Black Butterfly

by A. G. Hobson

  As I’m driving home, I fail to pay attention to the scenery. The trees that usually hypnotize me somehow escape my sight. All I can I think about is the comment Stacia made before I got into my car. She’s amazed that any guy could pique my interest. I’m the girl that doesn’t need a man to define me. I’m the girl that boys don’t really want because I’m not “giving up” anything. I lean my head back into the headrest and just think. She giggled and covered her mouth with her right hand as she teased me about being totally into Hayden. Was I into him? That’s the only explanation. He is everything a girl could want in a guy without the brilliant smile. I just don’t know if he has a girlfriend and I couldn’t stand not knowing.

  I pull into the driveway, slide my car into park and turn the ignition off. I sigh as I grab my backpack from the seat and go into my house. I have been so distracted that I didn’t even notice that I never saw Tinsley at school. Not even once. I see Hersh’s SUV in front of the house, so I know that she is here already. I walk up onto the porch and take out my keys. I open the door hoping that Hayden will somehow leave my mind.

  Dropping my bag onto the floor, I slam the door and lean against it taking a deep breath. I hear Tinsley and Hersh giggling and talking. I push myself forward from the door and drag into the kitchen.

  “Hey there Tins. Didn’t see you in school today.” I say walking over to the fridge and opening it. “Were you avoiding me?” I joke grabbing the water filter jar, getting a glass from the cabinet and pouring a glass of water.

  “Of course not.” She responds. “And… I heard about Cade and Lydia.” She pokes her bottom lip out like a sad little baby. “I wanted to find you but Hersh had to go to get his physical. I called Breezy and she was a mess. You’d already spoken to her. I can’t believe she would do that. Iyoki either.”

  “I know. I have to call Breeze. I’m just giving her some time. Did you know that Cade had the nerve to be mad about me telling her? The fucking nerve of that asshole. I wanted to kick him where it would hurt the most.” I aggressively slide the filtered water back into the fridge and place the glass into the sink.

  “Oooooo!” Herschel moans. “I know the guy is a big-time ass, but please refrain from threatening the male genitalia.”

  “Why are we threatening male genitalia?” Mom says entering the kitchen.

  “Long story mom. Breeze will fill you in.”

  “Ahhh… teen drama. I talked to Breeze. She will be fine.” Mom assures.

  “I guess. But if he threatens me again there will be repercussions.”

  “Of course. It’s a shame that the first day of school was filled with so much drama.” Tinsley adds.

  “I am so exhausted. I will talk to you guys later. It was just an overwhelming day.”

  “Well Montana, Hersh is getting ready to leave. We can talk about it. I’ve never seen you this stressed.”

  “I know. We’ll talk when Hersh is gone. I’m going to take a bath and a nap. So, we can talk later.”

  “Okay.” She smiles.

  I wave and hurry up the stairs to my room.

  Chapter 4

  I undress and bathe. I slip into a pair of cloth PJ’s and slide beneath my comforter. Hayden immediately comes to mind. I can see his deep dark eyes, creased furrowed eyebrows, his even toned creamy brown skin, broad shoulders, chiseled chest and long toned legs. He haunts me. His presence beguiles me. I can see his gaze burning through me…

  I feel the faintness of his touch on my thigh. There is a warmth that eases into my belly and rises into my chest. I can’t see him but I hear him breathing with a deep hoarseness. God, why does it feel like this and how do I know how this feels? The presence of his body is hovering above my bed. His hands are caressing me but I can’t see them on me. The room is dark and empty. I’m nervous as he toys with me physically without actually touching me. My heart is beating, thumping and I can hear it so clearly.

  “What are you doing to me?” I finally say.

  “I’m going to take you and make sure you feel every type of pleasure in this universe.’ His voice is dark and deep. His breath hot.

  I can finally see his hand on me, sliding across my belly. Am I having a wet dream? I can feel it between my legs this time. My body begins to shiver and I am embarrassed that I am so inexperienced beneath such a seasoned man. He has probably been with many women, beautiful qualified women.

  “Hayden, why am I feeling like this? What are you doing to me?” I breathe into the night air still unable to see in the room.

  I feel him get closer and now his lips are on my ear. “I am here for you, Montana. I want you more than I have ever wanted anyone in my existence. Say yes to me and I will do things to you that you have never imagined possible. Come on… say yes to me.” I’m speechless. His voice is so clear and present. I swear this is all happening for real.

  “Say Yes to me.” He says to me.

  I think about it. I want to say yes but I don’t know him. I can’t give myself to a man I don’t know. Something deep inside is yelling at me to get away from him and renounce his advances now. But as much as I feel the danger, I feel intrigued. I can’t say yes right now, but eventually I will.

  “Bear with me…” I whisper into the darkness. And as quickly as I felt his presence, it vanishes. The light flips on and a horde of dark mostly black butterflies fill the room. They don’t touch me. They flutter around the room and then out of the window.

  I jump out of my sleep and sit straight up in my bed. My window is open and I see a black butterfly outside of my window which is odd because it’s night. The feeling from my dream still has my body throbbing. I sit thinking, it felt so real. I’m totally out of control. I am having sex fantasies about someone that I will never ever, be with. I slide to the edge of my bed and rub my hands across my face and sigh. My mind betrays me. I’m a virgin with no idea how it feels to be touched by a man, not even a kiss. I stand, stretch and think about everything that is going on. Cade and Breeze, the couple goals poster children, are officially over. Lydia has always been the type that covets what everyone else has. I just happened to not have anything she ever wanted. I knew she was superficial and jealous; I just never thought her selfishness would destroy our friendship. Iyoki is the biggest surprise of all. Why would she help her betray me? Betray Breeze. She was like their big sister as well. She did so much for us. She was the reason we enjoyed summer after summer. Breeze always included us in everything. She is the cool big sister that Lydia never had and Iyoki begged for.

  My phone rings and snaps me out of my daydream. It’s Breeze. I hesitate to answer because I hate hearing one of my sisters cry. It makes me sad and I always cry. I fought back the tears because I was in school when Breeze broke down about Cade. The hurt rang through like when someone strikes a bell in a tower. I quickly grab my phone up and press the little red phone icon.

  “Montana? What are you doing?” She says slowly and still sadly.

  “Just woke up from a total lust dream about my new teacher’s assistant. Who happens to be the hottest guy I ever met.” I blurt it out as a joke to attempt to make her laugh but so serious, hoping she smiles.

  “What??!” She perks up and I hear her smiling again. “You got it for a teacher? Ana!”

  “He’s not a teacher.” I correct her. “He is a student teacher from U of M. Principal Jeffries is letting him do an internship for credits or something. But he has been assisting Ms. German. He is so fucking cute.”

  “Well, well, we’ll.” I hear rustling. She must have been lying down. “You’re finally into someone but he’s a grown man?” She teases.

  “Yes. But he’s only twenty. I’ll be eighteen in two weeks.” Which doesn’t matter because he would never be into me. I think.

  “Oh my god! Tell me about him!”

  “Don’t got excited Breeze. He is fine. I mean drop dead. He has dark curly hair that’s cropped at the sides. His eyes are so jaded, almost dead. His eyebrows are dark like his hair. He has full lips but
not wide. They just look plump like pillows, kissable if you will. Strong jawline that you can see through his perfectly trimmed full beard that connects to his silky hairline. His nose is almost too perfect turned up a little because we are beneath him and his mustache is trimmed to perfection connecting with his beard. He is tall. So tall, about 6’5 or taller. He could have easily played ball. His body is muscular with thick arms that causes his shirt to hug his biceps. He dresses like a man on Wall Street but a little relaxed. I swear when he walks past all of the girls drool. Even Ms. German giggles like a girl when he is around her.” I sigh picturing every single detail.

  “Damn Ana! Didn’t you just meet him today?” She is still giggling which makes my heart flutter. I love my sister.

  “I… ummm… yes. And I can’t keep my eyes off of him. He’s going to think I’m a creep. I bumped into him when I got off the phone with you earlier. When he speaks it hypnotizes you.” She doesn’t respond. I reminded her of her stupid ass boyfriend.

  “Yea, well… maybe he likes you back. You never know.”

  “No Breeze. He won’t. Stacia is into him and so is every other outgoing aggressive female in that school. I just want to focus on graduating and having the best senior year.”

  “Ana … you will have the greatest year if you get it from… what’s his name?”

  “Hayden Alexander.” I say lifting my hand to my mouth and biting my nail.

  “I’m getting my laptop and looking him up on Facebook and Instagram. If I’m lucky he’ll have a Twitter too.” I hear rustling again and she retrieves her laptop.

  “U of M huh?” She says as I hear her punching keys.

  “Damn! He is fine.” I listen as she types. “It doesn’t say he’s in a relationship. And I don’t see him posting one particular girl. There are randoms all over his page. They’re just flirting and he is so unbothered. Not one picture of him smiling. He may have terrible teeth. He is way too attractive. If I would have been there, I may have tried to shoot my shot.” She jokes.

  “No, you were too into…” I stop.

  “It’s okay. You can say it. I called you to dump a boatload of sadness and tears and you cheered me up. If you can be interested in anyone besides us and yourself, I can definitely get over Cade Houston. There are some hot guys here and I have been hit on left and right. Maybe it’s for the best. Going to college in a relationship sucks ass, especially when you find out your high school boyfriend moved on first. My roommate is going to take me out tomorrow night and she is the party queen. I’ll be over him completely in no time. Meanwhile, I’m team ‘get Ana with Hayden’. You need a little something something in your life.” She’s back to joking again.

  “Don’t hold your breath. And don’t be a slut. Your notches should not exceed three.”

  “Or four, or five.” She laughs this time. “I’m going to get him out of my system, hopefully with some sweaty lustful jock. Talk to you later. We both have school in the am Montana. I love you to the moon and back.”

  “I love you more that the flowers love water and the sun. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I end the call and look around my room. My eyes are drawn back to my window where that weird ass black butterfly is sitting on the glass, chilling. I look back at my phone, I open up the app and go straight to Hayden’s Facebook. I scroll through social media for hours looking at him, learning more of his features. Why am I so taken by him? I don’t even know him. I sigh and toss my phone onto the bed and slam my head into my pillow. Of all the people I could have noticed, it had to be someone that would never notice me back. And now I’m officially more than intrigued.

  Chapter 5

  The first few weeks of school soar. My birthday comes and goes. Breeze came back to help me celebrate and we had a blast. She did get over Cade quickly and began dating an English major named Don. He is a blue-eyed brown-haired cutie whose parents are paying for college out of pocket. Breeze has never dated a Caucasian guy before but he really likes her. I sit at the table in the kitchen fiddling with my phone and Tinsley walks in. It’s the first time I’ve seen her without Herschel in weeks. They’ve been glued to one another like hotdog buns in a pack. She walks in and swings open the fridge.

  “What are we going to eat today? Since mom has been gone, I feel neglected. I want a home cooked meal.”

  “I know. She’ll be back in a week or two. She and dad are squaring everything away for his move.”

  “I miss her. What am I going to do without her?”

  “We’ll manage. Where is Herschel?” I ask sliding my phone across the table.

  “We got into a huge argument. And I would rather not see his face today.” She slams the fridge.

  “About what?”

  “He was hanging out with Kellan and Cade the other day. I don’t care if they’re friends, but he hurt my sister and I don’t like seeing his face outside of school. They were at his house when I got there.”

  “Oh shit. Why would he do that? He knows that I don’t talk nor speak to Lydia or Iyoki. Cade hurt Breeze and they didn’t care. All Lydia cares about is looking like she’s so fucking happy. It’s almost comical how she tries to be Cade and Breeze. It’s pathetic.”

  “What’s even more pathetic is that he pretends to be so happy with her. He was over there talking about some big party he’s having for her birthday. I almost punched him in the face and Herschel knew. He asked me to come back later after they left and I told him I wasn’t coming back at all. He’s been blowing up my phone since I walked out. I called an Uber at the store down the street from his house.”

  “Oh no Tinsley. Don’t let them guys break you up. You don’t have to do that. Breeze is fine now.”

  “But Cade is the fucking enemy and that’s that!” She stomps past me again and heads to her room. I can’t even blame her. I would feel the same if I had a boyfriend.

  My phone rings and its Stacia. We’ve been hanging out since she came and partied with us on my birthday. She has really been cool to hang with. She turned 18 in the summer, so she’s been living this ‘adult life’. I answer quickly and she immediately goes on about Hayden. I’ve been trying to keep my distance. Ever since he caught me staring one day after school. I was so entranced by him I didn’t even notice that he was calling my name. He was trying to get my attention and I was daydreaming about him. I was so fucking embarrassed. I wanted to die. He pretended that he didn’t notice but he definitely noticed. He was calling my name and I was imagining him lying on my bed posterior while I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat for me. I had romanticized an entire relationship between us. Breeze had me thinking that I had a chance and my mind followed. I couldn’t even look at him. I still can’t.

  “So, my mom said that Hayden will be leaving in a few weeks. He will have completed his internship. I don’t know if he will be coming back. If you don’t approach him, Montana... do you even really want him?”

  “Stacia, how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t feel that way about him? He’s cute but I’m not going to hit on a teacher.”

  “Not a teacher yet. But will be. Why not go for it? Do you really even like guys? I could set you up with my cousin. She is too adorable. You guys would make a phenomenal couple.”

  “Seriously? Of course, I like guys. I’m just not coo coo over them. I like Hayden, he is actually the very first guy that I’ve even considered, you know… but he is off limits.”

  “No one is off limits to me. I would hit on Mr. Vasquez if he wasn’t married.”

  “You are the biggest slut I know.” I run my fingers through my loose hair.

  “Sticks and stones bitch. Sticks and stones. At least I get guys. You just sit by the sidelines cheering for everyone else.”

  “Wow… angry much? Anyway, what are you doing this weekend?” I spit back.

  “Don’t know. I’m trying to get into something, or under someone.” She chuckles.

  “Well, if you don’t find someone t
o get under, let’s get out.”

  “Oh? You want to go out with me? Okay. We will go out and you will have the best time you’ve ever had.”

  “I have to get through this week first with tomorrow being Monday and all.” I sigh.

  “Just a new day to watch Hayden. See you tomorrow. Maybe we can get lunch from Wing Company instead of eating that shit they serve at school.”

  “I’m definitely down. Talk to you later.” I end the call and toss my phone.

  With fall quickly turning into pre-winter weather, the butterflies that’s been fluttering around outside my home have been lowering in numbers. Where there would be several now there’s just a few. It’s been weeks since they’ve appeared outside and it’s crazy that I’ve never noticed so many of them before, especially the dark colored ones. The one that lingers the longest is always black. It’s funny how my parents aren’t around lately because of the transition. My dad is afraid that we’ll need him and won’t be able to survive without him. But fortunately for us, we’ve been handling things perfectly. Tinsley and I have been taking turns cleaning and buying groceries. Mom is so proud. She assures dad that by the time she leaves to join him we will have this down. I lie back on my bed and place my hands under my head. I’ll be in college next year and all of this drama that’s been going on will be a distant memory.