Waiting to Breathe: Book One of the Waiting Duet

by Alyson Reynolds

I nodded and tried to focus on the lecture. The tears fell faster and my sniffing grew louder. Nate gathered our things and led me out into the hallway. He pulled me against him and I broke down sobbing. My fingers gripped his shirt, trying to keep myself grounded in the only way I knew how. Nate’s fingers ran through my long hair as he tried to comfort me. It took me almost ten minutes to calm down, but he never moved from our spot. Every few minutes he would look down at me to make sure I was okay, but he let me have my breakdown.

  “I think instead of my workout with Finn, you should go talk to him. We don’t have to tell him you’re coming instead of me. You can just show up and talk to him. Maybe you guys should spar. It might make you feel better.”

  I sniffed, “Maybe. Are you sure you won’t tell him I’m coming? He might leave if he knows.”

  “I won’t, I promise,” he said, kissing my forehead.

  “Let’s go. I’ll walk you over to the Huff.”

  We walked in silence to the gym. I appreciated that Nate knew me well enough to let me work things out in my head. It was also nice that he realized he needed to push me into making up with Finn. Five days was a long time to go without talking to my other half. Finn was sitting against the wall with his eyes closed and earbuds in his ears when we walked in. Nate nudged me forward. I looked back at him and he nodded once.

  When I sat down next to Finn, he didn’t even open his eyes. I stared down at my hands, uncertain of where to start. Nate had left as soon as I sat down, so I couldn’t look to him for guidance. I jumped as Finn reached over and grabbed my hand. His eyes were still closed, but he knew I was there. Wordlessly, he took one of his earbuds out and handed it to me. We sat there like that for an hour. People probably stared at us, but it didn’t matter.

  “We okay?” he asked as he gathered his things.

  “Yeah, we’re okay,” I said softly.

  “I love you, Livie.”

  “Love you too, Finnious.”

  “I’m sorry. I was an asshole.”

  “You were,” I agreed, making a weak smile appear on his face. “I’m sorry too.”

  For so much more than you’ll ever know.

  ____

  I looked down at my phone and smiled at the text that had just come through. Abby had sent a picture of Ellie with the puppy they had bought her. Cora saw me smiling, tugged her earbuds out and asked what I was looking at. Sitting up from my bed, I passed the phone over to her.

  “She’s so adorable, Olivia. It’s amazing how much she looks like you.” She stared at the phone for a second. “But I see Christian in her too.”

  “Nate said the same thing.”

  “Speaking of Nate, how are things going between you two?”

  “Good. Really good. We’re going to see his family for a few days during spring break. Then we are going to go up to Niagara Falls. He has the entire trip planned and he won’t tell me anything about it.”

  “That’s so romantic.”

  “I know. I’m really freaking excited.”

  “Do you think he’s going to propose?”

  I looked away blushing. “I’m not sure. We’ve talked about getting married, but we don’t want that to happen until he’s in medical school at the earliest. He doesn’t know where he’ll end up.” I trailed off.

  “You totally want to get married and make more ridiculously cute babies.”

  “Oh lord. You’re insane,” I said, laughing. “In all seriousness, I could see things getting serious with Nate though.”

  “I’m honestly surprised you even sleep here. You guys are inseparable any other time.”

  “Okay pot. What the hell is going on between you and my brother?”

  “Nothing,” she said blushing. “He’s just a good guy.”

  “I know he’s a good guy, but you guys are always together. Is anything going on there?”

  She turned away and I could tell there was something she was holding back. “Tell me right now, Cora Donovan.”

  “We might have kissed.”

  “Might?”

  “Oh we kissed. It was fucking amazeballs, but I’m not sure we will ever be doing it again.”

  “One, when? And two, why are you just now telling me?”

  “It was at New Years. We’d had a bit to drink and it just happened. He said he didn’t want to wreck our friendship.” She looked close to tears. I didn’t want to push, but I wanted to know everything. “I agreed and that was that.”

  “Cora, obviously that wasn’t it. There has to be more.”

  “No, because I’m not going to push him, and you know I don’t do relationships anyway.”

  “Do you want me to talk to him? You guys have always been attached at the hip lately.”

  A ghost of a smile crossed her face. “Just leave it, Olivia. I’m not sure I’m even willing to go there. He’s a great friend and I don’t want to screw it up.”

  “I’m sorry, but maybe it’s for the best.”

  She smiled sadly. “Don’t be. In other news, I have a date tonight.”

  “Really? That’s awesome. With who?”

  “A guy in my economics class, he’s cute and funny. Who knows, maybe we’ll hit it off and become the next you and Nate.”

  “Maybe you will. Text me when you get back and we can talk all about it. I’m going to stay with Nate tonight since you’re ditching me,” I said, winking at her.

  She grinned and pulled a dress out of the closet to try on. Our room would be a mess within minutes as she tried to find something to wear on her date.

  ____

  I leaned back against the headboard behind me and sighed. My kindle was on my lap, but I had lost interest in the book I was reading a while ago. Nate was sitting at his desk studying. He was adorable when he bit down on his bottom lip in concentration.

  What I wanted to do was go ask Finn about what the hell was going on between him and Cora. It was none of my business, but maybe they just needed a push in the right direction.

  “Hey, Nate?”

  “Yeah, cupcake?”

  “If you can bring Cora up at any point in front of Finn tonight there will be something special in it for you,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows.

  “Olivia, leave them alone.”

  “But, I just want to—“

  “Leave them alone.”

  “You don’t want a blow job?”

  He laughed and moved to sit beside me on the bed.

  “I always want a blow job, but leave them the hell alone. They didn’t mess with us when you were trying to figure out I was the best guy ever.”

  “You’re so humble, baby,” I said dryly.

  “Don’t meddle. When Finn gets his head out of his ass then it will happen. Until then, you bugging him about it is only going to make him stick his head further in the sand.” I pouted and he moved over to the bed next to me. “Cupcake, you need to be good if you want something special. Don’t make me spank you.”

  I grinned and he leaned down to kiss me.

  “Promises, promises.”

  My fingers threaded through his hair and I deepened the kiss. A knock on the door interrupted what was becoming a very interesting evening and I groaned.

  “Come in,” Nate called out, pressing his forehead against mine before my brother opened the door.

  “What are you guys up to?” He turned Nate’s desk chair around and sat down across from us.

  “I was just finishing up some studying and then we were going to go get something to eat. Want to come with us?”

  “Sure. Olivia, will you call Cora to see if she wants to come so I’m not a third wheel?”

  I cleared my throat. “She didn’t tell you?”

  “Tell me what?”

  “She has a date tonight.”

  “Oh.”

  I looked at him, wondering why he was fighting this so hard. It was a good sign he was jealous though. “She’s allowed to date, Finn. I can’t remember the last time she even had a boyfriend.”

  “Let
me know when you guys are ready to go.” He stood up suddenly, effectively cutting off that line of conversation.

  “Let’s just go now. I’m pretty sure I’m done studying for the evening and Liv’s met her quota of being ignored for the night.”

  “Hey!” I protested. Nate and Finn laughed and I tried to keep an injured look on my face.

  “She’s awfully needy, Nate. Are you sure you can handle her?”

  “You guys suck. Just for that, we’re going for sushi.”

  The guys trailed behind me as I walked down the stairs. I smiled to myself as I thought of Finn’s reaction. It wasn’t just Cora that hadn’t had a significant other in a long time. My brother had it bad and I wanted to make sure that Cora used the knowledge wisely.

  The house party was louder and a little wilder than normal tonight. Maybe it was the fact that spring break was next week, but my fraternity brothers seemed hell bent on living it up tonight. I took one look at Olivia and could tell she’d had enough for one night. Both of us had drunk more than we should to drive, so instead of going back to her dorm, we decided to bunk in my room.

  She tugged me down to her mouth and I grinned as she kissed me.

  “I’m going to find Cora and tell her we’re done for the night.”

  She stumbled back a bit and I placed my hands on her hips to study her. My cock roared to life as she pressed up against me. Thank goodness we were going upstairs.

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No, I’ll be up in just a few minutes. Just make sure you keep the bed warm for me.”

  She winked and turned quickly to go find Cora. I hoped she found her soon because I had plans for the rest of our night.

  I made my way to the stairs, but was stopped by one of my drunken friends. Everyone was burnt out this semester and we all needed a long vacation. Most of the house was heading to Mexico, but I was happier to be spending it with Olivia. Finally after almost ten minutes I was able to escape his drunken ramblings. It was exhausting to sneak out of the parties early, but for some alone time with my girl, it was well worth the effort.

  I unlocked my door and pushed it open. Hands pulled me inside and slammed the door behind us. Hands clutched at my jeans and lips brushed my neck. My first thought was Olivia, but the perfume was wrong. I pushed away immediately, taking several steps back.

  “Lila, what the fuck are you doing?”

  “Nate, I want you.” She stepped closer and put her hands back on my chest.

  “Get your hands off me.”

  I didn’t need this.

  “Baby, we were so good together,” she slurred. “Please let me make you feel good.”

  She tried to wrap herself around me again, but I took another step back.

  “You need to leave now. I thought I made it clear last semester, I’m not interested. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been with Olivia for almost six months.”

  “She’s not right for you and you know it. You need a real woman.”

  “A real woman?” I said scoffing. “And you think that’s you? You’re acting like a drunken slut right now.”

  She threw herself at me and kissed me deeply. I caught her hips to keep her from falling to the ground. The door opened behind me and I turned to see Olivia staring at us.

  “Uh oh,” Lila said, giggling like an idiot.

  Olivia narrowed her eyes. “I can’t believe you, Nate.”

  She turned and slammed the door as she ran from the room. I ran after her and wrenched open the door.

  “Olivia, wait!” My voice was lost in the pounding music from downstairs. I whipped around and narrowed my eyes at Lila.

  “Get the fuck out of my room and stay the hell away from me. There was never an us and there never will be. You were an easy lay in Italy and I regret every second of it. If I come back and you’re still in here I’m going to lose my shit. You better hope that I can fix things with Olivia or you’ll see a side of me you don’t want to.”

  I pushed my way through the crowded house, trying to find Olivia before she could leave. I had to tell her what had happened. Finn grabbed my arm as I walked by and he saw the panic in my face. He looked at me questioningly.

  “Lila threw herself at me and Olivia saw it. In my fucking bedroom.” I ran a hand down my face.

  “Fuck.”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t get to her before she ran off and now I can’t find her.”

  “How bad was it?”

  I winced. “Bad. Lila was kissing me and I was trying to keep her from falling on her ass. Help me find her?”

  “I’ll try, but you know after what happened with Christian she’s not going to listen until she calms down right?”

  Panic filled my chest as I frantically searched for her. “Meet me back at the front steps in fifteen minutes. Text me if you find her.”

  He nodded and we split up. No one had seen her and each second felt like an hour as I looked. The knot in my stomach got tighter with each room I cleared. I made my way to the front to meet up with Finn. The look on his face told me he hadn’t had better luck.

  “I tried calling her, no answer,” he said.

  I sat down on the top step and dropped my head into my hands. “She’s got to believe that I wouldn’t ever cheat on her. It looked so bad, Lila in my room and her kissing me, my hands on her hips. It looked so fucking bad. I love her, Finn.”

  He clapped his hand down on my back. “I know you do, but this one is going to take some time.”

  “Maybe I can go wait outside her dorm room? She will eventually have to go there, right?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not so sure. Olivia’s pretty good at running away. Just give her some time to calm down.”

  “Finn, if I lose her over this I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  He nodded and clapped me on the shoulder, leaving me alone in my misery. I stared off into the night sky trying to figure out my next move. Finn was right; Olivia was good at running away. She wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and she sure as hell wasn’t going to listen to me right now. All I could do was hope that she would call me or come back to talk.

  ____

  The party died down, but I still sat out on the steps hoping that I would hear something from Olivia. I watched the sun come up over the horizon and as it rose in the sky, my hope that Olivia would come back evaporated. People left the house as they woke up from their drunken stupors, but I sat there thinking if there was anything I could have done differently last night that would have stopped Olivia from running. Realistically, there wasn’t, but I couldn’t help but think if I had just went with her to find Cora that maybe none of this would have happened.

  Speak of the devil herself, Cora walked out of the house and handed me a cup of coffee. She sat down next to me and put her head on my shoulder.

  “She’ll be back.”

  “She’s already gone,” I said flatly. A statement, not a question.

  “I think she went to California to see some friends, but I’m not sure. She won’t tell me anything because she thinks I’ll tell you.”

  I took a sip of the coffee. “Do you believe me?”

  “I see the way you look at her every day, Nate. She’s just hurt and scared. It took a lot for her to even admit she had feelings for you. She’s gone through more than any of us realize.”

  “I know.”

  “Christian broke her. I think more went on between them than she’s let on. He’s a nasty piece of work.” She sighed. “Just give her time, hon.”

  She stood up and held out her hand out to help me up. “Will you just let me know that she’s okay if you hear from her?”

  Cora nodded and I watched her walk back into the house. At least between her and Finn I had two people that believed I would never intentionally hurt Olivia. The problem was that the only other fight we had ever had was about Lila. Getting Olivia to listen to what I had to say was going to be next to impossible.

  ____

  Two wee
ks. That’s how long it’s been since I spoke to Olivia. She won’t look at me and avoids me at all costs. Finn told me she dropped biopsych and was taking an incomplete. That would ruin her 4.0 GPA. Things were so bad between us that she couldn’t even sit in a lecture hall full of three hundred fifty other people with me.

  We missed the romantic vacation in Niagara Falls that I had planned. The four days of wine tasting and hiking around the falls never happened. I thought about that stupid little black box that was still packed in my bag more than I wanted to admit.

  I avoided everything that reminded me of her at all costs. Cora packed up everything Olivia had left in my room at the frat house so I wouldn’t have to be surrounded by it. The only thing I wanted was for Olivia to listen to someone, anyone, about what happened that night, but she had not only shut me out; she’d shut out her best friend and her twin. Finn was livid with her, but none of it mattered. She became an island.

  The only place I felt a little better was at the beach. My feet dug into the damp sand as I walked along the coastline. I was able to breathe when the smell of the ocean finally hit me each day as I walked in the surf. The ocean made me feel small. It made me realize my problems weren’t the worst thing going on in the world. Right now that was exactly what I needed.

  Olivia had left me.

  I didn’t know that within six months of her being mine that my entire life would fall apart when she left. Anger like I had never felt before filled me when I let it, but in the same breath the heartache was drowning me.

  Pulling the ring out of my pocket, I looked at the simple filigree band. Olivia would have loved it. The ring was just mocking me at this point. I wanted to throw it out in the ocean and never see it again. There was no way if I moved past this that I would ever give it to another girl. So why was I still holding onto it?

  I pulled my arm back to throw it into the ocean, but I just couldn’t do it. Not only would I be giving up the last piece of Olivia that I had, I would be giving up a piece of my dad too. Lowering my arm, I slowly tucked the ring back in my pocket. Call me a fool, but maybe I just wasn’t quite ready to give up hope that Olivia would find her way back to me.