Christmas Under a Starlit Sky

by Holly Martin

  ‘Is that what made you cry?’

  ‘I thought you’d left.’

  ‘I... just didn’t want to sleep in bed with you and risk hurting you.’

  It was a terrible lie and they both knew it.

  ‘You hate me,’ Neve said, quietly.

  ‘I’m angry at you. It’s not possible for me to hate you.’

  She stared at him. They needed to talk but she wasn’t sure she had it in her right now.

  She sat up gingerly, but her whole body protested. It hurt everywhere; her back, legs, arms, neck and her head. The doctors had warned that she would feel worse today than the day before, but she hadn’t imagined it would be like this.

  Oakley could see she was in pain and rushed to help her stand up.

  ‘How about I run you a bath? That might help with the aches and pains. It will probably be easier to keep your cast dry in a bath than if you had a shower.’

  ‘Thank you, but I can run my own bath. I’m pregnant, not dying.’

  ‘You’ve had a bad fall, you knocked yourself out, let me look after you.’

  After a moment, she nodded, reluctantly. ‘Not too hot though. Pregnant women are not allowed to take hot baths.’

  He blinked. ‘There’s a whole load of new rules with pregnancy, isn’t there?’

  ‘Sadly, yes. One of them being no cheesecake and I love cheesecake.’

  Oakley looked shocked. ‘No cheesecake?’

  ‘I know, it’s a travesty.’

  He laughed and she couldn’t help but smile. Maybe they would be OK. Maybe they couldn’t be together and, despite being in love with him, that was probably for the best, but maybe they could be friends.

  With one arm around her waist, he helped her into the bathroom, her legs and back protesting with every step.

  He started running the bath and poured in some muscle-relaxing bubble bath which she had been bought but never used. When he was happy with the temperature, he lifted her and lowered her into the water.

  She sat awkwardly, with her bandaged hand balanced on her shoulder. It was a corner bath and one that she had never used since she had got there. In fact she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a bath. In her job as hotel manager, working long hours, she barely had time to have a quick shower in the mornings before rushing off to work. She wasn’t sure how long a relaxing bath was supposed to take and whether she was just supposed to sit there. She didn’t do relaxing very well. For the last few months everything had been about the opening of the hotel and now that had been and gone, she’d forgotten what relaxing actually meant.

  She started rubbing her legs a little with her good hand, not really feeling the benefits of a bath that everyone raved about, when she was distracted by Oakley undressing. She stared at him in shock and, despite the fact that she ached everywhere and their relationship was in tatters, she couldn’t help but think about doing all kinds of wonderful and dirty things with him in the bath.

  He stepped into the bath behind her and sat down, his legs either side of her hips. Oakley was so huge that even in the large corner bath, he seemed to fill it. With his hands on her shoulders, he encouraged her to lie back and lean against his chest. He wrapped an arm around her chest, just above her breasts.

  ‘Here, rest your arm on top of my arm, then it won’t get wet.’

  Neve did as she was told and rested her head on his shoulder and, as the warm water enveloped her, wrapped in his arms, she felt all the stresses seep out of her, even if it was temporary.

  A noise downstairs disturbed her and her eyes shot open. ‘What was that?’

  ‘What?’ Oakley asked, as he gently lapped the warm water over her body.

  ‘I heard a noise, it sounded like a door slamming.’

  They both listened for a second but couldn’t hear anything else, so she relaxed back into him.

  ‘Neve!’ came her mum’s voice from the bedroom.

  ‘Crap.’ Neve hissed, as she tried to get out of the bath.

  Oakley held her in place. ‘You’re the only thing that’s protecting my modesty at the moment. I love your mum but I really don’t want her to see my bits all wangling and a dangling.’

  ‘I don’t want her to see me naked either.’

  Oakley moved his arm over her breasts and scooped bubbles over her in an attempt to hide the rest of her just as her mum walked straight into the bathroom.

  ‘Oh my! Sorry, I didn’t realise,’ Lizzie said, her feet frozen to the ground. ‘I just came to see if you needed any help getting washed and dressed...’

  Neve suppressed a little giggle at the ridiculousness of the situation.

  Oakley cleared his throat. ‘We’ve got everything taken care of, Mrs Whitaker.’

  ‘Oh, please, call me Lizzie.’

  Of course they had to be on first name terms now her mum had practically seen Oakley stark naked. And still she wasn’t leaving.

  ‘Mum, thanks for coming round but Oakley is taking really good care of me. Why don’t I pop round later and we can have a chat then?’ Neve said, hoping the dismissal was nice but firm enough to get her to leave while they all had some dignity intact.

  ‘Yes, of course. Well, if you need anything, you know where I am,’ Lizzie said and with a little wave she left, closing the door behind her.

  Neve waited a few seconds before she burst out laughing and she felt Oakley shake with laughter as he chuckled into her shoulder.

  ‘Well, that went well,’ Neve said.

  ‘Why would you need help getting dressed when they know I’m here?’ Oakley said, as he was still laughing.

  ‘They know something is weird between us. I think they’re all worried about us.’

  She felt Oakley’s laughter die and fade away as he grew serious.

  They lay in silence for the longest while but eventually Neve spoke.

  ‘What are you still doing here, Oakley?’

  ‘Where would I go?’

  ‘Back to California and your glamorous life of the rich and famous, find yourself a nice, plastic, beautiful girl to adorn your arm who has no complications or baggage. You don’t need to be here with me.’

  ‘I don’t know why, but you don’t think very much of me, do you? I have given you no reason to doubt me, even when we were on a break, and yet you still don’t trust me. You say you love me yet you keep trying to push me away. What’s the real reason you’re afraid of being together?’

  She sighed. How could she tell him that his mum had made her feel like she wasn’t worthy enough to be with him? His mum had told her that she wasn’t special enough to keep Oakley’s interest over the long term and he would never want forever with her. She hated that his mum had made her doubt herself, she had never been a particularly confident person but she believed Oakley loved her in the beginning and that this thing between them was as special to him as it was to her. One visit from his mum had changed all that. And the subsequent visits had slowly chipped away her confidence in herself and what they had until there was nothing left.

  And she knew his mum was right. She hadn’t been enough for Zander. He needed someone far more glamorous and famous to complete him. A stable girl was not good enough for him. And eventually Oakley would feel the same. The beautiful girls he had been linked with while they had been apart were a brutal reminder of what he could have and what he would no doubt choose to have one day. But she didn’t feel she could say any of that. He was close to his mum and coming between them would not end well for them. And he was so idealistic with his big plans for their future. He would never understand this doubt she had in herself, that it would never go away and she’d always be fearful of losing him. Maybe she could explain some of what she felt.

  ‘Do you remember me asking you what you saw in our future?’ Neve said.

  Oakley sighed.

  ‘We were heading towards the end of your time in London and I hoped we could have some kind of conversation about our relationship, whether it was worth fighting for after you had
gone. I wasn’t expecting a marriage proposal but just some kind of affirmation that we were heading that way eventually. You told me you saw lots of passionate sex in our future, that you wanted to try every sexual position known to man and then make up a few of our own. That didn’t exactly give me a lot of hope for a serious future,’ Neve said.

  ‘I was joking. I didn’t realise you wanted a proper conversation. We never did serious. We laughed and joked, we talked.’

  ‘I know. I had so much fun with you, you made me smile so much. I wanted forever with you.’

  ‘I wanted forever with you too,’ Oakley said, wrapping his other arm around her belly and pulling her tightly against him.

  ‘I asked you whether you wanted children and you laughed and said maybe, some day, in ten years from now.’

  ‘I’m twenty-six.’

  ‘I’m thirty-one, ten years from now would make me forty-one. Not many women can have babies at that age.’

  ‘So you decided to just get pregnant anyway. I wouldn’t give you a child so you’d find someone who would.’

  ‘No, I would never do that. Believe me, I was as shocked as you were when I found out I was pregnant. Well, not as shocked as you were. I think if I’d come at you with an axe in one hand and a severed head in the other, you wouldn’t have been more scared than when I told you I was pregnant. That’s why I don’t understand why you’re still here. I thought you would be over the moon that the baby isn’t yours. I thought you would be relieved that the responsibility has nothing to do with you. You can go back to your fabulous life and you don’t have to worry about me.’

  ‘I had a lot of time to reflect while we were apart. My fabulous life, as you call it, with the celebrity parties and ultra-glamorous people, seemed empty and dark without you. I love being an actor, I love going to work every day, donning my superhero suit and learning to fight and fly and use my superhero powers. It’s been my dream come true. But everything else that comes with it – the parties, the drugs, the alcohol, the women, the casual sex – means nothing to me. Acting is my dream but you were my life and I just wanted to come home after a day’s filming and curl up in your arms, make love to the woman I loved and talk to you about your day. I came here to ask you to be a part of my life because I wanted forever with you. Yes, I was shocked to find out you were pregnant but I felt no relief that the baby isn’t mine. I was hurt and angry and disappointed but I definitely wasn’t relieved.’

  Neve swallowed down the pain she felt at how much she had hurt him.

  ‘What are you saying, that if the baby had been yours, you would have still wanted to marry me? You never wanted this. Part of your filming schedule for this movie means going to Australia and Russia. I would be in California, on my own with the baby, instead of here with my family and friends. When you were at home, you’d resent the lack of sleep a small baby would bring and then you’d end up resenting me and your son.’

  ‘I could never resent you or our son. It wouldn’t have been ideal, but I’d have done the right thing by you. I wouldn’t have left you alone. We would have made it work somehow.’

  ‘I didn’t want you to do the right thing for me, I didn’t want that for you or for us. We shouldn’t have to make our relationship work.’

  ‘Of course we should. It’s never going to be easy for us. Even without a baby to consider. We’d argue and get tired and ratty with each other but we would make it work because the alternative of not being together doesn’t bear thinking about.’

  Her heart suddenly ached. Had she been wrong to do what she had done? He had been right, they had loved each other, that was the only thing that mattered. Had she given up on her dream too easily? Shouldn’t she have at least tried to make it work rather than giving up?

  ‘So what happens now?’ she asked.

  He shifted his arm around her belly so his hand was directly over where their baby was growing inside her.

  ‘I honestly don’t know.’

  She glanced down at the engagement ring on her finger. ‘Do you want the ring back?’

  ‘No, keep it. It will be a reminder for me of why I asked you in the first place. A reminder of when I loved you more than anything. I need to remember that.’

  Loved not love. She closed her eyes.

  ‘Is that love now gone?’ Neve asked, her voice choked with emotion.

  He didn’t answer, clearly not knowing what words to say. Had he ever really loved her at all if he could turn it off so easily? Or had she just pushed him away one too many times and he’d finally given up?

  She linked hands with him over her belly and he didn’t pull away.

  Was love really enough?

  Ivy woke with Adam’s arms tightly around her after another glorious night’s sleep. They had both slept much later than normal and the chance of another early morning walk was now off the cards. They had spent most of the night chatting and kissing, so she wasn’t surprised that they had slept in so late.

  As she swept her fingers across his bare chest, his long, dark eyelashes fluttered open and when he saw her, he broke into a huge smile.

  ‘Morning, beautiful, are we going for a walk?’

  ‘I’m afraid it’s too late for that.’

  Adam frowned and quickly checked his watch. ‘Oh, wow, that is late. I’d better get to the hotel soon.’

  ‘Isn’t Neve back from the hospital now?’

  ‘Yes, but she won’t be back at work until the New Year, something that she won’t be happy about. She’s never been one for sitting still.’

  ‘You like her?’ Ivy said and then immediately regretted it.

  He cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled. ‘We’ve been friends for a very long time but I can assure you that nothing has ever happened between us.’

  ‘I trust you, you have very trustworthy eyes,’ Ivy said. ‘It’s one of your best features.’

  ‘It is?’

  ‘That and your gorgeous body,’ Ivy laughed, running her hand over his chest. ‘Can I paint you tonight? I think you’ll make a superb model.’

  Adam rolled her over, quickly pinning her to the bed with his weight. ‘Provided that the painting is not going up for public sale.’

  ‘No, just for me to perv over.’

  He kissed her and she reached up to stroke his face. He pulled back slightly to look at her. The tenderness in his eyes completely unravelled her.

  ‘What are we doing, Adam? For two people who don’t want to get involved in a relationship, we’re both doing a really bad job.’

  He shrugged and kissed her nose. ‘I don’t know, but I’m having way too much fun to want to stop.’

  ‘Me too, but I’m scared.’

  ‘Scared of what?’

  ‘Of us, of things going too far, of falling for you and then watching you leave in a few months’ time.’

  ‘What if I stayed?’

  Her heart leapt. ‘What?’

  ‘This place, it’s so peaceful. I feel like I can finally breathe here. Neve needs help and I don’t think a few months is going to cut it. The hotel in London had a manager and two deputy managers, where here there’s only Neve. Admittedly the hotel there is bigger than here, but the workload is still the same. I was thinking I might talk to Gabe about making the move here more permanent.’

  ‘You’d move here for me?’ Panic settled into her gut. ‘What if things went wrong? What if we broke up?’

  ‘I’m up in the hotel, you’re down here, it would be very easy to avoid each other if we had to. If I moved here, you would be part of the reason, but not the only reason. I told you before that I felt I was stuck in a rut down in the hotel in London. I’ve been deputy manager at that hotel for the last five years with no chance of becoming manager unless our current manager leaves and he loves his job. This could be a welcome change for me, a new challenge to get my teeth into. I’ve been thinking about this and I’m going to ask Gabe to make me joint manager here with Neve. She needs the help and she won’t be coming back to work st
raight away when the baby comes. I can help out here until she does.’

  ‘So I guess that means this wouldn’t be something casual any more?’

  ‘I don’t think it ever was.’

  She ran her fingers over his cheeks, and down to the stubble on his jaw and neck. ‘You said that when you became deputy manager things had just ended badly with your ex-girlfriend. Has there been no one for you since?’

  ‘No, but I’m ready to move on in my personal life too.’

  Something serious scared her to death, because what if something serious turned into marriage and then the question of children came up? No, she would have to tell him that she couldn’t have children before it got too far and then risk losing him for good. But that was an awkward conversation to have when they hadn’t even slept together yet. They might not even be together in a week’s time. When was a good time to ask the ‘Do you want children?’ question? A few weeks down the line? A few months’ time when they would be too deeply involved to get out without getting hurt? She’d have to tell him soon, it was only fair. But it was so hard to bring that up without sending him running for the hills, thinking she wanted marriage and babies already.

  But as he kissed her, his hot mouth travelling down her throat to her collarbone, she knew it was a conversation that could definitely wait a few days at least.

  Chapter 12

  Neve took a swig of her tea as she looked out on the view from the dining room window. The dining room was a huge glass conservatory that had one of the best views of Juniper Island, though she’d barely had time to look at it since her arrival.

  It was the day after Boxing Day and the families that had made it down for breakfast all looked a little worse for wear from their celebrations over the last few days.

  Neve had been so looking forward to spending Christmas with her family this year, especially her niece Wren, who had been beyond excited about the big day for weeks. Instead she had spent the last two days in hospital. She still had all her family’s presents to give them, she’d have to make sure they got them, but right now she needed to get to work.