by Leah Holden
“It’s not exactly about an old-fashioned code of conduct. I just don’t feel in man chase mode.”
“Honey, if you’ve gone as far as joining an online dating site, then you’ve officially entered the man chase arena,” Ria said.
“If that’s the case, then I’ll take it as it comes—whatever will be and all that because I’m not calling him.”
I thought back to how tactile I’d actually been with Jared, just because he looked like a million dollars. Until last night, I really had no idea just how weak my will-power could be. There had been a moment there when, if the setting had been right, I would have been in big trouble for sure.
Okay, so people did that kind of thing all the time, but I wasn’t people. I was the uptight good girl who played life strictly by the book. The feeling of a hot wet tongue streaking a path to my pubic area had brought me to life. I just knew that with this guy I could probably be a different me, I could perhaps finally explore some of the more libidinous urges that I had been neglecting all these years.
But maybe the date had been too fast and furious for the likes of little me. Could I really cope with someone like Jared? I was definitely out of practice with the smooth type of guy.
He’d no doubt made his way around a woman or two in the past and he had seemed quite at ease with getting it on with someone he’d just met. Okay, so I might have been open to the challenge for sure, but I had not heard him complaining one bit.
“Shaniah!”
“What?”
“Jeez, you must be really gone on this guy, I said your name three times and you were off in la-la land.”
I grinned, “Sorry, I guess I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“I figured you’d over-done it when you weren’t here at the crack of dawn to get Josh. Care to share?”
“Not particularly.”
“Oh, come on,” said Ria. “You could easily tell me a bit more. He seems to have made quite an impression on you.”
“Nothing to tell,” I said taking a sip of the tea she’d handed to me. “More like a ‘watch this space’ scenario. Anyway, from experience, he doesn’t seem like the type that would be easy to pin down.”
“That’s too bad,” said Ria. “You do seem to be drawing the short straw where men are concerned lately.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“Well, I hate to sound like Mom, but you’ve got to admit that your taste in men has taken a huge nosedive.”
“I resent that.”
“Oh come on, Shaniah. You used to go for a completely different type of man. You remember the dashing playboy type you used to fall for before you met Todd, don’t you? Speaking of which, I’m glad you’ve finally decided not to waste any more of your time on that idiot.”
“Gosh, Ria, don’t hold back!” I exclaimed.
“You know how I feel about him.”
“Well, I surely do now!”
“Sorry, Sis, but someone’s gotta tell you.”
“Between you and Shellie, you don’t think I’m likely to be lacking in the feedback department, do you?”
Ria contemplated me for a second, “You know, Shaniah, I could fix you up with at least one of the guys I know. Take my new boss, for example. Now there’s a real dream. He heads up some conglomerate that buys up failing businesses and gobbles them up for breakfast.”
“He sounds like a nightmare.”
“Yeah—maybe, but he looks like a god. If he weren’t my boss, I’d throw myself at his mercy. Can you just imagine walking into his office, panties neatly folded? Just think of all those fringe benefits!”
I giggled, “You’re as bad as Shellie.”
“Well, I’m serious. If I didn’t need to take care of my career, I’d be taking very good care of Mr. AJ boss man for sure.”
“How come you call him by his initial?”
“Why not? He’s just another guy. The only difference is that he signs the checks.”
“So, why hasn’t some woman snapped him up by now if he’s so gorgeous?”
“I think he was married but he’s divorced or going through a divorce, or he’s widowed or some such drama—at least that’s according to the office grapevine.”
“His private life certainly seems very public.”
“Hey, when you’re single and look like that, it is the duty of every female within a hundred mile radius to find out your status.”
“You are totally incorrigible and if you don’t mind me saying so, you seem a bit preoccupied with him.”
I was thinking that I really wouldn’t be surprised if Ria’s new boss fell for her—she was gorgeous. I couldn’t imagine how any man could resist her high cheekbones, the golden glow of her skin tone, or those lovely doe eyes of hers. Sure, she might have just turned thirty-six, but she was wearing extraordinary well.
“Nah, not really,” said Ria, “You just hear stuff, that’s all. Besides, AJ isn’t for me. He’s more the ‘Me Tarzan, you Jane’ type.” She gave an exaggerated shudder.
“I bet he isn’t as bad as you’re making out.”
“Maybe he isn’t,” said Shellie, “Maybe you can meet him at our annual charity ball later in the fall.”
“You invite me to that every year and every year I tell you I’m not interested”
“I’ve already bought you a ticket,” said Ria, “And they are notoriously expensive, so you have no choice.”
I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Well, when you get ready, just say the word and I’ll set you up with AJ.”
I was horrified. Ria and I had totally different tastes in men.
“I don’t think so. Besides, apart from looks and all that lovely money, what else does he have to offer?”
Ria snorted, “Well, let’s just say that those are two things more than what Todd brings to the table.”
“Whatever! I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m not interested in your boss. Besides, I’ve just met someone, remember? You know, the reason why you babysat for me last night—the same guy we were discussing a few minutes ago?”
“I haven’t forgotten, but you did say he seemed to be the fickle type. I don’t think you should waste too much time on guys who aren’t right for you.”
“You let me worry about that,” I said, feeling a bit on the defensive. “I’ll leave you to go after your boss when you decide to throw your principles to the wind.”
“That’s also not going to happen,” Ria said, “but don’t say I didn’t try to help you.”
I glanced up quickly because I knew Ria too well. She was up to something; I could sense it.
Ria and Mom were cut from the same cloth and they were neither of them happier than when meddling in other people’s lives.
However, it was neither the time nor place to try to figure out what Ria could possibly be up to. I had more pressing things to worry about.
“I think you’d better take Mom her tea before it gets too much colder,” I said.
It was also probably time for me to get Josh home before he completely fried his brains with too much television.
CHAPTER FIVE
I didn’t hear from Jared.
After a week, I rationalized that it was all good. It wasn’t like we’d made promises to each other. He was just some guy from some dumb internet site. Maybe this was what Shellie and Ria had been experiencing over the past few years—a lot of online crap.
Well, I was no martyr and I was definitely nobody’s fool. I’d never been good with that whole waiting around for men to call scenario. For whatever reason, I couldn’t bring myself to call him. I tried not to think that this was because I’d allowed a simple coffee meet and greet to go a bit further than I’d intended. I’d allowed a pair of steel grey eyes and those broad shoulders that I could still imagine resting my head against, to influence my behavior.
Maybe I was just too disappointed to go after him. For a moment there, I had truly felt that he could have been on a different lev
el to the other guys I’d been meeting.
I’d hoped for a bit of eagerness on his part, a show of interest. Even if I wasn’t exactly planning on walking down the aisle with him, I still wanted just a bit of romance to get things going. I wasn’t looking for a mere booty call, or at least that had not been my original plan.
Ah well! I just had to accept that you win a few and you lose a few—I just seemed to be losing most of the time lately. My pre-Jared, internet coffee dates weren’t even worth thinking about. With Jared, it had been a memorable date, at least. But he had apparently just been passing through, so he could just keep going.
Sitting in front of the computer checking out potential dates had now lost some of its initial appeal. What if all there was out there was more of the same—a bunch of ‘love em and leave em’ Jared-types? I really needed to come up with some plan of action to move life along.
At the weekend, I took Josh to the zoo. Well, clearly that wasn’t part of my action plan. However, as I was feeling a bit disappointed, I needed to kill time. The trip occupied an otherwise boring moment and enabled me to spend quality time with my kid.
While I was at it, I also took Josh down to the lake and practiced skipping stones—I was pretty crap at that too as he outshone me by a long margin.
These activities that didn’t involve looking for a man gave me breathing space, time to think about what I really wanted out of life. After my little foray into online dating, I made the decision that I could probably live quite happily without a man. They were too unpredictable. I just didn’t understand how men dared to complain about women being difficult to figure out. Men were proving to be a foreign species to me and I was burnt out trying to make relationships work.
I settled back on the sand and watched Josh, who was still happily skipping the stones. He turned and waved at me. Life was fairly straightforward with kids. You knew that you were the adult in charge and you did what you had to do to make them happy. They, in turn, loved you unconditionally.
There in the sun on that carefree day, the idea that had been festering in the back of my mind for the past year began to take firmer root. I wasn’t getting younger and I couldn’t afford to take chances with Mother Nature. Before she could zoom in on me for any of her tricks, I planned to use all my equipment.
There were no two ways about it—if I was going to have any more children, I needed to just crack on with it. Trying to find a reliable man with a degree of appeal was proving to be one of the greatest challenges I could hope to face.
After my ‘moment’ back there by the Lakeshore with Jared, I had now decided to face facts. Men were good at saying the right words, but they appeared unable or unwilling to follow through to any satisfactory conclusion. At least, that was my experience, and I had nothing else to go on.
If I was going to have any kind of life, I guess I just had to rely on myself and not wait around for some unrealistic dream involving an equally unrealistic knight in shining armor.
So what if I was already thirty-two, and a single mom? If I looked after myself, and if my luck held out, I could probably live to be a hundred. Maybe I’d even be around to see my great grandchildren!
It was a good a time as any and the decision was such a simple and obvious one that I was amazed that I had not acted on it sooner.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. If life kept handing you lemons, you needed to have a viable Plan B just to make any sense of it all.
Nevertheless, I thought I’d better get some kind of test reaction and run my Plan B by Shellie before unleashing it on the rest of the unsuspecting world. Shellie wasn’t like Ria; she was less pushy and usually more inclined to hear me out; to really listen and to try to be more understanding of my various ideas.
In the meantime, however, I lay back on the sand and let the sun gently warm my skin because life could be very simple if you made the right choices.
I had to wait until the following Tuesday morning after I’d dropped Josh off at school to see Shellie. I knew for a fact that she was working from home today. Surely she could put up with a few moments’ intrusion?
Shellie seemed surprised to see me even though I’d texted her that I was on my way. However, I was too excited about sharing my news to focus on that. I made my all-important announcement as soon as I crossed the threshold.
“I’m going to have a baby.”
Shellie was looking unimpressed as she closed the door behind me.
“Do you want to come in or are you the new town crier?”
God, this girl was cool. Apart from the obvious rudeness, she was giving very little else away. I could only assume that the cynical look she was giving me was hiding her true respect for my ability to move my life along when I needed to. It might equally have been concealed horror but I preferred to keep things positive.
Impatiently, I followed her into the lounge and a few minutes later, I was curled up on the sofa.
Shellie’s apartment was the opposite of Ria’s. She was less of a control merchant and it showed. Her home was an eclectic array of interesting furniture and objects that she’d collected from her travels or from auction houses. It was very easy to feel at home in this space.
“Okay, so, tell me what this is all about?” she said giving me her full attention.
I took a deep breath and prepared to launch into my well-rehearsed spiel even though I was fairly sure she’d heard me the first time.
“I’m going to have a baby.”
“That’s what I thought I heard,” Shellie said. “I didn’t even know you were dating anyone—at least not seriously enough to be starting a family with them.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” I asked. “Besides, I’m not starting a family—just adding to my current one.”
“Okay, at least that part makes sense. But from what I know about your dating life, I can only assume that you’ve decided to use a sperm bank or you’re the victim of a one-night stand!”
“You know I’m not the one-night stand type!”
I tried to main good eye contact, because not so very long ago I had been sorely tempted down there by the Lakeshore.
“So, you are using a sperm bank!”
“No, I’m not! There are other choices besides desperately sleeping around or using a sperm bank if you want to have a baby. You do remember all that stuff about women’s liberation, don’t you?”
“Okay, so if you’re not going the DIY route and if it’s not a hit and run job, then I’m all out of ideas—unless, oh God—please tell me it’s not Todd!”
I suddenly felt a little less sure that I wanted to discuss things with Shellie after all.
“What do you mean?” I said carefully.
“You can’t have forgotten that mighty moron that you insist on calling a boyfriend. You know, Todd the odd bod.”
“I wish you wouldn’t call Todd names; he isn’t all that bad and yes, you are quite right, as it happens. I have decided that Todd’s the man for the job.”
Shellie groaned, but I continued regardless, “You’re supposed to be my best friend, remember? I thought I could count on your unwavering support, at least.”
Actually, I really did need Shellie to lose the uncharacteristic melodrama. The sooner she came to terms with my decision, the sooner I could sign her up to be godmother.
Shellie was still mumbling unutterable little grunts in between shaking her head in despair. Clearly, my news had knocked her off her perch. When she did find her voice, I was surprised at her reaction.
“Are you insane? Didn’t you tell me that that guy doesn’t know the first thing about women?”
I decided to ignore her outburst because I could feel a little twitch developing near my left eye. I tried to ignore that as well. It might not have been smart to have told her what I really thought about Todd in the past. But the damage was done now and my hastily spoken words could not be taken back.
“I don’t know what you mean. Sure, Todd has his issues but
at least I know him and, as I’ve dated him in the past, it won’t be adding yet another notch to my bedpost.”
“I thought you hated Todd.”
“No—you hate Todd! I just hate sleeping with him; it’s not quite the same thing.”
Shelly tossed her head back dismissively, “I don’t hate that fool. I’m just not understanding how you allowed him to get you pregnant if you hate sleeping with him that much.”
I stared at Shellie; really this girl could be totally obtuse when she wanted to be.
“Shellie, darling, I am not pregnant.”
“But you just said you’re having a baby! I totally give up; This is way too complicated.”
I shifted so that I was facing Shellie more directly and tried to straighten up because my right leg had gone to sleep.
“You’re the one making things complicated! What I said was that I am going to have a baby, get it? ‘Going to’, as in the future. I have not, as yet, done the deed.”
“Phew! Shellie breathed an exaggerated sigh of relief. “That, at least, is good news.”
“Thanks a lot for the support!” I said sarcastically.
To tell the truth, I was getting a bit cheesed off with her attitude. Why did it matter who I chose as the father—wasn’t that my business? Her job was to sound enthusiastic and offer support to her best friend.
“Why would you even consider having a baby with Todd?” Shellie asked. “Come to think of it, why are we even having this conversation?”
This wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d thought it would be. I, apparently, had not quite understood the level of antagonism Shellie felt towards Todd. Surely he wasn’t all that bad?
“Well, I just think it’s a good time. With all the bad stuff that’s happened over the last year, I’d like some happiness. Right now all I have to show for my life is a credit card bill.”
“What about Josh?”
The thought of my son brought an immediate smile to my face.
“The fact that Josh is the center of my life is understood. You know he’s my everything, but he’s not a baby. He’s going to grow up and go to university, or college, or get married and leave me.”