Mommy Wanted

by Renee Andrews

  “It’s okay,” he said, not wanting her to feel bad when she needed to take care of Autumn. “I’ll work something out.”

  “I was thinking that maybe you could keep them out of the day care tomorrow? Take a day off of work and spend it with them, a daddy-and-daughters day? Undoubtedly they’ll be talking a lot about mommies at the day care, since it is Muffins with Mom, and it might just draw attention to the fact that their mommy isn’t here. What do you think? Could you take a day off for the girls?”

  Mitch knew her well enough to know there was more to her question than she let on. She wanted him to take a day off of work and spend it with the girls not only because the girls didn’t have a mother figure for sharing muffins, but also because she didn’t want Mitch at work...with Kate. “I shouldn’t take off of work tomorrow. I didn’t get as much done yesterday or today as I would have liked, and I’ll need to catch up.”

  “Problem with your assistant doing enough work?” she asked.

  “She’s had a rough couple of days.” Mitch set his jaw, then decided to ask the obvious. “Maura, what would it take for you to believe that Kate might have changed? Because the truth is I believe she has.”

  “You didn’t feel that way last night,” she reminded him.

  “I had to think about it. Pray about it,” he said. “So, what would it take?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, her voice losing the steely edge she’d had a moment ago. “I guess I’m scared.”

  Now they were getting somewhere. “Scared of what?”

  “Of the fact that Hannah said you seemed to be falling for her, and the fact that she’s hurt people in the past. I don’t want to give her the opportunity to hurt you, or the girls, or...”

  “Or what?”

  “Or me and Bo,” she said. “We see you as a son, and I’ve prayed that when you found someone again after Jana—and we knew you would, eventually—that she’d be a sweet, kindhearted God-loving soul who wouldn’t want to sever our relationship with you, or with Dee and Emmie.”

  So that was what was going on. Maura was afraid that Mitch would leave them behind if he ever found someone else. And then he’d taken an interest in Kate, and she knew her history, so she panicked.

  “Maura, no one—and I mean no one—is going to harm our relationship. You’re the only family I have, and you’re the only grandparents the girls have. I love you, and they love you. No matter who comes into my life, we aren’t leaving yours.”

  She sniffed. “Thank you, Mitch.”

  “You’re welcome. And don’t worry. Somehow, everything will be okay.”

  “I know it will. And I’ll start praying about my attitude toward her, but please, promise me that you’ll be careful with your heart.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “And I’m sorry again about Muffins with Mom.”

  “It’s fine. Don’t worry at all. Everything will be okay,” he consoled her, and then said goodbye and hung up.

  “Will everything be okay, Mitch? For me?” Kate’s voice, carrying across the porch as she climbed the steps, took him by surprise, but he was glad to hear it. Very glad. He’d wanted to talk to her about her conversation with Chad, but he needed her to decide if and when she was ready to confide.

  “I think everything will,” he said honestly, then patted the swing beside him. “Want to sit and talk?”

  “If you don’t mind. I came over because I need someone to talk to. I know Mrs. Tingle is happy to listen, but I—well, I wanted to talk to you.”

  “I wanted to talk to you, too.”

  She sat on the swing and that hint of peaches teased his senses. “Really?”

  “Really,” he said.

  “You can go first,” she said, her voice trembling as though she were nervous about this conversation.

  Mitch didn’t want her to be nervous, not around him. He’d hurt her this week because he’d judged her based on her past. But it wasn’t his place to judge. And now he realized how wrong he’d been.

  “I wanted you to know that I believe you, that you aren’t the same person that Chad knew back then and that you want to start over. And truthfully, I believe you deserve that chance. I can see it in the way you act, the way you talk, but most of all in the way you are with Dee and Emmie.” He could still see Dee, snuggled in her bed tonight, clutching her Snow White figurine close, the way she had each night since he’d bought the prized toy. “It’s obvious how much you care about them and that you’d never do anything to hurt them.”

  “You believe that now?”

  He nodded. “And I plan to tell Chad that, too, when I see him.”

  She rubbed her fingertips over her eyes. “I appreciate that, more than you know, but I believe he’s made up his mind. I’ve been praying all afternoon that he will talk to me, listen to me and let me explain what all has happened and how very much I’ve changed. And I want him to know that I’m not in any way trying to take Lainey from him and Jessica. I wouldn’t even have to be ‘Mommy,’ because I don’t want to steal Jessica’s role. I just want to be something to her.”

  Mitch nodded and said another prayer that Chad’s heart would soften toward his ex. Chad’s ex. It was so difficult for Mitch to see her in that light. Because every time he was around her, he still felt a pull toward her himself, and he knew the feeling wasn’t one-sided. Right now, he wanted to scoot next to her, wrap an arm around her and take care of her as she went through this pain. But there were obstacles now. His family, for one. His friend, for another. And then, a small amount of fear at what would happen if he surrendered his heart...the biggest obstacle of all. Because if he did, he risked not only hurting himself, but also the girls.

  No, he should stay on this side of the swing.

  “Mitch,” she whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “Would you—hold me?”

  So much for staying on his side of the swing. Chad had hurt her terribly today when he said no; Mitch wouldn’t—couldn’t—do the same. Besides, he wanted to hold her probably as much as or more than she needed to be held.

  He edged toward her, wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. She seemed even smaller, even more fragile, against his side, and he wanted to protect her from all of the pain absorbing her world. He leaned his head against hers and whispered, “I’m sorry I hurt you, Kate.”

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you,” she said, placing one hand on his chest and then looking up at him, her lips so close that if he edged forward they would touch.

  He didn’t need to go there. She said she wanted to talk, and Mitch still needed to find out the rest of the story. “Kate, today, when you talked to Chad, you said that you couldn’t have any more children.”

  Her shoulders trembled, and she shook her head. “I can’t, and that’s what makes it even worse that I left Lainey back then. I gave her up, and now I can’t have more children.”

  “What happened?” He rubbed a hand up and down her arm as he continued holding her, comforting her, wanting to help her through this difficult conversation.

  “A year and a half ago I started feeling bad, lots of little problems that turned into bigger problems. It started with pain in my back and lower abdomen. I ignored it for a while, and that was a mistake,” she said, her voice becoming clearer as she spoke. “You should never ignore pain.”

  Mitch’s stomach knotted. He had a feeling he knew where this conversation was headed because he’d had a similar one with Jana a couple of years ago, when she’d blamed herself for not going to the doctor quickly enough the first time the cancer hit.

  Don’t let her say it, Lord. Please. I can’t take that again. You know I can’t.

  She cleared her throat and continued, “And then, by the time I went to the doctor, I’d waited too long.”

  Mitch closed his eyes, tried to keep his pulse steady, get the tension ratcheting in his body under control so she couldn’t tell how badly he didn’t want her to say...what he knew was coming.

  “
It was ovarian cancer, and they had to work fast to try to remove it because I’d waited too long. And then I started the chemo and radiation.” She lifted her hand to her hair. “I’d always been a blonde, but when my hair came back, this is what I got.”

  He nodded, unable to speak. Jana’s hair had come back a lighter shade of brown than before and a little more curly...the first time. And the second time, when the cancer returned, she hadn’t lost her hair because she’d opted against treatment, not wanting to hurt the baby she carried.

  And then after Emmie came, there wasn’t time for treatment, and he lost his wife.

  “I’m in remission now,” she said. “And if this week’s screening comes back clear, I can start going every six months to the doctor instead of every three.” She looked up at Mitch, and he forced his jaw to relax. “But I can’t have children anymore. The cancer took that away from me.”

  And cancer had taken Jana away from Mitch. “I’m sorry, Kate.”

  “That’s why I want so much to be a part of Lainey’s world. For a while there, I thought I might never get to see her. I didn’t know if I would make it. But I did, and I believe God let me survive because He wanted me to have this chance to know her. But I need Chad to say yes.”

  “I’ll talk to him and see if I can help,” Mitch said, lifting his arm from around her and easing away from her on the seat. His subtle way to end the conversation and to give him a chance to get away.

  She took the hint and stood, wrapped her arms around her waist and said, “I appreciate that so much.” She stayed there for a moment as if expecting Mitch to stand up and hug her goodbye, which would be the normal way for this visit on the porch to end, if not with a kiss, but Mitch didn’t budge from his position on the swing.

  “Good night, Mitch.”

  “Good night, Kate,” he said, then watched her walk away while he processed everything he’d learned. Kate was a cancer survivor. So was Jana, right up until the cancer came back. He’d barely made it through that horrible time and wouldn’t have wanted to continue living if it hadn’t been for Dee and Emmie. He never wanted to go through that kind of pain and worry again, and he certainly didn’t want to put his girls through it. Therefore, he couldn’t get any closer to Kate. He’d help her try to work things out with Chad, and he could even be her employer. But Mitch had been stung by that disease one too many times, and he wouldn’t risk losing someone else he loved to it again.

  Which meant one thing. He couldn’t let himself love Kate.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “I forgot my backpack, Daddy.”

  “Okay,” Mitch said, turning to unlock the door and then waiting while Dee darted inside. Emmie, taking her time to get fully awake this morning, laid her head on his shoulder while they waited on Dee.

  “Got it!” Dee said, grinning as she ran toward the door.

  Mitch was running behind getting them to the day care, and he wondered if that was God’s way of telling him that he shouldn’t try to be the only daddy at Muffins with Mom. They could go in late, after the morning breakfast, and maybe they’d forget that today was the special day.

  Then again, this was Dee, who never forgot any type of special occasion. And she proved that with her next question.

  “Is Aunt Hannah going to want a blueberry muffin or a strawberry one?” she asked, jumping off the last step and then skipping toward their car.

  “Aunt Hannah had to go to the doctor this morning, so she can’t come after all,” Mitch said, wishing he’d have explained the change of events before now.

  “Is GiGi going?” she asked. Apparently she knew the typical requirement for this event was a mommy, or at least a female. Maybe they should stay home.

  “GiGi is having to take care of Autumn, because she’s sick.”

  “Sick?” Emmie asked.

  “Yes, she’s sick,” Mitch said, but Dee had stopped a few feet shy of the car.

  “Who’s gonna eat muffins with us? Last time Aunt Hannah did.”

  Mitch hadn’t thought she’d have remembered the activity from last May, since she’d been only two and a half, but she did. “I know, but this time, Daddy wants to go.”

  “Daddies don’t go,” Dee said. “It’s mommies and grandmommies.”

  At least she added the grandmother part. Perhaps some of the working moms sent a grandmother to fill their spot. That would eliminate his little girls from being the only ones without a mommy present. But that didn’t fix the fact that they’d probably be the only ones there with no female whatsoever. He thought about taking them to the diner instead. “Why don’t we do something different today and go to Mr. Tolleson’s place for breakfast?”

  Dee planted her feet. “You said we could have muffins with everybody at school.”

  “Okay,” he said, opening the car door and hoping—praying—that she’d climb in. “Let’s go, and we will.”

  “Not you. It’s not the daddy day. It’s the mommy day. But we don’t have a mommy so we need Aunt Hannah or GiGi.”

  He felt as if she’d kicked him. We don’t have a mommy. And he didn’t know how to fix this morning’s problem.

  “Kay-Kay!” Emmie chanted, reaching over his shoulder.

  Mitch turned to see Kate exiting the B and B and looking their way.

  “Miss Kate! She could go with us!” Dee said, and before Mitch could stop her, she yelled, “Hey! Miss Kate! Can you go to school with us?”

  Kate’s head tilted in question. She crossed the street with her long emerald-green dress drawing attention to her petite figure as she moved.

  Mitch’s heart thudded in his chest. She had no idea how beautiful she was, smiling at his children.

  “Can you have muffins with us?” Dee asked. “Pleeeeease?”

  “Muffins?” Kate asked, looking from Dee to Mitch.

  “Today is Muffins with—” he started, then didn’t know whether he should phrase the morning event differently, but Dee plowed ahead.

  “It’s Muffins with Mom day,” she said, “but our mommy is in heaven, so we bring someone else, but Daddy shouldn’t come, ’cause he’s a boy and it’s for girls. The daddy one is another day.”

  Kate looked from Dee to Mitch and then back to Dee. “Well, I’m not sure...” She glanced back to Mitch, and he saw more than a question of whether she could go to the breakfast with his girls. He saw the question of whether he trusted her with Dee and Emmie, and he saw more—the question of whether she would be a good mommy if she ever got the chance.

  “Please?” Dee repeated, reaching for Kate’s hand. “Please, Miss Kate?”

  “Kay-Kay?” Emmie said, following her big sister’s lead.

  Mitch knew he couldn’t deny her this, or deny his girls. “It’d mean a lot to them, and to me, if you’d go have muffins at the school this morning. You can come to the office after the breakfast ends.”

  Kate’s smile burst forth, lighting up her face. “I’d love that, Mitch. Thank you so much.”

  “Yay! Miss Kate’s going!” Dee cheered, letting go of Kate’s hand and hurrying toward the car. “Come on, Daddy. We don’t want to be late!”

  He smiled and worked hard to keep that lock intact on his heart. This was to help Kate and his girls. It didn’t mean he was somehow putting Kate into the female role in Dee’s and Emmie’s lives for good—or in his, for that matter.

  * * *

  Kate parked her car and entered the day care with Mitch, Dee and Emmie, still shocked that he was allowing her to spend the morning with the girls this way. This was what a real mother would do, and she was elated. It also said that he trusted her with his girls again. Another reason for elation.

  Maybe this was a sign of things to come. Maybe Chad would give her another chance, too.

  Please, God.

  “Come on, Miss Kate, and I’ll show you where my class is,” Dee said, taking her hand as soon as she exited the car and pulling her toward the yellow building. Other moms were walking in with their children, all of them smiling a
nd some chatting about the muffins.

  Kate couldn’t wait.

  Mitch opened the door for them and then told the lady in the office that Kate would be sharing breakfast with the girls. Then he helped get Kate signed in before walking with her to put Emmie’s diaper bag in her classroom.

  “Daddy, almost everybody is already down there,” Dee said, peering down the hall toward the small lunch area. “We gotta go.”

  “Okay,” Mitch said, grinning. “I get the hint.” Then he stepped toward Kate and held Emmie out for her to take. “Here you go. Emmie, try not to be too messy with those muffins.” His hands and forearms rubbed against Kate’s as they transferred his little lady, and Kate easily remembered his arm around her last night. However, she’d noticed that at some point in their conversation he’d gradually pulled away.

  That was okay. She knew this would take time, earning Mitch’s trust again, maybe even earning the chance at him “falling for her,” as he’d said the other day, again. She could be patient. He was worth the wait.

  And today they were making progress. He was letting her take the girls to Muffins with Mom. No, she wasn’t their mom, but even the semblance of being in that position gave Kate chills. She could be a good mommy. She would be a good mommy...if Chad would let her.

  “’Bye, Daddy. Love you!” Dee said, continuing down the hall.

  “Wuv you,” Emmie said.

  Mitch smiled. “Love y’all, too.” Then to Kate, he said, “I’ll see you at the office.”

  She nodded. “I’ll be there. And, Mitch?”

  He stopped walking. “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  He nodded, turned and continued out the door.

  “Come on,” Dee said, ushering her down the hall and toward the room filled with tiny tables, smiling women, chattering children, lots of sippy cups and an abundance of muffins.

  Kate figured if she could paint her own picture of heaven, this might be it. Well, if she could add a daddy to her picture. And if he happened to be Mitch.

  But she’d take this one step at a time.