The Secret Admirer Romance Collection

by Barratt, Amanda; Beatty, Lorraine; Bull, Molly Noble

  The preacher looked up as he entered. “Hello, Adam. It was nice to see you in church today.”

  “I hadn’t planned on it, but…well…here I am.” He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, and fiddled with his hat. “I was wondering if you still have that black leather Bible I sold you. I’d like to buy it back. Or you can pick another one from my stock regardless of the price.”

  “That’s generous of you, Adam. However, I’ve written on the dedication page, so you probably won’t be able to sell it again.”

  Adam’s heart dropped a notch. “Well, if it’s a gift for someone, then that’s that.” He turned away.

  “Adam.” The preacher held the Bible open to the front page. “Read the name.”

  Adam ran his fingers over the edge of his hat brim. What did the preacher have in mind?

  The preacher waited with a patient smile.

  Adam looked down. He swiped at his eyes and read the name again. “What’s this?”

  “I bought it for you, Adam. But I needed you to come looking for it.” He gestured to a pew. “Sit with me awhile.”

  As soon as church was over, Janet hurried home. She’d seen the looks cast her way, then to the back of the room, and back at her. After their public discourse at the picnic, the only reason the parishioners would have acted that way was if Adam was in the building.

  She’d braced herself for their meeting and then been disappointed when she hadn’t seen him after all.

  Footsteps hit the hard street behind her. “Wait up, sis.”

  Recognizing Neil’s voice, she slowed her pace.

  “Did you see Adam in church today? That was a nice surprise.”

  In response, she made a noncommittal sound.

  “Do you remember those notes you wrote him?”

  She groaned and picked up her speed.

  “He still has them. He keeps them in that drawer.”

  “Neil, why would you tell me that?” She swung her arms to go faster. “Do you want me to go steal them back? Huh?”

  “No, I just thought you’d like to know.”

  “Well, I don’t,” she snapped. As a thought occurred to her, she turned around and headed back to church.

  “Wait! Now where you going?”

  “I have to talk to Emily. Go get dinner for Pa. I’ll see you soon.”

  Since she didn’t hear him following her, she assumed he did as she asked. For the past week she’d pined for Adam, even though there was no hope for them. Heartsick, is what Pa called it. But no more. He had been at church and hadn’t even stayed to nod at her, never mind say a greeting. He couldn’t have been plainer in his actions.

  She found Emily waiting with her family while her brother brought their surrey around.

  “Emily, a word, please.” No sooner had she dragged Emily out of earshot than she whispered, “Sign me up.”

  Emily leaned back to take a good look at her. “Sign you up for what? We only have one list, and that’s for bachelors.”

  “Well, there should be one for spinsters, too. Just do whatever you’re doing to let the men know I’m available.”

  Emily frowned. “Are you sure, Janet? Adam—”

  “Don’t even say it, Emily Dundas. He’s not interested in me, and I need to take my mind off him.”

  “But you can’t let a man court you when you have another one on your heart.” Emily placed her hand on her bodice as if shocked by such an idea.

  “It was one-sided, Emily, so it doesn’t count. Let me see the bachelor’s list, then.”

  “Oh, Janet.” Emily hugged her, right there on the street. “Come with us for dinner. The Ladies Social Club is meeting this afternoon at our place.”

  Janet bit her bottom lip a moment. “They’re expecting me at home.”

  “We’ll stop by your place first, then. Don’t worry. Come on.”

  Later that afternoon after the meeting, Emily drove Janet back home. “Are you going to tell me the names you wrote down?”

  Janet sighed. “I didn’t write any.”

  “Oh, but you must have. I saw you scribbling something.”

  “You really want to see?”

  “Yes.”

  Janet handed her a piece of paper and then took the reins so Emily could read it.

  “Oh, dear. Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” She handed the reins back to Emily and pocketed her paper. A minute later, she took the paper back out and stared at the five names. Each time she’d picked a bachelor from the list, she’d mentally sized him up against Adam. And then she’d written down the better man’s name. She’d chosen Adam five times.

  “How was your afternoon?” Pa asked as she entered the house.

  “Good. I haven’t been to a tea party in a long time.”

  “You missed our visitor. He left about thirty minutes before you walked in the door.”

  “He?”

  Neil came in the door behind her. “Janet, you missed Adam.”

  Shock sent her wits flying. “Why was Adam here?”

  “He didn’t say. Perhaps you should ask him yourself the next time you see him.”

  They went back to what they were doing as if nothing absurdly important had happened while she was gone. What had Adam wanted? Surely nothing to do with their situation, because according to him, there was nothing between them.

  The only thing to do was hitch a ride with Neil the next time he had a delivery. Unless she chickened out. Or came up with an excuse to stop by in the morning.

  The next morning, however, they needed her to stay behind while all four men went on a delivery with the two wagons.

  As she washed up the breakfast dishes, she told herself it was for the best because the last thing she should do was rush into Adam’s store with high expectations that he’d changed his mind, only to find that his visit was nothing of the sort.

  Anxious and confused, she headed to work intending to take her mind off all matters of the heart.

  She saw the note as soon as she stepped into her office. A folded sheet of notepaper, similar to the ones she’d left for Adam, lay beside her typewriter. Her pounding heart kept time with the cadence of her footsteps as she crossed to it.

  Ever so slowly, she picked it up and unfolded it. Her tears fell in rivulets down her cheeks and under her chin at his poetic words:

  Meet me under the apple tree,

  We’ll speak of our past and things to be,

  And then if you still want me,

  I’ll offer my ring on bended knee.

  Adam.

  She clasped the note to her bodice, held it there as she prayed. She read it again, slower, taking in each phrase to ensure she understood the meaning correctly. The thought crossed her mind that Neil was playing a joke on her, except she recognized the script as Adam’s.

  She was almost out the door before she realized that he probably wouldn’t be there now; after all, he’d left the note the day before and wouldn’t know when she stepped into her office.

  Inspecting the note, she saw where he had written, Monday, 5:30 p.m. in a corner. How was she ever going to wait?

  Chapter 9

  At 5:00 p.m. Adam tucked Janet’s love notes into his pocket. In front of him on the counter lay the black leather Bible. Beside it, a thin gold band. He was ready to present himself to Janet and then accept her answer, no matter how she responded.

  Except he still had a customer in the store.

  “Pardon me, but it’s closing time,” he said.

  The elderly woman raised her cane and set it down half a foot to the right. Then she turned in line with it. “What’s that you say?”

  “The store is closed now. It’s five o’clock.”

  She lifted her cane and moved it back where it was originally then followed it around. She did the same thing twice more until she faced the door.

  Thinking she was leaving, Adam opened the door for her.

  She didn’t move. “Joe isn’t here yet.”

  He closed
the door, lest another customer think he was open. “Who’s Joe?”

  “Joe Nash. My son.” She shuffled back around to look at the painted lamp shades.

  Adam stepped outside to look up and down the street but didn’t see anyone who could be Joe.

  The woman shuffled to the next display case.

  “Mrs. Nash, what time will Joe be here?”

  Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. “When he’s done.”

  Adam prayed for patience. He couldn’t leave the woman outside alone, and he wasn’t about to leave her in the store. Although he’d already locked the back door, he checked it again while ensuring Joe wasn’t waiting out that way.

  The clock clicked on the quarter hour.

  Adam’s hands began to sweat. The most important day of his life and he was stuck in his own store.

  “Mrs. Nash, is there something you’d like to buy?” He didn’t want to have Joe arrive and then have to wait for them to pay for an item. That would take time that he wasn’t willing to share with them.

  “Not yet.”

  Adam heard an outfit coming down the street. He ran to the door. “Joe?”

  The young bearded man tied off the lines. “That’s me. Ma ready?”

  “Joe’s here,” Adam called out as he led Joe through the door. “Thank you, Mrs. Nash. I hope you’ll stop by again.” He held the door open.

  “I want that one,” Mrs. Nash said.

  Adam groaned. He closed the door and then walked down behind the display cases to see what Mrs. Nash was pointing at. “This one?” He held up a silver trinket box.

  “No, the porcelain one beside it.”

  Adam glanced over his shoulder. 5:25 p.m. He handed the box to the woman. “It’s on me. Good-bye.”

  “How much?” she asked, passing it over to Joe.

  “It’s a gift. Thank you, again.” Adam turned away.

  “We always pay our way. How much is it?”

  He told her the price.

  Excruciating seconds passed as she counted out the exact amount.

  “Thank you, again.”

  “Aren’t you going to wrap it?”

  He stared at her. “Yes, of course.”

  She harrumphed.

  By the time Mrs. Nash and Joe were out the door, it was 5:31 p.m. and Adam was beside himself. With the Bible tucked under his arm, and the ring in his pocket, he sprinted down Main Street. He couldn’t even be sure that he’d locked the door properly, but he didn’t care. Hopefully, Janet was still there.

  Puffing, he arrived at the churchyard.

  The area under the apple tree was empty.

  Chest heaving, Adam sucked in gulps of air. He couldn’t believe she wasn’t here. Had she been and gone? Or hadn’t she come at all? Holding on to his sides where painful stitches ached, he walked toward the apple tree. As he neared, he caught sight of a brown skirt on the ground on either side of the tree.

  He strode forward and around to find her sitting at the base of the tree hugging her bent knees, her head resting on them.

  “Janet?”

  She raised her head. “Adam? Are you really here?”

  “I sure am, sweetheart. Sorry I took so long. I had this customer, and—”

  “It’s all right. You’re here now.” Her smile dazzled him.

  Adam dropped to her side under the apple tree. “I have something to tell you. I won’t lighten or embellish it because you need the facts. What I’m about to say may change how you feel about me, and that’s all right if you decide to take back what you said in these notes.”

  He withdrew them from his pocket and laid them on the ground between them. A light breeze fanned the papers. He imagined them blowing away as soon as he confessed, and reached for a stone to place on top of the stack.

  “When I’m done, if you still want me, hand the notes back as confirmation that you still believe the words to be true. If you decide you can’t live with seeing my face every morning for the rest of your days on earth, take the notes home and burn them. I won’t try to change your mind.”

  She picked at the ground until a pebble dislodged in her fingers. Her knuckles turned white from the grip. Her actions said she was strong enough to face the truth. Was she strong enough to forgive it?

  He held up his Bible. “I had a Bible like this once. It was a gift from my mother before I could even read.” Closing his eyes, he used both hands to rest the top edge of the Bible against his chin. “I lost it in a fire.”

  He forced himself to look back at the house as it had been that night. To remember the breeze fluttering the curtains as he sat on the windowsill. “I lit a smoke up in my room, close to the window so that the breeze would take the scent away. I was on the threshold of manhood, old enough to drink and smoke but respectful of my folks who couldn’t abide either habit.” He picked up a twig and spun it around with his fingers as if turning time back to that moment. “It was almost bedtime when Ma called me downstairs for something. I squeezed the burning tip off the smoke, tossed it out, and shoved the rest of it into my pocket for later.

  “I should have guessed the breeze would blow the burning ashes back into the curtain, but all I could think was to get rid of it before they found out.” A lump grew in his throat as he heard Ma’s voice calling up the stairs. He cleared his throat before continuing.

  “It didn’t matter. One sniff and Pa knew what I’d been doing up there. He said he was tired of arguing and I was to stop or move out. I stomped out and rode to the nearest saloon.” He paused, unable to admit the depths he’d allowed himself to fall into—no, not fall, he’d done it deliberately with full knowledge—willingly under his own steam. “Witnesses said the barkeep sent me sprawling into the street. Too drunk to get up, I crawled into an alley and passed out.”

  At Janet’s gasp, shame from the depths of his soul seeped out of his pores, soaking him in sweat. He couldn’t look at her innocence and see himself reflected in her eyes.

  Rising, he walked a few yards away. “I saw the black smoke as I rode back the next morning. I rode hard, but it was too late. Everyone was gone. Ma. Pa. My brother and kid sister. My Bible.” He stared at his Bible and saw the charred remains of the original one lying beside what was left of his sister’s doll. His eyes stung as if still feeling the effects of the acrid smoke. It filled his airway and clung to each breath until he pushed the tenacious memories behind him.

  Minutes later, he faced her squarely. “I haven’t had a smoke or touched alcohol since that night, and I can never forget what I did to them. It was ruled an accident, so there was no punishment.” His harsh laugh escaped before he could pull it back. “I committed the most despicable crime and got away with it. Even God tried to forgive me, but I wouldn’t let Him because I didn’t deserve to go unpunished.

  “And then I started finding notes from someone who was thinking of me, wanting to be with me, of loving me.”

  Tears ran unchecked down her blotchy face. That she felt his pain, took some of his away. He crouched beside her. “And because of her love, and with the preacher’s help, I’ve opened my heart to God and accepted His forgiveness.”

  A sob escaped her lips before she could smother it with her balled-up handkerchief.

  He turned toward the tracks to give her a moment of privacy. He was tired of hiding. His heart cried out for her to accept him, but if she didn’t…if she didn’t, he would stay and be a testament of God’s love.

  At the sound of rustling paper, he clutched the Bible to his chest and turned.

  Janet picked up the pile of notes as Adam’s pain engulfed her heart. Although he spoke with maturity, his remorseful words resonated with the cry of youth, when he’d felt challenged to assert himself as an adult and had failed. He’d carried his pain in silence, believing he wasn’t worthy of love.

  The notes had broken through a barrier she hadn’t known existed. Only God could have filled her heart with love for a man she barely knew, extending that love with hidden poems to catch his attention.
<
br />   She held them up. “My heart was full of unrequited love as I wrote these, and now, I want to keep them.”

  He flinched and closed his eyes, but not before she saw the bleak emptiness.

  Rising, she rested her hand on his arm, near his Bible. “Adam, I want to keep them forever close to my side, as a reminder of our courtship.”

  “What?” His voice trembled. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’ve always been sure. You’re the one who balked.”

  His eyes simmered with emotion. “Only because I tried to protect you. Each time you came to the store, I followed you with my eyes, while my arms ached to hold you—like this.” He reached for her.

  She leaned forward in anticipation, eager to seal the promise she saw in his eyes. Their lips met and warmth flooded through her, melting the last of her doubts away. When he lifted his head, she rested hers on his chest, not ready to lose the comfort of his arms now that he’d welcomed her home.

  He kissed the top of her head and then pulled away. “You caught my eye long before I found the first note, but I wouldn’t allow myself to think about tomorrow. Now, I’m eager for it.” He reached for her notes. “Let me see those.”

  She handed them over without question.

  He flipped through them until he found the one he was looking for and placed it on top of the rest. “I have to get this right.” He sank down to one knee.

  Giddiness welled up as she realized his intention.

  He pulled a thin gold band from his pocket and held it up to her. “In my note, I promised to offer my ring on bended knee—even though you proposed first.”

  She rolled her eyes with exaggeration, knowing he would tease her with it for the rest of their lives.

  His face grew serious. “I have fallen in love with you. Will you marry me?”

  Brimming with happiness, she nodded. “I will, my love, I will.”

  Epilogue

  A few months later in early December, Janet followed Emily down the aisle. Beside her, Pa patted her arm, his way of saying everything would be all right. Friends and neighbors smiled as she passed them, wearing her mother’s silk ecru wedding dress, updated to 1890 fashion with Emily’s help.