Loving And Letting Go: An Amish Christian Romance
Page 8
"Rebecca, look at me," Atlee said. He placed one hand over both of Rebecca's. "I understand. I feel the same way. Because of what you've been through, we need to take more time than other courting couples in getting to know each other better. If God wills it, it will happen," he said with a smile.
Rebecca sighed, relieved. "Denki! I don't want to lose you, but... at the same time... "
"You have to be sure," Atlee said. "Don't worry. It's all in God's hands, anyway. We will continue to see each other and court before we come to any decisions on becoming engaged or getting married."
Peace Crossing was fully into summer when Atlee thought about his relationship with Rebecca. Now that she was out of school for the summer, they were able to see each other several times a week. I am falling deeply in love with a God-loving woman. I know she wanted to wait last spring, but we do need to talk about our feelings.
The next time he went to visit, they walked around the Zook property as they talked.
"Rebecca, I am feeling growing love for you. I'm falling in love with you, and I would like to talk about the possibility of a future with you," Atlee said, feeling his heart pounding.
Rebecca looked at Atlee with a new, soft look in her eyes.
"Atlee, my feelings for you are growing as well. We've been spending time getting to know each other, for much of this year. I still want to get to know you better, but I do know that I am developing strong feelings for you."
Their walk and conversation continued before Atlee left. By the time he boarded his buggy, they had decided to continue allowing their feelings for each other to grow while they kept getting to know each other.
"Rebecca, it'll happen. I'm confident of that," Atlee said with a gentle smile.
In her room that night, Rebecca put her hand over her pounding heart. Walking to her window, she looked outside, just watching the scenery. After going to bed, she continued thinking of her relationship with Atlee.
Rebecca, child, you went through a harrowing experience. Learn to trust my father and your beau. Let your fear go.
The next morning, Rebecca remembered her dream. She knew she would find it hard to let go and trust. While she wanted to see Atlee and keep getting to know him, she was still afraid. Helping her mamm, she continued to think and pray.
"Rebecca, you're awfully quiet. What is it?" Barbara asked.
"Mamm, I care deeply for Atlee. But I'm afraid that, if I allow myself to let go and care completely for him, he'll - become John, when John was so sick," Rebecca said, knowing her fears were irrational.
"He is not John. He's a very strong man, Rebecca. I think you need to speak with Ruth or Jenny about this, because they know him better than I do," Barbara said.
The next afternoon, Rebecca drove to visit with Ruth. At the end of her discussion, she knew that Atlee's outlook on a courting relationship was completely different from John's viewpoint. Thinking of her talk with Ruth, she vowed to keep one thought in mind: Rebecca, Atlee's fallen in love with you. He's not going to become John. He won't become obsessed. Rebecca was grateful for Ruth's words. The next time she saw Atlee, she was able to discuss the possibility of a permanent, loving relationship with him, without getting scared.
Atlee saw the change. On his way home, he prayed, thanking God for working through Ruth and helping Rebecca to see that he would not become John. As they continued seeing each other throughout the summer, he began to think of a good time to propose to Rebecca.
Chapter 6
At the end of the summer, Jenny King began working on wedding preparations in earnest. In October, when the bishop read the wedding banns, he read out Jenny's and Caleb's names, freeing them to notify family and friends, inviting them to the impending celebration.
Right before the Wedding Season began, Atlee drove to Rebecca's. Sitting in the living room, he told Rebecca how he felt about her, explaining his love for her.
"I want to marry you, Rebecca. I want us to have several bopplis and grow old with each other," said Atlee, gazing into Rebecca's eyes. "And we can continue taking time to get to know each other. The only difference is, now we'll be an engaged couple. We can schedule our wedding for one year from now."
Rebecca sighed in relief and smiled.
"Denki, Atlee. I do want to marry you, but I also want more time to get to know you as well," she said.
Before he went home, the couple had decided that Rebecca would continue with her teaching.
"Atlee, I really love to see them realize they've just learned something new. That blaze of light in their eyes is so - rewarding," said Rebecca, smiling at the thought.
John's relationship with Martha had smoothed out and they had grown closer. John had continued to work on his beliefs so that he would not become obsessive and begin stalking Martha.
"Martha, I'm beginning to care for you deeply. Will you marry me?" he asked.
Martha looked down, thinking of how she wanted to answer the question.
"John, I care for you just as much, but, until we know that you're really healthy and stable, I would rather wait before we make a decision. We are still young and, if it is meant to be, John, it is meant to be," Martha said, emphasizing her words by raising her eyebrows at him.
John wasn't happy. Standing and beginning to pace, he thought.
"Martha, I love you. Do you love me?"
"Ya! I do, John, but..." Martha began.
"Then, it should be easy to..."
"Say 'yes?' Maybe, in different circumstances. John, please sit down and stop pacing. I'm not saying there's no way I'll marry you. I'm only saying that I want to wait until we both know you're stable. That's all!"
John heard her words, and, breathing deeply, he nodded. "OK. I understand. We'll... continue courting?"
Martha smiled. "We'd better."
On his way home, John looked at his reactions to Martha's decision. He hadn't gotten suspicious, although he wasn't happy. The next day, when they were again together, he brought up the subject again.
"OK. We'll wait to become engaged. Let's keep getting to know each other. I have an idea. Since we both have to know that I'm stable, why don't you attend some of my therapy sessions with Mike?"
Martha looked at John, her eyes wide.
"That's -actually a very good idea, John. If this Mike agrees, then, yes - I will."
John smiled in relief at Martha.
"I see him tomorrow. I'll ask him and, if he agrees, then we can all start meeting next week."
"John, that's a great idea. I want to teach you how to 'be' in healthy relationships with non-relatives, anyway, and this is a great beginning. Next week. Have Martha begin working with us next week."
As Martha and John worked with Mike in therapy, their relationship slowly deepened. Martha was more trusting of John and his ability to interact appropriately with her and others. She felt her feelings for him growing stronger as they continued to see each other and work in therapy with Mike. At different times, she found herself smiling at a memory of a visit from John. She looked at her feelings for him and knew that she was falling in love with him.
John felt the change in Martha's attitude toward him - she was softer and more accepting of him, even on days when he struggled to maintain a grip on reality. At singings, she laughed more readily and interacted much more easily with him. It was just after Christmas when he decided to bring up marriage again.
"Martha, how do you think things have been going with us?"
"Good. I feel like I've gotten to know you much better, and I see you working hard to stay healthy. You go to the hospital with your daed for shots and I know that can't be easy. I've seen you struggle with some concepts, but you're making progress. Most of all, I feel you respecting me as a person more and more, John," Martha said, smiling easily at her beau.
John smiled. This next question would be easier to ask now.
"What do you think of marrying me now? Do you still want to wait before you think about it?"
"I'm ready to
start talking about it, but just talk. I - don't think you're quite ready for engagement. I want to continue working with you and Mike. So, let's do this. Let's promise to talk more seriously about becoming engaged and marriage. Mike needs to know so he can help us - you - make the adjustment," Martha suggested, smiling at John's hopeful face.
Also By Melanie Schmidt
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Save Big! Grab the 'A Perfect Love Box Set' Bundle With All 3 Stories For Less Than The Price of 2!