The Day We Disappeared

by Lucy Robinson

  Mark sighed. ‘Well, thank God for that. This date is going to be appalling if the asking-out is anything to go by.’ He ran his hand through his hair, which was all clean and shiny and nice. I wanted to smell it.

  ‘We’re going on a date.’ He grinned suddenly. ‘A date! I’m excited! I’ve been wanting to go on a date with you for a very long time.’

  A huge tidal swell of joy surged through me. ‘Me too!’

  Mark had come here for me! He had driven up from Exmoor at the crack of dawn to navigate a city he didn’t know or like!

  ‘So.’ He jammed his hands back in the pockets of his jeans. ‘Date sorted, back to the matter in hand,’ he said. ‘You.’ He gave me another of those huge smiles and I melted just a little bit more. ‘I thought I’d come and offer you some moral support. This is a big day, isn’t it?’

  ‘How did you know I was doing this today?’ was the best I could come up with.

  Mark looked shifty. ‘I received a tip-off.’

  ‘One of my friends?’

  ‘Pretty much all of your friends.’

  I felt myself relax. I love you, I thought. I love you, and I love my friends. ‘This is the nicest surprise,’ I said, smiling up at him. ‘Probably the nicest surprise I’ve ever had.’

  Life was a miracle! There was so much happiness, if you let yourself reach out and take it.

  ‘How are you feeling? Are you doing okay?’ He was smiling right back at me. Not just his shy half-smile, but the big beautiful one.

  ‘I’m going to go in and watch, if that’s what you mean.’

  He nodded. ‘Of course you are.’ He reached over and squeezed my hand, then withdrew. ‘Sorry. We should go on that date before I start grabbing you.’

  Grab me any time, always, for ever, I thought giddily.

  ‘Well, I just want to say that I think you’re being incredibly brave and brilliant. When I consider what you’ve been through, I just sort of want to explode with pride.’ His cheeks reddened, but he held firm. ‘You’re totally capable of doing this on your own,’ he said, ‘but I wanted you to know I cared. And that I’m so very proud of you.’

  There was a long pause, during which we just gazed at each other and I thought I would keel over and die if I didn’t get to kiss him.

  ‘Um, how did you know I’d be here at this court?’ I asked eventually. I could still barely believe he was there.

  ‘My informants were very clear about which court you’d be at, and at what time.’ He looked at something over my shoulder and chuckled. ‘If you’d changed your plans I think they might have intervened.’

  I looked behind me. Lizzy was leaning casually against a lamppost. Across the road from her Tim happened to be standing under a tree. And right in the middle of Pocock Street, like a tiny bulldog, Claudine stood with her arms folded across her chest.

  I burst out laughing, and Mark joined in.

  ‘Do not speak to ’er,’ Claudine instructed the others. ‘Annie, listen. We are ’ere for you. We love you. Please go and do this thing, then please go on a date with Mark. The penalty for disobedience will be severe.’

  I laughed again. Happiness and strength swelled in my chest. I could do anything! ‘I’ll see you afterwards,’ I told them. Then I turned back to Mark.

  ‘Do you want me to come in with you?’ he asked.

  I stroked a finger down the side of his lovely face, and I didn’t care. ‘I definitely want you to come in. But I think I should do this alone.’

  ‘I’m here if you need me.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said, taking his hand. I kissed it and the smell of his skin sent tremors through my whole body. ‘Thank you so much for coming. You are wonderful.’

  I did have to do it alone. For me, and the girls, and all the other women Stephen had tried to destroy. Most of all, I had to do this for Mum.

  ‘Your mother would be very, very proud of you,’ Mark said quietly. ‘If it helps, my mum is crazy with pride back in Somerset.’

  ‘Oh, Sandra …’

  ‘Good luck, my beautiful Annie. Be the strong and fearless woman I know you are.’

  And then he took my face in his hands and kissed me on the mouth. ‘My sweet girl,’ he whispered.

  He squeezed my hand one last time and I walked up the steps into the foyer.

  I had no idea what would happen. I had no idea if Stephen would be convicted, or what would happen if he was not.

  But I was up for the fight. This was my time.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Christmas Eve. I’d never been in London on Christmas Eve. It was barmy!

  I fought my way through the festival-strength crowds at St Pancras, searching for the Chesterfield train, wondering how anyone was going to fit their luggage on to anything departing from there. People were literally moving house, from what I could tell. Huge yellow Selfridges bags, stripy John Lewis bags, H&M and Topshop, occasional Fortnum & Mason and even a decent smattering of Primark bags, all bulging and torn. Long rolls of wrapping paper, Christmas antlers, fat boxes of baubles, panettones, champagne, flowers. I looked down at my trusty Burmese bag – containing almost nothing – and smiled.

  Right. Platform five. I braced myself and headed off into the fray. As people and suitcases swarmed past me, I thought about all of the many journeys I’d taken to Dad’s over the years. The times I’d walked up this exact same escalator, hoping that something might have changed, that he might have turned a corner. And then arriving back a few days later, happy to have seen him but painfully aware of how much smaller his life had got since I’d seen him last.

  I love you, Daddy, I thought. You brave and wonderful man. I love you with all my heart.

  And then there he was. My daddy, arriving in London for the first time in nearly thirty years, his lovely girlfriend holding his hand and her teenage son stomping along, thumping things into his iPhone. Dad saw me almost straight away.

  ‘ANNIE!’ he cried. ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS!’

  And I ran forward to hug him, with tears in my eyes. ‘Welcome to London, Daddy. Better late than never.’

  ‘So where’s your French friend?’ Dad asked later. He was sitting on Lizzy’s gigantic sofa, the scale of which he found utterly hilarious, and was drunk on the champagne that a beaming Lizzy was pouring continuously into his glass.

  ‘Have my share,’ she kept saying. ‘And remember my share was always quite big, Dad.’

  ‘Claudie’s in Antigua on a “luxury Christmas holiday”,’ I said, tucking my slippers under Mark’s legs. He slid an arm around me, kissing the side of my forehead. ‘She met a guy about three months ago and it’s been, er, shall we say, intense? Although in a good way.’

  Lizzy grinned. ‘She’d have killed us if we’d pulled a stunt like this three months into a relationship!’

  Dad looked at her, and then at me. ‘Well, forgive me, girls, but you’ve pulled some major stunts quite early in your own relationships, haven’t you?’ He looked pointedly at Lizzy’s pregnant belly, and at the ring on my finger. ‘You haven’t really waited around.’

  ‘Old birds,’ Lizzy told him. ‘We didn’t have time on our side, Dad.’

  Dad’s eyes twinkled. ‘Well, I waited nearly thirty years for Linda,’ he said, ‘so I firmly believe there’s nothing like a good old-fashioned dose of caution.’ Mark chuckled and got to his feet to top up everyone’s glass. I smiled at the sight of my bear in a proper shirt. He’d be getting a hairstyle at this rate. (He would not.)

  ‘I’m just glad Linda was so patient.’ Lizzy grinned. ‘Anyone else would have given up months before.’

  Linda, who was without doubt the nicest person I’d ever met, squeezed Dad’s hand. ‘I knew I’d crack him in the end,’ she said kindly. ‘He just needed careful handling.’ And without caring what any of us thought, Dad leaned in and kissed her firmly on the mouth.

  ‘Snuggums,’ I distinctly heard him say.

  Mark squeezed my bottom, which was one of his favourite things.

  �
��And your friends from the stables,’ Dad said, ‘Mark’s old grooms, how are they? You are still in touch, aren’t you? They sounded so nice!’

  ‘They are,’ I assured him. ‘They come to visit us at the new farm as often as they can. But they’re …’ I trailed off. ‘Oh, God, Mark, what will we do? I hardly dare think about it, in case it gives me a stroke.’

  Becca had called me a few days ago and had spent half an hour saying strange things. When I’d eventually asked her what was wrong, she’d taken a deep breath and said: ‘Pet, there’s no easy way to say this, but I’ve been having it off with Joe. I’m sorry if this sends you into cardiac arrest.’

  I had not actually been able to say a word.

  Becca had continued. ‘It kind of crept up on us, pet, and we’ve not been apart for longer than about five minutes in the last three months.’ Three months? Joe’s affairs rarely lasted three days!

  Becca’s voice had suddenly got deeper, and I imagined her blushing a deep, silky red. ‘We both think it has legs,’ she’d said. ‘I’m appalled, pet, but actually very happy.’

  Mark, next to me, was laughing. Deep rumbles of amusement and disbelief. ‘It’s one of the more terrible things I’ve ever heard,’ he admitted, ‘but I like it.’

  ‘Oh, me too! Can you imagine if they actually make it? Oh, God!’

  I leaned round and kissed him, because I was too madly in love not to, just as Tim, who’d been stroking Lizzy’s pregnant belly, nuzzled into her neck and kissed her hair. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, I saw him mouth into the side of her hair.

  Rob the teenager got up. ‘I’m leaving,’ he said. ‘I can’t take any more.’

  Everyone begged his forgiveness and we all rearranged ourselves so we weren’t anywhere near the person we wanted to kiss. Poor Rob: it had been disgusting so far. If I were him I’d have set fire to the flat.

  ‘I think we should make a toast,’ Mark said.

  ‘I agree!’ I said, casting a sideways glance at Dad. Would he want to drink to Mum? With Linda here?

  He would not.

  ‘I think we should toast all of us who are in this room,’ Dad said firmly. I hadn’t heard him so confident or direct in years. ‘Because we’re all starting over. We’re starting new memories now, together as a new family, and I think we’re bloody fantastic. Here’s to us.’

  ‘To us,’ we all said, getting up to clink glasses.

  In spite of Rob I somehow found myself next to my man again, and as he slid his hand down my jeans and scrunched my bum once more, and Lizzy said, ‘Oh, fuck it, the baby won’t mind a little bit more champagne,’ and Tim said, ‘Oh, yes, he will,’ and Dad blew a kiss at Linda, and Rob stormed off muttering that we were all disgusting, I thought, I’m here. Here in my life.

  And this is where I’m going to stay.

  Acknowledgements

  It’s only really authors and their mates who read the acknowledgements before starting a book, but – just in case – this page contains spoilers. Turn back!

  My thanks, first and foremost, to the women brave enough to talk to me about their experiences at the hands of men like Stephen. You are all extraordinary. To S, my warmest gratitude.

  Many thanks to top eventer Izzy Taylor, for allowing me to follow her around and for answering many odd questions. Also to Jessica Pidcock, for getting me started, and to Jane Tuckwell, from Badminton Horse Trials, for showing me around the stunning stableyard.

  Clare King, for facilitating all of my eventing research and checking through the entire manuscript.

  Dr Mark Cross, for his very useful advice on psychopathy. I also drew on material I’d read in the following books: The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson, Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work by Paul Babiak, and Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert D. Hare.

  Orthopaedic surgeon Alpesh Kothari, for the many emails and phone calls spent devising terrible injuries for Mark.

  Specialist horse vet Sally Cobbald, for her above-and-beyond help with Stumpy. And Mike Rayment, who really should be charging me.

  David Martin, for his very useful advice on Annie’s legal situation.

  Special thanks to my publisher at Michael Joseph, Maxine Hitchcock, whose clear vision for the publication of this novel – not to mention wonderful support – has kept me at it, day after day. You have been a rock. Thank you to the brilliant Celine Kelly, who edits my books with such imagination and skill! To my peerless copy-editor Hazel Orme – who really does make me a better writer – and my brilliant publicist Francesca Pearce. Thanks to Sarah Arratoon, for marketing greatness, and Lee Motley, for my very exciting new book jacket. Nick Lowndes, Anna Derkacz, Sophie Overment, Olivia Whitehead and Helen Eka – again, thank you. I’m so lucky to have you all.

  Thank you to George, for making me laugh every single day. You are my favourite. Thank you to my friends, who keep on pimping my books to anyone who’ll listen. To my fellow writers, without whom I would most definitely go mad, and my readers, without whom I wouldn’t have a career! Same to you, tireless bloggers: I can’t do it without you.

  Thanks to my family for the happy years on horseback. Wasn’t it wonderful? Apart from when we had to try to get Wriggle and Ben in a trailer.

  Thanks to the crack team of brilliant people at David Higham Associates: Harriet, Laura, Alice, Emma, Emily – I hope you know how much I appreciate you.

  And thank you, finally, to Lizzy Kremer, without whom I would resign tomorrow. From everything. You are the finest agent on earth.

  Reading Group Questions

  Plot spoilers ahead –

  read at your own risk!

  Did you find yourself empathizing more with Annie or Kate throughout the book, and if so in what ways?

  Did you realize Annie and Kate were the same person? Looking back, what signs could you have picked up on while reading the book?

  When we first meet Kate, she’s moved to Somerset to escape ‘the incessant noise of [her] old life’. Do you think it’s possible to change your life with a change of scenery alone?

  Annie, Lizzy and their father are all shown to cope in different ways with the death of Annie’s mother. What are the similarities and differences in how they grieve? Throughout the book how do we see them transition from victims to survivors?

  When Annie meets Stephen it all seems too good to be true – do you think that Annie was too quick to trust him? Were there clues in his behavior she could have spotted earlier on?

  Annie struggles to balance her old friendships with a new relationship – what mistakes did she make? Were the members of Le Cloob responsible too?

  Both Annie and Kate become romantically involved with their bosses. In what other ways do we see repeating patterns of behaviour throughout the novel?

  Was Mark wrong to react how he did when he discovered Kate was really Annie? How important is a name to your identity? What makes someone themselves?

  Why do you think Stephen is so obsessed with Annie, despite having ‘relationships’ with Ros, Petra and Nancy at the same time?

  Towards the end of the novel, we learn that Claudine has signed up for a dating website while in an unhappy marriage. Do you condone her behaviour? Is it ever acceptable to cheat on a partner?

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  THE UNFINISHED SYMPHONY OF YOU AND ME

  Sally is a woman of many (hidden) talents.

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  Find out

  more about Lucy

  and her novels by visiting

  her online

  / lucyrobinsonwriter

  / @Lucy_Robinson

  / @RobinsonWriter

  www.lucy-robinson.co.uk

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