Tales of Casporix (Journal of Deiham)

by Clifford Paxton

  Journal date: July 1st, 2001

  ARRRRRGH! I’m so stressed, frustrated. I’m sitting in this courtroom, and the jury is looking at me like I’m a criminal. I had to get some paper from my lawyer and write. I had to keep myself from blurting out my feelings. I’M INNOCENT! I don’t know why the hell no one believes me. I don’t have anything going for me. My lawyer tried to get a tape from the gas station to prove that Mark wasn’t there, but they didn’t have surveillance from that night… just my damn luck. Brenda was nowhere to be found. I don’t even know what the hell happened to her, or where she was. The worst, betrayal ever is Paisley. She testified, that I did rape her and choked her. I’m dripping tears onto this paper, just thinking about this. Why was she up there lying! I wanted to yell out, but my lawyer told me it was a bad idea. I asked him before why they couldn’t do testing on Paisley. He told me that she has to want the testing, and she already, claimed it was me, so the court didn’t demand it. That’s bullshit! Why wouldn’t they make her! I’m innocent. It’s my life they are talking about; everyone’s story leads to me as the bad guy. I can’t believe it, even the fucking neighbors, testified to what they saw. I mean, how are they going to testify, to seeing me run away from a gun? Who the hell wouldn’t? They only had seen that part. No one saw me outside talking to Paisley. Man, I just don’t know what the hell is going to happen. I’m praying for a miracle.

  Chapter 2

  Menace to Society

  Journal date: July 17th, 2001

  The justice system is a joke. There is no justice. People don’t base their decisions on the facts. I’m 14 years old, and I’m stuck in juvenile detention until I’m 18. Some justice this is, for an innocent kid. This is my first night here; we will see how this goes. It’s not off to a good start, the damn guard that got me off of the transport bus already made me mad. He had the nerve to say (Welcome home), as I was getting off the bus. He spat out some tobacco chew. It was all messy, and stunk horribly, like my life right now. I can’t believe he said “Welcome Home.” What an asshole! But the real asshole is Mark. All I can think about is Mark. I hate Mark. I want to hurt him so bad, he has ruined my life. I only had a brief view of what a real family is. 6 years is not long enough. I’ve spent more time without a family, than with one. Well, I need to put down this pencil; I got to try to sleep again. At least I don’t have a Bunkie, the bed next to me is empty. GOD…I can’t sleep in this place, I got to try.

  Journal date: July 18th, 2001

  Today was my first day, and it didn’t go well. I was just sitting out in the yard, leaning against the wall, when three kids approached me. It was a kid named Tom, and his two friends. I already knew he was going to be trouble. Tom just had an expression on his face, like he wanted to pick a fight. The other two kids followed him so close they could have been his shadow. Tom asked me (What are you in for) I didn’t answer him at first. How could I answer that? I am innocent. It’s not like I actually did the things they said I did. That question, by itself, made me uncomfortable. I didn’t answer. He then said, (What’s wrong? Are you retarded or something?) That little statement made me angry. I didn’t want to fight him though. I tried to explain how I was falsely accused of raping my sister, and hitting my mom. Then Tom laughed. I couldn’t believe he laughed at me. Then what he said after he laughed, pushed me over the edge. Tom said (Why don’t you just admit you’re a woman beater? And a sister fucker!) I felt a fire burning up inside me; I had to do something…so I did. I punched that little carrot top, son of a bitch, right in the nose. He fell down so quick…like a bag of bricks. Then his two little girlfriends started punching, and kicking me. The punches and kicks didn’t hurt as bad, as the fact that everyone here thinks of me as a woman beater, and a rapist. I was lucky that a kid named Joe, came over, and started fighting the other two kids. He knocked one of them out cold. The guards pulled him away, right as he was about to get to the other kid. I’m so grateful Joe came over. I don’t know why it had taken the guards so damn long to get over there. My body hurts so bad right now! I need to try to rest.

  Journal date: July 19th, 2001

  I had a weird dream again. I was standing at a four-way stop, right in the middle of the street. It was dark outside. I felt a cool breeze, hit my face, as a closed my eye, and lifted my head towards the moon. Then car lights turned on, in each direction of the four-way stop; down the road about 30 feet. All the cars started speeding towards me at the same time. They were going to run me over. This dream was different. I was aware that I was dreaming. It was like I could control it somehow. I wanted to fly. I wanted to fly away from all the cars trying to run me over. Before I knew it, I was lifting myself off of the ground. I shot into the air quickly, just before the cars were going to hit me. All of the cars ran into each other instead; causing an explosion. The explosion was huge. The fire from the car was rising towards me fast, and then from the smoke, and fire, a car flew into the air. It hit me right in the face…then I woke up. That dream was so weird. I felt like, it was a symbol for my life. Trying to escape the pain, of not having a family, only to get away momentary, and then sucked right back into the pain. Anyway…I better put this journal away. I got to go out into the yard again. I sure hope today is better than yesterday.

  Journal date: July 21st, 2001

  Its strange…none of the kids will even talk to me. It is like I’m a ghost. I don’t know if they are all scared, or if Joe told them to leave me alone. Speaking of Joe, I haven’t even seen him, since the day I got here.

  Journal date: July 25th, 2001

  Well, I finally saw Joe again. He had come up to me at lunch, and said, (You got a mean right hook) I didn’t know how to respond to that at first. I had taken a drink of my water, so I didn’t have too. I was worried about talking to anybody. Even though Joe broke up the fight. I was worried about trying to make friends. He went out to explain to me how the kids around here like to play a game called craps. It sounded confusing, but he spent the whole lunch period telling me about it. It was a complicated game, but it was very fun. The kids around here, like to bet snacks and duties on the game. I think I probably liked it a little too much. When we played it I won, more than I lost. It worked out for me good. I got some free snacks. As a matter a fact, I’m going to quit writing, and grab one right now.

  Journal date: July 26th, 2001

  Well, Joe and I got some good news today. He is going to be my new Bunkie. They originally had him bunked with one of the kids he beat up, so ya, that wasn’t going to work out. They moved him over to my room, which was cool. I really like Joe. I think we are going to be good friends.

  Journal date: December 14th, 2001

  Well, everything had been going great for a while. Joe had to wake me up from my sleep. He said I was shaking, and shivering in my sleep. My dream was weird. I dreamt about Santa Claus. He was killing all of his elves. He literally walked into the workshop, with a machine gun, and started blasting all of them. There were dead elves everywhere. It was so weird…I really need to lay off the Christmas shows. Christmas sucks to me anyway. I don’t like Christmas anymore! What is Christmas without a family? Well, I better try to get back to sleep.

  Journal date: March 4th, 2002

  I really thought that being in juvenile detention, that I’d write a lot more than I have. I have just been so busy with Joe. We do everything together. We stay up late, talking. Even after lights out. Today we learned computers. The juvenile center just got in some new ones. They are allowing the kids to take classes on programming. It is actually pretty fun. Joe and I enjoy it. Joe acted like, he didn’t even know what a computer was. It was funny, watching him. I’m not sure where he is from, but he was amazed that all of the world’s knowledge is placed in one little box.

  Journal date: May 14th, 2002

  I told Joe that today was my birthday. I really didn’t care about it, because it was the day Brenda, and Mark gave me. I didn’t even want to celebrate it. I don’t even know when my real birthday is…so wh
atever. It’s going to be a rough day. Not like we can celebrate birthdays in here anyway.

  May 14th, 2002

  Joe surprised me with a gift earlier. It was very thoughtful of him. At least somebody cares about me. I’m still surprised, that Paisley hasn’t come here to see me. It’s late at night now, but I waited all day for her. I figured, that if she was ever going to come see me that it would be today. I guess she just doesn’t care about me. I’m not sure what the hell is going on; but thinking of my past is making me even more upset. I need to try to sleep.

  June 1st, 2002

  I dreamt of a girl tonight. All I could see was her running, I never seen her face. She was running from a werewolf. She had a gun in her left hand and a silver bullet in her right. All she had to do was load the gun, and shoot the beast…but she wouldn’t. It is like she was being tormented, and had a way out, but wouldn’t take it.

  Journal date: September 19th, 2002

  Damn…another weird dream. Joe woke me up again. I don’t know why I keep having such lucid dreams. I am aware that, I’m sleeping. Every time I can control a piece of the dream. They all end the same way. Just when I feel like I’m gaining complete control, I wake up. Joe keeps bugging me to tell him what I’m dreaming about, every time he wakes me up. I had to tell him, I didn’t want to talk about it this time. He is like stuck in fairyland, and wants to hear all my stories. I don’t know why the hell he is so interested. I mean it’s cool because he is my friend, but I don’t even understand what the hell my dreams are about half the time…time to try to sleep…

  Dec 26th, 2002

  Christmas was okay. I guess it was as good as it could be, in juvie. At least the state provided us with a special dinner, turkey, and mashed potatoes. Best food I’ve had in a long time. Joe didn’t understand Christmas; he said it was a silly holiday. I agreed. Christmas would have been different if I had a family, but Joe was my only family now.

  Journal date: March 25th, 2003

  Great just great, Joe told me today that he is going to be released soon. My only true friend, since Devin, and he is going to be leaving. I don’t know how I’m going to survive in here by myself.

  Journal date: April 14th, 2003

  Well, Joe is going. Freaking sucks. I’m sure I’ll be okay. At least he promised that he would keep in touch. He said he would write me.

  Journal date: August 18th, 2003

  Received my first letter from Joe today. He said that he is starting a job, at an app development company and that I might be able to work with him when I get out.

  Journal date: November 17th, 2003

  I had another weird dream. I was sitting in a library. A man walked up to me, and gave me a pen. The pen had words on it; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t read the words. He said, (When you can read this, you will be enlightened). I kept trying, and trying. Then the top of the pen turned into a head of snake. Slowly turning towards me, it went to strike. Then I woke up.

  The boy notices, there are not a lot of entries, in this part of the journal. There are only the day-to-day activities of Deiham, while in juvenile detention. Over the years, he received multiple letters from Joe, giving him an update on the progress he is making. It seems like Deiham, will have a place to stay when he gets out…2 more years pass…

  Chapter 3

  The Awakening

  Journal date: May 21st, 2005

  Released finally released! Happy freaking New YEAR! A late new year anyway, but at least I got out early. Just a couple of months, but hey, I’m not arguing with no one. I’m going to be living with Joe for a while until I get on my feet. He said I might even be able to get a job with him.

  Journal date: June 2nd, 2005

  I got my first girlfriend today. Her name is Kendall. She is blonde, skinny, and just basically hot! I’ve told her my background, and she is cool with it. I’d like to see where this goes. She seems down to Earth. I met her at a fast food place, of all places. It’s nice to have a girlfriend.

  Journal date: June 20th, 2005

  Great news! Joe landed me a job working with him at the mobile app company. We are going to be working on an app call Cookie Moron Test. I’m so excited! I knew all those days we spent on the computer would pay off.

  Journal date: July 15th, 2005

  I got my own apartment today. I was happy that Joe let me stay with him, but I really wanted my own place. Joe begged me to stay…like BEGGED me. I appreciate everything he has done for me, but geez. It’s like bro, I don’t want to stay with you forever. Anyway, it’s cool to have my own place. Kendall and I can have our own space. She isn’t living with me, or anything, but I did give her a key, to come over whenever she wants.

  Journal date: July 20th, 2005

  I finally had my first intimate relationship with Kendall. It was…interesting. Sucks I had to wait until I was 18 to experience this! I want to do it again! Anyway…back to bed.

  Journal date: August 1st, 2005

  Today was extremely weird. I received a really old antique grandfather clock. It seemed like it was something from the western days or something. It just said had a note on it, that said (From Mom, hope to see you soon) It was so weird. Being that it just said, “MOM” I wasn’t sure if it was Brenda or my birth mother. I have never seen my birth mother, and I haven’t seen Brenda since the incident with Mark. This was a weird gift, I’m going to keep it around, it looks kind of cool in the new apartment.

  Journal date: August 14th, 2005

  I’m at work right now, on lunch break, normally I’d go out to eat with Joe or Kendall, but I just need to write down what’s going on. I was late today; Joe didn’t seem to mind much. He just asked me (Did your dog eat your alarm clock?) Ha…Joe…he has always had such a weird sense of humor. I told him I had another nightmare. I freaked Kendall out. She had to wake me up from the dream. Just like Joe did in the past. I explained my dream to him. I had dreamt I was standing on a platform, inside a castle, two men sword fighting below me. I felt intense heat on my back, but I could not turn around. There was smoke flowing over my shoulders. As I looked to the left, and right of the room, I had seen lights shooting towards me from windows on each side. The lights shined like the northern lights, very colorful. The lights were spiraling fast behind me, where the heat was coming from. Then strange stones kept falling at my feet. The stones also shined like the northern lights. It was as if the light was being cooked into the stones behind me. Looking up from the stones to the men fighting, I saw one of the men on the ground; his sword was broke under him. He picked up the broken piece and threw it right at me; and had said, “Only you can save us Dieham.” Then I woke up right before the sword hit me. This dream was different. It seemed like it was real life, like I was in another world. I somehow felt like I was part of this, but how? My dreams have always made me think, but this one, this one was different. Normally, I could find the symbolism in my dreams…but not this one. I better get back to work. Joe keeps harassing me about get the Cookie Moron Test done on time.

  Journal date: Aug 15th, 2005

  Okay, I’m officially freaked out; I don’t know what is real, and what isn’t. Yesterday I stayed at work late, to make up for lost time. I was the only person left on the third-floor offices, besides David, at the security desk. He was the fat security guard that worked this floor. He was just down the hall from our cubicles. Well, I was sitting at my desk and got up to stretch. When I did I noticed a light coming from one of the other cubicles. At first I thought that maybe someone left on a computer monitor, but the light was overly bright. I had to investigate. I got up from my desk and walked towards the light. Before I knew it, the light started moving. It moved rapidly through the cubicles, and aisles; no matter how hard I tried; I could not catch up to it. The light went around the corner, and into the hallway, and then it went dark. I had approached very slowly. I admit it, I was scared but curious. I approached the corner that led to the hallway, which is when I was knocked down. I hit the floor quickly, my hea
d banged against the wall. I looked up, and standing above me, was one of the most beautiful women, I had ever seen. She was standing above me, with her arms spread. She looked as if she wanted me to embrace her. She was glowing blue, with a long dress, and an eagle symbol in the middle. She said her name was Artemia, and that I should not fear her. That seemed like an impossible task since I felt like I had seen a ghost. She told me nothing was real in my world and started to place her hand on my shoulder. Just before she made contact, she disappeared. My eyes went blurry and then focused again. Artemia was replaced with David the fat security guard. He had his hand on my shoulder and was yelling for me to wake up. Apparently I had passed out. David blamed it on the heat. Said it was hotter than the devils asshole in the building. I couldn’t do nothing but agree, the air conditioner had gone out. He asked me if I wanted to file an incident report, which I denied. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I need to figure out what is going on. I’m really paranoid right now, I feel like I’m losing my mind.