Besieged

by L. P. Lovell

  I find the car and fumble with the fob, trying to find the button in the dim light, in doing so I drop the key.

  "For fuck sake." I curse as I crouch and feel around until I find it.

  "Please tell me you’re not intending to drive Lilly." The deep sultry voice has a bite of authority in it which makes my whole body stand to attention. I hate that he has this effect on me, even now.

  I turn to face the silhouetted character behind me. "Yes, I am. As far as I can recall it has fuck all to do with you." I snap. I turn and force the key in the lock rather than fiddle with the fob again. The door unlocks and I pull it open before it's slammed shut in front of me.

  Theo is standing right next to me with his hand against the door of the car. My temper is at breaking point right now.

  "It has everything to do with me. You're not getting in that car." His voice is low, but stern and full of warning. I narrow my eyes at his shadowy figure, seething with rage.

  "What is your problem?!" I scream at him. "I can do what the fuck I like. It has nothing to do with you!" I repeat, my blood practically boiling.

  "Lilly, either way you are not driving home. We can do this the easy way or the hard way..." He steps forward pressing me against the car. His closeness does strange things to me, and as angry as I am with him, I can't help but want him. He stands so that his broad shoulders block me in.

  "Give me the key Lilly." He whispers against my cheek. He's using his sex appeal to manipulate me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I fight through the fog clouding my mind. Summoning all my strength I shove hard against his chest. It's enough for him to take a step back. I seize the opportunity and storm down the street. I quickly hear footsteps coming up behind me before his arm wraps around my waist, pulling me up against his strong body.

  “Let go of me.” I struggle in his arms.

  "No." He growls. "You're walking through the streets of London on your own, at midnight, pissed and in that dress! Seriously Lilly...you’re just asking to get raped!"

  The shock hits me like a punch in the gut and I freeze. A violent tremor shakes my body and I start to struggle for breath. Images flash through my mind at a hundred miles an hour. Voices. ‘You ask for it you little slut. You like it’. The smell of tobacco fills my senses threatening to make me gag. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to push the torment away. Fingers brush my cheek and I flinch away from the touch.

  “Lilly. Lilly!” I snap back to the cold London street, and Theo’s concerned face staring back at me. His hands cup my cheeks as he studies me, worry etched all over his features.

  “Don’t touch me.” I snap out. I can’t be touched right now. Not with the memory of him crawling over my skin.

  He looks hurt. “What happened to you?” He whispers.

  I look at the pavement. “Nothing. I need to go.”

  I turn back to the parked Beemer, but Theo steps in front of me. “You still can’t drive Lilly.” My previous state is quickly over taken by boiling rage. Who the fuck does he think he is?!

  “Can you not see that I don’t want to be around you right now?! Are you that fucking stupid!” I scream at him.

  “Hard way it is.” He mumbles. Suddenly strong hands grab me around the waist and the next thing I know I’m being thrown over Theo's shoulder.

  "Theo!" I scream. "Fucking put me down right now!"

  “No, I don’t care what issue you have with me, you’re not driving home tonight, and you’re not staggering around at this time of night. Stop being such a fucking brat!” He shouts.

  "Put me down." I try to keep my voice threatening.

  "No."

  Well, I asked nicely. From where I’m situated across his shoulder I manage to hook my arm around his neck, grabbing my wrist with the other hand I pull back, crushing his windpipe in the crook of my arm.

  "Lilly!" He coughs.

  I hold it there for a few more seconds. "Put me the fuck down." I keep my voice low. His grip on my thighs loosens. I release his neck and slide down his body until my feet touch the ground.

  I straighten my skirt before turning to look at him. He's still coughing and his face is red.

  "The next time you speak to me like that, you'll be needing a new windpipe." I growl. I turn and pull open the door of the car, it abruptly slams again. I grit my teeth and take a deep breath. He is seriously testing my patience now.

  I turn and glare at him. "You're not driving home." He repeats.

  "Really?" I smirk at him.

  "Oh come on Lilly. You may have got one up on me when I wasn't expecting it, but we both know you can't take me." He rolls his eyes.

  As my anger slowly subsides it gives way to the crippling unfamiliar pain in my chest. I take a deep breath, keeping my voice quiet so that he hopefully won't hear it break. "Please Theo. Just go. I'll be fine. I just need to leave right now."

  "Why?" He growls.

  "Because you're an arsehole!" I shout. Hello again anger, nice to see you rather than that bitch self-pity.

  "Really Lilly?" He says through gritted teeth.

  There is a long silence. "Because I can't be this close to you right now. Happy?!" I only hear him take a sharp breath. Fuck, I'm pathetic. He's fucking done this to me. I vowed this would never happen to me. I despise myself right now.

  "Lilly...you have it all wrong..."

  "Please Theo..." I beg. "Please just let me go." I whisper the words as my chest tightens.

  "I..." He struggles.

  "Please." I close my eyes, trying to force back my instincts to kiss him, to want to be near him, even as self-loathing invades every cell in my body.

  "I'll give you what you want. I'll let you go Lilly. But you are not driving. I'll take you wherever you want to go." His words are hushed.

  "Ugh! Please just leave." The pain in his eyes is too much to bare. I can't look at him. He opens the passenger door, waiting.

  "Please Lilly." His voice is gentle and in the dim glow from the interior light I can see his broken expression.

  "Fine." I climb in, fed up of fighting with him. We'll be out here all night at this rate.

  We sit in silence as he winds his way around the streets of London. There's that usual energy between us that thrums through the small space in the car. I try very hard to ignore it, but it's difficult.

  "You were wrong earlier." He says quietly. I say nothing. "It's not that I don't want to be seen with you Lilly. I don't want you to be seen with me."

  "Theo, its fine. You don't have to explain. You need to be seen with the right people. I understand." I say calmly. The anxiety is clawing at me and I try to force it away. This will be fine. Better I do it sooner than later. I just need to summon the courage to deny my hopeless addiction to him, that's all it is, it's a chemical reaction. My body craves his, but it's just sex.

  "Lilly..." He barks.

  "It was just sex, I don't care." I stare out of the window at the passing blackness.

  He growls and thumps his fist against the steering wheel. "Was? Shit Lilly! You don't get it. I've always been a horrible bastard. I seduce women, have sex with them and then don't ever speak to them again. I couldn't even tell you half their names. And I have no respect for any of them, because they're all so damn easy." He takes a deep breath, anger radiates from him. This information is nothing new to me. I'd spotted it the moment I met him. It's the reason I didn't want to be involved with him. His body relaxes slightly and his tone softens.

  "You're different Lilly. You're anything but easy. You infuriate me so much at times, but I care about you. The press know my reputation though and if we're seen together you will be portrayed as one of those girls. I can't bear the thought of anyone thinking of you like that." His admission surprises me.

  "Theo, the only difference between me and those other girls is that I’ve fucked you more than once." I smile at him. "Funny that after all of my efforts to stay away from you at the beginning I've ended up being exactly what I didn't want to be, a notch." I can't help b
ut think back and try to work out how I got to this point.

  "You're wrong. You have no idea how wrong you are." He says quietly. If that’s true then why do I feel so pathetic?

  "Theo, I don't think we should do this anymore." I say quietly.

  "No Lilly. I won't let you do this. We'll work this out." He growls.

  I doubt anyone has ever walked away from him. I knew it wouldn't go down well. He's not going to let me go.... Then it occurs to me, I'll have to just walk out without any warning, make it quick like ripping off a plaster. I close my eyes as the reality of never seeing him again sinks in. This is why I avoid getting close to people, and especially people like him. It makes you weak. It makes you vulnerable. Oh god, this is going to be a long night. I need to stay strong, remember this feeling, because the likelihood is that he will resort to anything to change my mind. I can't though. I need to get out before it's too late.

  I hadn't realised where we were going until Theo pulls the car into the double garage at the side of his house.

  "I need to go home Theo." I close my eyes, silently praying that it will be that easy.

  "Please don't Lilly. I need you to talk to me." He pleads desperately. Of course he would have to make it hard for me. I nod once and get out to follow him. One last night with him I tell myself and then I’ll leave and that will be it. It was fun, but people like me aren’t meant to get involved, and so I plaster on a smile and follow through the house to his bedroom.

  He turns and looks at me with narrowed eyes. His jaw is tense and locked. I realise that I want him so much right now. I just want to feel the security he brings me one last time. He opens his mouth to say something and I move. I press my body to his wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. I pour every ounce of my desire and need for him into this moment, because it will be my last chance. My lips work over his, coaxing him and easing the tension. Slowly his arms wind around me and his tongue traces my lower lip. I rip his jacket off of his shoulders before quickly unfastening his shirt buttons. His lips never leave mine as he unfastens his cufflinks and drops them. He yanks the zip of my dress down and crouches sliding it down my legs, watching me the whole time. His eyes are dark and turbulent as they survey my body. I'm left wearing only a black lace thong. His breath quickens. The muscles of his torso ripple and flex as he moves. He stands, running his hands up my body as he moves. His lips collide with mine again in an aggressive kiss. He bites my bottom lip hard as his fingers dig into by back. I gasp and moan as he thrusts his pelvis against me, pressing his rigid cock against my hip. Both our movements are desperate, crazed.

  I struggle to breathe. My senses are overloaded with him. His touch, his kiss, just him. I rip open his button and fly, pushing his trousers and boxers down his legs.

  He moves behind me and pushes me down so that I’m bent over the bed leaning on my hands. He folds his body over mine and kisses my shoulder and back whilst gently caressing my bum. He pushes my thong aside and carefully slips one finger inside me, feeling the hot moisture there.

  "Always so willing Lilly." He purrs in my ear. His other hand is pressed against my stomach pinning my body to his. He slips another finger into me and I moan. He begins to move, thrusting into me over and over. My body bows trying to seek relief. His other hand moves lower and presses against my lower stomach. This changes the angle somehow and abruptly my body starts to tremble. He thrusts again and again. The orgasm rips through me so forcefully that my legs give out underneath me. Theo holds me as I cry out in relief.

  He holds me until my breathing steadies, then he flattens his body over mine and shocks me by tearing my thong off. He slowly eases into me. He thrusts forward over and over until he's buried within me. The feeling is euphoric. He cups my breasts, stroking and pinching my nipples. He pulls out and slams forward into me. Each time he pushes me to the edge of pain and pleasure, relentlessly torturing me with an overload of sensation. My insides start to tremble and just when I’m close, he pulls away from me and sits on the edge of the bed. My entire body is like an elastic band pulled too tight and ready to snap. He smiles at me alluringly ebbing away some of my frustration. He inclines his chin, beckoning me forward. I straddle his lap. He kisses across my neck and collar bone whilst I gradually lower onto him. A moan escapes me when I take all of him. I begin to grind into him. His hands gently stroke my back as he stares at me, his beautiful eyes study mine. We've never had sex like this before, this is somehow so intimate. He places his hands on either side of my face and kisses me gently yet passionately. His lips mould to mine perfectly. I continue an unrelenting but leisurely rhythm. When I come, he holds me close and climaxes with me, crying out my name. Something just changed, something has changed, but I’m not sure what. Either way, it makes me feel comforted yet uncomfortable at the same time.

  I wait until Theo is sleeping soundly, breathing slow and deep before crawling out of the bed. I just need to hold it together until I can get out of here. The worst part of this is knowing it will hurt me and yet he will probably have gotten over it by this evening and found someone else to take my place. I sigh, slip on my dress and tiptoe down the hall. I creep upstairs into the living area. In the office desk I find paper and a pen and begin to write.

  Theo.

  I am writing you this letter because I know that if I tell you this in person you will try to change my mind, but I know this is best for both of us.

  I can't do this anymore. It was inevitable. I'm sorry.

  Lilly.

  I don't know what else to say. There is nothing else to say. I take the note and go back downstairs. Theo is still asleep, he looks so peaceful and so beautiful. I want desperately to kiss him, but I’m afraid he'll wake up and then change my mind. I need to do this. As much as I feel toward him, I have to protect myself. I place the note on the bedside table and pick up the BMW keys. Goodbye Theo. I walk away knowing that a piece of me is still lying in that bed with him.

  Chapter 15 – Theo

  I awake in the morning and stretch out my arm. Lilly's not there and the bed is cold. Her scent still hangs in the air, mixed with the unmistakeable smell of sex. I climb out of bed and head upstairs.

  "Lilly?" I search the house but she's gone. I walk back into the bedroom and spot the small white square of paper on the bedside table. I open it and read the two written sentences. My chest aches at the sight of her words. Sheer panic followed by desolation consumes me. I should have known, her kisses last night were crazed, almost desperate. She was saying goodbye, and I was so wrapped up in her that I ignored it. As I stare blankly at the scrap of paper I realise that now I know what it is to have her...I can't go back. I will fight for her, no matter what.

  I call her several times before deciding to just go over to her flat. By the time I get there I'm irrationally angry. Why I don't know. She's doing what she thinks is best for her. I can't fault her for that, but I feel betrayed in a way that I really shouldn't. This whole situation is so fucked up. I care about her, but I don't want to and she certainly doesn't want me to. I shouldn't be bothered in the slightest by her middle of the night disappearance, yet I feel like she just cut me and by rehashing it in my mind over and over, I keep rubbing salt in the wound.

  From the start Lilly has made me go against all rational behaviour. I shouldn't have wanted her so much, but I did. I should have just dropped it when she said she wasn't interested, I didn't. And now, I shouldn't be here acting like a whiney little bitch who just got dumped, yet here I am. Sucks to be me.

  I press the buzzer and wait.

  "Hello." Her voice is barely a whisper as it comes through the intercom.

  "Lilly it's me. Buzz me in." I struggle to keep a lid on my temper.

  "Theo..." She sighs. "Please just leave."

  "Not until you at least talk to me. You think you can just leave a note and that’s it, we're done?!" Again too stern. "We are not done!"

  She sighs. "We are done Theo. Jesus, get over it!" She snaps.

  "Lilly." I grow
l into the intercom just as it clicks off. She hung up.

  I quickly find myself sinking into a black hole of nothingness. Never have I felt like this, it's like someone has punched a hole through my chest. How has ‘just sex’ come to this? The only thing I can focus on is her, and the loss of her. It takes me a long time and a lot of confused suffering before I come to a shocking realisation. I'm in love with her. I'm fucking in love with her! The irony that after all my years of fucking around, the one woman I’m actually in love with doesn't want to know. And so I have a drink, and another, and another, until the pain starts to numb into a low buzz.

  I wake up at my desk at home on Monday morning. My head is throbbing and my stomach is delicate to say the least. I'm still wearing the clothes I had on yesterday. I must have drunk myself into a coma.

  I check the clock. It's nine thirty. I call Lucy and tell her I won't be coming in today, but to divert anything essential to my home office.

  Once I’ve showered and changed I decide to check my emails. There's an email from my PR manager with an attachment. The attachment is a magazine article with a picture of Lilly and I dancing. The headline reads Is London’s most eligible bachelor finally off the market? Perfect fucking timing.

  There are three pictures on the page. In each one Lilly looks exquisite, the epitome of elegance, beauty and vitality. One shot is a very zoomed in shot of us close together outside The Duke. The second is outside Circus House, I’m holding the car door open for her and she's smiling at me. The last is from last night, we're dancing, eyes locked on each other. The way she looks at me is certainly not the look of a woman who is unhappy. How did I manage to fuck this up so badly? The article states that her identity is as of yet unknown. At least she won't be hounded by the paparazzi.