“Then we need to get moving!” Grimbledung pushed through the curtain. “Drop your gear,” he called from the back room. “I’ll get you a trunk of holding. That should be plenty!”
“Fine, we just need to make it quick. Did you see what that bolt did to the counter? I’m afraid to even pull it out.” Drimblerod removed his belt and carefully laid it on the counter.
Grimbledung backed out of the curtain pulling a chest. “I dumped all the wands out of it so you should be able to put a heap in it. A heap!”
“Well that’s fine, Grim. Just fine. A thought occurred to him. “Hand me that shovel you have.”
Grimbledung latched the lid. “Have a seat on top.” He pulled one of the short handled shovels from his pouch. “Here you go, partner.”
“So what’s the plan again?” Drimblerod hopped up and straddled the chest.
“I’m going to send you to the cave of treasures. Because I have been there, I can send you there as well. You shovel as much platinum into the chest and we’re richer than we already are. Richly rich. Stinking smelly goat cheese rich. Rude to waiters rich. Park our wagon wherever we want to rich. Order off menu rich.”
Drimblerod nodded. “Well, that does sound like a good plan. He laid the shovel across his lap. “But I have a question.”
Grimbledung flourished his wand. “Here goes nothing Now don’t move or anything!”
“But...”
Grimbledung slashed his wand at his partner.
Far and away!
“Wait. How do I…”
Füer ein viertel!
Grimbledung finished in Giantish. Since after all, it was their spell he had learned while living under a Giant’s hat. That she was wearing at the time. For nearly a year.
Drimblerod felt an empty feeling inside his chest- it was unusual but not painful. The feeling moved out in all directions until he felt he wasn’t there anymore. Which he wasn’t.
“There, that should about do it.” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Mixtra StoneFeet, you were a delightfully informative roaming home. I thank you again.”
Chapter 56
The Reek of Riches
“So those two will be there in half an hour?” Sage asked as the group walked away from Second Hand Sorcery. “Is that enough time to even cook ribs?”
“No, not all all.” Nulu shook her head.
“So how is that good?”
“Well two reasons.” She held up a finger. “First, the ribs are already partially cooked and being kept warm; the cooks just need to move them to the middle of the grill and baste them.”
“Well, that makes sense”, said Semfeld. “I always wondered how you served those so quick.”
“And second,” Nulu jerked a thumb at Second Hand Sorcery. “Those two are always late.”
“Always?”
Flora nodded at Sage. “We have an hour.” She considered that. “Maybe an hour and a half. Even.”
“An hour would put them right about on time,” said Nulu. “So we won’t even get worried until we hit two hours.”
“Two hours? I don’t think I can wait that long!” Akita clutched his belly. “Maybe I’ll just have a little snack.”
Nulu laughed. “Fine then, how about we all meet there in half an hour and start the pre-party.” She raised an eyebrow at Sage. “I’m interested in hearing from this Aunt of yours.”
“Me too, actually.” Akita smiled. “Truly, I had almost forgotten you. I was so young when you left.”
“I never forgot,” said Liverioso. He took her hand. “Oh! We need to get Cherí to come as well. She should know her plan worked.”
“Her plan?” Sage asked.
“She’s the one that put the word out through the assassin’s network to find you.” Explained Semfeld.
“If you stop by and grab her, Akita, I’ll go make sure the cooks get the meats heating up and Flora can make sure we get one of those large round tables for us all.”
“Let me go with you, Flora,” said Rat. “I’ll just sit at the bar until everyone shows up.”
“Fine by me.” Flora sidled up to the Constable so Rat could move to her shoulder. “We’ll see you all at the Duck.”
“Sounds like an excellent plan. See you there.” Akita dropped to all fours and loped away.
“Wow, he has to be hungry if he’s going to actually run to Cherí’s place.” Nulu said.
The group started walking towards the Duck Inn and Dine.
“Well then.” Semfeld looked back at the wand shop. “I wonder if they’ll let us stay there for a few days. We still don’t have a place to stay.”
“Stay at the Inn. I have a couple of empty rooms,” Nulu suggested. “Once those Gnomes pay you for working their shop, you’ll be able to get your own place. Even if you just rent it.”
“You think they’re going to pay us that much?” Semfeld asked.
“For less than a month’s work?” Liverioso added.
“They should since you were the reason they were able to go on that absurdly successful adventure of theirs. They ought to pay you handsomely.”
“Handsomely?” Semfeld looked at the Trolless. “Why?”
Nulu tapped her nose. “You probably couldn’t smell it but this Troll nose works pretty good.” She looked in the direction Akita ran. “He smelled it too but probably didn’t know what it was. Figured it was the smell of well-traveled Gnomes.”
“What what was?” Liverioso asked.
“Those two just reek of platinum.”
“Platinum? I’ve never even seen a platinum coin. Reek?” Liverioso looked back towards the shop then at Rat. “What do you know of this?”
“Me? Nothing. Nothing at all,” said Rat. “I think you need to discuss it with them.” He looked at Nulu. “And what makes you think they have any treasure at all, much less a hoard of platinum?”
“I was dating this miner once and he was working a vein of it for some Dwarves. Came home every day smelling of it. I would shake his clothes off into a box before washing them. After three months, we had a couple of coins worth in dust.”
“Wow, that’s a fortune!”
Nulu shrugged at Liverioso. “That’s what he said when I told him.”
“What’d you do with that much treasure?” Liverioso asked.
“I have no idea. The next day he and the box of platinum dust were gone.”
“Oh, sorry, Nulu.” Said Semfeld. “That must have hurt.”
“It really and truly did.” Nulu pursed her lips. “I was going to do the same thing but slept in that day.”
“Oh.” Was all Liverioso could say.
“Wait,” said Nulu. “Who mentioned a hoard?”
“Not me,” said Rat. He looked up at the sky. “Think we’ll have any weather?”
“Rat...”
Rat raised his claws at Nulu. “Listen, I’m just along for the ride. You need to discuss those matters with the Gnomes.”
“I thought you were a key employee,” said Flora. “Key.”
“Well, I am sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rat said. “I’m just a common garden variety rat, trying to get quietly along in a world full of pushing and shoving.”
“Piles of platinum coins?” Flora asked?
“Yeah, and gold and gems as well.” Rat put his claws in front of his mouth. “But you didn’t hear it from me.”
“We’ll talk to Drimblerod,” said Nulu. “Your secret is safe with us.”
The group walked in silence to the Duck Inn. When they got there, they went their separate ways- Nulu and Flora into the tavern section. Semfeld, Liverioso, and Sage to two rooms upstairs. Rat went to the bar and started drinking.
They were all downstairs within thirty minutes. Akita, Cherí and Colossus showed up soon after.
After twenty minutes of waiting for the Gnomes, they ordered drinks and food.
When the Gnomes were officially an hour late, they ordered more drinks.
Twenty minutes later, they had had
several drinks each and snacks.
Chapter 57
The Lost Picman’s Mine. Again?
The Dragons’ Lair!
“…get back?” Drimblerod finished. “Oh, that Gnome,” he said to no one. He was facing the back of the cave, the door to the dumbwaiter was missing and so was the dumbwaiter. The edges of the shaft were cracked and parts of the wall had fallen in. When the dumbwaiter fell down it must have broken into bits, he thought.
With a shrug, Drimblerod slid off the chest and flipped the lid. “Might as well fill the chest while that loon decides how he’s getting me back.” With a long sigh, he started shoveling the spread-about coins into the chest. Since it was a chest of holding, the coins were visible on the bottom of the chest, but they did not rise up higher as he continued to shovel. In fact, the chest would hold the equivalent of ten chests and still weigh what one did. “Why do they even make regular chests?” Drimblerod wondered aloud.
Rightfully so.
After a full ten minutes of diligent shoveling, Drimblerod leaned on his shovel. He wiped his sweaty forehead on his sleeve.
That’s when he heard the snore.
Even though he was sweaty, a chill ran through him.
Something snored again.
Something big.
Drimblerod gingerly leaned the shovel against the side of the chest and crept toward the outer room.
A snort made him freeze in place just before the entranceway. He peeked around the corner.
The chill ran through him again.
Twice: up to his eyeballs and then back down to his big toes.
Both dragons they had met earlier in the day were sleeping soundly on a pile of gold coins.
Drimblerod walked into the room and looked around. He tried to see if he could get past the pair of beasts. Unfortunately, the way past the dragons- into the safe waiting arms of the Orcs or Ogres even- was completely blocked. With clenched teeth, Drimblerod tiptoed back to the chest. He looked from the chest to the dragons and back again. With a shrug, he returned to filling the chest; after all, the sounds of him shoveling hadn’t awoken the beasts before, why should it now? Even so, he moved slowly and as quietly as possible.
When he had shoveled almost half the coins near the dumbwaiter shaft into the chest, Drimblerod leaned the shovel on the chest and got on his hands and knees to push the scattered coins into a pile.
“That stupid Grimbledung. Sticking me out here with no way back.”
“It’s not very polite is it? But, from what I have seen, probably not unexpected.” A very deep, yet still female voice said.
“That is true,” replied Drimblerod. “He is pretty good at figuring out how to get me in compromising…” The chill Drimblerod had earlier was replaced with a CHILL that didn’t run up and down his body- it enveloped it all at once.
“Positions?” The voice suggested.
“Yes, positions.” Drimblerod agreed. “Thanks.” He tightened his jaw as he turned, hoping it was merely a Rabid Pixie, or an Orc that had snuck up on him. Or even an Ogre. Or three.
He was disappointed.
“Hello again,” said the Dragoness. She tilted her head to the side. “Cleaning up, are we?”
Drimblerod looked at the chest and the pile of coins he had just made. “Well, it is kind of messy here. So I just figured…”
“You’d sneak in here... somehow.” She looked at the dumbwaiter shaft. “Somehow. Shinny down that long shaft perhaps? And now you’re pushing these delectable coins into nice neat piles?”
Drimblerod realized the dragon did not know he had already shoveled hundreds of coins into the chest already. Since it was a chest of holding, the coins were still only one layer deep. He moved between it and her. “Well, I figured it would be the sociable thing to do.” Silently he cursed his partner. He glanced over his shoulder at the shaft.
“The rope is gone because we came down that way. I honestly don’t think you can get up that way,” said the Dragoness. She sat on her hind end- completely blocking the way past her. “So how did you get here? I know you didn’t sneak in because I only smelled you once you peeked around the corner.” She winked. “That’s what woke me; your curiosity.” She gestured behind her with one of the claws on her wing. “There’s a nice cool draft running from the inside the mine up the shaft so your smell wasn’t making its way in until you entered our lair.”
“Well, we hoped you would like the place, Grim...my partner and I.” He said, hoping to not have the dragons know who they were.
“Yes, the talkative one.” The Dragoness panned her large head around the room. “Where is Grimbledung? Back at Second Hand Sorcery?”
Drimblerod’s shoulders sagged. “Uhm...”
“Back in Julesville, perhaps?”
“Oh, I wish I knew.” Drimblerod scowled. He clenched his hands. “I’d love to get my hands around his neck.” He looked past her, wondering if he could make it through the door before the male woke.
The dragoness looked back. “Oh, that is a long way to the door, my little Gnome. A very long way.” She turned to look at him. “You know I am not going to roast you, right?”
“You’re not?” Drimblerod wiped the sweat that was running down his face. “Well, that’s a relief.”
The dragoness took a step forward. “I’d hate to melt all those coins. Do you know why? Why dragons love coins so much?”
Drimblerod shook his head. He wasn’t sure how long he wanted to delay the inevitable. “No, I have no idea. Because precious metals are a good investment?”
“They are terrible investments,” said the Dragoness. She shook her head. “No, it’s because coins clink. Blobs of gold, silver, and platinum don’t.” She tilted her head. “We like the clinking sounds, you see. Gems and such are nice but they don’t clink. They are of course, usually found with coins so folks assume it is all treasure that attracts us. But it’s not.” She took a step toward Drimblerod. “The clinking of coins sooths us.”
“Oh, I see.” Drimblerod moved to the side of the trunk. He rested his hand on the shovel. At least he had some sort of weapon to fend off the dragon. He looked toward the shaft again.
“Oh please do,” said the Dragoness. “I would even give you a good five minute’s head start.”
“You would?” Drimblerod looked at the shaft again, wondering how far up he could get in five minutes.
“Oh of course.” The Dragon’s voice dropped a full octave. “That way when I rrrroasted you, none of these coins would get melted.” Her voice returned to its normal pitch as she gestured at the shaft. “So up you go. I’ll start counting now.”
Drimblerod blanched. “No thanks.”
“Well then, eaten by a dragon will be written on your gravestone.” She smiled again. “If of course, anyone ever finds out what really happened to you that is.” She took a step forward. She was almost close enough to stick her neck out and bite him.
Drimblerod took the shovel and held it in front of himself. He felt an empty feeling in his chest. “Oh that Gnome.”
“Yes, we will deal with him later.” The Dragoness took another step. Drimblerod was now less than ten feet from her. She towered over him. “But first things first.”
Drimblerod ran his shovel under the newly made pile of platinum coins and hefted it up as the feeling in his chest expanded. He tossed the coins at the Dragoness. “Here’re your coins!” The coins clattered against her chest and fell around her massive claws. “Choke on them!” As the feeling expanded, he rolled into the chest.
“You insolent Gnome!” The Dragoness roared. She hit the chest with her claw just as it disappeared.
Chapter 58
On the Verge of the
Duck Inn and Dine
As the chest appeared in front of Grimbledung, it spun toward him.
“Gads!” Grimbledung hopped back out of the way of the chest. When it stopped, the side facing him had three deep gouges in it. “Oh no! The dragons were already there!” He flopped onto his butt
and tugged his ears. “Poor Drimblerod. Eaten by a majestic dragon!” He rocked back and forth. “Poor, poor Drimblerod!”
Inside the box, Drimblerod sat up. He had been knocked over when the dragon had swatted the box. When he stood up, he was almost knee-deep in coins. He looked down. “Oh, that was worth the trip. Definitely.” He dusted his hands off and reached up toward the lid. It was too far up even though it seemed to be just a foot above his head. Even the sides of the box, which appeared to be within arm’s reach, moved to be just out of his grasp. “What?” He said. He jumped up to push the lid. Once again, it seemed to move to stay just out of his reach.
Grimbledung rocked back and forth. “Oh my poor partner!” He cried. “Why did I make it a quarter?” He grabbed his toes as he rocked back and forth. And cried.
Drimblerod ran to the side of the chest. After almost ten paces, he ran into it. “Finally!” He felt his way along the side until he reached a corner. Looking back, the opposite corner was only a three feet away, but when he reached for it, his hand just passed through open air as it pushed backward. The strange perspective was disorienting. “This is really weird.” He looked at the top of the box again. “If the sides are here, the top has to be there.” He backed away from the corner and began to push coins there. Thankfully, they piled up at the corner. “So the sides do have a place that they stop.”
Grimbledung got up and flopped over the top of the chest. “Oh Drimblerod, how I wronged you so many times.” He wailed. “Never on purpose mind you.” He added quickly. “But wronged is what you were!” He pounded his fists on the chest. “Wronged and eaten by a dragon! A succulent Gnome morsel, I imagine.”
Thumping on the top of the chest made Drimblerod stop pushing coins. He heard his partner’s muffled wails. “Grimbledung! Grimbledung!” He shouted.
“Roasted to perfection!”
“Grimbledung!”
Grimbledung perked his ear. “I hear you from beyond the grave, wronged partner of mine. I hear you.” He put his head on the box again. “And I am sorry for your untimely death.” He tugged on his ear with one hand. “But not completely culpable, mind you,” he added quickly.
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 30