Christmas Under a Starlit Sky

by Holly Martin

  Neve sighed. ‘No, I guess not.’

  ‘The hotel has jet skis, don’t they? I’m sure Gabe said they had a few they were going to hire out in the summer for the lake, you could take one of those.’

  Neve thought about the practicalities of taking a jet ski out on the cold winter seas, chasing after the boat and using some kind of loudspeaker to get the boat to pull over. As dramatic as that sounded, in reality it would probably end up in disaster, especially as she’d never ridden a jet ski before. And if horse riding was on the ‘no’ list, then jet skiing probably would be too. She shook her head.

  ‘What’s wrong, Neve? Last night you and Oakley seemed to almost be faking being together. There’s something not right and I’m not sure what it is.’

  Neve sighed. ‘Let me get dressed and I’ll come down and tell you.’

  ‘Do you need any help?’

  Without the sudden urgency, Neve could take her time getting dressed and although she liked Pip, she wasn’t sure their friendship quite extended to Pip seeing her butt naked just yet.

  ‘No, I’ll do it. Give me five minutes. Or maybe ten.’

  Pip looked at her in shock and Neve waited for the same lecture she’d got from Adam when she had told him what an idiot she was.

  ‘Oh, Neve, I totally understand why you lied to Oakley.’

  ‘You do?’ Neve said. She hadn’t been expecting that.

  ‘Yes, you love him and you only wanted what was best for him. He didn’t want this baby and raising one when he is in the biggest movie role of his life could be difficult and potentially limiting for him. I think it’s really sweet that you put his needs before yours.’

  Neve focussed her attention on her pancakes, knowing there was probably a lot more to it than pushing him away for the sake of his career.

  ‘Regardless of the reasons why I did it, I have to tell him the truth. I can’t let him carry on thinking he’s not the father.’

  ‘Of course you have to tell him. All I’m saying is I don’t think he will take it as badly as you think he will. He will appreciate the reasons why you did it. He might be a bit miffed, but I can’t see that he’ll be angry. He stayed with you when he thought you were carrying someone else’s baby, I can’t see him walking away from you when he realises that the baby is his and you were never unfaithful to him in the first place.’

  Pip had a point but the fear that had been niggling away at her for the last few days pushed its way back to the surface now.

  ‘What if he is only staying because he knows the baby isn’t his? What if he is relieved that he doesn’t have this responsibility and when he leaves here on New Year’s Day he’ll never have to look back? What if me telling him the truth sends him running for the hills because he doesn’t want our son?’

  ‘Well then at least you’ll know the truth and you’ll be in no worse a situation than you are now. You can raise this baby on your own, you know that. Gabe did it with Wren and you can do it too. And we’d all help you. Raising a baby on your own has got to be better than raising it with someone who doesn’t want a child so tell him the truth and then you’ll soon see.’

  Neve nodded. She would. Just as soon as she got him alone.

  Oakley stood on top of the boat alone, the wind rushing through his hair, as he stared out at the sea. After the motorised dinghies had ferried them out to the larger tour boat, the tourists had disappeared inside the lovely warm lounge area on the main deck. It had large glass windows to look out of, which was where all the guests were now, snapping photos of the rugged coastline. But Oakley needed the space to think and had headed up to the open top deck. The sea was rough and wild, the sky was grey, laden with the promise of more snow. It was quite spectacular in its raw, natural beauty, though he was hardly aware of any of it.

  He had two things to decide and he needed to come back to Neve tonight with some answers in his head. It wasn’t fair on her to drag this out any longer. She kept on expecting him to leave and with his rejection of her the night before and then cuddling up to her in bed afterwards, he understood he was confusing her. He didn’t want to give her false hope and he knew if he’d let himself make love to her like he wanted to the night before and then left anyway, that would make him scum and he wouldn’t play with her like that.

  The press had released the story of his and Neve’s dash to the hospital with rumours that she was pregnant with his child. He guessed that had a lot to do with the journalist or photographers who were still on the island and, judging by the articles, some doctors or nurses at Lerwick hospital hadn’t been able to keep quiet either. His new manager was badgering him to release a statement to the press but he knew he had to decide what he was going to do first.

  He needed to work out if he could move past the fact that she had been with someone else, but mostly he needed to know if he could raise a baby, be a dad to Neve’s child.

  The prospect terrified him. What kind of father could he really be? He had no memory of his own dad. His dad had left home before Oakley’s first birthday and Oakley had never seen him again. What kind of person completely abandons their own child? Yet his greatest fear was that he might be the same kind of person, that it was inherent. Commitment had never been on his radar until he met Neve. He liked to party, go out with friends; he used to love the female attention being an actor would bring. He loved that lifestyle. Being with Neve changed all that. But would he eventually grow bored of playing the family man? Would he end up doing the same as his dad had done? Would he let Neve down in the same way his dad let his mum down all those years before?

  What would being a dad mean? Could he cope with the sleepless nights and the crying? He worked such long hours, what would it be like to come home, after twelve hours on set, to a screaming baby and a tired and emotional Neve? Would she start to resent him when he was at work so much? Would it drive a wedge between them? But maybe she would come on set with him. He could help her so much more if she and the baby were there. Other actors brought their families on set from time to time. He had a big trailer where he relaxed on filming breaks, Neve could feed and play with the baby in there. He smiled at the thought of playing with his child in between takes, of showing off his son to the rest of the cast and crew. And the boy would be his son too, even if he wasn’t Oakley’s biologically; if he stayed with Neve, he would raise the baby as his own.

  But what about all the things you should or shouldn’t do with a baby, how would he know all that? If he thought the list of things Neve couldn’t do or eat while she was pregnant was long, the list of things you shouldn’t do with a baby was probably twice the length. Did babies sleep on their fronts or their backs, should you use a pillow or just lie them flat? How often did you feed them? When did you start them on solids? Breast milk or bottle milk? What was the correct way to hold them? He didn’t know anything about babies or how to look after them. What if he was rubbish at all of that? What if he let Neve down just by being a useless dad? What if he tried his best and it wasn’t good enough?

  But then what was the alternative? The child wasn’t his responsibility. He could leave on New Year’s Day and never see Neve again and then he’d never have to deal with any of that. His stomach rolled. The thought of leaving her was, quite simply, unbearable.

  Ivy swirled the paint across the glass, not really paying attention to what she was creating but finding some comfort in the feel of the paint as the colours blended and twisted together.

  Adam wasn’t bothered about having children. She should be dancing and shouting for joy over that fact. If they stayed together there would never be a time that she would disappoint him or let him down because she couldn’t have children. By the sounds of it he’d be quite happy if children were never part of their relationship. But she could find nothing to celebrate about that.

  She was an idiot.

  When Callum left her, all she’d wanted was to find a man who didn’t want children. Then she could have a normal relationship and never feel like a
failure, or never be waiting for the man to walk away from her because she couldn’t have them. But now she had found one, a wonderful, funny, patient man she knew she was falling for, someone for who children simply weren’t a priority, and it felt like a hollow victory. Because in reality she wanted a man to share the same hopes and dreams as her and share in the disappointments of those dreams not coming true too.

  She glanced out at the street as Joy waddled past, holding Rebecca’s hand. In the privacy of her own shop and with no one to see her, she let the tears fill her eyes. She wanted a baby more than anything and Adam would never understand that.

  After Gabe had turned Neve away from the office again, she made her way down to the ice palace on the pretext of going for a walk but in reality she wanted to see how they were getting on with the plans for the New Year’s Eve ball. As she walked down the hill she smiled as the blue frosted glass walls of the ice palace sparkled in the early morning sunlight. When Gabe had told her of his plans to have a giant palace, seemingly made of ice, she had imagined it would look tacky and like something from a theme park. She couldn’t imagine how it could possibly be in keeping with the wildness of the island but somehow it worked. It looked magical and although it was perfect right now against the snowy backdrop of the hills and trees, she knew it would look equally spectacular in the spring and summer, when it would gleam like crystals in the sunshine. The guests all loved it too, with several enquiring about hiring it for parties or weddings later in the year.

  She pushed open the door and the first thing she noticed was the heat. Whenever she had been there in the days leading up to Christmas, the rooms inside had housed a magnificent ice carvings display, with ice reindeers, snowmen and other animals, and as such had to be kept at minus temperatures all day so the carvings wouldn’t melt. Now the ice carvings had been stored in a huge walk-in freezer at the back of the palace while the display team worked on transforming the space into a ballroom.

  The foyer of the ice palace was a grand affair in itself and she couldn’t get over the change from a few days before. The floor was a white marble, the walls were silver and had large ornate mirrors hanging from every surface, reflecting the natural light that poured through the walls so beautifully, but what captured her attention were the two curved staircases either side of the room that she knew led up to a balcony that overlooked the proceedings in the ballroom and had spectacular views over the island too. The stairs and balconies were also made of glass, silver and mirrored panels, extending the wonderful ice palace theme inside as well as outside.

  Neve pushed open the main door into the ballroom and stopped. She hadn’t really seen it before it had been converted into the dark winter wonderland that housed the ice carvings, so she hadn’t seen what it looked like normally – but this was a total transformation. The white marble floor continued in here and around the outside of the large circular room were white marble pillars leading up to a balcony. Giant swathes of silvery blue silk and chiffon were hung from the balcony so they billowed in the cool breeze coming through one of the open doors. Large glass windows and doors peppered the space in between the pillars, so the room was bright and airy, at least during the day. At night the room would be lit up by the ten spectacular crystal-drop chandeliers placed around the roof. Spaced around the edges of the room were wonderful potted trees with silvery white fairy lights strewn from the branches. It looked spectacular.

  The display team were hard at work, a few of them polishing the floor right near the entrance with some huge buffering machines. A few were adding more lights to some of the naked trees, while others were bringing in tables and silvery chairs from the huge storage area at the back of the room.

  In the middle was a large scaffolding platform and, to her surprise, Antoine was standing on it, hanging giant orbs of glass from the ceiling. They were obviously glass orbs that he had blown himself as they were beaded with silvery flecks just like some of the ornaments she had seen in his shop the day before. They would reflect the light from the chandeliers beautifully.

  Antoine waved when he saw her as he finished hanging one of the orbs. He unhooked himself from the harness, climbed down and walked over to talk to her.

  ‘These look wonderful,’ Neve said. ‘They really add to the ambience of the room.’

  ‘They don’t take too long to do fortunately. They’re relatively simple to make, which is good as Gabe wanted a hundred of them.’

  ‘They still must take a lot of skill. I wouldn’t know how to start.’

  He smiled at her, his green eyes soft and gentle. ‘I could teach you.’

  Wow. Was he flirting with her? She had a bruise on her head, a broken arm, she hadn’t had the energy to do anything with her hair that morning beyond brush it, she was wearing comfy jogging bottoms as they were easier to pull on than jeans or her normal office attire. She looked a wreck. And to top it all off she was pregnant with another man’s child and, as most of the village had congratulated her on her pregnancy yesterday when she had been walking around, she presumed he must know that too.

  She cleared her throat. ‘I’m no good at anything remotely creative, but if you’re interested in passing on your skill, I think the guests would love to learn that while they were here. It would be another thing we could offer, I’m sure they would pay good money to learn that too. Why don’t you speak to Gabe or Adam about offering it as a service? I’m sure they would be delighted with the idea.’

  He stared at her with undisguised amusement. ‘I’ll think about that. It’s not quite as fun with a room full of students as it is one on one.’

  He was flirting with her. Good lord, no one ever flirted with her. She never had time for dates or boyfriends, or maybe she made sure she didn’t have time because she never wanted to get hurt, but either way, her attitude of wanting to make sure everything was perfect in the hotel in London made sure she wasn’t exactly the sweet and warm type that people were attracted to. Somehow, Oakley had seen through all of that and kept chipping away at the wall she had built to protect herself until it eventually came tumbling down. And Oakley was still here now. She had pushed him away and he’d come back to fight for her, she had told him she was carrying another man’s child and he hadn’t run away like she thought he would. Maybe she was giving off some kind of pheromone now she was pregnant. Maybe her body knew that she would be raising her baby alone and was sending off pheromones to men in search of a mate to look after her. Maybe that was what was attracting Oakley and Antoine.

  She tried to look at Antoine objectively. If she wasn’t pregnant, if there wasn’t this mess with Oakley to sort out, would he be the sort of man she would date? Would she be turned on by a sweaty, muscly man who would teach her how to blow glass? Would he wrap his arms around her as he helped her to twist and shape the glass? Her stomach twisted at the thought of being with anyone but Oakley; even standing this close to Antoine now, she felt a stab of disloyalty and guilt and she didn’t even know if she had any kind of future with Oakley. There would never be another man for her. If Oakley walked away, she would raise this baby on her own. The thought of falling into Antoine’s arms seeking comfort and someone to look after her wasn’t even something she could comprehend.

  ‘Well, we can certainly offer one-on-one lessons if that’s what you would prefer,’ Neve said and then looked away around the room. ‘This place is going to look wonderful for the ball.’

  ‘It is. I’m quite looking forward to going. Do you have a date for the evening?’

  Neve looked back at him in surprise. He wasn’t even going for the subtle approach any more. She had to admire his tenacity.

  ‘I’m not sure I’ll be going, to be honest. After my fall the other day, standing for long periods of time doesn’t really appeal. It hurts my back too much.’

  ‘That’s a shame. I was looking forward to having a dance with you.’

  He wasn’t going to give up. Time to nip this in the bud.

  She smiled. ‘That’s very sw
eet. But if I was going to dance at all, it would probably be with my fiancé.’

  His smile barely faltered. ‘Ah, the man you were in the shop with the other day. I didn’t realise you were engaged. Congratulations. Well, I must get on. I still have over seventy of these things to hang today. Hopefully I’ll see you at the ball.’

  He walked away, completely unconcerned by the rejection, and she shook her head with a smile.

  She noticed Adam talking to one of the crew and she spotted Luke nearby, fiddling around with the cables for the tree lights. As she walked over to him, he stood up to greet her.

  ‘How you feeling?’ Luke said, brushing his hair from his face.

  ‘I’m fine, aching, but fine. This cast is so itchy though. I want to poke something down the crack and give it a good scratch.’

  ‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You might damage something. How’s the baby?’

  Neve smiled and found herself unconsciously stroking her tiny bump. ‘All good, I think. The doctor thought he was big and strong, so I’m trusting he’s going to take care of himself in there.’

  ‘Guess it pays off, having a superhero as a father.’

  She laughed. ‘I think it certainly helps. And you’re going to be an uncle again. How do you feel about that?’

  ‘Well, I’m certainly going to miss watching the little scamp grow up. I presume you’ll be going to California with Oakley?’

  Neve sighed. ‘I have no idea what’s going to happen. Things between Oakley and me are not exactly sunshine and roses at the moment. And even if we do work it out, I don’t want to leave you guys – my job is here and I can’t just leave Gabe in the lurch. But equally I never envisaged spending the rest of my life on this little island either.’

  Luke wiped his hands as he looked around him, and as his eyes held on something across the room, Neve followed his gaze and saw he was watching Audrey hanging her little jars of lights that she sold in the village.