“Nicely done, Grimbledung!” Rat said. “Now we need that door open.”
Grimbledung stuffed his wand up his sleeve into its sheath then grabbed two handfuls of coins. He held them out wide and pointed his face at the ceiling. “Aaahhh oooooOOOO!”
“Well, that’s not helpful, really.” Rat said. “It’d made a great illustration though, now that I think about it.”[29] He scampered to the door and pointed at it. “Open the… wanna go for a walk? Wanna go for a walk?” He pointed at it again. “Walkies are out there!”
Grimbledung did a little hop then stuffed the handfuls of coins in his mouth. He swallowed hard as he stalked to the door, claws clicking on the stone.
“Well, in about eight to twelve hours, if we get out of this, you’ll poop a treasure trove.” Rat said. “Now open the door.”
Grimbledung dug his claws into the sides of the small door and leaned backward, newly-formed muscles in his back bulging as he did so.
“Get it off, Grimbledung!”
Drimblerod raced around the corner, his wand was smoking. “When they said rabid Pixies, they weren’t kidding.” He turned and blasted a Pixie. “My wand is really overheated.” He saw his partner. “On no, I don’t think we need a WereGnome right about now.” Grimbledung was hunched over the door, breathing hard. “Is he alright?”
“He’s fine.”
Drimblerod looked at the scattered coins and the askew chests. Several had opened as they tipped, spilling their contents. Gems, coins, and what appeared to be more clothes were strewn about. “Where are our two chests?”
“I’m worried that…” Began Rat.
Grimbledung let out a howl as he finally wrenched the door from its hinges, part of the stone wall coming with them. “Grrrr!” He said as he turned with the door above his head.
“Put it there!” Rat pointed. “Over there to block the way!”
Drimblerod sidestepped as Grimbledung lowered the door in front of himself and charged the opening that led to the front of the vault. Within five paces he reached it, and the door splintered on its edges as Grimbledung crammed it into the small opening that doubled back to the main vault area. He leaned into the door, pushing it a full foot farther. “Doooor,” he growled, “set.”
“Good boy!” Rat scratched Grimbledung on his thigh.
Grimbledung’s other foot began to thump.
Drimblerod looked to where the door used to be. There seemed to be a small wooden crate in the space. Drimblerod sheathed his wand and sword. “A dumbwaiter! Everyone get in!” As he moved to the space, he grabbed a handful of coins and worked them into his bag of holding. He crouched down and got into the small dumbwaiter. “Everyone in! I hope this goes someplace near the outside.”
Rat scampered in and moved under Drimblerod’s feet. “I don’t think he’s going to fit.”
Grimbledung looked at the door, then at Drimblerod. “Grrrrr! Innn?”
“We’re going for a walk!” Exclaimed Rat. “Gonna leave without you!”
“Naahh! Waaaalk!” Grimbledung snarled as he stalked to the dumbwaiter. He crouched down and stuffed himself in. “Gonnna chase rabbbitzz.” The tendril of drool broke free from his mouth, hitting next to Rat.
“Gross! Stop doing that.”
Drimblerod pulled on the thick rope running down the middle of the box. “Pull on the rope, Grim, pull on it!”
Grimbledung grasped the rope and stuffed it in his mouth. He began to chew.
The door shuddered as a loud tinkling filled the area.
“They’re going to get through!” Rat exclaimed.
“Pull on the rope! Pull.” Drimblerod grabbed the rope above where Grimbledung was chewing on it and began to tug on it. The crate moved only a few inches. “It’s too heavy for me to do on my own!”
“Puuulllzz?” rumbled Grimbledung. He spat out the now-wet rope.
It hit Rat on the head. “He’s doing it on purpose!” Rat shook his claw at Grimbledung. “Grimbledung WereGnome Sixtoes Esquire, pull that rope until we are at the top of wherever this goes!”
“Griimbaldung!” Tinkled the Pixies on the other side of the wall.
“Yaaaa!” Grimbledung began to tug on the rope, hand over hand, pulling the dumbwaiter out of sight just as the door fell forward. A wall of Pixies swarmed into the room and into the shaft. Since the box fit in the shaft tightly, they couldn’t get past.
“We’ll get you when you stop, you stinking Gnomes…”
“Yeah, yeah, and your little Rat too,” interrupted Rat. “We’ve heard it all before.”
“Just you wait!” The Pixies pounded on the bottom of the crate as it rose. “You stinking good for nothing thieves!”
After a full five minutes of insults from the Pixies, the crate started to slow.
“We’re slowing down,” said Rat. “What’s wrong up there?” He tried to peer from around Drimblerod’s legs.
“Grimbledung’s changing back!”
True to Drimblerod’s words, Grimbledung’s features softened - and became less hairy.
Drimblerod grabbed the rope and pulled as hard as he could so they wouldn’t plummet back to the bottom. “Grim, you have to help with the rope!”
“What? Where are we?” Grimbledung tried to turn his head but couldn’t. “Who put us in a box?”
“We put us in a box!” Rat exclaimed. “To get away from the Pixies and Ogres.”
The box slipped down a good foot.
“You’re in for it now!” The Pixies jingled.
“Grim, help pull us up!” Drimblerod tried to turn to get a better grip on the rope but the box was too small.
Grimbledung nodded. “Sure thing. Where’re we going?”
“Up!” Drimblerod and Rat said in unison.
“Down!” The Pixies all chimed. “To your doooom!”
“I pick up.” Grimbledung grabbed the rope, one hand above Drimblerod’s one below. “Ready? You keep it tight and I’ll pull. When I get tired, we can swap.”
Drimblerod braced his elbows on the side of the crate. “Ready.”
Grimbledung grabbed the rope and pulled with all his might. The small dumbwaiter moved upwards slightly. “Gads!” He looked at the bottom of the box. “How about you Pixies give us a push? Just to get us going?”
“We’ll give you a push!”
“Great, great.” Grimbledung smiled. “Very accommodating, those Pixies.” He tugged on the rope again and Drimblerod took up the slack. “That’s heaps better, thanks!” Grimbledung shouted to the bottom of the box.
“We’re not helping!”
“Quiet, you!” Rat said. “If Grimbledung says you’re helping, then YOU’RE HELPING!”
“Again.” Grimbledung said as he moved his hands higher on the rope.
After a dozen iterations, the pair switched tasks.
By the time it came back to Grimbledung to pull, the box clunked onto a hard ceiling.
“We’re here!” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Home free and foot loose.”
Rat looked around. “But there’s no opening for us to go out. He tapped the wall on the open side of the dumbwaiter. “Hey, this is some sort of stone colored board.” He tapped it again. “Yeah. Think you can kick at it, Drimblerod?”
“I think so.” Drimblerod squatted down as Rat moved under Grimbledung. “Here goes nothing…” He kicked out with his foot. The rock colored plaster on the board cracked.
“You’re getting it, Drimblerod,” said Rat. “Keep kicking in the same spot.”
After several kicks, a hole opened in the board.
“Let me take a look around before we go in.”
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold this rope,” said Grimbledung.
“Then we all go in. We don’t have any other choice in the matter anyway.”
“You can fall to your deaths!” Suggested the Pixies. They began to pound on the bottom of the dumbwaiter. “Fall. Fall. Fall.” They chanted.
“Kick it down, Drim.” Said Grimbledung. �
�We’ll deal with what’s in there once we’re on solid ground.”
After several more kicks, the hole was big enough for the Gnomes to make it through.
“How are we supposed to get through that hole and hold the rope?” Drimblerod asked.
The Pixies all laughed.
“Go first, Rat. And take the end of the rope with you,” said Grimbledung.
“But it’s sloppy wet with WereGnome slobber.”
“Rat!”
“Fine, fine.” Rat shook his head at Drimblerod. “It’s an easy request when you’re not the one doing it.” He stuck out his tongue as he took the rope in his claws and backed out of the dumbwaiter. “Now what?”
“Drim, take the rope.” When Drimblerod took the rope, Grimbledung took out his wand. “Now put the rope in your mouth so you can hold it while we climb out.”
“What? No way!”
“Come on, Rat!” Drimblerod pleaded.
“Just drop to your deaths!” The Pixies proposed. “It’s going to happen anyway so why delay it?
“Oh, the things I do for you two. Just make it quick, alright?”
“Ready when you are,” said Grimbledung. Once Rat took the rope in his mouth, Grimbledung hacked his wand at him.
Rodentus Grigo!
Transmutis completes
Shambli Verdes
He intoned.
“This tastes gross,” said RatShambler. “Hurry up,” he said out of the side of his mouth.
“You first,” said Drimblerod.
With a nod, Grimbledung made his way through the hole. “It’s clear in here, come on, Drim!”
Drimblerod clambered through the hole and rolled to his feet. “Nicely done, Rat.”
“Thanks!” Said Rat. The rope slipped from his mouth and the dumbwaiter immediately fell from sight.
Grimbledung moved to the hole. “Fly fast you stinking Pixies! Like your LIVES depend on it!” He shouted down. He turned around and dusted his hands together. “Good riddens to bad Pixies.”
Drimblerod looked around. “So where are we?”
The area was mostly dark- there was pinpricks of light coming in from various tiny holes in the structure they were in. It was marginally oval shaped and on one side were two large holes that light seemed to pour through towards the ceiling.
“I have no idea,” said Grimbledung as he looked around. “But those two holes look like the best way out of here.” He pointed at them. “They’re on that little ledge but I think we can make it up there.” He flourished his wand. “Of course, they seem more rat sized than shambler sized, right Rat?”
RatShambler nodded. “Definitely rat sized. Get on with it.”
Shambli Verdes
Transmutis completes…
Grimbledung paused for the briefest of moments.
Mus musculus Negro!
Grimbledung finished.
“Wait, what was that last part?” Asked Rat as he was bathed in gold light.
“I thought you should be more stealthier is all.”
Rat looked at himself. “What am I?”
“I went with a black mouse. That’s heaps more stealthier than a grey rat, if you ask me.”
“Who asked you?!” RatMouse put his hands on his hips. “This is absurd. Drimblerod?”
Drimblerod shook his head. “You might blend in better at a carnival as a black mouse than a grey rat.”
“Really?’
“Sure; grey rats are seen as pests.”
“And what are black mice?”
“Corporate symbols.”
“Oh boy!” RatMouse exclaimed. “Well as soon as we’re free and clear… Hey! What’s happened to my voice? Why am I so high pitched?”
“And foot loose,” interrupted Grimbledung.
“… and foot loose. When we’re away from here I want changed back to my regular grey self. This feels weird.”
“Deal,” said Grimbledung. “Say, you want some pants or something in the meanwhile?”
“Don’t be absurd.” RatMouse said. He scurried up to the ledge and looked out one of the holes. “It’s just a few feet to the ground down there. Looks like it’s got a slope to it.” He stuck his head out the hole. After a moment, he sat up. “Well, this is going to be disturbing.”
“What? Is it a long drop?”
RatMouse stifled a chuckle. “No Drimblerod, it’s just a drip to the ground, really. It ’snot far at all.”
“Well then let’s go before those Pixies get back up here.” Grimbledung moved to the edge of the structure and clambered up to the ledge. “There’s room up here for the two of us Drim, so you should come up so we can make a break for it all at once. Catch them by surprise.”
“Yeah, don’t blow it.” RatMouse deadpanned.
“You alright?” Grimbledung asked.
“Sure, sure. I just nose where we’re going.” Rat pointed at the opening. “Me first. You can do the post drop.”
Drimblerod nodded as he got onto the ledge. “Fine, fine. Then Grim and I will go out together. Once you’re out, Rat, head in the direction you think is best since you’re out first. We’ll follow your lead.”
RatMouse nodded. “Here goes nothing.” He leapt into the middle of the opening and fell from sight.
With nods to each other, Drimblerod and Grimbledung worked their way to the holes and climbed out feet first. When they were hanging by their hands, they looked down to judge their landing before letting go.
“Ewww!” A child exclaimed. “What’s coming out of Mortimer’s nose?”
Chapter 48
Rehearsing Rehearsals
Flora stormed into the Duck Inn and Dine. “Sorry I’m late!” She called to Wil as she grabbed her apron from the peg.
“You were…” Wil said.
“Uhm…” Flora said. “Late?”
Wil startled. “Oh, I was expecting ‘I was waiting for a delivery of leeches’ or ‘There was a shipment of ropes coming in’ or something else just as disturbing.” He narrowed his eyes. “What was it this time?”
“I was with someone and the time got away from me.”
“With a male?” Wil leaned forward on the bar. “You went on a date?” He frowned at her. “With who?”
Flora shrugged. “A fellow I met earlier this week,” she said noncommittally as she tied her apron. “Just a fellow.”
“Flora O. Willowfeet,” said Wil, “I am shocked. Shocked at what I am hearing!”
Flora looked at the man wide-eyed. “What? Why?”
“Now I know that he is sometimes annoying, and other times infuriating, and even other times completely outlandish.” Wil held up a finger. “But, I can tell you with no uncertain terms that Grimbledung cares about you.” He pointed the finger at her. “And the two of you make a smart match.” He opened his hand and held it out plaintively- if he still had his other hand, it would have been out as well. “You two were made for each other. Two peas in a pod, as it were.”
Flora nodded. “That is true, yes.” She picked up her tray and scanned the seating area. “Yeah, I know that,” she muttered.
“Then how can it be that you’re having a date with some other fellow when Grimbledung, your Grimbledung is out of town?”
Flora leveled her eyes at Wil. The temperature seemed to drop ten degrees (or 5 1/2 degrees Celsius even). “Are you suggesting that I have been unfaithful?” She took a step toward the bar. “Me, unfaithful? When he has been lured to go out gallivanting around the countryside looking for a treasure by that partner of his? Treasure that definitely does not exist instead of spending time with me? By that partner of his?” She took another step. “Me, unfaithful when that innocent Gnome is out hanging out in various bars, taverns, or worse thanks to that bad-influence Drimblerod?” Now she took two steps. “Me, unfaithful who has been diligently working and trying to keep it together while that unimpeachable Gnome is gone from my sight and could possibly die because of something Drimblerod does?” She dropped her tray and clambered up the barstool. When
she got to the top, she put both hands on the bar as if she were going to vault over it and attack Wil. To death probably. “Me? unfaithful?!”
“Well,” Wil looked around the bar nervously. There were, thankfully, several witnesses around. Even so, he didn’t feel totally safe. “Not you personally. I mean just in general like, you know. Folks and things like that. In general even.”
Flora gave the man a curt nod then climbed back down the stool. She picked up the tray. “That’s what I thought you meant.”
“But…” Wil said, without thinking, “you said you went on a date.”
“A date? No I did not.”
“Yes you did.” Now Wil became agitated. When all was said and done, he was Flora’s boss, and he outweighed her by a good eighty pounds. And there was a bar between them. A nice tall one that would slow her down giving him a pretty good head start on her. And there were those witnesses that would hopefully come to his aid. Emboldened, he added: “You most certainly did; just a moment ago in fact.”
Flora put her hands on her tray and held it in front of her. “I said no such thing; I said that I had met a fellow. It is not the same thing.”
“How is meeting a fellow for a date and just meeting a fellow, different things?”
“Well,” Flora said matter-of-factly, “one is a meeting with an expectation of something amorous.”
“Yes, that is indeed what a date is. So what’s the other?”
“The other is just a practice run.” Flora explained as she started walking toward the seated patrons. “To make sure things are running smoothly. Get the kinks out. That sort of thing. Before the real… event.”
Wil gulped. “And is this male… alright?”
“It’s nothing some rest and ointment won’t fix.” She shrugged. “As long as he doesn’t pop any of the blisters.” With that, she moved to the nearest table.
“Gads,” said Wil. He picked up a glass and put it in the crook of his stump then began to polish it with a towel. “That poor innocent unimpeachable Gnome is in for it when he gets back.”
Chapter 49
The Mortimer Runs
Grimbledung and Drimblerod landed and immediately turned around.
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 25