Her Guardians: Her Guardians Trilogy Book 1

by Roberts, Jaimie

  That one word was all he needed to say in order for us both to understand what was happening.

  “I’m sorry,” I said again, letting him know that his suspicions were correct. Who am I kidding? I was in love with two men and I couldn’t get either of them out of my head.

  “It’s okay.” He sighed a little. “I should have known this would happen. I blame myself.”

  I was completely dumbfounded. “Why?”

  “Because I wasn’t observant enough. Because I kept trying to avoid you when it was you for whom I was looking. Because it was obvious you liked me and I liked you, too, but kept pushing you away. Because he knew who you were straight away and swooped in to steal your heart.”

  “I don’t know how you can say these things.”

  “Because he was kind to you when I wasn’t. It was bound to happen. I went away and led him straight to you.”

  “I could never ask you to give up everything you have ever achieved.”

  “I know you feel that way. I also know that, with Stephen, it doesn’t matter. It’s an easy choice, really.”

  “No, it isn’t.” I started shaking my head. “I haven’t chosen Stephen at all. He’s trying to better himself. He needs to make things right and I’m never going to stand in the way of that. Just the same way I would never stand in the way of you finding your way home. It is what you were going to do anyway, wasn’t it?”

  “Well, yes, but—.”

  “But nothing. You were going to sleep with me then disappear. Leave me, never to see you again.”

  “That’s not how it will be.” His tone sounded emphatic, but I knew he was just kidding himself.

  “Won’t it?” I could feel the sudden anger rise a little. I was angrier with myself more than anything. I felt like a fraud.

  He said nothing, causing my heart to ache. He never confirmed or denied what I had said. It amazed me how I could be so high on cloud nine one minute, only to fall and drown in a sea of despair the next.

  With this knowledge, my head started to hurt. I knew I was getting myself worked up and there was only one person I could blame for all of it.

  “I have a headache.”

  “Can I get you something?” He had a hint of worry in his voice. No matter what, he was always there for me.

  “I’ll just grab some tablets from my bag.”

  “Don’t.” He stopped me, quickly getting up. “I’ve got some in the bathroom. I’ll go get a couple for you.”

  Rising from the bed, Michael disappeared for a few seconds. It was enough time for me to feel the immense pressure weighing down on me.

  “Why did this have to happen to me?” I whispered into the dark, not having a clue who I was asking. I felt downright sorry for myself.

  Michael soon returned, handing me the tablets and some water. I took both and thanked him for looking after me.

  Despite my little confession, he still laid beside me on the bed and pulled me to him. I gladly accepted because that’s how selfish I was. He stroked my hair and I instantly began feeling more relaxed and less tense. My head was easing through every touch, causing me to sigh contentedly.

  “No matter what, I’m always here for you.” Michael’s hot breath was on my ear, causing me to shiver a little.

  “I know.”

  Grabbing his hand, I laced my fingers through his. No matter what went on between us, I knew I could always count on him to be there.

  At least for now.

  **********

  The beautiful lady appeared to me within a cloud. She came from the most glorious light I had ever seen. She smiled at me, her face lighting up my own. This woman was the most breathtakingly beautiful woman I had ever seen.

  She seemed to float towards me as she smiled, causing me to feel lighter than air. She made me feel just as special as Michael and Stephen did, but different. I think falling in love was the difference.

  “Cassandra, my child.” She moved in closer, caressing my face. I closed my eyes and let the feel of her caress wash over me. It was a powerful emotion. I felt love for this woman, complete and utter adoration. It was almost like the kind a child gives to his or her mother to let them know how much they appreciated them. Sometimes, just one look is all it took for a mother to know.

  I opened my eyes and her smile was wide at my response. “You have grown into the most beautiful woman,” she said. “But be careful. Your heart is fragile and the choices you make might not be the ones you want. I know you will chose wisely, but it will come to you. Please take care, my heart.”

  She placed her hand on my heart.

  I woke with a gasp. “Cassie, what’s the matter?” Michael was up and by my side.

  Placing my hand on my chest, I couldn’t help the smile that broke across my lips. “The dream… She was in my dream again.”

  “What dream?”

  As I woke a little more, I explained to him the beautiful woman in my dreams. Before I could say more, Michael confirmed it was Archangel Charisma.

  I told him little bits of what was said and he looked just as stumped as Stephen was.

  “We just have to be more careful, I think. Maybe this business with Daniel was all the warning we needed to tread carefully. I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re too precious to me.”

  Grabbing my hand, he kissed it tenderly. The guilt came flooding in, as always, and now I had Charisma’s words floating around in my head. She talked about choices, but I didn’t feel I had one. How could I make a choice? Whichever one I chose, one of them would never be able to go back. I couldn’t live with myself for that.

  **********

  I spent most of my morning getting myself ready and packing the little bag I had with me. I was going back home and I didn’t know whether the plans were for us to part ways. A part of me didn’t want to, but another part of me thought it was the best thing to do. Michael and Stephen only clouded my judgement when I was with them.

  Maybe I needed some time away to think about what I was going to do. What the hell could I do? I was out of options before I’d even begun.

  “Can I stay with you at your place? I have an early shift in the morning, but I promise to not wake you before I leave.”

  “Okay.” I seemed to say it without even thinking. Sometimes, my heart ruled my head or, in this case, my mouth.

  After that, we moved quickly, getting ready to go back to my cosy little studio. I was looking forward to the ride back as the sun had made another appearance today. It was still cold, but I couldn’t complain. It felt nice when the sun was high in the sky.

  I was getting used to being on the back of a bike now. I had to laugh at myself, thinking of me being a biker chick, but I quickly remembered I wasn’t anyone’s chick and I didn’t think I would ever be. I was doomed to lose the two men to whom I had given my heart. I knew that nothing could ever be the same for me again.

  We get to the flat in no time. It was Sunday afternoon and all was relatively quiet. No doubt that as the afternoon wore on, more people would appear in the sun, usually to the first bar they came across.

  We were both settled in nicely when a thought popped into my head. “I need to visit with Ms. Summers next door. I haven’t seen her in a while and she probably thinks I’ve abandoned her.”

  “I don’t think she will ever think that about you, Cassie. But she might be a little worried if she’s so used to you calling frequently. Do you want me to come?”

  “Okay.” I smiled brightly. “I’m sure she won’t mind. She saw you with me that day.”

  “Yes.” He winced slightly. “What a screw up that was.”

  Walking over to Michael, I stroked his arm. “You didn’t know. You know now and we’re okay, aren’t we?”

  “Yes. I just can’t help feeling that if things had been different, if only I had let my walls down a bit with you, I would have noticed a lot sooner.”

  His arms were soon wrapping themselves around me, making me feel safe and secure as I rested my head on h
is chest. I inhaled his sweet scent—a similar kind of scent that Stephen had. I concluded that it must be an angel thing, but it confused the hell out of me.

  “Come on.” Michael reluctantly pulled away from my grip. “Let’s go and see to Ms. Summers.”

  We knocked on the door. After a couple of minutes, she answered. I always made sure I waited a bit, just in case.

  “Cassie, dear. How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

  “Yes. I’m sorry about that, Ms. Summers. I’ve not been too well.”

  “My goodness. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine now, thank you. I fell and hit my head on a slippery surface outside and got a concussion. I had to rest for a while, but I’m fine now.”

  Concerned, I looked at Michael. I didn’t like lying to her, but I didn’t want her to know the truth, either.

  Michael smiled at me, and Ms. Summers turned to him. “You were the one I saw before with Cassie, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, that’s right, Ms. Summers. I’m a very great friend of Cassie’s.”

  “Hmm.” She pondered a little. “She looked a little upset last time, if I remember correctly.”

  Michael bowed his head a little. “Yes. I may have had something to do with that and I deeply regret it now. I’ve been doing everything in my power to make sure I make it up to her. She’s worth it all and more.”

  “Yes, she is.” Ms. Summers smiled tenderly towards me. “Well, come in. I shall get the kettle on for you both.”

  “Thank you. I hope we’re not intruding. I just wanted to know if you needed anything. I’m planning on going to the shops today.”

  “I don’t want you running around for me if you’ve not been well.”

  “It’s no trouble. I was planning to go anyway. Besides, Michael has his bike so it will be a doddle.”

  Ms. Summers patted her grey hair and motioned towards the sofa. “Please, sit. I will make us all some tea and get a little list for you then.” She walked off, leaving Michael and I in the living room.

  “You’re an amazing woman, you know that?”

  “Michael, stop.” I could feel the heat rushing to my face.

  “I was completely wrong about you and I’m sorry.”

  I looked into Michael’s eyes and it was then that I could see his sadness. I knew he was regretting all that happened since we met, and I knew he was beating himself up over Stephen and me.

  All of this just made everything I felt harder to endure. I was the guilty one but, yet, Michael was blaming himself for not getting to me first.

  “I didn’t know whether you took sugar.” Ms. Summers’ cheerful voice pulled us from our stare. “I’m sorry. What was your name again? I’m not sure if I caught it.”

  “I apologise, Ms. Summers. This is Michael. He is a policeman where I work.”

  “Oh, I bet you look very handsome in your uniform.”

  I gasped. “Ms. Summers! I would never have thought.”

  “You’re never too old to appreciate the fine male form, Cassie. And, by the way, it is Dorothy.”

  “Sorry. Dorothy.” I looked over at Michael, who was beaming from ear-to-ear. He obviously thought it was funny and it instantly relaxed me a little.

  After that, things seemed to be easier around him.

  We drank our tea and went about getting the stuff on the list Ms. Summers gave me. No matter how many times she insisted on me calling her Dorothy, it just didn’t seem right. I suppose it was a habit that was hard to break.

  I got some steak for Michael and me, and even picked up a bottle of wine, thinking that it might be okay for me to drink now. The headaches were not as bad. Today, I had gone all day without even the hint of one. I was feeling much better and I thought it was Michael’s influence helping me.

  “Are you sure we should be buying that?” Michael spies the bottle, eyebrows raised.

  “I’m a lot better. I will only have a couple of glasses. If I get sick, I will know not to drink for a little while longer.” I gave him a look that said I wasn’t budging. He just shook his head and let me lead the way to the counter.

  Once back, I popped round to deliver Ms. Summers’ shopping, then got cracking on our dinner. I put the steaks in a frying pan and boiled a few vegetables. I even thought I would live a little and put on some oven chips.

  Once all was ready, I walked out with our plates to find Michael standing by my little table. He had lit a candle and dimmed the lights. On the table sat two glasses, and he was in the middle of pouring the wine.

  I had to stop a moment and stare at him. He looked gorgeous with the flickering of the candlelight dancing on his face. It was taking me a moment to gather some momentum, but I had to try.

  I took a deep breath as he caught my stare, and I raced to the dinner table to place our meals down.

  “This looks lovely.” I smiled as best as I could, even though my legs were now like jelly.

  “Only the best for you.”

  We both sat down as Michael thanked me for the meal.

  In the middle of chewing, he says, “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

  Fair question, I thought. “Very. I would prefer to get it over with as soon as possible.”

  “I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit. Why don’t you tell the Chief that I put you up to finding some info on Richards? I arrested him. It would only seem plausible that you were in there looking. Otherwise, I’m not sure what you could say.”

  I thought about that for a moment. “But won’t that get you into trouble?”

  “I don’t see why it would. I wasn’t there to do it myself. I was just asking you to check something for me. I can’t see that it would be a problem.”

  I kind of had the feeling he was lying to me, but I couldn’t prove it. I suppose it seemed logical.

  “You won’t get me into trouble,” he said, as if sensing my unease.

  “Is this an angel thing?” I had to know if he could read my mind or sense how I was feeling. It seemed to be a reoccurring pattern with both Michael and Stephen.

  “What?” Michael frowned a little.

  “Reading people’s minds.”

  “No.” His laughter bounced off the walls. “I think I just get a sense for things. Sometimes I’m right, sometimes I’m wrong.”

  “Oh, I could never imagine that.” I was being cheeky now.

  “Are you flirting with me, Miss Johnson?”

  “Are you using those senses of yours again? Guess whether you’re correct or not this time around?”

  “I’m guessing that I’m correct, especially now,” he said with a raised eyebrow. “Am I?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know? I’m going to keep you guessing, I think.”

  “Really?” His breathing hitched as he edged closer to me.

  “Yes, really.” My voice sounded more seductive than I wanted it to.

  With one swoop of his hand, he pulled my chair right next to his, and before I knew it, his face was inches away from mine. “I think you’re being very naughty.” His eyes searched my face.

  “I try my hardest.” My breathing was now harsh.

  His lips went straight to mine and I certainly didn’t complain. His eagerness to flirt right back at me made me putty in his hands. This was a whole new side to Michael that I had never seen, and it really turned me on.

  My hands went straight to his hair, causing him to moan into my mouth. “Michael,” I breathed as I caressed his cheek and explored his lips.

  He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. I could see him gripping his eyes shut and it made me feel really terrible. I wanted to tell him that it’s okay, that he could take me now and I would gladly be his. But it always boiled down to one thing…well, one person.

  Stephen.

  Before this week, I would have gladly given all to Michael. What is the saying? “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” In all my twenty-five years, I’ve never known what it was like to feel true love.
I have never known the act of love-making and how it binds a couple through such an intimate connection. I needed to feel it, wanted to feel it, but now that I could have it, I was turning it away. I didn’t know what I felt and that was what was holding me back.

  If I gave myself to Michael, it would be all of me, not just the one part that wanted him whilst the other part craved Stephen. That would never be fair.

  “I’m sorry.” Michael took a deep breath, his eyes still shut.

  “I don’t know why you’re apologising for kissing me. I didn’t stop you, did I?”

  He kissed me lightly again, then stopped. I knew he was in turmoil. I was in turmoil, too, and I hated seeing him this way.

  “This is delicious.” He pulled away suddenly and got back to his meal.

  “Yes, it is.” I raised my eyebrow to try and lighten the mood a little.

  He caught my little cheeky stare and smiled. After that, the meal seemed tasteless compared to Michael’s sweet lips.

  By the time dinner was over and the dishes were done, we were both ready for bed. Michael seemed to be getting a bed ready on the sofa, which I frowned about.

  “You can’t sleep on there, Michael. It’s too small. You can sleep next to me. I won’t mind.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m good on the sofa, but thanks.” His tone sounded sad. I couldn’t help the sag in my shoulders. Now it felt as though he didn’t want to even be near me. All because my stupid head and stupid heart doesn’t seem to know what it wants. Suffice it to say, it would seem that tonight was going to be just as bad as the night before.

  Chapter 14

  I was tied to a bed and I don’t know where I was. I struggled, but I couldn’t move. The next thing I saw was a figure hovering above me. Daniel.

  I immediately tried to scream, but he held his hand over my mouth. I was shaking my head and crying for him to release me.

  Suddenly, I felt a gun against my head. I cried even more, thinking how desperate I was to get away.

  Trailing the gun from my face down to my chest, Daniel’s steely blue eyes trapped me. His evil smile made me want to vomit. He loved the fact that he had all the power over me and I was completely at his mercy to do whatever he wanted to me.