The rug bent in the middle to face him. It raised its front tassels.
“There’s this gal I know. Quiet and reserved as a temple mouse. You could lay about her quaint cottage and go on rides whenever you wanted.” He gave a wink. “And you’d be the wonderfulest present!”
The rug gave a nod then returned to watching where it was going.
“Ahh, easy street, Drim. That’s where we are. Right on the corner of Easy Court and Street Lane. Where that florist shop is.”
Drimblerod covered his head. “Stop saying things like that. Let’s just fly until we’re far enough away to have Rat go back to pulling us.
“What?” Rat sat up. “I don’t mind saying that this is about the best way to travel across the Great Shambler Plains.” He looked down. “I don’t have to walk. No dust, no flies, and I don’t have to walk. We’ll get there in no time at all. And I don’t have to walk.”
Drimblerod peered over the side. “Is this that much faster than you walk? It seems about the same. You sure you don’t want to walk?”
“Well sure, this isn’t faster than that old rat walks,” Grimbledung said. He took the reins and snapped them. “Let’s get home in record time, majestic Nain! Tassels to the breeze and fast as lightning we fly!” He snapped the reins again.
The Nain buckled in the middle and as it sprang forward. So did the wagon. Both Gnomes leaned back as the wagon sped up incredibly.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don’t think this is safe.” Drimblerod held on with both hands. “Not safe at all.”
“Pushaw, partner; have I ever steered you wrong?”
“There’s not enough time left in the day to even address that question properly.” Drimblerod closed his eyes. “I hate heights.”
“Hey! Lookit those Trolls walking along all unaware like. Let’s swoop’em, rug!” He took the reins and snapped them. “Look out below!”
“No!” Drimblerod clenched his teeth. And opened his eyes.
He was sorry he did.
The Trolls weren’t too pleased either.
Chapter 51
Home Again, Home Again,
Jiggety RAAR!
“WEEEE!” Exclaimed Grimbledung. Yet again
“Stop doing that,” warned Drimblerod. “It got old yesterday and I stopped counting when you got to fifty. We will not start the day that way. I’m warning you.”[31]
Grimbledung clambered back down from the top of the wagon. He had sat straddling the cloth top of the wagon cheering “Wa-hoo!” as the sun went to its resting place. He did the same as the new sun rose.
Until Drimblerod threatened to turn him into a newt. And toss him overboard.
“I swear I’ll turn you into a non-flying newt and pitch you overboard.”
“I thought that threat was just for yesterday.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Unless you have a more entertaining, well thought out threat you want to substitute for yesterday’s?”
“No, I’ll stick with my original threat, if you don’t mind.” He looked down over the edge of the seat. They had risen to several hundred feet above the ground to ensure that they weren’t a target for any wand-wielding walkers. Or at least, harder to hit targets. “We need to find a place to set down.”
“What for? We’re making great time. Why, we’ll be in Julesville before noon at this pace. You want to get there later in the day or something?”
“No, I don’t have a problem with the pace; I have a problem with... the morning ablutions.”
“Ablute away.” Grimbledung gestured off to one side.
Drimblerod looked over the side again. “I don’t think…”
“Birds do it.”
“Well, sure...”
“Bats even.”
“I suppose, but there is a…” Drimblerod tilted his hand back and forth. “…scaling difference involved.”
Grimbledung narrowed his eyes. “Dragons do it.” He held up his hands as if they were claws. “Raar away!”
“If you put it that way.” Drimblerod looked over the edge, then at the back of the wagon, then back over the edge.
“Back of the wagon.” Grimbledung jabbed his thumb in that direction. “The wind is pushing backwards and it provides the necessary amount of privacy.” He winked. “That’s why it’s called a privy, you know.”
“Well, I do want to be back before lunchtime.”
“Well, besides breakfast, brunch, tea, supper, dinner, and evening snack, it is the most important meal of the day.”
“That is true.” Drimblerod stood carefully and started to duck under the front cover.
“Parchment’s already torn into slivers behind the barrel.” Grimbledung purposely looked forward. “I’ll wait here.”
“I think that would be for the best.”
“If you need me to veer left or right to put us over any Trolls you see down there…”
“I do not think that would be for the best.”
“But…”
Just fly straight and level. No jostling if you please.”
“You can count on me!”
Drimblerod ducked under the cover and immediately began to look for a strap to tie himself to the wagon. “No dips, swoops, banks, or…”
“What if I see a big group of trolls all standing close together?”
Drimblerod was glad his partner couldn’t see him smirk as he considered it. “No, not then either.”
After a good while, Grimbledung heard pots and pans clattering. “You getting breakfast together?”
“I thought we’d do something cold,” said Drimblerod. “Not too sure about starting a fire way up here off the ground.”
“Dragons do it.”
“Well we’re not dragons.”
“I heard you go ‘Raar’ a couple of times.”
Drimblerod exhaled slowly. “That was for different reasons.” He stepped through the slit in the covering of the wagon. “Here, have some jerky. I’ll get some fruit to go with it shortly.”
Grimbledung took the jerky. He startled. “Why are your hands wet?”
“I washed them of course.”
Grimbledung nodded. “I always worry about eating establishments that have to remind their employees to wash their hands after leaving the facilities. Honestly, if you can’t remember that one simple, all important thing, how can I trust you to actually cook my food properly?”
“Maybe they only work well with simple specific instructions.”
“I hope so.”
The two ate their jerky in silence.
“Hey!” Rat scampered to the back of the rug. “What gives? You’re eating without me?”
“Well, you were sleeping so soundly we figured we’d leave you to your dreams.”
Grimbledung nodded. “And it means more for us.”
“We have a month’s worth of jerky, Grim.” Drimblerod held out his piece of jerky. “Catch?”
Rat sat up. “Toss away!” He held out his claws.
Drimblerod tossed the jerky toward Rat. As it arced, the wind moving past them caught it making it fall short.
Without thinking, Rat jumped for the jerky.
“Rat!” Drimblerod leaned forward.
Rat caught the jerky in both paws. “Hah! Saved it,” he said as he fell through the space between the rug and the front of the wagon.
Drimblerod leaned forward and watched Rat fall. “I think we may have to land after all.”
“I’m on it, Drim.” Grimbledung got to his feet, and in a testament of his complete lack of fear of heights, he stepped forward onto the wagon’s tongue. “Go get Rat, rug!” He started untying the Rug. “He should be the only plummeting rodent you will come across, I should imagine.” When he finished untying the reins, he raised his hands. “Time!”
“Catch the rat!” Drimblerod called. “And stop messing about!”
Rug obliged by quickly diving toward the ground.
“Uh oh; I don’t know if that was a good idea.” Drimblerod looked over the side of the wagon.
<
br /> “We’ll just coast to a stop until that rug gets back,” assured Grimbledung. He pointed at the levitation wand that was stuck into the front of the wagon. “Easy peasy.”
True to Grimbledung’s word, the wagon gradually coasted to a stop, bogging softly.
“I don’t like this,” said Drimblerod. “Just sitting out here.”
Grimbledung walked on the tongue of the wagon, arms outstretched as if he were a tightrope walker. “We’re safe from anything on the ground way up here. Just enjoy the sights until that Nain gets back.” He hopped to the seat. “I’m getting another piece of jerky. Want one? “
“I don’t know, Grim…”
“Oh relax Drimblerod.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Honestly; what could happen way up here?”
“Raaar!” Roared the large grey dragon as it approached.
The other one nodded in approval.
“I wonder if they’d eat a newt,” remarked Drimblerod.
Chapter 52
An Impending Union-Reunion
Nulu pushed open the door to the jail. Akita was bent over some paperwork, writing. She was able to enter and close the door without Akita even seeming to notice. “Akita?” She asked tentatively.
Akita didn’t look up. “Hmmm? It anything important?”
“Well, I was… we were all wondering if today was the day.”
“The day?”
Nulu moved to the chair and sat. Its squeaks of protest finally make Akita look up. “Use the other one. Safer.” He leaned back and dropped the quill on his desk. “Aggravatin’.”
“Sorry,” said Nulu. “I didn’t mean…”
Akita crumpled up the parchment and tossed it at the corner. There was a large pile of balled up parchment covering the garbage can. Akita growled.
“Akita? What’s wrong?” Nulu moved to the other chair. To her relief, it didn’t squeak at all. “Are you making wanted posters, or what?”
“Them two are killing me.”
Nulu nodded. “Grimbledung and Drimblerod, I can see why.”
“No not them two.”
“We are not going to play the pronoun game” Nulu tut-tutted. “If not Grimbledung and Drimblerod, then who? Flora? She rough up any more hapless males?”
“No, no.” Akita’s ears perked up. “Well, actually yes. But that’s not it.” He pointed at the pile of parchments. “Colossus and Cherí have asked me to preside over their nuptials and I’m tryin’ to write up a nice speech about their impending marriage.”
Nulu smiled. “That’s really nice of you, Akita.”
“It’s gonna make my hair fall out. Folk’ll think I’ve got the mange.” He pulled another piece of parchment from under the desk. “Last one. Gotta make it count.”
Nulu laughed. “I think you’re putting too much effort into this, Akita.”
“What? I’m not goin’ta run through the ceremony slipshod.” He narrowed his sky-blue eyes at her. “I’d never hear the end of it.”
“You off of your potion?”
Akita shrugged. “Maca likes them blue. The glowing is good for keeping rabble down, but now that I’ve got an unhinged Halfling as a deputy, I just threaten to send him over to deal with rabble rousers.”
“Effective, I’d imagine.”
Akita grinned. “And now that word is out that I actually can be contagious…”
“I can see how that helps as well.” Nulu leaned back. “So how about some help with writing the nuptials? I’m sure if we sat down together we could get something down that is really quite nice.”
“The help would be greatly appreciated.” Akita looked back at the pile of discarded parchments. “And save me some coins in parchment.”
Nulu stood. “Well, from my experience, first and second drafts oftentimes have what you want to say, they just need polished.”
“Well I think I’ve got an eleventythird draft over in that corner.”
Nulu moved to the corner and began to un-ball parchments. “Speaking of eleventythird, do you have any more updates from Maca on our wayward Gnome?”
Akita stood and went to help Nulu. “Seems it’s going to be a close finish between them, those magicians and the Elves. And it’ll be today.”
“A close finish? She can’t see exactly?”
“Well, Maca says there’s this old saying-
Difficult to see.
Always in motion is the future.
That chest of silver may be tin
and the gold? Worthless pewter.
He recited.
“So they’ll all get here today but their order might change around depending on all the variables they could slow or speed and of them. Yes?”
“Yes. Of course, I’d really like them Elves to come in last if at all possible.” Akita smiled. “Think you could delay them with a meal if they get here first? Tell them we’ll bring the spices to them at your place, or something?”
Nulu considered that. “Well, a meal on the house is worth not getting the town annihilated.”
Akita smoothed out the last of the parchments. “This is the last of them.”
“The eleventythird one?”
Akita chuckled. “Somewhere ‘round there.” He looked around his jail. “You want to lay them out on the floor so we can get a look at them all at once?” He got serious. “Really, I want these nuptials to go off without a hitch. Kind’a grown fond of that annoyin’ little Halfling.”
“Well then, how about we sit at one of my nice long tables for eight and do it properly over a drink?”
“That, my dear friend, is a most excellent idea.” Akita rolled the parchments he was holding. “And, I’ll even pay for the drinks since you’re coverin’ the Elves.”
“That my dear friend, sounds like a deal.” Nulu gestured toward the door. “After you.”
The pair walked to Nulu’s establishment and diligently worked on the ceremony for Colossus and Cherí.
So diligently they lost track of time and didn’t notice the Gnomes returning.
Or the Elves.
The clap of thunder signaling the return of the magicians got their attention however.
Chapter 53
How to Deal with an Untrained Dragon
That Really Does Not Want Trained
“Raar!” Called Grimbledung. He put his hands out as claws. “Raar right back at you, Messrs Dragon and Dragon!” He startled. “Oh, sorry. Mister and Missus Dragonses!” He shouted as he clawed at the air again.
Drimblerod looked over the edge. He couldn’t see Rat or the rug. “Get us to the ground, Grim!”
“We have the high ground, what’re you worried about? Hate to give up the high ground. Bad tactics, that.”
“What tactics? We’re floating in place. AND THERE IS NO GROUND!” Drimblerod flailed his arms. “Get us on the ground before we plummet there!”
“Raar!” Grimbledung leaned past the edge of the wagon, holding on with one hand as he roared. He clawed at the air with the other. “Good morning to you, fine dragons! How goes the day thus far?”
The two dragons soared past the wagon- one on each side. Very close on each side. They both executed graceful banking curves and came back towards the Gnomes.
“Should I put on some tea?” Grimbledung asked Drimblerod. “You want tea?!” He shouted at the dragons. “It will only take a few minutes!”
“Stop taunting those things!”
The spikes on the left dragon’s head -the male- spread out wide as it approached.
“He’s going to flame us!” Drimblerod looked around. There was nowhere to hide and nowhere to go. “There’s nowhere to hide and nowhere to go!” He lamented. “We’re goners for sure.”
Grimbledung hopped to the front of the tongue of the wagon. Clear sky and a lethal drop surrounded him. “A fine morning to you!” He called to the rapidly approaching dragons. He bowed deeply.
The male dragon veered toward Grimbledung, passing within a foot of him as it ducked under the wagon. The second continued by the
side. The turbulence of the two caused the wagon to rock back and forth.
Grimbledung put out his arms to keep his balance. “Hey, there’s the rug! And it’s got Rat!” He waved. “Good job rug! Now get back up here!”
The rug and Rat watched the two dragons as they both turned again- this time much more sharply. “I say we stay here and see how this pans out,” said Rat.
The Nain rippled.
“You’re very much on the flammable side and I’d rather not fall completely to the ground.” He sat down. “Besides, Dragons are suckers for tea. I bet you Grimbledung gets them with the tea.”
The rug bent one of its corners up toward Rat. It split its tassels into two bunches and rubbed them together like fingers.
“Oh, right. That treasure of platinum might play into it. Dragons are suckers for treasure. More so than tea.”
“Stuff’s happening up here!” Reminded Drimblerod.
“What, what’s happening?” Grimbledung turned to look at his partner. “Did I miss something?”
“It’s all resolved now. Had a distraction going on there.” He pointed. “They’re coming back!”
“Hey you two, I’m going to make tea!” Grimbledung gestured as the male dragon suddenly bolted from under the wagon and hovered in front of him. The female began to hover off to the wagon’s right side- the gnomes were positioned to be in a devastating crossfire. When the fire started crossing. “How do you take it?”
“What. Do. You. Do. Here.” The male dragon rumbled.
“We hover?” Grimbledung tried. He smiled. “Or do you mean the tea?” He rubbed his hands together. “Well, I’ve got a smooooth Ogrejeeling I can put on that’s really worth the wait.” He did a little hop. “Or I’ve got some great moldy Elvish Pu'er tea that would knock your socks off.” He looked at the dragon’s massive claws. “Metaphorically speaking, of course.”
“Can’t. Stand. Elves.” The dragon rumbled again. He flapped his massive wings. The turbulence pushed the wagon back.
“Well, who can blame you,” said Grimbledung. “Always thinking they’re better than everyone else in the room. All nose in the air kind of folk.” He shrugged. “Even the ones that want to eat you, look down on you. Rude is what it is if you asked me. And believe me plenty of people have asked me my opinion of Elves and I have given it heartily in return.”
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 27