Mommy Wanted

by Renee Andrews

Were they already too attached?

  Was he?

  Mitch couldn’t make any promises about whether he could encourage Kate’s relationship with his daughters. He also couldn’t make any promises about whether he would trust her enough to have a personal relationship with her himself. Those were things he needed to think about, pray about.

  But he knew one area that he could help her with now, and he’d simply start there. If she were going to try to stay in Claremont, talk to Chad and see about having a relationship with Lainey, then she needed a job. And she was a good office manager.

  “You left work early,” he said, deciding not to respond to the second part of her question about whether or not he’d allow her to be around Dee and Emmie. He’d take this whole forgiving thing one step at a time. “Leaving early without giving me any indication of when you’re coming back could cause someone to get fired.”

  She blinked. “I thought you wanted me to leave,” she said. “And not come back.”

  “Don’t you think you should ask your boss about something like that instead of merely making an assumption?” he asked. Before she could answer, he added, “So I can’t cut you any more slack. If you’re late tomorrow morning, I’ll have to fire you. You understand?”

  Her eyes fluttered through enough blinks to clear her tears, and she nodded. “Yes, I understand.”

  Satisfied that he’d done as much as he could do toward forgiveness right now, Mitch turned and walked back into the church.

  Chapter Twelve

  Mitch stared at his computer screen while Kate rummaged around her desk the way she did every day at noon, neatening her files, logging off the computer, withdrawing her purse from the drawer. Just two days ago, he’d have been standing near her desk and joking with her while she got ready to leave, and then the two of them would head to the diner and chat, maybe even flirt, over their meal.

  But today they’d said less than a dozen words to each other since she’d arrived, and now was no exception.

  “Do you—” she started, then her face paled when he looked up. “Um, do you want me to get you anything for lunch while I’m out?” she asked.

  “I brought something from home.”

  “Okay.” She took a couple of steps and then stopped as though she were going to ask him something else. Mitch waited for the question, but then she audibly inhaled and exhaled and proceeded out the door.

  He listened to her car start and watched through the window as she left, then he made his way to the back, grabbed his lunch and ate the leftover chicken while working at his computer, the same way he’d had his lunch every day...until Kate came to town.

  He missed being with her now, but he wasn’t ready to say he was okay with what she’d done back then. He was “getting okay,” he supposed, coming to terms with the fact that she was the woman whom the entire town had despised merely three years ago.

  How would the people of Claremont treat her after Chad got back and the truth came out to everyone? Mrs. Tingle knew and believed Kate deserved a chance to redeem herself; she’d told Mitch as much last night when he’d picked up Emmie from the nursery. And then she’d also added that she was pretty sure Kate had strong feelings toward him, and that she was also pretty sure he had them for her, too.

  “Strong feelings” was an understatement, at least on his part, but he wasn’t going to admit that to Mrs. Tingle, especially after the day he’d had yesterday with Kate. Even though she’d disappointed him, lied to him, he still couldn’t stop thinking about her. And neither could Dee and Emmie. They had asked him multiple times why Kate didn’t come over yesterday. He could only imagine what they’d be like this afternoon if they didn’t get to see her again.

  His cell phone rang, and he saw Maura’s name displayed. “Hey, Maura. Everything okay?” She never called him during the middle of the workday unless Bo needed help with something or unless one of them was sick.

  “No, Mitch. Everything isn’t. Listen, I don’t know what’s going on, or if RuthEllen Riley got her facts messed up. But I was at the beauty shop this morning getting a trim, and RuthEllen was talking about your new office manager. Saying how nice and helpful she was when RuthEllen called in to pay her bill...this morning.”

  Mitch should’ve known this was coming. “Mmm-hmm.”

  “What does that mean? ‘Mmm-hmm’? Are you saying she did talk to Kate today? She didn’t have her days mixed up and talk to her last week, before you found out the truth?”

  “No, RuthEllen definitely called this morning,” he said, recalling hearing Kate’s end of the conversation.

  “And talked to Kate?”

  “Yes, she did.” He tapped a few keys on his computer, not because he needed to look something up but mainly because he needed some kind of a distraction while Maura grilled him. The minesweeper game was the first thing that he found, so he clicked the start button, selected a square...and hit a mine.

  Not a good sign.

  Maura’s end of the line grew so silent that Mitch momentarily thought she’d hung up.

  “Maura?” he questioned.

  “What are you doing, Mitch?” she asked, her voice no longer angry, but confused.

  “I’m trying to put Brother Henry’s lesson into practice, working on forgiveness.”

  “But,” she said, then whispered, “God, please help us.” Then she took a couple of deep breaths and said, “Mitch, do you really think Chad will want her to be in Claremont after what she did? How do you think he’s going to feel when he finds out you’ve given her a job?”

  “I don’t know, but I do plan to talk to him about it, after he gets back and after Kate’s had a chance to talk to him first.”

  “Well, he’s not going to talk to her after what she did. Why would he?”

  Mitch could think of one good reason. “Because she’s Lainey’s mother.”

  His comment seemed to stump her, and she huffed out a breath. “Can I just tell you the truth, what’s really bothering me?” she asked.

  “Yes, please,” Mitch said, thankful to cut to the chase. “What is it, Maura?”

  “I don’t think she needs to be around you, not professionally or personally. And I really don’t think she needs to be around the girls.”

  “Why’s that?” he asked, closing his eyes and wondering where this conversation was headed.

  “Because the girls are already hooked on her, and that doesn’t need to get any worse, because she’s liable to up and leave again. And, if you want to know the truth, I think you’re already hooked on her, too. And I can’t stand the thought of her hurting you the way she hurt Chad.”

  Mitch swallowed and thought about the events of the past two days, particularly when he’d sat at this very desk and screamed at Kate until she’d left the office in tears. “Honestly, Maura, I’m beginning to think she didn’t hurt me nearly as much as I hurt her.” He saw Kate’s car pull into the parking lot. “I’ve got to go. Thanks for calling. I’ll think about everything you said.”

  “Please do, Mitch. You know we love you.”

  “I love you, too,” he said, disconnecting as the door opened and the office phone began to ring.

  * * *

  Kate hadn’t been able to eat anything more than crackers. She didn’t feel well, her stomach in knots, undoubtedly due to the loss of a potential relationship with Mitch...and the impending arrival of Chad and his family to Claremont. She couldn’t wait to see Lainey, but in order to see her precious little girl, she’d have to gain Chad’s approval.

  And now she wasn’t certain how to make that happen. Mitch had decided to tolerate her in the office; that was the best way to put it. He’d been cordial and hadn’t brought up her past at all today, but he wasn’t the guy she’d gotten to know over the past week. Wasn’t the guy she’d started to fall for. And even though he tolerated her, had maybe even forgiven her for her past mistakes, he’d still clearly put up a wall between them. They were coworkers now, nothing more, nothing less. No friendly banter
between them as they worked. Definitely nothing flirtatious happening, either.

  And she missed all of that. She missed Mitch, period. Even though they’d sat in the same room for the majority of the day, she missed him. And she felt achingly alone.

  Unlike the earlier part of the day, Mitch actually looked at her as she entered, so Kate held up a hand in a small wave then darted toward the ringing telephone. She dropped her purse and picked up the receiver. “Gillespie Insurance Agency, this is Kate. How can I help you?”

  “I didn’t believe it.”

  “Chad,” she said.

  Mitch looked at her and then stood as though he were leaving. Obviously, he thought she wanted privacy for this conversation. But she didn’t want to hide anything else from Mitch, and she’d start that transparency right now.

  She cupped a hand over the mouthpiece and whispered, “No, Mitch. Please stay.”

  He looked confused, but he returned to his seat, while Kate slowly made her way to the chair. God, please, help me say the right thing. “Chad, I—I was trying to wait until you got home so I could talk to you in person.”

  “Hannah texted Jess to let us know you were back and that you were working for Mitch. Seems she didn’t want us to end our vacation with the shock of your arrival in town. So I’m asking you to leave, before we get back. There is no reason for you to be in Claremont, and you know it.”

  “I need to talk to you. About Lainey.”

  He grumbled something, but Kate couldn’t make out the words, and then he said in a hushed tone, as though pushing the words through his teeth, “You lost all rights to talk to me about Lainey three years ago when you walked out that door. Your parental rights were terminated, Kate. You have no reason—no right—to talk to her or see her...or even be around her. Do you understand? Jess is her mother now, and you’re not about to come in and confuse Lainey about that. She doesn’t even remember you, and I refuse to let you ruin our lives...again.”

  “Chad, if you would just let me talk to you in person, I have something to tell you. I’ve changed, Chad, and I hate the person I was back then. But I’m not that way anymore. I’ve—gone through a lot. And I’ve turned to God to get me through it.” She’d thought she’d cried so much over the past twenty-four hours that she couldn’t shed another tear. But she’d thought wrong, because her eyes burned as the tears pushed through. “I’ve finally found faith.”

  Another grumble, or growl, echoed through the line. “I’m glad that you think you’ve got your life on the right track, Kate. Really, I am. Because if anyone ever needed to turn their life around it was you. But that doesn’t mean you can come turn our lives upside down, just because you’ve realized you have a conscience.”

  “It isn’t that, Chad. I don’t want to see you only because I’m trying to do the right thing. I want to see you because I want—I need—to see my little girl.”

  The growling voice returned. “She isn’t your little girl, Kate, and she hasn’t been for three years. She’s ours—mine and Jessica’s—legally, and there’s nothing you can say or do to change that.”

  “I’m not trying to take her from you....”

  “Good, because it isn’t happening. Ever.”

  “But I have to get to know her, Chad. She doesn’t even need to know that I gave birth to her. Just let me be some part of her world.” She looked toward Mitch and saw that his mouth had flattened, and his head shook slightly to the side as if he knew there would be no changing Chad’s answer.

  And there wasn’t.

  “No.” The single word seemed to be his final verdict, and Kate’s throat constricted.

  She couldn’t give up.

  “We’re coming back into town on Saturday, and I don’t want even the slightest chance of running into you in Claremont. So tell Mitch that you’re quitting the job. I get that he didn’t know who you were to start with, but I don’t understand why in the world he’s got you there now that he knows.”

  “I think he’s trying to forgive me,” she said softly, and the look in Mitch’s eyes said he knew she was talking about him.

  “Good for Mitch,” Chad said. “And just because I don’t want you around Lainey, or around us, that doesn’t mean I can’t forgive you. I meant what I said. It’s great that you’ve turned your life around. But whether I forgive you or not, that doesn’t give you the right to reenter our lives.”

  “I have to see her,” Kate said. “I need to have some semblance of a relationship with my little girl.”

  “She isn’t your little girl!” he repeated, this time bellowing each word into the phone.

  “Yes, she is,” Kate said, gathering the strength to say everything before she lost her courage...or Chad hung up the phone. “She’s my daughter biologically, and there’s nothing you can say or do about that!” She hadn’t meant to yell, but he wasn’t listening to her talk, and if yelling was his method for handling this conversation, then so be it.

  “The courts gave her to me,” he said, his voice now low and steady. Undeniably angry.

  “Let me be a part of her life, Chad. I need that so much. I need her so much. There’s no way you can know how much I need her in my life.”

  “You haven’t even called to check on her in three years, Kate. Now you expect me to believe you can’t live without having her in your life? Why is that? What changed?”

  “I told you, I’ve changed,” she said, her tone shifting from anger to pleading—begging. “And I want to get to know her so badly because...” She really hadn’t planned on telling him this over the phone.

  “Because why, Kate?”

  “Because I can’t have any more children. Lainey is all I have, all I will ever have! Please, Chad, let me see her. Let me get to know her. Let me—let me love her, Chad, and maybe she could even...” Kate sucked in a raspy breath. “Maybe she could even learn to love me? Not as her mommy, but as whatever you want. I could be like an aunt. Or just a friend. I don’t care what you call me, Chad, but let me have a place in her life. Please, I’m begging you!” She gripped the receiver and prayed. Please, please, please. Forgive me. Give me a chance. Please, say yes!

  “No.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mitch put the girls to bed and then went out on the porch. Ever since Chad had called his office this afternoon, he hadn’t stopped thinking about Kate’s side of the conversation. The pain in her voice haunted him, as did the sound of her begging Chad to let her see her daughter.

  And the look on her face when his friend told her no.

  But Chad’s anger was a direct result of the Kate he knew three years ago, not the person she’d become since. Hadn’t Mitch also been angry when he realized who she was, what she’d done? But then he had time to think and to realize that she, like everyone else, had made mistakes. She was sorry for those mistakes, and she wanted another chance. Mitch understood that now. He saw it when he looked at her, heard it when she spoke.

  He’d sent her home after her conversation with Chad had ended, partly because she was too upset to work and mostly because Mitch didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. The one thing she wanted was the chance to be a mother to Lainey, and that was something Chad wasn’t allowing. At least not yet. Maybe not ever.

  Mitch had texted Chad and received no response. He’d called, and it went straight to voice mail, so he left a brief explanation, saying he hadn’t realized Kate was “that” Kate when he’d hired her, and then he also said he wanted to talk to Chad, because he truly believed she’d changed.

  Obviously, Chad didn’t agree and didn’t want to talk to Mitch about it over the phone. Mitch knew his old buddy would come see him personally when he got home so they could discuss what had happened. Chad was a good guy, and they’d been friends since elementary school. He’d forgive Mitch.

  But would he forgive Kate?

  “I can’t have any more children. Lainey is all I have, all I will ever have!”

  Her words, delivered in a panicked cry, had
replayed in Mitch’s mind all afternoon. No wonder she’d been so eager to help with Dee and Emmie. More than anything else, Kate wanted to be a mom.

  Mitch wondered why she couldn’t have more children. Did it have something to do with that doctor’s appointment? Because she’d never said that much about it, not the type of appointment it was or what she’d learned from the doctor.

  He thought of Lainey, one of Dee’s best friends, a beautiful little girl with blond curls, big blue eyes and a smile that always seemed on the verge of laughing. She had Kate’s smile, Mitch now realized, and her bright blue eyes. But Kate’s hair was inky-black and curly. Chad said she’d been blonde when they dated and married. Why would Kate change her blond locks to black, not that she didn’t look beautiful with her ebony hair and ivory skin, but why change? He’d heard that some women changed their hairstyle when they were upset or when they experienced a dramatic life change. Maybe Kate had dyed hers when she realized she’d given up her only child and couldn’t have more.

  His cell phone rang, and he fished it from his pocket to see Maura’s name illuminated on the screen. “Hey, Maura.”

  “Mitch, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

  He’d had plenty of bad news this week, so he figured he could handle a little more. “Okay, shoot.”

  “Autumn has a fever, and she can’t keep any food down. I’m thinking that she caught that same virus Dee and Emmie had last week. I was hoping she would keep from getting it since we were out of town when it hit the majority of the kids, but it got to her after all.”

  “I hate that for her,” he said, remembering how difficult it had been for him and Kate to take care of the girls last week when they were sick. He and Kate, taking care of Dee and Emmie. It’d felt so right, working together to run his business...and his family. She’d blended in as though she belonged here, and for a brief span of time, he’d thought she might.

  “I hate it for her, too,” Maura said. “I’ll take care of her while Hannah has her screening appointment in the morning, but we won’t be able to go to Muffins with Mom. I am so sorry.”