“This seems to be some kind of ride,” said Drimblerod. He looked up at the large head they had just dropped out of.
“This is some kind of ride!” Exclaimed Grimbledung. “Flying carpets even.” He hopped up and down. “Can we ride it, Drim? Can we?”
“No! We are on the run. There is not time to…”
“You’re in for it when we get you, you stinking Gnome!” Yelled an Orc. He punched his fist into his open hand in case there was any confusion as to what they would get.
“Who us?” Grimbledung asked as he looked around.
“The three of you!” Shouted the other Orc. In case there was any confusion who would be getting it.
“I am sure this is all a misunderstanding,” Grimbledung called back. “You sure we can’t just talk this over?”
The two Orcs leaned in to each other and had a quick discussion. By the time Grimbledung and Drimblerod completed a revolution of the ride, the two were looking up again.
“Sure, sure. Come down here and we’ll straighten you out.”
The other Orc nudged him.
“Straighten this out!” The first said quickly. “Definitely this.”
“I’m not completely sure those two are on the up and up,” said Grimbledung.
“Well we need to do something because we’re drawing a crowd around this ride.” Rat pointed at the crowd that was drawing. Around the ride.
“Hey, want me to do a poem?” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Folks like a good poetical recitation.”
“We need to get away from here.” Drimblerod looked around. “There’s at least ten security looking folks down there.”
“What about those?” Rat pointed at the rugs that were tethered at the end of each of the arms of the ride. The rope holding them in place allowed them some back and forth movement but only enough to make the ride slightly bumpy- they still had to go up and down when the arms did. “Can’t we ride one of those?”
Drimblerod shook his head. “I hate those things. Temperamental and apt to just dump you off while you’re way high in the air.”
“Woo! Flying rug is how we need to get back home, Drim. Flying rug!” He did a little hop. “We’d be home in no time!”
“Get down here now!” Ordered another Orc. This one was wearing a very official looking red shirt.
“Give us a moment, Mister Orc!” Grimbledung called down. “We’re just planning our…”
“Descent!” Rat interrupted. “That’s what we’re planning!”
“That one there.” Drimblerod pointed. “The Isfahan. The blue one with the missing tassel. How about that.?”
The rug, hearing its description, bucked against its rope.
“That don’t sound like you’re comin’ down!” The red-shirted Orc shook his fist. “Sounds like you’re discussing rugs. For a getaway!”
“The Nain,” said Grimbledung. “You can never go wrong with a Nain.” He started down the arm of the ride toward the rug. “The Nain carpet is a luxurious alternative to its parent rug, the Isfahan,” Grimbledung said matter-of-factly.”[30]
Hearing its (accurate) description, the Nain flexed its tassels.
“Stop the ride,” ordered the Orc. He pointed at the others in the security detail. “As soon as it stops, get up there and grab ‘em.”
“It’s now or never, Drim. Now or never!” Grimbledung kept moving down the arm. He was over halfway to the rug. “Let’s go!”
“How is it he gets to make these kinds of fool-hardy decisions?” Drimblerod picked up Rat as he started down the arm as well. “If Flora heard some of the decisions he made, she’d wallop him.”
Rat moved to Drimblerod’s shoulder. “I’m pretty much unbreakable and I don’t like riding on those things either.”
Grimbledung hopped onto the middle of the rug. “Gads, this thing is soft! I’m taking my shoes off.” He sat and began to unlace his shoes.
The ride slowed as the operator worked the lever controlling the large cog that made it rotate.
Sensing the reduction in movement, Drimblerod scooted quickly to the rug. “Keep your shoes on you goof!”
“But I took a bath just yesterday. I can take my shoes off, I’m sure.”
Rat jumped to the front of the rug.
“While you two are discussing the need for shoes or not, the ride is coming to a halt. I just thought you’d like to know.”
Grimbledung peered over the side of the rug. Their forward motion had stopped, and true to Rat’s word, they were now sinking quickly. There was less than ten feet between them and several angry-looking Orcs.
“Cut the rope, Grim!” Drimblerod moved to the front of the rug to steer it. “I’ll steer from here.”
Grimbledung rolled across the rug to the other side. “Gads, this is one luxurious rug.” When he got to the other side, he pulled out his wand.
Crumbly Sedimentary, Hot Metamorphic
and a little Igneous too boot.
Mix ‘em together and heat them up
So we can cut this rug and scoot!
The rope instantly burned in two as the stream of lava passed through it. The brightly painted wood paneling below on the ride took only a fraction of a second longer before it also caught fire. Grimbledung continued to pan his wand sending a stream toward the gathered security detail. “Back you fiends! Back!”
“Your dirk would have done just as well,” Drimblerod said.
The Orc in the red shirt looked hurt. “Fiends? Us? We’re just doing our job and you come here, rob us and start a fire! We’re liable to get fired over this you know, and these are hard times! You know what they say...”
“Hard times are no times to be unemployed,” offered Drimblerod.
“Exactly!” Called up the Orc.
Grimbledung stopped the lava stream. “Well, if you put it that way, maybe we should come down there and get our comeuppance.”
The Orc grinned wide. “Yeah, I got some uppance I want to send your way!”
“Let’s go down there, Drim,” said Grimbledung. “Hate to not get something owed to me. Especially if I deserve it.”
“This is NO time to develop a conscience!” Rat shook a claw at him. “All those other times and yet you pick now?”
“Well, that Orc makes a pretty convincing argument.” Grimbledung leaned over the rug. “I’m on your side Mister Orc! It’s these people I associate with that aren’t going to go along with it! Seems I’m a bad judge of character.”
“We’re leaving,” Drimblerod exclaimed as he pulled up on the leading edge of the rug. “Up rug, up!” It obliged by rising quickly.
“Sorry about the fiends!” Grimbledung called down. “Really I am!” He waved as well.
“Commere you!” The Orc said as he tried in vain to jump and grab the wayward rug. “Rug thief!”
“Rug setter freer is more like it,” said Grimbledung. He rolled to the middle of the rug. “And a nice rug it is.” He ran his fingers through the thick pile.
The rug rippled from front to back.
“Stop that, Grim!” Drimblerod lay down on the rug. “You’ll get us tossed off.” He pushed down on the rug. “Go straight, Nain. Straight.”
Rat moved beside Drimblerod. “I say we make a straight line from here to Julesville.” He pointed ahead and to the left. “Straight there until morning.”
Drimblerod shook his head. “I just can’t sleep on this thing.” He leaned in to Rat. “It might dump us off while we were asleep.”
“You’re paranoid,” said Rat. He looked down at the rug. “Are you going to dump us off?”
The rug rippled from front to back again.
“I figure that’s as close to a no as you’re going to get, Drim.”
“I don’t care!” Drimblerod shook a fist at his partner, then quickly grabbed the rug again. “Besides, how would we know which direction to go?”
“It’s the second star on the left and straight on until morning, I think.”
“That’s someplace completely
different.”
“Fine then; we circle until morning,” tried Grimbledung.
“It will be the death of us!” Drimblerod said as he put his hands in the air. “The death of us!”
“That’s the spirit, Drim!” Grimbledung thrust his hands in the air. “Thrust your hands in the air, Drim. Wave them around like you don’t care even!” He pointed down. “Look we’re gliding by those people who have stopped to stare.” He put his hands back in the air. “Wee!”
“No, not wee,” said Drimblerod. He tried to lay even more flat. “Not by a long shot.” He patted the rug. “In payment for setting you free, would you be willing to fly us in that direction for a while?”
The rug crumpled up a corner and raised it. Several tassels separated from the bunch and stuck up like a thumb.
“That looks like a yes to me,” said Rat.
“I’m completely convinced of our safety,” said Grimbledung. “Any other old business we need to take care of before moving on to new business?”
“What about the wagon?” Rat asked.
“Who needs a wagon?” Grimbledung said. “We’re rich; we can buy a new wagon. A better wagon. A covered wagon, in fact.”
“Grim, we had a covered wagon. And it was full of food. Food we’re going to need at some point really soon. Food we paid a whole lot of coins for. And it was a borrowed wagon so Big Julie is expecting to get it back. And it has that food that we’re going to need really soon”.
“Well, it was just a suggestion.” Grimbledung sat up. “Hey, wanna see how fast thing this thing will go?”
“No, I don’t wanna see how fast this thing will go.” Drimblerod raised his head slightly. “This is a fine speed, Rug. Just keep this speed.”
The Rug gave another thumbs’ up.
“Alright, rug, we’re going to have to go back for that wagon, I think. So make a nice easy turn to the left and head to the hill that’s overlooking that carnival.”
The rug waved its tassel then executed a banked turn that made Drimblerod screech with terror.
Grimbledung squealed with delight.
Rat fought hard to not pee on the rug that was their escape.
“Think they’ll come after us?” Grimbledung looked over the side once they were level again. “The place looks so small from up here.” He waved.
“Stop doing that! This instant. Nothing good ever comes about when you wave at folk.”
“There was that one time at that rope bridge…”
“No.”
“What about when we were in that tower…”
“No.” Drimblerod carefully moved to a sitting position. “Listen, Rug. Do you think you can fly lower to the ground?”
The rug dove sharply at the ground.
Drimblerod flopped over onto this belly as the ground loomed ahead of them. Within a foot, the rug leveled out. Then gave another thumbs’ up.
“How about a little higher than this? Ten feet would be good, right Rat?”
Rat looked around. “I’d go thirty of forty so we’re not weaving around trees and such. Or within reach of jumping Trolls.”
“Gads! Fifty feet it is. Once we get that wagon.” Drimblerod pointed. “See it there on the hill?”
The rug adjusted its course to head straight at it.
“Alright Grim, when we get there I need you to take care of the wagon.”
“Got it, Drim.” He waggled his ears. “You can count on me.”
“I wish he’d stop saying that,” said Rat.
“Alright Mister Rug,” Drimblerod said. “Just land beside the wagon and my partner will take care of the rest.” He glanced at Grimbledung- his head was hanging over the side of the rug looking at the ground below. “I hope.”
The rug banked around a tree then landed beside the wagon.
“Get to it Grim!”
Chapter 50
I’ve seen a Horse Fly. I’ve seen a Dragon Fly.
But I’ve never seen a...
Grimbledung rolled off the rug and then stood. He dusted his pants off. “Ahh, now we’re set.” He scooted to the wagon and immediately jumped into the back. Crashes could be heard as he rummaged through their supplies.
“Grim!” Drimblerod hopped to his feet. “We need to go! Rat, keep an eye out from up there!”
Rat dutifully scurried to the top of the large sign.
Drimblerod moved to the back of the wagon and peeked in. Grimbledung had a piece of jerky sticking out of his mouth. “I’m on it Drim!”
“What are you doing?”
“Hey, Drimblerod,” Rat called down.
“What it is Rat?”
“You weren’t too clear on my task up here.” Rat said. “How much of a warning you want if I see anyone?”
“At least a few minutes if at all possible.”
“When you say a few, how many exactly do you mean?”
Grimbledung dumped out a large box of very loud items.
“RAT! Just let us know when someone’s coming!” Drimblerod wheeled on Grimbledung. “What are you doing?”
“Oooh! Rope!”
“Someone’s coming.” Rat called down.
“I’m getting things together to go on the rug, of course,” explained Grimbledung. “Just like you said.”
“You’re supposed to Minisculate the wagon so we can take it all with!”
“There are folks coming this way.” Rat said again.
“Quiet Rat! What are you doing in here, Grim?”
“Yeah, what are you doing in there, Grim?” Rat said.
“You said to take care of the wagon, so that’s what I’m doing,” Grimbledung replied. “You should know as well as I do that you just can’t pile together so many Minisculated things in one place.” He panned his arms out. “So we’re going to add this to the HEAPS of things already Minisculated? We’d blow up for sure.”
“Now it’s more of a group approaching,” Rat said.
“Rat... What?” Drimblerod turned to look at Rat. “What did you say?”
“Well...” Rat turned and looked down the hill again. “It’s hard to count because they are close together, but I’d say we are going to have about twenty folks showing up for Grimbledung’s meal.”
“Oooh! I should put tea on!”
Drimblerod flailed his arms. “Everyone back to the rug!” He scampered back to the rug. “To the rug!”
“Hey, the rug. There’s an idea,” Grimbledung said as he clambered out of the front of the wagon. He had a second piece of jerky sticking out of his mouth.
Rat moved beside Drimblerod. “I just thought I should let you know there’s twenty-two folks moving this way. Mostly Orcs.
“We aren’t going to have enough tea.” Grimbledung said. He bent down and put his hands on his knees. “Hey there you good looking Nain, would you be willing to pull a wagon for a little bit?”
The Nain gave a shrug.
“Everyone on the wagon!” Drimblerod flailed his arms as he moved back to the wagon. “On the wagon!”
“Let’s get you hooked up.” Grimbledung said.
“I’ll just ride up here,” said Rat. “I’ve never been at the front of the wagon before.”
“HURRY UP!”
“Let’s go rug,” Grimbledung said. He gestured at the wagon. “I’ll tie the bindings to your rear tassels.”
The rug shrugged as it moved into position.
“Stop you!” An Ogre called.
“Ogres?”
There we Ogres.
“Oh, sorry Drimblerod. I forgot to mention the Ogres.”
“Yaaa!” Drimblerod flailed again. “We’re doomed!”
Grimbledung tied the harnesses to the rear tassels of the rug then hopped onto the buckboard. “That should about do it.” He drew his wand. “Should we wait for a proper amount of suspense?”
“Go, go, GO!”
Off we go-
Up in yon yonder
Off we go-
Into the air!
Grimbledung recited.
The wagon rose into the air just as the group got to them. One of the Orcs leapt to grab the wheel- it was just out of reach.
“Get down here you fiends!”
“You know, that does hurt.” Grimbledung said. He leaned over the side of the wagon. “Sorry about the fiend comment earlier.” He waggled his ears. “If it makes any difference.”
The Orc nodded. “It does. But I’ll still gonna wallop you!”
“Get going rug!” Drimblerod snapped the reins.
With only one buck, the Nain moved forward, wagon following dutifully behind.
“Nice, Drim, nice.” Grimbledung leaned back and put his feet up. “Very nice indeed.”
Drimblerod put the reins down. “If you could go northwest until we hit the river, rug, that would be great.” Drimblerod leaned out and looked back.
“Drim, you should relax. We are home bound.” Grimbledung stood up and dusted off his breeches. “And fancy free, if I don’t mind saying so myself.” He grabbed one of the uprights for the covering of the wagon and leaned way out. “Bye all!” He waved with his free hand.
“SIT DOWN!”
Grimbledung teetered to one side then flopped onto his butt. “Calm down partner.” He waddled on his butt to Drimblerod. “The Halflings would say we are now at the tail end of an absurdly overwhelmingly successful adventure.” He winked. “A highly profitable successful adventure, if I don’t say so myself.”
Drimblerod smiled. “You know, you’re right.” He cautiously sat up. “And when you’re right, you’re right.”
Grimbledung waggled his ears. “All we need to do is fly home and we can go through our loot in the comfort of our own shop.”
Drimblerod smiled. “Oh, that sounds nice.” He waggled his ears as well. “And I can’t wait to see everyone’s faces when we show back up.”
“We should invite them over to the shop when we get back. To have drinks and snacks!”
“Ahh, the shop,” said Drimblerod. He hugged his partner. “It will be nice to be back home. And I’m sure everyone will be happy to see us back.”
“It’s probably been quiet in town. Boring quiet.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Say,” he called out to the rug, “how would you like to hang out with the most quietest calmestest Gnomess in the lands?”
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 26