by Kyra Lennon
“Hey, that movie is the reason you and Ellie can sing in tune!” Jason laughed again. “That Doh-Re-Mi shit works!”
“I despise you right now.” I tried to glare at him but I dissolved into laughter as he poked his tongue out at me, crossing his eyes. For a rock God he could be such a dork sometimes.
“Come on, Luce. Let’s go find some German eats.”
Whatever had been bothering Jason earlier dissolved over lunch. We did find schnitzel and noodles, and he took great pleasure in singing that damn song with a look of glee on his face at every opportunity, until I kicked him hard under the table to make him stop. We couldn’t spend too much time out because Jason had to get back to the club for sound checks, but it seemed to be enough to chase away whatever had been bugging him earlier. I figured the thought of us having a night out had lightened him up a bit too. We hadn’t partied at all since we’d been away, but one of the German roadies had recommended a club, and assured us it wasn’t to be missed.
As it turned out, he was… well, not absolutely right. It was a club. Like any other club I’d ever been to, with bright lights, loud music and lots of people squished together.
“Why are we here?” Mack shouted over the music as we waited by the bar to get drinks. “This place is packed!”
“Yeah, but look at all the women! Fuck me, German women are hot!”
Oh, Joey. Always thinking about his penis.
“There are hot women in clubs all over the world. Why did Franz insist we come here? And where is he, anyway?”
I looked around for the short, muscly roadie who’d lured us to the club under false pretences, but I couldn’t see him. “Did he say he was definitely coming?”
“No. But since it was his idea and he was so enthusiastic, I assumed he’d be here.”
It made no odds to me either way. I just wanted to have a couple of drinks and enjoy not being stuffed into our tin can of a tour bus. Every extra hour out of there was a bonus to me.
As if he’d heard us talking, Franz popped out of the crowd, grinning. “Hey, you made it!”
“We did,” Drew said. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Oh, no. Thank you.” He waved a dismissive hand and turned to Jason. “Jason, there are some people who want to meet you. Will you come?”
Drew, Mack and Joey exchanged amused grins. This happened a lot. Although the other guys had their own fans, it was always Jason everyone wanted to meet.
“Sure. Just let me get a drink and I’ll be right there.”
Franz nodded and stepped back from the crowds swarming the bar.
It was another ten minutes before we managed to get drinks, and while Jason went to meet his new friends, the rest of us moved as far away from the crowds and the noise as possible. As we settled around a small circular table, we chatted about the things we wanted to do when we got to Prague. After one night in Vienna, we were headed to Prague for two days, and one of them was a day we had to ourselves. No gigs, no interviews. Just chill time. Ellie and I had Facetimed each other about the things we wanted to see because we were sure the guys would want to take advantage of the cheap beer and not care about sightseeing. It would be so much fun to visit the Charles Bridge and the Astronomical Clock. Okay, so I’d never heard of those places until we started researching but they looked stunning and I couldn’t wait to see them in real life.
While we were talking, I noticed Drew had zoned out, staring into nothingness.
Jesus. What is up with everyone today?
I poked him in the ribs and he jolted out of his trance. “What’s up with you? I thought you’d be grinning like an idiot about seeing Ellie tomorrow.”
His face paled even though he tried to force a smile. “I can’t wait to see her.”
“Really? You look like you’re expecting a visit from the Grim Reaper.”
Mack and Joey burst out laughing, and I turned to them. “Seriously, what’s wrong with him?”
Mack shook his head, grimacing in Drew’s direction. “I think you need to tell her.”
“Tell me what?”
Drew rolled his eyes. “Well, I don’t much have choice now, do I?”
True story. Once I had a hint of something, I wouldn’t shut up about it until I knew the full story. The journalist in me wouldn’t let up until I had the details. And from the way the guys were grinning, it had to be something good.
Drew turned to me, smiling nervously. “I’m proposing to Ellie tomorrow.”
A gasp left my lips. “Really?”
“Really. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and trying to work out the best way to do it, and… I think it’s the right time.”
I squealed and leapt out of my seat to hug him. I would soon have the coolest brother-in-law in the world. Because, obviously, Ellie would say yes. The two of them were nauseating sometimes. The thing I loved the most about them was that while they both had their fun, exciting sides, mostly they were so grounded that nothing would ever tear them apart. They had some of their best times together at home, watching movies in their PJs. And it worked for them.
“So, how are you going to do it?” I asked.
“Okay… I know this is going to sound a bit crazy since we like to keep our private life out of the spotlight, but I’m going to do it on stage tomorrow night. You know Nobody Knows has never been played in public before?” I nodded. “Well, we’re doing it. I’m doing it.”
He couldn’t have surprised me more if he’d stripped his clothes off and streaked through the club. “You? You’re going to sing?”
Just to put this in perspective, Drew didn’t even sing backing vocals on stage. He’d never joined in on a karaoke night, and I’d never so much as heard him quietly singing along to his car radio.
“Yes. I’m going to sing.”
“Whoa.”
He smiled. “I know. But I wrote that song for her and she’s never heard me sing it. I can’t think of a better time to do it.”
Ellie wasn’t a fan of grand gestures, but this? She’d love this. This was something she’d remember and appreciate for the rest of her life. I was almost more excited about hearing Drew sing than I was about the proposal!
“You have to stay cool around her tomorrow, Luce,” Drew said. “I know how excited you are, but she can’t suspect anything.”
“I can do that.”
Actually, I wasn’t sure I could but I’d have to try. Drew had obviously put a lot of thought into this, and I wouldn’t ruin it for him by getting hyper and accidentally giving it away. He was pretty brave to trust me with it when, as he said, he knew how excited I would be. My sister’s happiness meant the world to me, though.
But it was going to be a hell of a long day.
For a while, I lost myself in thoughts of Ellie and Drew’s wedding day. God, who knew what they’d want. They were most likely to want something private but our family was pretty big, so keeping it small might not be an option. Unless they went for one of those ‘closest friends and family only’ weddings. It might be kind of nice to have one day, one moment, that was just for the people who knew them best. No matter how much they wanted to keep their personal lives to themselves, they knew the price of Drew’s success was satisfying public curiosity, and they did so through tweets mainly. It meant people got a snapshot of their lives, so they didn’t pry quite as much. Their wedding day was different, though. That was something to keep between the people who cared about them the most.
I decided to brave the bar again to get another round of drinks. No easy task since people were now drunker and ruder than when we’d arrived. I lost count of the times I got shoved in the back as people jostled to get served. After another fifteen minutes, I managed to grab bottles of beer for all of us, and shove my way out of the crowd. As I did so, I spotted Jason. He stood surrounded by two guys, their heads down, and one of them slipped something out of his pocket and offered it to Jason.
I had to fight hard to cling onto the bottles and stop them crashing
to the floor as time slowed down, along with my heartbeat.
Chapter 6 – You Couldn’t Kick My Ass
No. This is not happening.
I watched, rooted to the spot as Jason shook his head. The guy holding the tiny packet moved it towards him again and Jason stepped back. I read his lips as he told him no.
Come on, Jason. Walk away. Please. Just walk away.
The dealer took Jason’s hand and placed the packet in his palm, then shook his hand as if they were business partners.
Someone shunted me sideways into a table, and again, I struggled to hold on to the drinks as my hip bashed into the wooden surface. I barely felt the pain though, because I was too focused on finding Jason. In the moment I’d taken my eyes off him, he was gone.
“Shit!”
Turning, I rushed back to our table where the guys were laughing about something, and I dumped the drinks on the table.
“I’ll be right back. I need to visit the ladies’ room.”
I didn’t wait for a response; I darted back the way I’d come. My heart thudded in my chest as I glanced around the crowded bar, seeking Jason out. Where the hell did he go? The flashing lights made it harder to find him, and in my panic, everything became distorted. I blinked hard to clear my focus and tried again. I saw the guys who had been talking to him lurking by the door to the men’s toilets, and I hoped to hell Jason hadn’t gone in there with whatever they’d offered him. I couldn’t barge in to check, and if I told Drew he’d freak out. Just like I was freaking out.
Shit.
I pushed through the crowds, and as I got closer to the dodgy men, I saw there was another door - a fire exit - right in the corner of the room. With my pulse pounding, I shoved people out of the way and pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me and blocking out some of volume of the thumping music. It was almost completely black, aside from a sliver of light shining through the door and a couple of small wall lights that vaguely brightened the rooftop area. I blinked again until my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and my gaze found Jason crouched on the ground, his back against the wall of the club, his head in his hands.
“Jason.”
The word came out with a breath of relief, and his head snapped up. For a moment he stared at me and the look in his eyes made my heart ache. It was like he was relieved to see me, or someone, but panic shone through too, making his green eyes seem to flicker a little.
I took a small step closer, not wanting to do the wrong thing. What I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and try to take away his fear.
“Lucy.”
“Are you… I… tell me what to do. What do you need?”
He blew out a long breath then held his hand out. I walked over to him and took his outstretched hand, lacing my fingers through his. He was shaking as I sank down beside him.
“What happened, Jase?”
“Coke. Those guys offered me coke.”
I’d learned a little about cocaine addiction over the years, and one thing I knew was that, even after a long time of being off it, it takes very little to want to use again - especially if offered the way it was to Jason, and even more so when that person was already struggling. It must have taken every bit of strength Jason had to get out of there. To get away from something he wanted badly enough that he was trembling in front of me.
“That fucker tried to set me up. Franz.”
My brow furrowed. “What? What do you mean?”
“His friends. They bought me a few beers, took a few photos. We had some laughs. Then the drugs came out.” He let out a bitter laugh. “One of them pulled me to one side and said he knew I liked a line sometimes. It was almost exactly like last time.”
Last time. The time he almost died.
I squeezed his hand. “I saw him try to hand you something.”
He nodded. “Franz and the others were all watching. They had their phones out, ready to film me so they could sell their story. After we gave him a fucking job, that’s how he says thank you? Fucking two-faced asshole.” Jason’s palm grew sweaty in mine, and he let go to wipe it before wrapping his fingers around mine again.
“Jase…” I hesitated, not wanting to ask but knowing I had to. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t. “What did you… do you have the drugs?”
“No. I didn’t take them.”
I stared at him while I internally battled over what to do next. I’d asked the question, but there was a strong chance Jason wasn’t being honest. After all, he’d lied to Ellie. He’d lied to everyone.
That was before. This is now.
Jason must have spotted the doubt in my eyes and his own darkened. His body still trembled as he stood, reached into his jeans pockets and turned them inside out, then lifted his shirt and turned around in a circle to prove he was clean. My own body began to shake at his rage, and the fact that I’d made him feel like he had to do this. It had to be humiliating and hurtful to have people doubting your every word and I felt sick to my stomach as he tried to prove himself to me.
“Happy? You wanna pat me down to make sure? You wanna do a strip search?” Fury burned in his eyes as he glared at me. He’d never looked at me that way before, and while I stood by what I’d done, I didn’t ever want to see that look from him again.
I slapped my palms against his chest then gripped his t-shirt, my own anger taking over. “Just stop! What would you prefer? That I didn’t care? That I said nothing and risk losing you? I’m sorry, but I’d rather have you mad than dead!”
Jason stared at me, his eyes locked with mine. It was as if he felt it. Not just my panic, but the depth of it. The real reason for it, but he didn’t back away. He took a few slow breaths then wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. You had every right to ask.”
I closed my eyes, my own heart rate slowing as he relaxed against me. My grip on his shirt loosened, and I moved my hands around to his back, holding him close.
“I’m sorry too.”
“Why today?” he asked, looking up at me. “Why now? I’ve been having a hard time and then this guy just appears with the thing I’ve been craving. I thought it’d be easier to handle now. I thought after talking to my sponsor I was okay. But look at me. I’m still fucked up.”
“Hey!” I said, sharply. “Don’t do that. Don’t get down on yourself because you’re struggling. You didn’t give in. You got away, and you’re okay. You’re okay, Jason.”
He shook his head. “I’m far from okay, Luce. I’m shaking, and I could so easily go back in there and do it. I want it.”
“Then let’s get out of here.”
“You don’t get it!” he snapped. “I could be on the moon, and I’d still find a way to get back here to get it if I wanted to.”
His words made my insides churn. I didn’t want to see him go backwards. He almost died the last time he used, and I couldn’t let him get anywhere near those dealers so he could land himself back in hospital, or worse.
“You must have some tricks,” I said. “Something you learned in rehab to help you.”
He nodded. “I do. And they got me this far.”
“So stick with it. Don’t give in, Jason. You’re stronger than this.”
“Am I? Because I think I’m a fucking mess. Why won’t this stop? Why can’t I just be over it?”
“This is what it does to you. It takes hold of you and makes you think you need it. But just like all those other times you’ve felt like this, you can get through it. This has got to be easier than the real withdrawals, right? It’s not in your system now. You know you don’t need it. You just have to find a way to take your mind off it.”
“It’s not that easy, Luce.”
“I know. But you have to try.” I took his hands in mine. He was still shaking, but a little less than before. “We’re going to take this one step at a time, okay? We’re going to go back inside, and we’re going to walk past those guys to get our things.”
He shook
his head. “I can’t. If I see them, I’ll-”
“No. Don’t think about that. Think about walking past them and getting what we need so we can leave. It’s the hardest step, and it sucks that you have to take this one first, but we have to get back to the tour bus. There’s no temptation there.”
Jason swallowed hard then took a few deep breaths. “Okay.”
I gave him an encouraging smile and we slowly walked back into the club. His hand twitched in mine as we passed the dealers but I squeezed it, not looking in their direction, but keeping my face forward towards where we were going. Jason’s palm grew sweaty in mine again.
“You’ve got this,” I told him. “We’re nearly there.”
He nodded, and as we reached our table I let out another sigh of relief. I couldn’t let go of him for fear he’d run, so I picked up my bag and jacket with one hand, and awkwardly juggled them into a comfortable position.
“We need to tell someone we’re leaving so they don’t worry,” I said. As panic crossed Jason’s face again, I added, “We won’t tell them why. We’ll say I’ve got a headache and you’re taking me back to the bus.”
“Okay.” He swallowed. “Okay.”
I purposely didn’t look for Drew because I knew that would make Jason more twitchy. Instead I scanned the crowds for Mack or Joey.
“There.” Jason nodded to the opposite side of the room. Joey’s head was visible as he jumped up and down to the music.
I chuckled as Jason led the way towards him. We weaved through sweaty bodies until we reached Joey, and Jason tapped him on the shoulder, grounding him. I couldn’t hear what Jason said to him but Joey threw me a sympathetic smile before defying gravity with his dance moves again.
With that done, Jason and I pushed back through the crowds until we finally made it outside, and my ears got some relief from the pounding music. Telling Joey I had a headache was no longer a lie. With the noise of the club and the tension from trying to keep Jason away from the dealers, a steady thud began to pound in my skull.