Just a Little Crush (Crush #1)

by Renita Pizzitola

  “It’s whiskey and will warm you right up.” He twisted the lid and tilted the bottle to his lips.

  I was freezing but preferred not to warm myself with anything served in a flask.

  “Here you go.” He handed me the metal bottle.

  I sniffed then jerked it away.

  “It’s warm going down.”

  I swished the whiskey around. Maybe I could fake a sip just to indulge Noah.

  The door screeched open and Ryder stepped out. He stared at me then at the flask in my hand.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Locked out?” He kicked the rock into place then crossed his arms and, from my vantage point, towered over us. “Your friend’s looking for you.” He tilted his chin in my general direction.

  “Oh. He is?” I handed the flask back to Noah and stood. I was happy to have an excuse to go inside, but couldn’t help but wonder if Ryder actually remembered me or just knew where to find Noah. Though we’d gone to high school together, it had been a year and a half since we’d last seen each other. If he did actually know who I was, I feared the only thing he’d remember was our disastrous kiss, but then again, he’d probably kissed a lot of girls in the last few years and had forgotten all about me…which was a good thing.

  “Yeah, so you should get inside.” Ryder nodded toward the door.

  But, of course, after that comment, some idiotic part of me didn’t want to go inside now, merely out of spite, and regardless of the fact I wanted to get away from Noah.

  Noah stood, his arm brushing against mine. “She’ll go in when she’s ready.”

  The corner of Ryder’s mouth quirked up. “She looks ready to me.”

  “Hey.” A girl’s voice came from behind him. The blonde from earlier wrapped her arm around his waist and slipped under his arm. “There you are.”

  Noah glared and tucked the flask into his pocket as he grumbled, “And now we see why.”

  Ryder whispered something to the girl. She smiled, nodded and disappeared back the way she came.

  So was this where guys brought girls to hook up? Had that been Noah’s intention? And why Ryder had been eager to help find me? Just clearing this area out for himself? I tried convincing myself that the feeling of annoyance settling over me was directed at Noah for bringing me here, but really it was Ryder who had me all frustrated. I had no reason to be, considering I had absolutely zero claim on the guy, but maybe that’s exactly what made me jealous. I’d never be the kind of girl he’d be interested in, and I was envious of the girl who was.

  I hugged my arms to my sides. “Um. I’m going in.” I glanced at Noah. “Mason’s looking for me.”

  Ryder leaned against the doorjamb, leaving me very little room to squeeze through. I waited for him to move. He smirked and it caused my heart to flip and flutter.

  I was so not this girl. He was about to hook up with someone else. What was wrong with me?

  Ryder.

  Of course he was what was wrong with me. He always had been. I hated him. From his dark hair brushing over those green eyes to his kissable mouth stretching into that taunting smile.

  Our bodies rubbed against each other as I slipped by and I swear he tensed. Or maybe it was me. Damn, he unnerved me. I moved quickly down the hall but a loud bang halted me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Ryder’s hand pressed against the door, blocking Noah.

  Ryder said something I couldn’t quite make out.

  Noah laughed humorlessly. “Prop the door. I need a smoke.”

  “Hey, there you are.” Mason appeared in front of me. “I was looking for you.”

  “Yeah. Ryder told me,” I answered.

  Mason scrunched his face, his dark eyes clouded with confusion. “He did?”

  “Yeah. I did.” Ryder was so close I jumped. He stomped past, apparently not planning on staying outside after all. “You should keep a better eye on your girl.”

  “I’m not his girl,” I blurted. My face warmed.

  Ryder looked amused. “Noted.” He opened the door to head back into the party, but paused and stared at Mason. “Regardless, bro, you don’t bring a girl like her to a party like this and leave her alone.” Ryder shifted his gaze, eyed me up and down, a slight look of disgust on his face, then shook his head and walked into Noah’s suite.

  Embarrassment seared my cheeks. A girl like me? I spun on my heels and darted toward the building entrance. No matter how many years passed, to people like him I’d always just be the girl who didn’t belong.

  “Brinley,” Mason yelled behind me. “Wait up.”

  I rubbed my eyes, ensuring no tears had escaped, then turned.

  He looked angry, probably mad Ryder had humiliated me…again. After all, it wouldn’t be a party if Ryder didn’t send me running for the nearest exit, swallowing back tears and clinging to my dignity.

  “What were you doing outside with Noah?”

  “He wanted to take a walk.”

  “You shouldn’t have left the party.”

  “Okay. I get it. Everyone made that clear. Stupid little me can’t take care of myself. Geez. Get over it.” I pushed through the exit.

  “Shit,” Mason muttered. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. You aren’t stupid. I am. Ryder was right. I shouldn’t have left you.”

  “I don’t want to talk about Ryder.” Eager to change the subject, I asked, “Did you at least hook up with that girl?”

  “I made a mistake, okay?” He stomped farther ahead.

  “I wasn’t saying that to be a bitch. I was really asking,” I murmured.

  He spun, stopping me in my tracks. “Did Noah try anything?”

  “No. Of course not. We weren’t even there long. Ryder came out right away.”

  “Really? Huh.”

  “What?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing.” He started walking again.

  We reached our dorm and took the elevator up to my floor.

  “Tell me, Mason. What are you thinking?”

  “That it’s weird he went to find you.” The doors glided open and we exited.

  “He just wanted to hook up out there. How long had you been looking when you asked for his help?”

  We’d reached my room and I was glad to see no sock hanging from the knob. I was ready for bed.

  “I didn’t.”

  I stared at him. “Didn’t look long?”

  “I didn’t ask for his help.”

  “But he said—”

  “I know what he said.”

  So, why had he…?

  Mason shook his head and his anger reappeared. “ ’Night, Brinley. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stormed off.

  What was his problem? Maybe tonight stirred memories better forgotten for him as well. Though it didn’t seem fair he was taking his anger out on me. Never in a million years would I have imagined we’d run into Ryder at the party.

  I watched Mason walk away, wondering if I should say something, then decided to just let it go and slipped inside my room.

  I tugged off my sweater, leaving on the cami I’d worn underneath, and unbuttoned my jeans. I reached around for my phone, but my back pocket was empty. Shit. I shoved my hands into my front pockets. Nothing. I took off my jeans and searched the pockets better. Where had it gone? I carefully examined the floor.

  “Crap,” I muttered. It had to have fallen out when I sat on the curb with Noah. I’d be lucky to find it at all now. It was probably long gone and I’d never be able to afford a new one. Really, this night couldn’t get any suckier.

  —

  I tossed and turned in bed in an attempt to get comfortable, begging for sleep to shut off my brain, which was now filled with memories from that night. It would always be one of those moments that, no matter how hard I tried to suppress it, would torture me. In vivid detail.

  And it all started when that stupid bottle landed on me.

  I was sitting next to Mason as he kept me entertained with his impersonation of my neighbor Ava, the birthday girl and my unwilling ho
st. It involved lots of pretend hair flipping, eye rolling and overdramatized pouts. Though Mason was a part of this crowd, I loved that he saw her for what she really was. And best of all, he didn’t care what people thought about him, which is probably why he was kind enough to befriend me at the party, when no one else had.

  I’d been so distracted it took me a moment to notice that everyone in the circle had shifted and stared at where we sat tucked into a corner.

  Two guys craned their heads back and one gestured toward me. “It’s pointing at her.”

  “No, he needs a re-spin,” Ava demanded.

  “No way. Rules are: Where it lands it stays,” the first guy said.

  “If we change the rules for him, we have to change them for everyone,” the other added.

  “This is stupid.” Ava crossed her arms and scowled.

  “It’s fine,” said Ryder. “It’s where it landed. Whatever.” He shrugged, stood and nodded toward me. “Come on.”

  He moved with the kind of confidence I could only dream of having. And it was, hands down, the most attractive and intimidating thing about him. Which said a lot, considering he was crazy good-looking, with every inch of him built to perfection.

  He glanced back to see if I’d followed.

  “Look at her. She’s too scared to even go,” Ava laughed.

  “Shut up, Ava,” Mason barked. He turned to me. “You don’t have to do this.”

  Every gaze turned to me and I knew I’d hit a pivotal moment. If I said no, I’d be deemed the girl too scared to kiss the hottest guy in school. If I went, I’d be the girl who kissed the hottest guy in school.

  I sucked up a ton of courage, then stood, adjusted my skirt and shrugged. “It’s fine. I just didn’t realize I was playing.” I followed Ryder to the bathroom while Ava shot daggers at me.

  Girls like her probably always got chances like this. As Mason had said, she was the trifecta of popular: pretty, blond, cheerleader. But girls like me could only rely on luck, and now that it had struck, I’d be an idiot not to jump on this opportunity.

  Once in the bathroom, the door clicked as he locked it. I stared at the tile floor. Trapped in this tiny space with Ryder sent my blood rushing and heart pounding. I took several even breaths, praying I wouldn’t hyperventilate.

  He leaned against the sink and said, “We don’t actually have to kiss. It’s a dumb game. So don’t worry, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to.” He put his hand out as if to reassure me.

  But I wanted it. Really wanted it.

  Though butterflies filled my stomach and I was terrified I’d make some horrible mistake, I wanted to kiss him. Or, more accurately, I wanted him to kiss me.

  “We just need to let seven minutes pass and then we can go out. Not a big deal.”

  But clearly, that wasn’t what he wanted. All the tingling nervousness settled into a cold lump in the pit of my stomach. “Oh. Okay.”

  “So we have Biology together, right?”

  I nodded, shocked he knew that, but, of course, I was the only freshman in the class, so maybe that had a little to do with it.

  “Mr. B’s a pretty cool teacher, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  A few moments of awkward silence passed before he finally asked, “So what should our story be?”

  “Huh?”

  “When we go out. Do you want me to tell everyone we kissed or we didn’t?”

  I briefly met his gaze then stared at the toilet, having the sudden urge to hang my head in it. “Um, I don’t care. Whatever you want to say.”

  “It won’t affect me. So it’s your choice.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Well, if I say we did, it could be nothing. They may think nothing of it and drop it, or they may turn it on you and say you kissed a guy you don’t even know in the bathroom. I’ve seen it go both ways.”

  What went on at these parties? “Um, and if we say we didn’t?”

  “They’ll probably laugh at you, claim you’re scared or say things like I didn’t want to kiss you.”

  “So either way you walk out of this on top?” I shook my head, incredulous that no matter what we said, I’d still be the outcast and he’d still be the cool kid.

  “I’m sorry. It’s not like that’s what I want.”

  “So you knew this, the moment you chose to come in here? You knew that if I followed you through that door, I’d probably come back out worse off than when I went in?”

  He looked down. “Had I not come in here with you, it would have been worse. I did it for you. I did it so you wouldn’t be embarrassed out there.”

  Sweet and insulting all in one breath. Wow.

  “I figured once we came in here we could figure out how you wanted it to go. Look, I’m trying. I’m giving you the choice now. The one you didn’t have when the bottle landed on you.”

  There had been one other choice. Never even coming to this party. I didn’t belong. I’d never be accepted as part of this crowd. One way or another, they’d find a way to ostracize me. My eyes stung with impending tears.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  I looked into his eyes and saw genuine regret. “It’s fine.”

  “I can tell everyone I wanted to kiss you, but you wouldn’t let me.”

  I stared at the ceiling. “How in the world would that help? And anyway, no one would buy it.”

  “Why not?”

  “No one would believe you’d want to kiss me.”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” He’d scrunched his face but somehow still managed to look gorgeous. “You’re pretty, you’re smart, I see no reason not to.”

  “Because I’m not one of you.”

  “One of who?”

  “Forget it. It doesn’t matter. No one will believe anything. Whether you say you wanted to or said we did, no one will believe it. Guys like you don’t kiss girls li—”

  He pushed off the sink and pressed his mouth to mine. His lips were soft as they brushed over me, moving gently against my mouth.

  Having no experience kissing boys, my brain went into overdrive trying to remember everything from the magazines I kept hidden under my bed.

  Step one: Relax your mouth. Step two: Part lips. Step thr—

  He slipped his tongue past my parted lips. It swept over mine, bypassing steps three through five. I was out of steps. What now?

  With his forefinger, he tilted my chin and slanted his mouth. His tongue twirled with mine and I did my best to mimic his every move in reverse. It only made logical sense. When his tongue ran over and under, I countered with under and over. When his lips nipped at my bottom lip, I nipped at his top. When his head moved left, mine moved right. The kiss was in perfect balance as I focused on applying the basic Unity of Opposites theory.

  Ryder moved his hand to my waist. His grip tightened and the magnitude of the kiss hit.

  I was kissing Ryder.

  He was kissing me.

  My hand slipped behind his neck as I pushed my fingers into his hair. The proverbial falling in love made no sense, since I was certainly in love, yet felt as if I could float right out of the room.

  His fingers dug into my waist and he pushed his body against mine.

  But what was th—Oh my God.

  My feet landed firmly back in reality and I panicked. Shoving him away, I stared down at his swim trunks which, instead of concealing, only confirmed what I’d felt. How did we go from first kiss to…to that? I glanced at his face.

  Pink crept into his cheeks almost matching the reddening of his lips.

  But nothing in my magazines had prepared me for this, so I did the only thing I could think of. I bolted. I clawed at the door, flung it open and raced out. Everyone stared as I attempted to escape, but the pool-house door wouldn’t open. Trapped, I yanked again. Laughter surrounded me and I jerked the door harder.

  “Um, try pushing,” said Ava.

  With a push, I flew out the door, stumbled and glanced back just as Ryder
made his way out of the bathroom, looking as horrified as I felt. I spun, caught my ankle on a chair and went toppling, headfirst, into the pool.

  I wanted to just drown, but my head popped out of the water and I was forced to swim to the steps. Laughter echoed around me. Thankful the water hid my tears, I pushed my hair out of my face and stepped onto the stairs. A hand reached out to me and I looked into Mason’s dark eyes.

  Someone spoke from within the forming crowd. “Man, Ryder, what did you do to her?”

  Against every ounce of my better judgment, I glanced back.

  Ryder stepped through the crowd, his expression a mixture of embarrassment and confusion. He seemed to be making a decision and something sparked inside of me. Like a tiny bit of hope that he’d defend me. He’d tell them he kissed me. He wanted me.

  Another guy said, “Whatever it was, she needed to nose-dive into the pool to cool off.”

  Ryder muttered, “More like bellyflop.”

  He’d mumbled it like some random thought he didn’t really plan to share and I’d almost wondered if I heard him right.

  But then, with a laugh, his friend raised his hand in the air and said, “Good one.”

  Ryder glanced between his friend’s raised hand and me. His confused expression slipped into a cocky grin, as he high-fived his friend and winked at me. “Not my problem if she can’t handle the heat.”

  And in the seven seconds it took for him to make that decision—the one where he threw me under the bus—I made one of my own. I hated Ryder Briggs. My lip trembled and I clamped it with my teeth as my throat tightened.

  “Nice training bra.” Ava snickered, staring at my transparent white top.

  “Shut up, Ava. Just because you stuff a box of tissues down your shirt—”

  “Get out,” she screamed at Mason.

  He grabbed my hand and led me away. Dumbfounded, horrified, humiliated—the trifecta of loser.

  I’d gained three things from that party. A new best friend—Mason. A new nickname—Bellyflop Brinley. And a new opinion of Ryder Briggs—he was scum. I swore to hate him from that day forth, and I did. And that hatred traveled with me all the way through high school.

  I hated the way Ryder’s hair fell over his eyes, begging me to brush it away. I hated the way his T-shirt hugged his biceps when he slung his backpack over his shoulder. I hated the way he’d run his tongue over his bottom lip when he was lost in thought. I hated the way he sprawled in his chair, his jeans always reminding me of that day. But most of all, I hated the way he grew, right before my eyes, from a boy into a man. Yep, I hated every freaking thing about him.