Spinning Forward

by Terri DuLong

  Lilly’s playful bark drew my attention to the garden. Noah was walking along the walkway, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bag in the other. I had the vantage point of not being seen on the balcony. He bent over rubbing Lilly’s fur between her ears. Wearing a light blue polo jersey, jeans, and loafers, I had to admit he had quite the boyish charm for a man of sixty-two. His handsome face appeared to be a deeper tan since I’d seen him on Sunday and remembered he’d planned to spend yesterday boating with the guys. Snubbing out my cigarette in the ashtray, I walked through the apartment to the door just as Noah reached the top step.

  “Hey there,” he said, giving me a once-over before handing me the flowers.

  Happy I’d chosen the white shorts and mint-green silk blouse I smiled. “Thank you. How nice,” I said, reaching for the flowers.

  “And a little vino to go with the meal.” He stepped into the kitchen behind me.

  “I’ll get these in water and then what can I get you to drink?”

  “What’re you having?”

  “I thought a gin and tonic might be nice on a warm evening.”

  “Perfect. Make that two.”

  I turned around to arrange the flowers in a vase and could feel Noah’s eyes on my back. “How was your boating yesterday?”

  “Great. We did real well catching grouper. I should be cooking supper for you tonight.”

  I laughed. “I have lasagna in the oven. I’m not sure it can surpass grouper though.”

  “I love Italian. Thought you told me you don’t really cook?”

  “I didn’t actually say that. I said I’m limited and only do the basic things.”

  “Well, I’m sure it’ll be great. Hey, I’m getting my new boat.”

  I measured out gin pouring it into the two glasses. Reaching for the tonic water, I turned around. “Really? That’s great. That must mean you do plan to stay here on the island.”

  “Oh yeah. I’ll definitely be staying here.”

  Was it my imagination or had his tone taken on a sexy sound?

  I sliced a wedge of lime, added it to the glasses, and passed one to Noah. Touching the rim of his, I said, “Here’s to safe and happy boating.”

  Noah took a sip of the drink and nodded. “Very nice. Thanks. So could I entice you to join me on the maiden voyage?”

  Not sure if he meant overnight, I hesitated.

  “I thought I’d christen the boat right out here off shore from Cedar Key. Pay a visit to Atsena Otie, then over to Snake Key, and North Key. Eventually I’ll want to take her up the Suwannee, but I want to get a feel for her first.”

  Of course he meant a “feel” for the boat, not me. “Sure. That would be fun. Just let me know when.”

  “Well, I’m heading to Crystal River tomorrow to finish up the purchase details. So it shouldn’t be too long before I have her.”

  “Great. Let’s take the drinks out on the balcony. Dinner will be ready in about a half hour.”

  Noah followed me outside. Sitting in the chairs opposite each other, I reached for my cigarette case and then changed my mind.

  Taking a sip of his drink, Noah placed the glass on the table in front of him. “Can I ask how it went last night with Saren and Sybile?”

  I laughed. “It went way better than I could have expected. It was pretty amazing to see the two of them together. Almost like they swapped personalities in each other’s company.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I now lit the cigarette and blew smoke over the balcony railing. “Well, Sybile was feisty, don’t get me wrong. But she assumed this docile disposition that I’d never seen before.”

  “Interesting.”

  “Yeah, it was and even more so was that Saren seemed to morph into a much stronger personality than I would have thought him capable.”

  “Sounds like a role reversal brought on by each other.”

  “Exactly.”

  “You seem concerned about this though.”

  I took a long swallow of my drink. “I’m not sure. I guess I’ve just never witnessed a transformation like this with two people in each other’s company.”

  “Maybe the real them emerges when they’re together.”

  I nodded. “Could be,” I replied doubtfully.

  Noah swirled the amber cognac in his glass. I sat inches away from him on the balcony, lost in thought.

  “I have to compliment you again, Syd. Dinner was outstanding.”

  Syd? This was the first time he’d called me Syd. It made me remember the pet name Saren had for Sybile. “Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  “Did you get your sign yet for the shop?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet. I spoke to the company in Gainesville on Friday. They assured me somebody would drive out with it yesterday. Nobody showed up. I’ll be glad when the permanent sign gets here. It’ll just make the outside of the shop look even nicer.”

  “I can give them a call if you like. Push things along.”

  I took a swallow of cognac before answering. “Why would you calling push things along? I mean, push them along more than when I called?”

  Noah turned to face me.

  “Are you saying that business people pay no attention to females? But if you call, I’ll get some satisfaction?”

  “No. No, of course not,” Noah mumbled.

  “Good. Because I’m perfectly capable of taking care of this situation. Without the assistance of a male.”

  Changing the subject, Noah asked, “So how did your daughter make out with the job interview in Gainesville?”

  “I think she’ll accept the teaching position. She’ll be looking for a place to stay there.” The anger I’d felt a few moments before began to dissipate.

  “I’m thinking of throwing a party in a few weeks. Just some friends and some of the locals—have a seafood buffet with what we’ve caught. Do you think Monica might like to come? I’d like both of you to be there.”

  “That sounds like fun. Of course we’ll come.”

  Noah reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I like you, Sydney. I like being with you.”

  I felt heat radiating from his hand into mine. This guy has incredible energy, I thought. “I like being with you too.” I had to admit that being with him felt comfortable. Right. That is, when we weren’t sparring. Which still seemed to happen now and again. Like this evening. But I knew he created a sense of desire in me that I hadn’t experienced in years.

  Noah took the last sip from his glass and stood up, pulling me up with him. Wrapping me in his arms, he nuzzled his face into my neck. “You smell good. Whatever it is, I like that perfume.”

  “Shalimar,” I answered breathlessly.

  Noah tipped my face up to his. “Can I see you again at the end of the week?”

  Feeling like a schoolgirl, my legs went weak as I nodded and whispered, “Yes.”

  “Good,” he said, kissing me with more passion than he ever had.

  I felt the pressure of his lips increase at the same time his tongue entered my mouth. Lost in the heat of the moment, I didn’t hear Monica clearing her voice as she stood in the doorway. Noah was the first to break away.

  I stood inches away from him trying to catch my breath as I looked into the face of my daughter. Although the evening had grown cool, my entire body was flushed with heat. I knew what I’d just experienced wasn’t a hot flash. It was pure lust.

  “Monica,” I managed to say. The second meeting wasn’t going to be any better than the first.

  The air suddenly got a few degrees cooler. “How’re you doing?” was all she said.

  “Fine and it’s good to see you again. I was just telling your mother I’m having a party in a few weeks and I’d like you to join us. Bring a friend along.”

  Her face actually took on the hint of a smile. “Thank you. That might be fun. Well, I’ll leave you two to whatever you were doing.” She turned to walk back in the house.

  “No, no. I really have to be going,” Noah s
aid, taking my hand as he walked past Monica. “Good night.”

  “Likewise,” was Monica’s only remark as she stepped onto the balcony.

  I followed Noah out to the porch and he closed the door behind us.

  “I’m sorry about that. A bit awkward for you, I guess.”

  “Well, I’m a big girl now and Monica has to get used to that idea.”

  Noah pulled me back into his arms for another kiss. But this time it wasn’t as intense.

  “Good night,” he said. “I’ll see you soon.”

  28

  I reached for the apple that Alison passed me, took a bite, and stared at the water ebbing from the beach. Shifting for a more comfortable position on the blanket, I allowed my eyes to focus on the sun that was slowly dipping to the horizon.

  “Gonna be a great sunset,” Ali said, taking a deep swallow of water from a bottle.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Might even snow in Florida tomorrow.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Ali nudged my arm. “What the hell is going on with you? You don’t hear a word I say lately.”

  I jerked my arm away. “I hear you. I have a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

  “Sybile?”

  “Actually, she’s status quo at the moment.”

  “Come on. What’s up? You think I’ve known you all these years and I can’t tell when something’s bothering you?”

  “I’m not sure what it is. It’s just that the past few days—I’m feeling restless, I guess.”

  “Restless? That’s a sure indication you need to have sex.”

  I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or get upset. “Al-lee! For God’s sake, is that all you ever think about?”

  “Well, no. Not all I ever think about. But for Christ’s sake, Syd, face it. You’re with a handsome guy, who just happens to be pretty damn sexy. It’s been what? Ages since you’ve been with a guy. Maybe your hormones are just raging.”

  Hearing that, I did throw my head back laughing. “Yeah, right. I’m going through another puberty at age fifty-three. Did you ever think it’s a lack of hormones we have at this age?”

  Ali got a sly smile on her face. “Hmm, can’t prove it by me.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know what’s going on. I only know I feel restless. Not stable. Shifting. Do you know what I mean?”

  “You’re coming into your own.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Think back to where you were a year ago right now. Last May.”

  I went back in my mind to the previous spring. Stephen was alive. I was in a stable marriage. Cared for. No financial worries. But—was I really happy? Lately, I’d been giving that question some thought. I did know one thing for certain. Stephen had never stirred my passion and desire as Noah so easily did. Just being in the same room with Noah made me feel good. And his kisses—no doubt about it, they made me want more. Stephen and I were together till death do us part, but looking back it wasn’t death that actually severed our relationship. I was beginning to see that my marriage had been severed long before Stephen died. He was a husband that I thought I knew when I really didn’t know him at all. Sitting on the beach in Cedar Key, Florida, I had to honestly question the definition of love. And I knew that honesty had to be at the top of the list—something I’d never had in my marriage to Stephen, and something I’d only recently come to understand.

  I blew out a deep breath. “Okay, I know where I was a year ago right now. I’ve moved forward with my life. I’m going on. So what?”

  “Sydney, Sydney, Sydney,” Ali said, shaking her head. “You always were a late bloomer when it came to catching on. Yeah, you are moving forward and you’ve come a helluva long way, baby, as the Virginia Slims commercials used to say. But it’s a process—this moving forward. You came here to find yourself. You might not have realized it at the time, but you did. And think about it. Look at how much more you’ve found than just yourself.”

  “Sybile?”

  Alison nodded. “Yeah, Sybile and that added to the overall process of finding you. And now—now you need to figure out exactly who you are. It takes time, Syd. You need to reach down inside yourself and figure out what you like and don’t like about you. What are your strong points? Your weak points? What makes you deliriously happy? What causes you profound sadness? Where do you want to be twenty years from now? It’s one thing to go seeking, Sydney. It’s quite another to figure out exactly what you’re going to do with what you’ve found. You’re now entering the process of getting to know you—for the first time in your life.”

  I leaned over to hug Alison. “How’d you get to be so smart? How come you know all this shit and I don’t?”

  “Because I’ve already gone through it and as your best friend, I can’t do it for you. But I can be here to try and pave the way. Remember Ariadne’s thread? You need to grab that thread, hold on, and allow it to lead you to your feminine soul. Like many women around our age, you’ve had your awakening. Throughout history women normally go to men for help. But when you’re on a feminine journey to recover the essence of you—that’s when you need other women to guide you.”

  I recalled the myth about Ariadne and the ball of thread she’d given to Theseus when he entered the labyrinth beneath the palace to slay the Minotaur. Looking out to the water and sky beyond, I began to sense that this island was my labyrinth—my place to connect to the earth and hopefully recover my authentic female self. The thought crossed my mind that perhaps even my choice of opening the yarn shop was symbolic for my journey—spinning yarn that was enabling me to form new stitches resulting in the freedom and power I’d lost years before.

  Monica had found a condo to rent in Gainesville and I won’t lie, it was nice to have my place back to myself. After the recent encounter with Noah, I had expected her to be standoffish with me. But the opposite had happened. She seemed to be lightening up and was more conducive to friendly conversations. I wondered if perhaps a new love interest in her own life might account for her change of attitude. That might be part of it, I thought, but I also understood that much of her nastiness had been brought on by the sudden loss of Stephen. In her own way, she was attempting to go through the grieving process.

  When the phone rang, I thought perhaps it was Monica but answered to hear Sybile’s voice say a curt hello.

  “Well, stranger. How’re you doing? I seldom hear from you anymore.”

  Sybile’s tone had a touch of arrogance. “That’s not true and you know it. I’ve been busy.”

  “Busy with Saren?” I asked playfully.

  “As a matter of fact, yes. He took me shopping yesterday in Gainesville and then for lunch. Today we’re going out on the boat.”

  I smiled. “I’m happy for you, Sybile. That’s great. And what a perfect day for boating.” Looking out the kitchen window, I saw the thermometer outside read seventy-eight degrees and the water at the beach glazed like glass.

  “So when am I going to get together with that granddaughter of mine?”

  I had left the ball in Sybile’s court. I figured when she was ready to meet Monica, she’d let me know, and apparently she was.

  “Well, she’s living in Gainesville now. Got her own place. But name a day and I’ll see if she’s free.”

  “Will you both come to lunch on Thursday?”

  “I’ll check with Monica, but I think that might be okay. I know she’s anxious to finally meet you.”

  “Really?”

  I smiled again. “Yes, really. I’ll call her right now and check and oh, say hello to Saren for me.”

  I had no sooner replaced the phone in the cradle when it rang again. This time I answered to hear Noah’s voice. “What do you think of the name Boston Beauty?”

  Laughing, I replied, “For a child, outrageous. For a boat—pretty cool.” Before my mind had a chance to wonder to the meaning, Noah explained.

  “The new boat that I’m getting, it’s a really snazzy pontoon. The previous owner
was from Boston. Hence, the name. They say it’s bad luck to change it.” He paused for a fraction of a second. “Besides, that’s the area you hail from.”

  Although I felt honored, I wasn’t sure how to respond. “Well, I hope it’ll bring you lots of good fishing.”

  “I know it’s a bit late to be asking, but would you be free tomorrow evening? The tides are perfect to go out and watch the sun set. Plus, there’s a full moon.”

  “It sounds like fun. Sure, what time?”

  “I’m keeping it at my friend’s dock for right now. How about I get the boat and meet you at the city dock about seven?”

  “Sounds great. I’ll bring some wine and cheese to christen it.”

  I breathed in the fresh salt air and exhaled. Curled up on the leather seat, I watched Noah expertly take the boat through the channel and out toward Atsena Otie. “Ready for some wine?” I asked.

  “Sounds good. If you take the wheel, I’ll uncork it.”

  I got up, reaching for the bottle and cork screw. “I think I can manage.”

  He shot me a sideward glance but said nothing.

  Uncorking the cabernet I filled two glasses and passed one to him. “Cheers,” I said, “And many happy moments enjoying your Boston Beauty.”

  Touching his plastic cup to mine, he said, “I’ll drink to that.”

  I remained standing beside him as he maneuvered the pontoon in the water. The sun was doing a lazy descent in a vibrant shade of orange, while streaks of pink and purple surrounded the orb. Taking a deep breath, I said, “Gorgeous, isn’t it?”

  Noah turned, touching my face with his hand. “Incredibly gorgeous.”

  I smiled. “You know I meant the sun and—all this,” I said, gesturing with my arm.

  “It is beautiful, but being out here on the water with you makes it all more special.”

  Taking a sip of wine, I returned to my seat in back of him. Once Noah arrived between Atsena Otie and North Key, he released the throttle and the engine quieted.

  “This seems like a good place to drop anchor.” Walking to the side, he lifted the heavy boomerang-shaped metal attached to rope and let it fall into the water.