Kite Spirit

by Sita Brahmachari

  ‘What happen to your head?’ Garth whispered.

  Kite raised her hand back up to her scar-brow.

  ‘Not your scar . . . here,’ Garth pointed to the raised, bruised skin above her brow and his hand brushed her hair as he did so. Kite’s heart fluttered. So he had already looked at her closely enough to notice the scar.

  ‘Oh that, it’s nothing, just a bruise! I fell.’

  ‘So this is the Kite of Kite Carrec!’ The girl with pink hair came over.

  ‘Hi, I’m Cassie,’ she said. ‘No point waiting for Garth to introduce us.’ She nudged Garth’s arm playfully. ‘Think he wants to keep you to himself.’ Garth kicked at the ground and Kite couldn’t read the expression on his face.

  ‘Sorry we didn’t get here earlier,’ Cassie continued. ‘We only caught the end. Your dad’s really good though.’

  ‘Thanks!’ Kite mumbled as Seth and Ruby came bowling out of the pub laughing.

  ‘How’s it going, Garth?’ Seth called over.

  ‘I’ve gotta go!’ Kite said. She and Ruby dreaded Seth striking up a conversation when they couldn’t think of what to say to Garth or the others.

  ‘Maybe see you around?’ Cassie called after her. ‘Love the nails!’

  Kite didn’t turn back, but waved as the motorbike revved up behind her. Her face was flushed with embarrassment as she walked away, feeling curious eyes boring into her back.

  Prelude

  The station was surprisingly busy, considering it was only seven o’clock in the morning. The travellers were an eclectic combination of smartly dressed executives setting off to work in one of the neighbouring cities, students on their way to school or college, serious-looking backpackers carrying ridiculously heavy loads . . . and Ruby. She stepped on to the train and paused in the doorway, facing the platform.

  ‘Sure you don’t want to decamp to Manchester?’

  Kite shook her head. It had been good to see Ruby, but now she knew she needed to stay and wait for the rain. She could tell by the way Seth had supported her decision that he was desperate to stay here himself. Despite her initial resistance, the landscape and its people seemed to have ignited something in them both.

  Ruby winked at Kite as she settled down in her window seat, pressing her hand against the glass and wiggling her elegant fingers in a wave. Seth wrapped an arm around Kite’s shoulders as the train pulled away and Ruby mouthed the words, ‘Bye, my darlin’, love you.’

  ‘Love you too,’ Kite mouthed back.

  She was used to either Seth or Ruby being away on tour so the raw emotion that threatened to rise up from somewhere deep in her stomach surprised her. It felt as if the tight little knot that she had held inside her for so long was beginning to unravel and with it she was losing control. The tears rose to her eyes. What was wrong with her? She couldn’t cry for Dawn, at least not in her waking hours, but she was crying about saying goodbye to Ruby when she would be seeing her again in a few days. Kite rubbed the tears roughly from her eyes.

  If only she had been able to say goodbye to Dawn.

  ‘Let’s take a drive around the Lakes,’ suggested Seth.

  On a whim he hired a little boat and fishing rods on the shore of Lake Crummock Water. He’d got it into his head that he wanted to catch a brown trout for Jack. Kite was worried that Seth would try to use the time to talk, but as it turned out, he was so focused on learning how to cast the line without getting it tangled that there wasn’t much chance for conversation. Kite stared up at the familiar uninterrupted blue sky and wished for a great wind to scud across, bringing racing clouds of grey and charcoal. She closed her eyes and opened her senses and hoped that Dawn would visit her again in her dreams:

  gentle lapping of water against the boat side

  reeling in and out of fly rod

  zip noise as the line runs

  bird call far off

  splash

  water lapping

  lapping

  boat rocking from side to side

  ‘Get the net, quick!’

  She opened her eyes at the urgency of Seth’s voice. A golden brown fish leaped from the water and plummeted back down again, leaving ever-decreasing circles rippling over the surface. Seth let the line run, allowing the fish its freedom, and then slowly he began to tighten his hold and reel it in. Again and again it leaped out of the water, arching upward and swishing its tail this way and that.

  ‘It’s putting up a good fight!’ panted Seth as he reeled it in closer, his eyes bright with excitement. Kite found herself willing the trout to unhook itself. Then, as Seth leaned over the side of the boat with the net, the fish within touching distance, it made one last attempt to escape, this time diving deep into the dark water below the boat. After a few seconds it floated to the surface on its side, the hook embedded in its mouth as it flicked its tail weakly. Seth scooped the net under the fish, and lifted it in over the side of the boat.

  ‘Look away!’ he ordered, but Kite was transfixed as Seth laid the trout out in the deck. She stood, as the boat rocked from side to side, and watched in horror as the fish opened its mouth and gills, gulping air where water should have been. She held her breath as Seth picked up something that resembled a small hammer. He raised his arm in the air and brought it down hard on the trout’s head. A tiny trickle of blood oozed from its mouth and it stilled. Seth took some tweezers from the tool box under the seat and carefully removed the hook.

  Kite stared.

  ‘Please can we just go back?’ she whispered. She felt as if someone had hit her hard on the back of the head.

  Seth reached a hand towards her but she snatched hers away. Her stomach lurched with the horror of seeing life turn to death before her eyes. It was the first time she had ever seen anything die.

  The girl at the boat hut provided some newspaper and string and packed the fish with ice from her freezer box to keep it fresh.

  ‘It won’t have felt any pain,’ Seth assured her as they drove away.

  ‘How do you know?’

  She had tried not to think about the way Dawn had died. She hoped more than anything it would have been as Ruby said, without pain, but there was no way of really knowing.

  Seth ran into the Carrec Arms brandishing his parcel.

  ‘You’ll never guess what I’ve got for you, Jack!’

  Dr Sherpa and Ellie were sitting at the table. Dr Sherpa had a protective arm wrapped around her shoulders. Ellie’s eyes were red and swollen. Kite looked over to Jack’s empty chair and Dr Sherpa shook his head.

  ‘But I caught him a trout for his supper,’ Seth said, sounding like a disappointed child as he placed the fish on the table.

  Ellie looked at it blankly.

  ‘What a shame! Jack loved nothing better than a fresh buttered trout for his breakfast,’ Dr Sherpa said. The words choked in his throat as he spoke them.

  Kite felt the tears sting her eyes and roll down her cheeks. Seth hugged her to him and she looked up to see that he was crying too.

  Ellie was telling the story again of how she found Jack, as if she was trying to believe it herself.

  ‘I popped up with a cup of tea this morning and he was gone. The odd thing is, he had a photo of Mirror Falls in his hands. Well, I suppose it was his land and he always loved to go up to that spot on the hill. He was such a fit man, running up there till way after his seventieth birthday.’

  It was early afternoon when they left. Seth had gone up to see old Jack and sat with him for what seemed like hours while Ellie talked downstairs. Kite had no desire to see his body. She wanted to remember him as he had been the night before, dancing around the pub with Ruby. At least he’d left everyone with happy memories.

  ‘I’m sorry, Kite’ Seth sighed as they got into the car. ‘You should have gone back to Manchester with Ruby.’

  Kite shook her head.

  ‘So what am I going to do with Jack’s fish now?’

  ‘I don’t know. Let’s just go back,’ Kite pleaded.

 
‘It’s been a long, sad day,’ Seth said. ‘I feel shattered myself, and I can’t believe it’s still only three o’clock.’ He checked his watch as he drove across the common to the bottom of the track.

  ‘I’ll walk the rest of the way,’ Kite said.

  ‘I know how you feel, I’m not ready to go back yet either. Do you mind if I drop you off? I’ll only be an hour or so.’ Seth handed her the key. ‘It’s probably a whim, but I caught that trout for Jack and if he can’t have it I think I know the perfect place for it.’

  ‘With You in Spirit’

  Kite walked up the track and there at the sandstone entrance, weighted down by a pebble, was another note. She winced. The same envelope, the same paper, the same scored-out address.

  Dear Kite,

  I wanted to thank you for pulling down the blinds. I spoke to Garth and I see now that I should have explained better. I only ask to protect the owls, to stop them flying into the window at night. I hope you’ll come and see me at Scar View with Garth. I’d like to show you something.

  Agnes Landseer

  Kite took the note and placed it on the table with the others. This one was definitely friendlier, but something about that woman still made her feel uncomfortable. What could she possibly want to show her? Kite walked over to the window, where the owl print shone silver in the afternoon sunshine. Now she was alone, the place felt unbelievably empty, as if it had no warmth or heart.

  Images of the day flashed through her head: waving Ruby off on the station and feeling as if she was saying goodbye to her forever; the vision of the fish opening and closing its mouth, gulping air and fighting for life; the vacant expression on Ellie’s face when they’d entered the Carrec Arms; the tears for Jack. She walked over to the table, picked up Agnes’s note, turned it over and wrote.

  Just gone for a walk to think things through. I ll be back later. Don’ t worry about me,

  I’m fine.

  Love Kite X

  She left the note on the sandstone slab weighted by the key and walked down the steep path that led away from Mirror Falls. As she followed the stream she looked up at the sky to find white clouds gathering in little clumps. She had only come out in her T-shirt and shorts and she felt with relief a cool breeze play on her skin. Please, please let the weather break so that I can go down to the dam and bury Dawn’s reed. It became a chant, filling her head as she walked. Let the weather break, let the weather break.

  She entered the little coppice where she’d seen Dawn and heard her music. Would she come again to comfort her? Kite peered in among the trees, her nerve endings prickling, every sense alert. Then she heard an enormous splash. She hid behind a tree, held her breath and watched and waited as a human head broke the surface of the water. Was this Dawn gliding across the lake towards her with smooth, even strokes? But she was too far away to see and the sun glinted off the surface, reflecting light in every direction, playing tricks with her eyes. Kite hid and watched as the graceful figure swam towards her now, through the darker shaded water, till she came into view. It was not Dawn but Agnes Landseer. Kite’s heart sank as Agnes emerged seal-like in her black swimming costume, wading towards her and now dancing her way over the sharp little stones and slates. She was surprisingly fit-looking, with swimmer’s shoulders and lean strong limbs.

  Agnes looked up momentarily, peering into the woodland as if she sensed that someone was watching. Kite did not move a muscle, and she held her breath steady so that she would not have to come face to face with her. Agnes wrapped a towel around her head, ducked behind a boulder and emerged dressed in a fleece and trousers. Kite shivered. It was cooler in the woodland, without the sun on her back. She scrunched her eyes closed as Agnes walked between the trees, treading only a few paces from where she hid. High above her head came the hollow tapping of a woodpecker. Agnes stopped in her tracks and peered up among the branches. Kite clung on to the trunk of the tree. When she was sure that Agnes was gone she stood up slowly and walked towards the lake. Behind her the woodpecker began its insistent tap-tapping again as if it was calling her back into the shelter of the wood.

  Kite looked up to where the red birds circled above her head. She followed a path past the waterfall where she had stood with Garth and around the edge of the lake. At the far end was a high rock platform. Above it the hillside receded and the branches of a large tree hung out over the water. From one of these sturdy branches a thick rope swing had been securely tied. Kite clambered up. Maybe if she flew through the air like a bird Dawn would come and sit by her side just once more. It was so long since she’d been on the trapeze she wondered if her muscles would be strong enough to hold her. Then again, what harm could it do? The worst that could happen is that she’d fall into the lake and have to swim to the edge as Agnes had done. She climbed up on to another step-like ledge and finally pulled herself on to a piece of rock that jutted out over the lake like a diving board. Kite tugged on the rope to check that it was firm and attempted to climb up as she’d so often done in training with Annalisa. She pulled herself towards the tree, her arms shaking with the effort. It was hard to believe how weak she had become.

  ‘Come on, Kite,’ she willed herself on and climbed to the top then down again on to the slate platform. She wrapped the ends of the rope around her leg so that it was secure, returned to the back of the platform and began to run towards the lake. As she did, the kites above her sent up a deafening screech. She stretched backwards and let her body glide over the lake, she felt the breeze in her hair and the moment of forgetting that always came with flying . . . then she opened her eyes as she flew and looked down into the deep clear water. There was Dawn smiling up at her.

  The water was ice cold, and as she hit the surface her heart clamped in shock as her body sank down, down, down to the bottom of the lake, following the golden path of Dawn’s smile. The water was surprisingly clear except for the bubbles rising from her own mouth as she slowly breathed the air out of her lungs, but as she drifted further and further away Dawn’s face faded and Grandma Grace’s voice surged through her body.

  You know you have all my love, and no matter how far I am, or what trouble life brings, I will always be with you in spirit.

  What was she doing here, putting her own life at risk? As she kicked her arms and legs to swim up to the surface her St Christopher released itself from around her neck. She cast about for it frantically, stirring up the mud on the lake bed and clouding the water. Her lungs felt as if they were about to explode and she knew if she left it any longer that she would not have the strength to return to the surface. It was then she felt the necklace being placed into her palm and her fist close tight around it. An arm wrapped around her waist and something pushed her upward with superhuman force, propelling her from the bottom of the lake up through millions of bubbles up, up, up through the clear water until she broke the surface. Kite opened her mouth and gulped the air into her starving lungs and began to cough and splutter violently. She caught sight of Bardsey swimming ahead of her, looking back in concern every few seconds and barking insistently. The hand moved from around her waist to under her chin and someone was pulling her now exactly as she and Dawn had practised together in life-saving lessons. Kite struggled against the helping hand as she began to kick her arms and legs. She closed her eyes for a second, preparing herself to find Dawn swimming by her side.

  ‘Kite, are you OK?’ It was Garth, hovering too close, ready to catch her as if he thought she might drown.

  All Dammed Up Inside

  ‘I got cramp from the cold, and my leg went a bit dead for a minute, that’s all,’ Kite explained as Garth wrapped a towel around her shoulders.

  ‘I was coming for a swim anyway!’ Garth said. ‘But Bardsey here made such a fuss that I ended up sprinting down to the lake. Wait till I tell Gran that she’s got a life-saving dog on her hands!’ Garth laughed as Bardsey shook his drenched coat, showering them both with water.

  ‘Catches folk out how cold it is to swim in the tarn
s. Maybe wasn’t such a clever idea with a bang to your head like that either.’ He pointed to the now purple bruise on her forehead. ‘Hey, you’re shivering.’ He took the towel and started rubbing her arms and back. ‘You need more layers,’ he said, running over to his rucksack and pulling out a fleece. Kite attempted to pull her T-shirt away from where it clung to the contours of her body before he ran back to her.

  ‘Here, take these too. They’ll be way too big for you, but they’ve got a drawstring waist! I always pack something in case the weather turns.’ He handed her some jogging bottoms, indicating the boulder behind which Agnes had got dressed.

  ‘Do you think the weather is going to change?’ Kite asked him as she pulled on the clothes and attempted to stop her teeth from chattering.

  Garth looked up at the kites flying above his head and listened to their incessant screeching.

  ‘They’re always noisier when the weather’s on the turn.’

  Kite closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. Soon she would be able to give Dawn the burial she deserved and then she might be able to stop searching for her.

  Garth skimmed stones while she dressed. She got the impression that he didn’t believe her about the cramp, that he was waiting for her to tell him the truth.

  ‘I saw your gran swimming here earlier,’ Kite said as she came to stand by his side.

  ‘She swims pretty much every day, rain or shine. She’s even been known to break the ice!’ Garth laughed as he skimmed a stone across the water. ‘She loves this place, reckons it’s full of “presences” though.’

  ‘Do you believe in that sort of thing?’ Kite asked.

  Garth paused a moment before he spoke. ‘Can’t say for sure, but what I will say is there are certain spots that give you a feeling of something else, something beyond what we can see.’