Belong
Page 20
Veronica started to come around shortly after I sat down. Her eyes fluttered open, finding mine. "Hey."
I stood and rushed to her bedside, not knowing what I needed to say. "Are you in pain?"
She immediately began to cry. "There was never a baby, Chad. They said I have a form of cancer that produces the pregnancy hormones. How is this happening to me after everything I've been through?"
I took her hand, fighting the urge to get emotional with her. I may not have wanted to be married to Veronica, but I certainly wouldn't wish this on her. "You'll get through this. The doctor said it's treatable."
“Harper,” she asked. “Where is she? She must be freaking out, Chad. She was so frightened. Have you seen her? Have you called?”
I understood she was changing the subject so I’d stop talking about it. If I were her I’d want to know everything about the condition, but I understood some people handle bad news in their own ways. “I came straight here. I’m sure she’s fine, but I’ll go call her if that’s what you want?”
At first she seemed like it was exactly what she wanted, until I started to walk away. She caught my hand at the last minute. “Wait. Can you call from here? I don’t want you to leave.”
“Regardless whether I call home or not, I’m staying here with you. We’re going to get this handled, and you’ll be back to your normal self before you know it, fighting me and giving me hell.”
She tried to smile, but new tears wouldn’t allow it. “What if I get bad news? I don’t know anything about this condition. Look it up on your phone.”
“I think it’s best if we wait for the diagnosis from the oncologist. You and I both know the internet makes everyone a hypochondriac.”
“I don’t want to die, Chad.” Her lips trembled as she said it.
I leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead. “You’re not going to die. Don’t talk like that. We’ve got a little girl who needs us.”
“It could happen. You know better than anyone how precious life can be.”
“Please don’t talk like your life is over. I’m here, and I’m not leaving your side. We’ll get through this as a family, like we’ve been doing for years.”
“Were you with her last night, Chad?” Her question wasn’t out of line, especially since it was the truth. “Did you fly all the way out there to see Rachel? Is that why you couldn’t be here with me sooner?”
I looked down at my hands, regrettably wishing there was something I could say to explain my actions. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here with you.”
“This is what you’ve wanted all along. You wanted me to be out of the picture. You probably prayed for this to happen to me.” She was raising her voice, alarming the nurses. I saw them peeking through the window to see what was going on.
“I would never wish harm on you.”
“I don’t believe a word out of your mouth, Chad. You say you’ll be here for me, but it’s only temporary. I can’t go through this wondering if you’re screwing her when you’re not around. I don’t need your negativity. I want you to go, Chad. Get out of here. Go!”
What was I supposed to say? Veronica knew I loved Rachel. As much as I knew I’d be there for her, she had a point. My end game would take me back to Maryland, where I still longed to have a future. Whether or not Veronica would recover was irrelevant. We’d never be together regardless the outcome, and I felt ashamed for feeling so adamantly about it.
Chapter 35
Like a whirlwind, he was gone again, taking my heart with him.
Chad’s visit had left me vulnerable. I wanted to feel guilty because he’d been with me while his wife was clearly suffering. Chad hadn’t given me much details, though I assumed from the blood loss she could be having a miscarriage. My heart hurt for the unborn child, if that was the case, but somewhere in the darkest part of my mind I wondered if her losing the baby would help Chad to come home to me. She certainly couldn’t hold it over his head any longer.
I didn’t want to be the ‘other woman’, the one who wished up wishes she could have the wife’s life. I wasn’t that women, however, I did hope the end result would give me Chad, because let’s face it, I was tired of fighting a losing battle. I took two steps forward to get over him, and ten steps back when he showed up to prove his love to me.
I knew he had a long flight ahead of him, so I went about my day as normal, going into the office and then stopping by the hospital to see my grandson. That evening the two were released, and we celebrated with pizza at my daughter’s home. Getting her settled kept me focused, after all she was my first priority. While holding little Grayson I scanned the living room, paying close attention to how small it was.
When Stephanie came back in the room and sat down next to me I felt obligated to speak with her regarding better living arrangements. "I know I probably should have mentioned it sooner, but Charles left me half his estate. I'm as shocked as you must be, which brings me to the reason I'm telling you now. How would you like to move into your childhood home to raise Grayson? I know it's what your father would have wanted."
"Seriously? Are you considering moving into the mansion, Mom? It's huge."
"Don't worry about me. I'm asking you a serious question. Would you like to raise your son in our family home?"
"I would love it." she tickled the baby's nose as she spoke. "I think your daddy will like it too. You are being serious, right?"
"Of course. I want the best for both of you. The house is paid for. You wouldn't need to worry about a mortgage or being able to afford it. I pay the property taxes quarterly, so even that's pretty easy."
"Are you seriously giving us the house?" I could see how Stephanie would be shocked, though I'd never felt more fulfilled then when I saw the excitement flash across her face.
"Yes. Little Grayson needs a big backyard to run around in."
She hugged me tightly. "Thank you, Mom. Thank you so much."
While she held me I felt it necessary to tell her what else was going on in my life, starting from when it all began. "Steph, do you remember meeting Chad in my office years ago?"
"I think. It was so long ago. Why?"
"When your father and I were apart we had an affair. It didn't last long, and as you already know I worked things out with your father and we lived a happy life together."
"What's this about? Why are you telling me this now?" She inquired.
"Back then I fell in love with Chad, and him with me. Though brief, it was a strong connection we shared. He moved across the country to distance us so I could focus on my marriage and we severed ties. Up until Charles passed away I hadn't seen or spoken to him."
"Okay. I'm still confused."
"Seeing him again, spending time together, it brought back feelings I didn't know were still there."
"Wait," she paused. "Isn't he married?"
"It's complicated."
“It must be.” I could tell she was trying to wrap her head around it. “I think I could tell something was between you at the funeral. The way he comforted you was too friendly.”
“Really? I didn’t feel uncomfortable.”
She laughed in a sarcastic manner. “Of course you didn’t.”
“So, are you upset with me?”
“No. Dad is gone. There’s nothing we can do to bring him back. As much as I’d like to think he’s the only man you’ll ever love, I know it’s not how life works. Besides, I think he’d want you to be happy. If this guy makes you feel that way, go for it. You’ve been alone for too long.”
“I appreciate you saying that, Steph.”
“Wait,” she sort of interrupted. “Isn’t he my age?”
“He’s a little older. He’s in his thirties.”
“So when you dated before he was in his twenties. You cougar.” She lightly tapped on my shoulder, keeping in mind I was holding her sleeping son.
“The age thing used to bother me. I thought I was going crazy pursuing something with someone so young, but Chad isn’t l
ike other men. He’s mature and kind. He’s a lot like Charles was.”
“What are you going to do? Doesn’t he live in California? He has a daughter.”
I shrugged and stared down at the baby so she wasn’t able to see my disappointment. “I don’t know. For now, I want you to move into the house. I’ll take some of my things over to the mansion, but it’s fully furnished, not that there isn’t room to add. I suppose we will have a lot of redecorating to do. Chad may want to take his grandparents old room since it’s so large. I think he’ll end up giving his daughter his…”
“Wow, Mom. You’re really going through with this.”
I was rambling on, not even realizing how carried away I’d become. “Sorry. It’s all a bit exciting, don’t you think?”
“You moving into a huge mansion with a hot, young married guy – yeah, I’d say it’s a bit unbelievable.”
We both giggled at the scrupulous situation. “I love him, Steph, but I also love your father. I always will. He was a huge part of my life, and I’ll never regret a single moment we shared together, but it’s time for me to stop dwelling on what I can’t change. Chad wants a life with me. He’s getting a divorce, and as soon as it’s final he’s going to move here. I know we can make it work. I want this life with him; a second chance at something great, but I also want to hold on to the memories of your father. That’s why I think you should have the house. He would want it that way, and I don’t think it would be right for Chad to move in there. I need to separate the two in order to keep from feeling guilty. I know it’s all in my head, but I think in order to start new we need a place of our own. Chad grew up in the mansion, so did his mother. It’s important for him to keep it in the family.”
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “I’m happy for you, Mom. Whatever you need, we’ll be there to help out. Take your time.”
“I want you to move in soon, Steph. I’ll help you redecorate your old room for baby Grayson. You can change anything you want in the house, but you know your dad and I kept it pretty updated.”
“It’s fine the way it is,” she assured me.
“Good.” It put another smile on my face. I handed her the sleeping child. “Here, take him. It’s getting late and I should head home. I’m going to call Chad and tell him the good news. He’s been begging me to move in, so this will make his day.”
When I left my daughter’s house I felt like everything was going to be okay. Stephanie didn’t seem to be bothered by my being in love with another man aside from her father, and I certainly needed to factor in her reaction to the added list of why I should stop fighting what I couldn’t let go of.
Halfway down the road I decided to give Chad the good news with an extra special present. I headed for the mansion, in hopes of being able to send him something to keep him smiling for days.
I’d had a key since before Chad’s grandmother passed away. When I stayed there, after Grayson’s death, Charles had asked me to keep it in case he was away and needed me to check on the place. Now I wondered if he’d known all along it would one day be mine to share with Chad.
Entering in the dark home didn’t frighten me. There were too many good memories that needed to be cherished, instead of wondering if the place was haunted.
Once inside, I locked the door and headed straight to Chad’s room. I began taking off my clothes and climbing on the bed, looking for the best angle to snap a photo making it obvious where I was.
After five attempts, I knew I had a great shot. I captioned it, ‘I’ve made my decision. Can’t wait until you’re home.’, and sent it over, hoping he would immediately reply to the racy gesture.
Sure enough my phone began to ring. I got more comfortable on the mattress and answered in my most erotic sounding voice. “Hey sexy. Tell me you’re as excited as I am.”
“Rach,” his voice was strained. “I have bad news.”
Chapter 36
After spending the afternoon comforting Veronica, I’d done some research on her condition. Keeping it from her wasn’t difficult, since she’d gotten herself so upset it caused her to be exhausted. While she slept soundly in the hospital bed, I went through every website I could find, skimming through treatment options and statistics.
The picture from Rachel was inappropriate, and if I weren’t in such dire straights I probably would have booked another flight to be back in her arms. I wanted to appreciate it; to celebrate in the news of her finally agreeing she should move into the mansion. This should have made me elated, overjoyed with excitement, but I didn’t have it in me.
In the slightest chance that Veronica’s cancer had progressed, I knew I was obligated to remain by her side. I wasn’t a selfish person. As much as I hated the idea of not being able to be with Rachel, my responsibilities to my family were forcing my hand.
Calling her was something I’d put off since learning the devastating news. She wasn’t going to take it sitting down. Rachel, being like me, would encourage me to remain in California, once again significantly giving her reasons to shut me out of her life. She’d want me focused on them, instead of when I could get to her. As much as I tried to find common ground I was failing fast.
I knew her voice was going to break me; hearing it and understanding I was about to shatter her heart, yet again. “Hey sexy. Tell me you’re as excited as I am.”
“Rach,” I struggled. “I have bad news.”
I could hear shuffling before she replied. “What’s wrong? You sound terrible.”
“It’s Veronica.”
“Did she lose the baby. Chad I’m so sorry.”
If it were someone else I would have wondered about her sincerity, but I knew Rachel meant it. She was a genuine person with a heart of gold. “There was no baby.”
“What? She lied to get you home? We should have known she’d go to extremes…”
I had to stop her. “She has cancer.”
The line fell silent, as if it had been disconnected.
“Rach, say something.”
“I don’t know what to say. Did she know?”
“No. Apparently the type of cancer she has produces the pregnancy hormone. She thought she was pregnant. When the ambulance came they assumed she was miscarrying. It wasn’t until they ran tests, and did the lab work.”
“Oh my god, Chad, she must be a wreck.” Right away she was in support mode – another reason I loved her so much.
“It’s been a rough day, especially since I didn’t show up until after she received the news. I feel like an asshole. I haven’t gone home yet, and according to Veronica, Harper witnessed her mother bleeding all over the place. She must have so many questions, and I don’t know what to tell her. She’s too young to understand what cancer is, or what it can do to someone.”
“Are they going to start treatments right away?”
“According to Veronica, yes. Tomorrow she’ll have some more testing done by an oncologist. From there they’ll be able to see if the cancer has spread to anywhere else. I’m praying we caught it soon enough where it hasn’t. She doesn’t deserve to go through this. Veronica might be a bitch at times, but she’s a good mother.”
“Are you okay, Chad?” It was just like Rachel to ask about me in the midst of tragedy. “Have you been able to rest at all?”
“Not really. There’s too much on my mind.”
“You need to keep yourself healthy for Veronica’s sake. She’s going to need you there, alert and supportive. When you speak to Harper it can’t look like you’ve been worried or upset. You have to be strong and optimistic for both the girls.”
In all honesty, Rachel was who I needed to get me through this, but I knew she was also the last person I could allow myself to count on. “I feel like we can’t catch a break, Rach. My mind was made up. I knew where my place was, and how I was going to go about it, and then this happened. Now I don’t know how…”
She cut me off. “You’re going to be there for them, that’s what you have to do.”
“Stop worrying about us, Chad. Focus on them. It’s a lot to wrap your head around in only a few hours. As time passes it will be easier to come to terms with.”
“As soon as I know more I’ll call and let you know. I’m sorry I had to leave so abruptly this morning.”
“Never apologize to me. It’s not necessary. That’s your family. I’d be angry if you didn’t run after them.”
“You deserve the world, Rach. I hate that I’m not able to give it to you right now.”
“Stop it. Just worry about you. Go home and get some rest. Hug your daughter, and be in good spirits when you go back to the hospital in the morning. Veronica is going to need you to hold her hand. Cancer is a scary word, and knowing it’s growing inside of her must be a horrendously scary feeling. Don’t let her give up. She’s young and has a lot to fight for. She can beat this.”
“I love you, I hope you know that. I do, Rach. I’ve always loved you. No matter where I am, or who we’re with, it’s always going to be you. Please know that whatever happens in the near future, I will find my way back to you. I promise.”
Rachel began to cry. I could hear her sniffles and sobs on the other end of the line. “I love you too. I’m not going anywhere. As long as it takes, Chad. I’ll be here waiting for you.”
The phone call ended, mostly because I couldn’t say another word to Rachel without losing my shit. After telling Veronica I was headed home to check on Harper, I hurried through the hospital to the parking garage. Once inside the confines of my vehicle, I took a deep breath and then fell apart.
This had to be a nightmare.
Cancer.
The word repeated in my head like a broken record. With nothing left to do but support my family, I forced myself to get it together enough to make it home.
By the time I was there the sun had gone down, and the beautiful California horizon had become dark. I quietly made my way inside the home, finding our neighbor’s daughter Dani asleep on the couch. She lifted her head when I came into the room to drape a blanket over her curled up body. “Hey. How is Harper?”