Everything I Want

by Natalie Barnes

  Releasing his hair, I lay completely back on the cold table. Pulling at my nipples, I’m aching for relief; and suddenly Tristan brings it to me. My body quickens and my head gets light. Loud cries escape me. Before I knew it, Tristan slams into me and begins to thrust. His hands are at my waist, pulling me into him with every thrust. My heavy breasts begin to move hard as he does this. Tristan’s mouth is around my nipple now, sucking hard while his other hand is now kneading my other breast. Hearing him start to moan is probably the sexiest noise I have ever heard; however, it only makes me more turned on and moan louder myself.

  Tristan stops and pulls me up by my wrists onto him. He starts carrying me over to the vanity. I can’t stop grinding on him as we make our way over. Just then, Tristan pulls out of me and sets me down.

  “I want you to ride my cock here.” He points to the chair. He takes a seat on it, and I begin to climb on top of him. When he grabs me by my wrists again, he shakes his head.

  “No. I want you facing away.”

  He turns me over and I grab him, positioning him beneath me. I slowly start to move myself up and down on him when he tugs my hair hard, pulling my chin up.

  “Look, bitch!”

  My eyes fly open. I don’t know what shocked me more: the assault on me or his words just now.

  “See that?” He points to the mirror as he’s moving himself in and out of me. “I want you to watch me fuck you.” I moan again. How much hotter can he possibly get? So I do as he says. Keeping my eyes open, I rest my palms on his muscular thighs and work myself up and down on him. Every time I’m down, I make sure to rub myself on him, stimulating my clit even more. We both begin to start breathing heavier. Tristan is grunting in my ear with every thrust, and I can’t take watching his eyes on me anymore so I close them. Getting close to my ecstasy again and pulling even harder, Tristan growls in my ear.

  “Fucking look, Sophia! I want you to see you come on cock. And I want you to see me come in that fucking sweet pussy of yours.” He starts licking my neck, still having his eyes on mine through the mirror. He thrusts harder now. And watching myself on him with my breasts beginning to bounce even harder up and down, I let go. I close my eyes tight and let my second orgasm flood over me. I’m jerking slightly in his lap as I try to still myself. An explosive is going off at my core and making its way through my entire body, just leaving the aftershocks behind as I try to come down. My skin is tingling everywhere like my entire being is full of static.

  I open my heavy eyelids slowly, trying to adjust. Tristan grips my waist firmly, and with one last hard thrust, I again feel him pulsating inside me. His cock jerking slightly as he finds his release. We’re both just sitting there now, breathing hard and raspy. I feel Tristan starting to soften in me. Holding onto his thighs tightly, I release myself from, wincing as I do. Shit, I’m so . . . Leaning on my hands in front of the vanity, I look at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is just-fuckedlooking, and my face is flushed. My lips are wet, and my bottom lip is raw from me biting it when I found my release both times. Shaking, I try to still myself.

  Tristan gets up, walks over to the table and bends down and picks up his jeans. Not saying one word to me.

  I peer at myself again and shake my head a little. What the fuck did I just do? Again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Shit! Fuck! Shit! I turn around abruptly, scanning the room for my clothes. Tristan is just in his jeans, casually bending over to retrieve his shirt from the floor. For how massive he is, his movements are graceful. I’m standing here naked, panicking. Frankie! He was supposed to be right back! He probably came up to the door, hearing me screaming. I blush at the mortifying thought. I make my way over to snatch my panties off the floor, and slide them on. Not looking at Tristan, I take my top and pull it on over my head. It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a bra on, I’m changing into my stage clothes anyway. Slipping on my jeans, Tristan tries to suppress his laughter, causing me to glare up at him.

  “What!” I yell at him as I’m doing up my jeans.

  “Nothing.” He raises his hands defensively.

  “No. What the fuck is so damn funny, Tristan?”

  He just grins at me and saunters toward the door.

  “This will never fucking happen again!” I yell at him. “Okay, Sophia,” he says sarcastically.

  I’m so pissed at myself and at him at this moment that I bend

  over and grab my shoe to throw at him. He blocks it with one fluid movement, causing it to drop to the floor. He storms over fast to me, backing me up against the wall.

  “Don’t ever do that to me again. The next time I fuck you—” I cut him off. “There won’t be a next time!”

  Maneuvering my way around him, I head over to the table—the

  same table that he just fucked me on—and pick up the pieces of clothing that Frankie laid out for me.

  Tristan doesn’t say anything back but stomps his way out the door, slamming the door when he leaves.

  122 I slump down onto the floor, cradling my head in my hands. I don’t know what’s gotten over me. First of all, I never just sleep with anyone. Only boyfriends, like committed relationships! Second, not using any protection at all. I feel some of his release starting to leak from me. The third and final thing, he’s a dick! Why have I even considered sleeping with him when he is such an asshole? I don’t feel disgusted with myself, but I feel like I should be. And that’s what pisses me off the most. What’s happening to me?

  “Sophia?” I hear Frankie calling me outside the door. Oh boy, here we go. I rise to my feet, holding onto the table as I stand. He knows. I know he knows.

  “Yeah,” I reply to him, trying to cover up my voice with that “nothing just happened” sound.

  He slowly opens the door, peeking his head in. He notices me by the table and makes his way in, closing the door behind him. Oh shit! The look on Frankie’s face tells me all I need to know. He’s strutting toward me, smiling so big that I can’t even see his eyes. When he approaches me, he puts down the brushes that were in his hand. He’s not saying anything though. He turns on his heel and saunters over to the vanity. He starts singing to himself.

  “I smell sex and candy here . . . ”

  Oh my god! I want to die!

  “Frankie, please . . . ”

  “What, love?” He’s giggling as he’s playing with one of the brushes in his hand. “I’m just singing.”

  Rolling my eyes, I walk over beside him by the vanity.

  “No. You’re not just singing. Did you, by any chance, hear something?”

  My voice is small. Even I had a hard time picking the last of it up. Frankie looks over at me. He gently cradles my face in his delicate, bony hands and smiles.

  “Yes. Well, kind of. I was walking up to the door and heard faint noises. So I backed away and went for a walk.”

  Frankie takes his hands off of me and continues doing what he was doing.

  “Frankie, I fucked up.”

  I try to explain myself to him, but he just lifts his one hand up to me.

  “Girl, you don’t need to explain shit. I’m always here for you. I don’t judge people, okay? As long as you’re happy, do whatever the fuck you want. You’re a woman. You can make your own choices.”

  “But that’s it, Frankie. After every time I slept with him, I feel like shit and regret it.”

  Frankie stops what he’s doing again and crosses his arms. With his head tilted to the side a little, he presses his lips together. Kind of like those “duck face” pictures you see everyone doing nowadays.

  “So why do you keep doing it? Does he force you?” he asks sarcastically. If only he knew.

  Yes, Tristan is kind of possessive. But the sick part was I got off on it. Me just thinking about that makes my face burn. Good thing my tan skin covers that up.

  “Sophia, you think too much. You just have to go with it, you know? If you enjoy having him, take him. If not, then tell him no. But like I said, that one night in
St. Louis and just what I always thought seeing you two together at the shoot back in LA. I could feel the sexual tension between you two. It was so obvious.”

  “I guess I’m just scared. But I don’t know why. I never really did anything like this before.”

  Frankie’s mouth drops and he says, “Please tell me you weren’t a virgin?”

  I give him a “don’t be stupid” look.

  “No, Frankie. I wasn’t a virgin. It’s just that, normally, I would be in a relationship first. This kind of feels dirty or something.”

  I shrug my shoulders, not really knowing how to explain it. Frankie’s mouth turns up at the corners. It reminds me of the Grinch when he smiles at his wicked ideas.

  “Honey, that’s the best fucking kind.”

  His remark makes me start laughing. Yeah, I guess he does have a point. I’m a woman and I have needs. And yes . . . All three times were unbelievable.

  Entering the back area before the show, I’m so nervous. I notice Lux in the back, talking to Matt and Jared. So I walk over there to see what’s up.

  When I close in, Lux nods to Matt and turns away, facing me now. I think I must’ve startled him because he jumps. “Oh, Sophia! Shit you’re quiet. I didn’t even see you there.” He starts laughing, shaking his head. “Almost ready? You guys go on in five. Roger and Cory just stepped out.” I look him over, and he seems nervous or something. What’s going on?

  “Are you okay, Lux?” His face drops and he starts rubbing his hand on his expensive suit.

  “Yeah! Yes. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He stutters a little. I give him a puzzled look, but Lux just bends down and hugs me real quick. “Good luck tonight, kid.” And with that, he starts walking out.

  I turn back over to Matt and Jared. They’re both just standing there, staring at me. Jared looks away quickly, too, playing with the chains on the side of his belt. Matt runs his hands through is styled black hair, laughing. I quirk my eyebrow up at him.

  “What’s funny?”

  Matt shakes his head, looking at Jared. Jared being pale, I can see his skin starting to turn red. What the fuck is going on?

  “Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on!” I raise my voice a little. Not sounding angry but more concerned if anything. Matt strides over to me. He bends down to whisper in my ear.

  “Um . . . I don’t know how to say this to you, Sophia, but . . . The next time you um . . . ”

  Matt pulls away and gives Jared another look before turning back to me. Oh shit. I think I’m going to be sick. Matt blows out a breath and shrugs his broad shoulders.

  “Next time I what?” My mousey voice is back. Low and almost inaudible.

  “Sophia, shit, I don’t know how to say this, but . . . Everyone heard you.”

  I want to die. I want to die now! Fuck Tristan for barging into my room. Damn. My face drops and my skin color drops like I’ve just seen a ghost. Matt notices my discomfort and pulls me in for a hug.

  “It’s cool. It’s just sex, right? You’ll be fine.”

  He pulls away, and suddenly, I feel like I’m going to pass out. Just then, I hear Roger and Cory come in. I turn to look over my shoulder, and Roger pulls his aviator shades down his nose and smiles.

  “Sophia. Damn girl. Damn . . . ”

  The last five minutes felt like I was living an out-of-body experience. After Roger teased me with what I have done, I somehow manage to coast my way through to the set. I’ve seen all the guys from Undead Society but didn’t pay attention to them or to their stares. I think even Tristan was standing with them. But at the time, I really didn’t want to see the look on his face. I blocked everyone out. It’s bad enough that I still feel the physical effects of Tristan and I, but now . . . Now the mental is there with everyone knowing and talking about it.

  Once I’m on stage, I feel safer. I walk over to the mic and grab it, but my mind goes blank. Where are we again? Cleveland? Toledo? I really don’t care right now. I just need to start singing.

  “Hey!” I shout into the audience and wave my hand at them. Their excitement starts making me relax. A smile starts its way on my face again. I feel confident. I’m wearing the skirt set Frankie set out for me. I have the black silk button-down shirt on with only a couple buttoned in the middle. The rest of the shirt is hanging loose and open. My sleeves are rolled up to my elbows, and my black kneesocks pushed at uneven lengths on each of my legs with the skater shoes I’m wearing. I will really be able to move around the stage tonight. I’m kind of glad that Frankie also picked out the black ball cap. The rim being bent and pushed down on my face more makes me feel like I have a shield up or something, which came in handy earlier when I guess everyone found out.

  My hair is down and in soft waves with the makeup the same like most nights: I have on heavy dark eye makeup with a nude lip.

  Looking over my shoulder at my boys, I see they’re all set. So turning back around to face the audience, I begin with our set. Not really in the mood to “chat” with them tonight. I just need to release.

  “We’re Dollar Settlement!”

  Hearing them start to roar feels so good.

  “But I’m not going to talk your damn ears off all night. You’s wanted to jam, so let’s get fucking to it!”

  Everyone in the arena is screaming and chanting for more.

  “This is ‘Done With!’”

  Beginning my set, I start moving my body and pointing toward the crowd. Matt starts with Cory before Roger and Jared start. This is a good song to start off with tonight. I feel all my frustrations start to leave my body. During the heavy solo, I start to bang my head to the music. I grab the hat off my head and throw it into the crowd. I don’t really need it anymore, and it’s kind of getting in my way.

  Making my way over to the stage, I peer down at the crowd, my hair covering my face. I take my one hand and brush it away. After the song, the boys start playing ‘Boss.’ Yes! Another good one to let go to. And I begin to sing my lungs out. We just finished our whole set. I’m out of breath and totally exhausted from our performance tonight.

  “Thank you!” I yell into the mic at the audience and bow for them. Dropping the mic onstage, I begin to walk off. Cory comes to my side and drapes his arm over my shoulder. I rest my head on it ’til were off.

  Walking off the stage, Tristan is standing there. He is wearing the exact same clothes that he was wearing earlier when I saw him. Even with just the jeans and T-shirt, he’s still sexy as hell. Especially now that his hair really has that just-fucked look. His dark eyes glance over at Cory then back to me. He doesn’t say anything, though, but walks right past us, making his way to the stage.

  For a second there, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He must know that everyone knows what happened between us two, but he still comes off with the same attitude as before. The one wherein he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything. I can’t even stand around again to watch them play tonight. I just want to get on the bus and hide in my own little cove. It seems like I’ve been hiding a lot, but that “Cherry Pie” instance has nothing on what happened today.

  I brush my teeth and slip into my sleeping shorts and tank top. I wash my makeup off my face and pull my hair up into a ponytail. I just want to crash.

  I settle myself up on my bed, placing pillows behind my back. I pull out my iPad to go on Netflix. Yes, going to bed and watching a movie seems so perfect right now. Also knowing the guys, they will be all drunk and loud when they come in after Undead’s performance tonight. So having earphones in would drown that noise out.

  Scrolling through the list, I decide on watching Wayne’s World 2. Perfect. I need something with humor in it right now. I’m about thirty minutes into the movie when I feel my eyelids start to get heavy, and I let go of trying to fight sleep.

  Chapter Twenty

  Waking up to a loud thump, I jerked my body up. What? Leaning over to stick my fingers in the blinds, I notice that we’re still driving. The sun is starting to
rise, and the scenery is nothing but rolling grass hills and a few houses scattered out. If I had to guess, I would say Wisconsin or maybe Iowa. Depending on which route the driver decided to take to Minneapolis. I lay back down and shut my iPad off. I wonder what made that loud thump noise.

  Rolling over to my stomach, I quickly fall back asleep. Few hours passed, and I hear noises going on again and waking me up. I reach over and check my phone. It says nine thirty in the morning. I climb out of bed, making my way out of my room to investigate.

  Cory is up and sitting on one of the sofas. Fidgeting. I slowly walk over to him, realizing that he looks like shit. I don’t think he slept at all last night. And that pisses me off.

  “Cory?” I say groggily, rubbing my eyes.

  He jerks his head up.

  “Soph— Sophia!” He hurries and starts rubbing something off the table in his palms. Looking down, I notice it’s probably coke. Son of a bitch. I bend over and softly grab his wrist. He looks up at me, but this time, he kind of looks pissed.

  “Cory, what the fuck are you doing?” I ask him, trying not to piss him off, but he certainly just pissed me off. Tugging his wrist free, he continues cleaning up.

  “Sophia, just go back to bed.”

  He gets up making his way toward his bunk, but I grab him by the elbow to stop him. He turns swiftly, almost making me lose my balance. I grab the edge of the sofa for support.

  128 “What in the hell Cory!” I scream at him. “This isn’t like you. What are you doing to yourself!?”

  His eyes look clouded and glazed over. He drops his head a little and walks back over to me. Just then, Roger yells from his bunk.

  “Fucking eh! Trying to sleep here.”

  Cory looks over that way before meeting my gaze again. I feel my eyes start to water. What is happening to my friend? But Cory says nothing. He just hugs me for a moment and walks back over to his bunk.

  I don’t think talking to him now will help. I know some of the other guys do the shit too, but not like this. Cory’s been different like this since around St. Louis. I’m going to have to think of something to help my friend before he’s too far gone.