The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven

by Jessica Miller

“You came with Tristan.” It was more of a statement than a question.

  “No, he just walked with me.” I could tell he thought I was lying. “How are you?”

  “I'm fine,” he said, not even bothering to look at me. Clearly he was upset that I was here with Tristan and not him.

  “The sisters and I are going to some club downtown afterward. I'd really like it if you'd join us,” I asked, hoping he'd say yes.

  “I don't know.” I forced him to look at me and pleaded with my eyes. “I'll think about it,” he said.

  “I'll you see you around?” He gave a slight nod and I left it at that, not wanting to push it. I slid my hands inside my pockets and walked back over to Tristan who was now joined by Billy and Josie. Once the memorial started I reached for Tristan's hand. He squeezed it gently, appreciative for any simple touch I would allow.

  The memorial lasted about an hour long; when it was over, we all parted ways and Tristan offered to drive to the club. I texted Jack on the way hoping he had changed his mind, but I got no response. I felt it best not to dwell on the matter. We met all the sisters and brothers along with a few friends downtown. When I got out of the car Cadence handed me an ID. “A fake ID?” I asked skeptical.

  “Relax. You look like you're thirty. He probably won't even card you anyways, but just in case,” she said, shoving the ID in my hand. Thanks, I thought not so sure that was a compliment.

  I examined the so called ID. The woman I was claiming to be was a heavy set woman in her forties with blond hair and brown eyes. “This is not going to work,” I said to Tristan, checking out the ID again.

  “You'll be fine,” he assured me and pulled me up to the door. I automatically handed my ID to the doorman out of nerves. He flashed a small pen light over the ID and then at me. He scrunched his eyes looking over the ID again as I fidgeted with my fingernails. He handed back the ID and waved us in. I knew he had to know it was a fake, but I guessed he didn't care and was thankful he didn't call me out on it.

  Once inside the music was so loud you could barely hear anything anyone was saying. “What do you want to drink?” Tristan asked.

  “Huh?” I said, cupping my ear and trying to understand him.

  “Drink?” he pointed to the bar.

  “Oh...um?”

  “A Long Island?” he suggested smiling, remembering the other night.

  “No!” I said and he just laughed.

  “How about just a rum and coke?”

  “That's fine,” I agreed, having no idea what he just offered, but tired of struggling to hear him. He kissed my cheek before he walked away to get us drinks. I blushed and looked around hoping no one caught the small display of affection. I spotted Josie and made my way over to where she was standing with some of the other sisters. I took off my coat and had a seat while I waited for Tristan to return with our drinks.

  When I saw him looking around for me, I waved my hand catching his attention. He weaved his way in and out of the crowd finally reaching us and handed me my drink. When everyone else was in attendance, Cadence called over one of the waitresses and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Once the shots were dispersed and in hand, Cadence stood to make a speech. “This is for our fallen sister, may she rest in peace.”

  “Or hell,” Cassidy said under her breath and Cadence shot her a dirty look. Cassidy seemed to have cared less and downed her shot walking away.

  Cadence ignored her and continued. “For Skylar,” she said, raising her glass while the rest of us followed suit.

  Another three shots and a few drinks later, I was feeling pretty good. I had no intention of drinking this much, but every time I turned around a shot or drink was shoved into my hand. I could have said no, but they all went down so smooth and tasted so good. The girls pulled me out on to the dance floor and we all let loose. I danced around with Josie until I caught sight of a girl that was in one of my classes. She was dancing atop one of the bars. I thought it looked like fun so I decided to join her. All the girls cheered me on while I wiggled my behind like Beyoncé. Tristan stood just beneath me with a worried expression his face. I ignored him, determined not to let him spoil my fun.

  Unfortunately, my foot slipped and I lost my balance, falling off the bar. Tristan caught me before I hit the floor. “My hero,” I cheered, wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

  The look on his face told me he wasn't feeling very heroic when he put me down. “I think you had enough, Ella.”

  “What are you, my father? Relax, I'm just having fun,” I said as Cassidy handed me another drink and pulled me back out onto the dance floor. Tristan didn't follow. He stayed right where he was and watched from a distance. An older man - with the worst taste in clothes - came up behind me and started to dance with me. Too drunk to care, I let him. His hands started to wander so I pulled back some hoping he would keep his hands to himself.

  I wasn't so lucky. His hands slid down my back and grabbed my butt. “Okay that's enough,” I said, walking away when he wouldn't get the hint.

  “I'm not finished yet,” he said, pulling me back. He held me so close the sweat on his nasty chest hair was wiping off on me. His tacky gold chains hit me in the chest every time he swung me back and forth. His arms spit out like snakes, slithering up and down my body.

  “Okay really, I'm done,” I said, having enough. I pushed him away with a little more force but he wasn't taking no for an answer. I found Josie and gave her a pleading look to help me. She wrapped her arm around my waist and tried to pull me away, but he grabbed her too. Josie managed to slip out of his grasp allowing him to have two hands to grope me with again. He held me tighter, grinding his knee in between my legs. I fought back, but he just gripped harder. He tried to kiss my neck; slobbering all over me and making me gag from his cheap cologne. That was the last straw. I stomped my heel on his toe and he released me instantly, cursing under his breath. I gave him a smug look of satisfaction letting him know that's what you get when he suddenly lunged for me.

  I jumped back in time making room for Tristan. He stepped in front of me and shoved the guy so hard he flew back into a crowd of people. I touched Tristan's shoulder; he flinched, and then turned on me. His eyes were dark and his face was hard. I've seen this look before and I knew the outcome would not be good. “Tristan,” I said, carefully reaching for him again. “Let it go. I'm fine.” I pulled him closer to me and made him look at me. I placed a hand on his reddened cheek. He closed his eyes and I felt him relax.

  “What's your problem, man?” The sleaze growled.

  Tristan's eyes whipped open and I felt him tense up again. “Don't,” I pleaded. “Tristan please, I'm begging you to let this go.” I tugged at his shirt trying to pull him away, but he refused to budge. I tried one last plea. I held his hands and slowly tugged him in the opposite direction.

  “Whatever, take the slut,” yelled the sleaze.

  And that was it.

  Tristan dropped my hands and leapt at the guy with fists flying. I tried to stop it but the girls pulled me out of the way. A stranger signaled for one of the bouncers to come over and help. I was shoved back by big, burly men in bright green shirts trying to break up the fight. They ripped Tristan off of the guy and shoved him in the direction of the exit. Then they helped the other guy up and began to escort him out.

  That's when I caught a glimpse of his bloody shirt. My eyes shifted up and I saw blood dripping from his nose. He held his hand up to stop the bleeding but I could tell it pained him to touch his nose. Tristan had hit him so hard I think he broke it. I stood there, not able to take my eyes away from all the blood. There was a puddle on the floor and a stain on his shirt that pooled into a circle around his heart. I watched as it dripped down his lip and into his mouth, down his hand slipping between his fingers and staining the sleeve of his shirt. I watched it all in slow motion not able to tear my eyes away for some reason.

  “Ella!” Josie shouted, snapping me out of it. “Go!” she said, handi
ng me my coat and shoving me in the direction of where Tristan had went. I fumbled to put my arms through my sleeves as I walked outside to find Tristan. He was pacing back and forth on the sidewalk mumbling something in a language I didn't understand.

  Before I had the chance to acknowledge him, he stopped, whipped his head to the side, and glared at me. I paused not understanding and waited for his reaction. He stomped over and grabbed me angrily by the arm. Then he dragged me to the car and threw me inside slamming the door. I sat there silently; too afraid of what he might do if I angered him further. The last time I saw him this irate was when he attacked Jack. That was not something I wanted to relive.

  He still didn't say anything when we got back, but he did seem calmer than before which I took as a good sign. He got out of the truck and walked away, not bothering to look back. I opened the door and followed him inside, thinking it wouldn't be a good idea to leave him alone. I found him in his room lying down on his bed with his hands covering his face. “Tristan?”

  He sat up, his anger slowly dissipating when his eyes found mine. “Ella...I'm sorry,” he said, shoulders slumped. He ran a hand through his messy hair. “When I saw that guy with his hands all over you...I freaked...and I shouldn't have.”

  “It's okay,” I said, sitting next to him on the bed. While I didn't approve of his actions, I didn't want to upset him anymore than he already was and in a way I understood. When I saw him with those other girls I wanted to tear their eyes out.

  “No, it's not okay. I know you think I'm a monster,” he said.

  I put my hand under his chin, lifted his head, and forced him to look at me. “No, I don't.”

  I could see the struggle in his eyes. He wanted to believe what I said was true, but something was telling him he was wrong. I needed to tell him he wasn't. I needed him to believe me. Prove to him how much he really meant to me. I did so the only way I knew how. I knew no words would convince him so I had to take action. I took off my coat and pushed him down on the bed. I straddled him and kissed him forcefully, showing him how much I wanted him. He kissed me back letting me know he wanted me just as much. I started to unbutton his shirt, kissing every inch of his exposed chest. I sat up and took my dress off in one swift move. When I leaned back down to kiss him, he held my shoulders to stop me. “Ella, what are you doing?”

  “Proving to you how I feel about you,” I said, kissing his neck.

  “Ella stop,” he pleaded, but I refused. I continued to trail down his body with my lips, across his collar bone and then chest. “Ella! Damn it!” he yelled, pushing me off of him.

  “What the hell is your problem?” I said annoyed, as he stood up from the bed. “You've been after me since the moment you met me, trying to get me into bed. I throw myself at you and you say no!?!” I reached for my dress and pulled it on back over my head.

  “Not like this. Not when you're –”

  “When I'm what?” I snapped.

  “You're drunk Ella. It wouldn't be right.”

  “Since when did you grow a conscious?” I glared at him. “I don't get you. What game are you playing here?”

  “I'm not the one who's playing games,” he spat.

  “Oh really? That's funny considering how much you claim to care about me, but then it doesn't take you long to get over that before you're screwing someone else!” There it was. I said it. There was no going back. I let him know how much it bothered me to see him with other women. Even though we weren't together it still hurt to see him with someone else.

  “Maybe if you weren't so hot and cold all the time. One minute you want me and then the next you want nothing to do with me. What am I supposed to do with that?” he yelled frustrated.

  “That's just perfect. Blame it all on me. ‘Cause you know that would be easier than actually taking responsibility for your own actions.”

  “When have I not owned up to anything? I never lied to you. I’ve been honest from the very beginning. You're the one who's holding back. You just won't admit it because admitting it will mean it's true and we both know how you like to hide from the truth.”

  “I'm not hiding anything.”

  “Bullshit! You can't be honest with me because you can't even be honest with yourself.”

  “You just think you know everything, don't you?”

  “The only thing I know is how much I care about you and how much I want to be with you and only you.”

  I grabbed him and pulled him into me. “Then let's be together,” I said, kissing his lips. He pulled back and gripped my shoulders. I slapped his arms away. “You're so pathetic,” I spat with distaste. “I make it so easy for you and you say no.” He stared at me blankly so I continued. “I get it. It's because I came on to you. You get your rocks off by being the dominant one. You have to be the initiator.”

  “Shut up!” he growled, making me flinch. “You have any idea at all how I feel about you! Any idea at all!?!” he ran his hands through his hair and grunted in frustration. “I'm crazy about you Ella.”

  I walked over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. “Then prove it,” I said, bringing his lips down to mine. I kissed him with such a force I thought I might lose my breath. He kissed me back but for only a moment.

  He pushed me back, breath ragged. “Damn it Ella, enough!”

  I threw my hands into his chest shoving him away this time. Tired of him telling me no, I turned too quickly and stumbled, falling to the floor. He tried to help me up but I slapped his hand away. “Don't touch me,” I snapped. I dug my hands into the carpet begging myself not to cry. I bit the inside of my cheek and forced myself to stand up which was a lot harder than I thought. I didn't realize how bad I was shaking until I had to stand on two legs. “You're right, I think I had enough,” I said, dusting off my dress. “I'm done with this game. I'm tired of being your pawn. Don't talk to me. Don't come looking for me. In fact just forget I even exist.”

  “You think it's that easy? You think you can walk out of here and forget everything?”

  “Watch me,” I said, storming out and slamming the door behind me.

  He followed me out into the hall. “Typical spoiled brat behavior,” he called down the hall. “Ella finally shows her true colors. When she doesn't get what she wants she throws a temper tantrum.”

  I snapped my head around so quick I thought I might spit split pea soup. “Don't you dare turn this on me. I am nothing like you!” He came down the hall towards me with determination in his step. I moved back until I was pressed up against my door.

  He stared me down, making me feel small. “For once be honest with yourself. Make a decision that's your own and not one someone made for you.”

  “I just did,” I said, opening my door and closing it behind me. I slid down until my behind hit the floor. I waited until I knew Tristan was gone. When I could hear only silence, I knew it was safe. I buried my head in my hands and began to cry.

  Chapter seventeen

  I slept through the entire night and into the early afternoon. I never told Josie what happened and she left me be figuring I was just sleeping off a hangover. I told Josie I didn't want to see anyone. She obeyed no questions asked. Every time Tristan stopped by she told him I didn't feel good and wasn't up for company. He tried his hardest to break his way in, but when Josie put her foot down there was no getting past her. After several feeble attempts Tristan finally gave up.

  I spent all day in bed with no intention of ever getting out. Later that evening Josie started to become concerned. “Ella, is everything okay?” she asked, sitting beside me on the bed.

  “I'm just tired,” I mumbled into the pillow. I knew she could tell there was more to it but decided not to push the issue, at least for now.

  I forced myself out of bed Monday morning and into the shower. I made sure I was up early enough to avoid running into Tristan. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. After our fight Friday night, I was pretty much done with him. I couldn't stand to be around someone who hurt m
e this much. It wasn't fair and my heart couldn't take it. Things would be better if we just stayed away from each other. I knew it would be hard at first, but I could do it. I would have to do it.

  In order to avoid him I continued to wake up early each day and spent most of my time away from the dorms. I skipped art class all week not wanting to risk him being there. It was too soon and I knew he would try everything in his power to convince me to come back to him.

  By the end of the week our dorm room was flooded with flowers and all sorts of gifts. “Okay what gives?” Josie said, bringing in the latest delivery of blooms. “Can you please explain to me why our room is beginning to look like a green house?”

  I only told Josie I didn't want to see Tristan and she never asked why knowing when I was ready I would tell her. I still wasn't ready to talk about it, but with the way she was standing with her hands on her hips annoyed at having to side step a giant stuffed tiger and several other ridiculous items, I'd say she had enough of being in the dark. “Tristan and I had a fight,” I sighed.

  “I think that part is pretty obvious,” she said, gesturing around. “What was the fight about?” I shook my head not wanting to elaborate. “Look Ella, I get that you're not ready to talk about it, but this is getting ridiculous. I can only keep Tristan away for so long and we both know if he really wanted to get in here all he'd have to do is bust down the door. So you need to put an end to this one way or another.”

  “You're absolutely right,” I said, getting up off the bed. “Help me collect all this stuff.” I picked up all the animals and threw them on my bed. Josie wasn't sure what was going on but helped me anyway. Once all the oversized stuffed animals were collected I grabbed a few trash bags and started to throw them in. Then I made a phone call for a delivery van.

  When the guy showed up at our dorm, I directed him to follow me upstairs to my room. When I opened the door his eyes went wide. “All this is going?” he asked and I nodded. He got on his radio that was clicked to his belt. “Hey Jim, I'm gonna need your help with this one,” he said.