Jackson

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  “So, that’s the part where you fucked up. Yeah, they like to shower afterwards. I mean, I don’t mind being dirty for a while, but women get weird about that shit.”

  “No, that wasn’t what I fucked up either.” He looked around the room expectantly and I followed his gaze. “What are you looking for?”

  “Sorry, I was just expecting some of the guys to walk in at some point. Usually this kind of shit is witnessed by at least three of us.”

  I scoffed, “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

  “So, if that’s not the part where you fucked up, what exactly happened?”

  “There was this moment and I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I really fucked it up. It went something like, I think I love you. Maybe.”

  “You’re such a dumbass,” he chuckled. “I knew you loved her. Why’d you lie about it?”

  “It wasn’t a lie. I swear to God, I just got nervous and freaked out. But that wasn’t the worst of it.”

  “Of course it wasn’t.”

  “No, that would be the part where she tried to help me after you ‘died’ and I basically told her to get the fuck away from me.”

  He started a slow clap, grinning at me as he shook his head in disbelief. “And who else have you told about this?”

  “No one. Do you think I want everyone to hassle me the way they did with you?”

  “I think that would be getting off easy. You’re such a dumbass. You need to fix this before you lose her.”

  “Yeah, I just don’t know how to do that.”

  “Beg, my man. Beg like your life depended on it.”

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  I spent a good hour trying to come up with the perfect thing to say to Raegan. So far I had come up with Raegan, I’m sorry I’m an asshole. I really do love you. The problem was, every time I said that in my head, I always wanted to say I think. It wasn’t that I doubted that I loved Raegan, it was more that I had never been in love before and I was worried that I was going to royally fuck this up. Probably by saying something stupid like I think. What if I was saying it too soon and then there were all these expectations that I couldn’t live up to? We had only ever lived together and always under the threat of danger. What if she didn’t like me for who I was when this was all over? What if I didn’t like who she became?

  She walked in the back door and I wiped my hands nervously on my pants. I was sweating my ass off like a teenager with a crush on the hot cheerleader. Fuck, this was hard. I strode toward her so she couldn’t run away, but practically plowed her over instead of being cool and casual. She stepped back in surprise and then turned to walk away.

  “Raegan, wait. I need to talk to you.”

  She turned and raised an eyebrow at me. Her look was so scalding hot that I could hardly think, let alone swallow the horse balls that were stuck in my throat. I wiped my hands some more and tried not to melt under her stare. It was like standing in front of a firing squad. I don’t think I’d ever been this terrified in all my life.

  “Yes?” she said after a minute of me staring at her awkwardly.

  “Uh…I thought we should talk.”

  “You mentioned that,” she said with a sardonic nod.

  “Uh…” I cleared my throat and wiped my hands some more.

  “Do you need to wash your hands?”

  “No, uh…see, the thing is…when it comes to…” I scratched my temple as I tried to remember those brilliant, short words I was going to say to her.

  She started tapping her foot and sighed irritatedly. I licked my dry lips and shifted from my good leg to my bad leg. Maybe if I faked a terrible leg cramp I could get out of this disaster of a conversation.

  “The thing is…” she prompted.

  “Right, the thing is…the other day, when I, you know…”

  “Said that you wanted me to get the fuck away from you?”

  I cleared my throat again and wiped the sweat that started trickling down the side of my face. “I didn’t mean that, I mean, I did at the time, but that was only because I was…”

  “Hurting?”

  “Being an asshole,” I corrected. “Although, yeah, it probably had something to do with…you.” Her eyes widened slightly and I rushed on. “Not with you because of you, but with you because of how I felt about you.”

  “Nice, so you were an asshole to me because you told me that you loved me?”

  “No! No, it was…that’s not accurate.”

  “The loving me part?”

  “Uh…wait, I’m getting confused.”

  “So am I. It would help if you would string together an intelligible sentence.”

  “I like you, that wasn’t a lie.”

  “But you don’t love me.” She crossed her arms over her chest, almost like she was protecting herself.

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Then what did you mean?”

  I took a deep breath, determined to plow through this and get my point across without making myself a bigger asshole. “I mean that I do love you, but I’ve never been in love before and… I’m just worried that all of this between us is because of circumstance. We’ve never been out on a date. So, I know that I love spending time with you, and I love your sarcastic nature. I love the way you feel wrapped in my arms. There’s no doubt in my mind that I would take a bullet for you. I love the way you take care of me just because you know I’m tired when I come home after a long day.” I swallowed hard, staring at the ground. “And I love that you were there for me when I didn’t know I needed it. I pushed you away and you still came back, trying to comfort me. I’ve never had anyone do something like that for me. And I know I fucked up because I should have apologized sooner for the way I spoke to you. But I’m hoping that you’ll forgive me and give me a second chance to prove that I’m not really an asshole.”

  She stared at me with the slightest sheen of tears in her eyes, but she was careful not to let any tears slip free. I hoped to God that they were good tears and not tears of I hate you and I never want to see you again.

  “That was fucking beautiful,” a deep voice said from behind me. I groaned and turned around to see Sinner standing in the doorway with Cazzo, both of them pretending to wipe tears from their eyes.

  “Fuck off,” I bit out.

  “Seriously, man. I think you should start writing Hallmark cards,” Sinner said.

  “No, he should be writing apology cards for men. He could make a whole business out of it. That was some Grade A shit right there.”

  “See, I knew there was something different about him,” Sinner said. “You know, from the start, he just wasn’t quite as warped as the rest of us.”

  “He never had issues with his cock,” Cazzo grinned.

  “Yeah, well, he never got drunk and tried to kill himself either,” Sinner shot back.

  “He’s never proposed to someone with lollipops.” Cazzo crossed his arms over his chest and stared Sinner down.

  “He never went traveling around the country, sleeping on the ground, to find himself.” Sinner used quotes on the last part. I glanced at Raegan, wondering what she was thinking about all this. She just shrugged.

  “At least I didn’t pretend I was having an affair with Maggie just to piss Cap off.”

  “At least I know what my own fucking nickname means,” Sinner replied.

  “I’ve never seen Maggie’s vagina up close and personal,” Cazzo said with a grin.

  Sinner held his hands up in defeat. “You’ve got me there. There’s no coming back from that one.”

  “Are you two done?” I asked when it appeared their fight was over.

  “Seriously, you should definitely give him another chance,” Cazzo told Raegan. “That wasn’t just some speech. Jackson’s a good guy.”

  “Plus, I’ve seen him in the locker room. Trust me, it’s impressive,” Sinner threw in with a grin.

  Raegan flushed bright red. “That’s…I’m not sure I want to know why you were staring at him…down there
.”

  “Whoa,” Sinner held up his hands in a defensive gesture, “no one said anything about staring. I mean, there has been staring, but it’s not solely on his dick. And it wasn’t necessarily him. Once it was Hunter, and another time it was Gabe. Who am I missing?”

  “Ice?” Cazzo asked.

  “I can’t remember, but Jules had his legs waxed by Chris and Ice,” Sinner added thoughtfully. He laughed a little, rubbing his hand across his chin. “You know, we’ve had some good times at work.”

  “Can I just say,” Raegan cut in, “that I find it not only weird that you all seem to stare at each others’ junk and do weird things with wax, but also quite disturbing that you consider that a good time.”

  Sinner puffed out his chest, trying to appear more manly. “I don’t personally check out the other guys-”

  “Yes, you do, asshole.” Cazzo slapped him upside the head. “You were the first to check out Hunter’s wax job.”

  “It was so I could help him. It’s not like I was inspecting it and thinking about…you know, doing stuff to it.”

  “Do you get a wax job?” Raegan asked Cazzo.

  “Why?” he said with suspicion.

  “I’m just wondering if this is something that you all do as a sort of ritual or male bonding experience. You all seem…very close. It’s good, really. I think it’s great that you’re all so…comfortable,” she took a step back as she smirked at us, “sharing all of this with each other. It’s really very special.”

  She turned and walked out of the room with a snort. I looked to the guys, confused by the turn of events.

  “I’m lost. Does that mean that she’s giving me another chance?”

  “Do we spend too much time together?” Sinner asked, completely ignoring my question. Then his eyes flicked to my groin. “Do you wax?”

  “And you wonder why she thinks we’re all too comfortable with each other,” I muttered as I walked away.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Reed Security

  Gabe

  I laid staring at the ceiling in the bedroom I was sharing with Isa, my hands resting under my head. The kids were in a room across the hall, but they were sleeping now. Isa had been passed out for hours and as much as I wanted to either bring her in here or go sit with her, I was under strict doctor’s orders to lay down and take it easy for a few days.

  After all that had happened at the hospital, my body felt like a train wreck. I still had phantom pains in my chest from being shocked back to life. It was odd because I didn’t remember anything from my time in the hospital, but I could swear that I remembered the feeling of being shocked.

  I had woken up in some small town hospital in a completely different state. I wasn’t even allowed to know any details while we were there in case I muttered something in my sleep. Cap hadn’t been able to come see us, as he was dealing with the rest of Reed Security, but Kate and Knight were with Hunter, Ice, and me the entire time. They had sectioned off a couple of rooms for us, and no one but hand-picked doctors were allowed to enter. Knight told me later that a few of the guys from OPS had come along and were stationed outside our rooms and around the hospital. I hadn’t seen them the entire time and I wasn’t sure they were even aware of who they were guarding.

  The first few days I was there, I was mostly in a fog, not really sure what was going on. I had multiple tests because of my head injury and I slept most of the rest of the time. When I started to stay awake longer, I took some time to visit with Hunter and Ice, but Ice was mostly sleeping. Hunter was doing a lot better, but was also under orders to stay in bed because of the severity of his injury. Apparently, he had almost bled out on the table. Ice was recovering from heart surgery and from what Kate told me, the doctors almost weren’t able to save him after he had gone into cardiac arrest when he was drugged.

  So, when Ice was well enough to travel, we were transported to Knight’s safe house. I hadn’t been expecting Isa to slap me, but then again, I hadn’t realized how much it had hurt her that I was gone. A shadow crossed my doorway and I glanced over, sitting up when I saw Isa standing in there staring at me. The look on her face was filled with skepticism, as if she thought that I was just part of her imagination. I slowly got up and walked over to her, but she ducked her head, refusing to look at me.

  “Isa,” I murmured, reaching out to grip her hand. She let me take her hand, but she didn’t grip mine back. I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her heart thumping against mine and then I felt the wetness on my shirt. She finally wrapped her arms around me, gripping me to her body like I would disappear.

  “I thought you were dead. I couldn’t understand why I was so happy and then it was all ripped away.”

  “Shit, Isa, I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “It wasn’t you. Sebastian should have told us what was going on.”

  I pulled back, holding her at arm’s length so I could look into her eyes. “You understand that he couldn’t, right? Everyone’s lives were at risk. It wasn’t just about me or Ice and Hunter. He was trying to keep everyone safe, and with the clusterfuck we’ve landed in, he did what he had to do.”

  “He let me believe you were dead.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not. See?” I grinned. “Alive and well.”

  “Is that supposed to be funny?”

  My smile faltered and I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “No?”

  “What? You’re not sure?”

  “Uh…You know, I was not really prepared for this.”

  “And what were you expecting?”

  I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck, unsure how to deal with this. I always fucked up when I tried to make things right with Isa. I needed something positive that we could grip onto. Something she could look forward to in the future. I grinned and snaked my arms around her waist, pulling her in close to me and pressing my growing cock against her.

  “I’m thinking we need a little reunion to get reacquainted.”

  “You want to have sex?” she said incredulously. “I just found out that you’re not actually dead-”

  “And I ruined your fantasy,” I remind her, “which you still haven’t told me about.”

  “And you expect me to just jump aboard the Gabe train and ride you into the station?”

  “I was actually thinking that I would be parking my train in your station and letting the passengers get off.”

  Her face morphed into disgust. “Did you just suggest that you get me pregnant with a train analogy? Is that really the way we’re going to talk about having future children?”

  “You said the train analogy,” I sputtered. “I just went with it. It sounded good at the time.”

  “Yeah, next time think that through in your head and then think about how I might react to it.”

  “You don’t react well to anything I say.”

  “Maybe you should take a hint.”

  I gripped my hair, frustrated with the way this conversation was going, but then instantly regretted it when pain shot through my head. I grimaced and held my head in my hands as I took deep breaths to work through the ping pong ball that was bouncing around in my head.

  “Way to go, genius.”

  “You know, I had a different scenario of how this would all play out. I would come back. You would fall into my arms and tell me how much you loved me. You would give me a blow job and then nurse me back to health in a naughty nurse costume. This,” I said, making a circle motion with my finger, “is definitely not any of that.”

  “Welcome to the club, jackass. I didn’t see myself running with my kids after my husband died, only to have him come back from the dead and act as if he didn’t just tear my world apart!”

  “Do the kids know?”

  “That you’re dead?” I nodded. “No, but I’m about to tell them.”

  “But, I’m alive,” I said in confusion.

  “Not for long,” she said as she turned and walked out the door.

  Yeah, that cou
ld have gone better.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  Ice

  I woke groggy and completely fucked up in the head. I didn’t know where I was and nothing around me looked like anything I had seen over the past week. It felt like it took all my energy to look around the room, but I smiled when I saw Lindsey sleeping in a chair in the corner of the room. She looked uncomfortable though, and I just couldn’t deal with that.

  “Princess,” I croaked, my throat dry from sleeping so long. I cleared it and tried again. “Princess.”

  She jerked awake and sat up, rushing over to my side, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Oh my God. I thought you were dead. I thought I was going to have to kiss someone else to see you one last time.”

  Okay, either my mind was way more fucked up than I thought or that just didn’t make any sense. “What?”

  “Nothing, it’s not important. How are you feeling?”

  “I’d feel better if you were laying in bed beside me.”

  “No way. Kate said that you need a lot of time to recover. I don’t want to do anything to set you back.”

  “You know what would set me back? Not having you in my bed. It’s a fucking king size bed. You’ll fit.” She eyed me hesitantly, but then started to climb into bed with me. I shook my head. “Take off your clothes.”

  “I don’t need to be naked to lay in bed with you.”

  “I want to feel your skin against me.”

  She eyed my naked chest and the large bandage that ran down the center of it. They had cracked my chest open to perform surgery on me. I was fucking lucky to be alive right now, and knowing that, I wasn’t wasting any more time without Lindsey by my side.

  “Princess, just do it,” I said softly.

  She pulled off her clothes and laid down next to me on my right side, careful to keep space between us, but I wasn’t having it. I raised my arm up, which hurt like a bitch, and pulled her into me. She was still hesitant to be this close to me, but eventually, she relaxed and drifted off to sleep. It didn’t take too much longer before I followed her into a peaceful sleep.