be there by myself. I tried to smile. “Yeah well, for better or worse we’re in this together.”

  ____

  My thoughts wandered as I waited for Dr. Hooper to begin class. Amazingly I was able to get into another class of his this semester. He was waiting longer than normal to start, but it was only the second day. I was reaching down into my bag and digging around for my phone when someone sat down next to me.

  “What are you looking for, cupcake?”

  “Nate! You scared me! What are you doing in here? I thought you couldn’t get into biopsychology until next semester?”

  “My advisor went back over my schedule. So, here I am.”

  I beamed at him as he leaned back in his seat. His beautiful green eyes sparkled when looked at me. I could tell he was as excited as I was that he had been able to transfer into the class.

  “I need to tell you about something that happened yesterday,” I started.

  “Close the back doors, please. It’s time to start,” Dr. Hooper called out, his strong voice filling the entire lecture hall.

  “I’ll tell you later,” I whispered.

  Nate took my hand in his and mindlessly traced figure eights on my electrified skin. I squirmed in my seat and Nate looked at me curiously. When I put my hand on his thigh and gripped it tightly, he smirked. His eyes kept an amused glint for the entire hour we were there.

  “You suck,” I said, gathering my bag.

  “No, that’s your specialty, cupcake.”

  My eyes widened, and I smacked his arm. He pulled me against him and I felt his hard erection pressing into my back.

  “You’re in luck Mr. Ford. I’m done for the day, but—“

  “Oh, cupcake. You never should have told me that. That just means you aren’t leaving my bed until tomorrow morning.”

  “That sounds like a wonderful idea, but Nathaniel, you’re late.”

  I watched as he mentally ran through his schedule.

  “Oh, shit. He’s going to kill me.”

  He pulled me in for a kiss and ran from the room calling out behind him that he wanted a rain check as soon as he was done at the gym. I laughed and pulled out my phone to text Finn and tell him Nate was on his way.

  “You’re late, fucker.”

  “Give me a break, Finn. It’s only the second day back.”

  “We’ve been going to the gym every Tuesday at 3pm for the past year and a half. You would think you would have that figured out by now.”

  “Yeah well, your sister and her amazing ass distracted me.”

  He shot me a disgusted look.

  “Don’t make me kick your ass.”

  “Promises, promises.”

  He shook his head and went back to setting his weights up.

  “I’ve wanted to ask you something, but I haven’t had the chance.”

  I took a deep breath and stared at Finn for a second trying to figure out how to word what I wanted to ask.

  “Oh shit, you’re going to propose to Olivia, aren’t you?”

  “No, not yet, but would that really be such a bad thing?”

  He considered for a minute and the longer he thought about it, the more nervous I got.

  “Holy shit, Finn. Really?”

  He laughed and I scowled at him.

  “No, it wouldn’t be so bad to have you as a real brother I guess. Anyway, what did you want to ask?”

  “Is it just me or is Christian acting…different? He went out of his way to apologize to me about what happened with Olivia. It seemed real too, which threw me off. If it was me and someone kicked my ass, I would steer clear. He’s also been helpful around the house.” I paused. “It’s weird right?”

  Finn shrugged. “Maybe, but I quit trying to read him a long time ago. He’s an annoyance that I try to avoid at all costs. I still see red every time I think about what he did to Liv.”

  “I guess I’m just suspicious because I’ve never seen him be sincere about anything. It makes me worry that this is some kind of ploy to get something or do something to hurt Olivia.”

  “You did beat the shit out of him. Maybe he’s just trying to get back on your good side so you don’t do it again. His nose was really fucked. He’s going to need a good plastic surgeon for that one.”

  I huffed out a laugh.

  “I still don’t fucking trust him.”

  “No one said you should. You know what they say dude, keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” he said, grinning.

  “That might be the best advice you’ve ever given me.”

  I smirked and moved to spot Finn as he lifted. Christian would fuck up and I would be the one to notice. As far as I was concerned, he didn’t need to even look in Olivia’s direction or it would be an invitation to break another bone.

  ____

  We walked back to the house and went to the kitchen in search of food. The frat house always has fruit available even though they had to pay out the ass to feed us. Finn grabbed an apple and threw one over to me. I sat down at one of the huge dining room tables to eat it and look at my phone. Finn walked up the stairs towards his room. Christian sat at the opposite end of the room, at least ten chairs down from me. He had a huge envelope in front of him and he looked almost weepy.

  “Dude, are you okay?” I asked him from my spot. There was no way I was going to go check on him.

  Christian didn’t answer me, but with each picture he picked up, he looked more and more upset. I grimaced and decided I should probably do something. Maybe I could get him to go to his room. The guy really didn’t need to cry in front of the whole fraternity or he would start getting his ass kicked on a regular basis.

  “What are you looking at?” I asked, walking over to him. My breath caught in my lungs as I saw the pictures of Ellie spread around the table. “Where did you get those?”

  “They’re of my daughter.”

  “I know who’s in the fucking picture, Christian. I asked where you fucking got them.”

  Christian looked up at me, finally realizing who was standing behind him. He’d been so out of it that he hadn’t even realized I was in the room. “Olivia gave them to me. She said Abby would send me the next batch of photos, but she wanted to give me some now.”

  “Why would Olivia do that?” I whispered as I tried to keep my temper in check.

  “She was being the bigger person. You know how sweet she is, so why are you even questioning it?”

  I took a few deep breaths and counted to ten in my head. Jail would not look good on medical school applications.

  “When did she give you the photos, Chris?”

  “I came back from class and they were sitting on my bed. It’s no big deal. Well, it is because now I have pictures of Ellie, but—”

  I grabbed his collar and he winced.

  “Stay. Awa
y. From. Olivia. If you get near her again, I’ll make the last time I broke your nose look like a fucking walk in the park. You hear me?”

  “Loud and clear,” he said through gritted teeth.

  I let go, flexing each finger as I pried my hands off his shirt. He stared as I flew down the hall into Finn’s room. It took him a few minutes to get me calmed down enough to tell him what I had just witnessed. He frowned as I told him what Christian had said.

  The worst part was that Olivia hadn’t even mentioned she had even talked to Christian. Betrayal was bitter on my tongue even though I knew I had no right to feel that way. Finn walked out of his room without saying a word. I knew better than to chase him down, but he was known to be a loose cannon when he was upset. There was no telling how he was feeling if I was this affected by what she had done. We had went out of our way to make her feel safe after what he had done and she had went behind our backs to talk to that asshole.

  Finn wasn’t downstairs, or at the Huff, or even at his favorite spot under the huge oak tree on campus when I tried to find him. The bastard had disappeared into thin air. I texted Olivia to see if she had seen him, but she said no. If he hadn’t gone to her, I didn’t want to confront her about the Christian thing yet. Maybe there was something we didn’t know. What I really wanted to do was talk it over with Finn, but he had up and left.

  My ass was numb from sitting on the front steps. When I hadn’t been able to find him, I had sat down there trying to think of anywhere Finn might have gone. I did a double take as he sat down next to me.

  “Where in the hell have you been?”

  “I was with Cora.”

  “With Cora? Or with Cora?”

  He scowled at me. “I’m still in the mood to hit something.”

  “Forget I said that.” I took a deep breath. “We need to talk to Olivia.”

  “You should call her, talking to her before she gets here is probably a bad idea.”

  “Okay,” I said, hesitantly. “Are you sure we should do this now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you stay calm enough to hear her side before you jump all over her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Lots of words there big guy…fine, I’ll call her, but I think you should take a breather before we do this.”

  “Just call her now, Nathaniel,” he said. His jaw was tight and his hands kept balling into fists. Never one to intentionally piss Finn off, I called Olivia and asked her to come to the house. She hesitantly agreed.

  Twenty minutes later we were all sitting in my room. Olivia shot me a questioning look when she walked in the door, but all I could do was stare at her. I knew I shouldn’t be mad because I hadn’t heard her side of the story yet, but it was really fucking hard not to be hurt about it.

  “Olivia, we know about the pictures you gave Christian.”

  She raised an eyebrow and looked between us.

  “That’s what this is about? I didn’t know that it was your business about who I gave pictures of my daughter too.”

  I felt my blood pressure rising. “It’s not that you gave him the pictures, it’s that you didn’t tell us you were going to do it. I freaked the hell out on him downstairs. Not to mention the fact you’re terrified of him now.”

  She stood up and started pacing.

  “I get that you’re concerned about me, but I didn’t intentionally meet up with him or go out of my way to talk to him. We talked and he mentioned that he wanted a picture of Ellie, so I offered to give him copies of what I had. It was no big deal.”

  “Are you fucking stupid?” Finn said quietly. He was seething. “Did you meet up with him to give them to you so he could finish what he started in your dorm room? I don’t care that he apologized. He was going to either rape you or hurt you that night, but you seem to have forgotten that.”

  Olivia’s mouth dropped open and I tried to cut in. “Olivia, why don’t you tell us what happened? Finn and I are just concerned about you.”

  “Concerned? You called me here so could you ambush me,” she said, pointing at me. “How dare you try to say you’re concerned about me and about how I’m doing! You’re both fucking selfish and want me to explain myself for something that isn’t any of your damn business.”

  “Olivia—”

  “No, stay the hell out of my business.”

  This was going horribly, horribly wrong and I didn’t know how to fix it. She was livid, Finn was about to punch a hole in the wall, and I was terrified about how this was all going to play out.

  I didn’t understand why Nate and Finn were overreacting about me leaving pictures for Christian. They didn’t seem to understand that I hadn’t met him in private, not that I ever planned on doing that again. A shiver ran through my body as I thought about being pinned against the wall. Neither of them was listening to me either.

  “It’s not that big of a deal. I left the pictures on his bed and left. He wasn’t even there. I planned it that way.”

  “The big deal is—” Nate started.

  “He was going to fucking rape you, Olivia. That’s a big fucking deal,” Finn cut in. “All we’ve been trying to do is keep you safe. I can’t believe you would do something so fucking stupid.”

  “Stupid?” I scoffed. “I tried to do something nice for someone I used to be friends with. You know, the father of my child. It’s not like I was meeting up with him for drinks. I left the pictures for him when I knew he wouldn’t be here. And I know exactly what he did to me. It wasn’t you pinned up against my bedroom wall.”

  Finn took a deep breath and I could tell he was trying to reel in his temper, be the mediator between all of us. “How did this come about anyway?”

  “Not that I owe either of you any explanations, but we ran into each other at the coffee shop on the first day back to class. I tried to leave, but he asked if we could talk. Instead of making a scene, I let him talk. He apologized for everything and told me that he realized how fucked up everything was between us. It was the first time that I recognized anything resembling the Christian I used to know in a long time.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Nate asked.

  “I tried to when you came into biopsych earlier, but Dr. Hooper started class before I was able to. After that I just didn’t think about it until after I dropped off the photos.”

  “This is a really bad idea. I don’t like it,” Finn said.

  “Well it’s done. You don’t have to like it because nothing else is going to happen. Just leave it alone, Finn.”

  “Would you tell me to leave it alone if some girl that hurt me was trying to get back together with me?” he demanded.

  “Christian is not trying to get back together with me,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Really? Are you that dense, Olivia? He thinks that if he can get back in your good graces that he will be able to fix everything. This is him trying to work any angle he can find. You seem to forget exactly who he is and what he will do to get what he wants.”

  “You’re not the one that dealt with him calling you a whore and telling you that you were selfish for not getting an abortion. He wasn’t texting you pictures of him fucking other girls every day after you broke up.” I sucked in a sharp breath. “Fuck you, Finn. I know exactly who I’m dealing with.”

  Grabbing my bag I started towards the door. Nate reached out and grabbed my arm to stop me. “Where are you going?”

  “Away.”

  “Will you at least let me know that you’re okay? I really don’t want you to leave like this.”

  His eyes pleaded with me to stay, but I couldn’t. Not right now. Not with my brother and his judging eyes staring daggers at me. I had to get out of there.

  “I’ll call you later, but I can’t be here right now.”

  I slammed Nate’s door behind me and took the steps two at a time as I left the frat house. Angry tears pricked at my eyes, but I ignored them as I walked back to the dorms. If Finn thought I had forgotten everything Christian had
done he was sorely mistaken. The fact was I would never forget how dark things got while I was pregnant.

  Christian was one of the nastiest, most manipulative people I knew, but he was also one of the best when he wanted to be. He just didn’t want to when things didn’t go his way, something I would never let myself forget.

  The day I told Christian I was pregnant and that I was leaving him because he had cheated on me was the first and last time he ever hit me. One of the only reasons he didn’t fight me about the adoption was because he knew I would use it against him if I had to.

  Finn didn’t know and he wouldn’t ever know because I would never tell him. Christian had been one of his best friends growing up. I couldn’t ruin every memory worse than it already was because of my issues with Christian.

  I opened the door to my dorm room and Cora was sitting on my bed.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly. It figured. Finn probably called her as soon as I left the house. Those two were inseparable these days.

  “No. I’m going running,” I said, throwing down my bag.

  I was out the door within minutes. As I ran, I blocked out all the things Finn had said and everything I wanted to say back to him. Making him feel worse wasn’t going to make me feel better, but right now that was hard to remember.

  ____

  Nate glanced over at me, concern filling his eyes. We were sitting in class almost a week after my fight with Finn. My attitude had only gotten worse and I was still steaming over the argument with my pigheaded brother. This was the longest we had gone without talking for years. I could only remember one other time that we had gone days without speaking to one another, and that was back in middle school. My heart ached because I missed him so much. Nate squeezed my hand and I realized hot tears were rolling down my face.

  “He misses you as much as you miss him,” he whispered. He pulled me into his side and kissed my head.