“Grimbledung I’m in the box!” Drimblerod shouted.
“Yes, your spirit resides in the box, I know that now,” Grimbledung replied. “I will bury the box with your spirit in it. To make amends for your being digested by a dragon.” He pounded on the box again. “Which was not entirely my fault.”
Drimblerod shook his head. “That absurd Gnome.” A thought came to him. He cupped his hands to his mouth. “Seeeek the treasure, Grimbledung! Seeeek the treasure!” He moaned.
“No, do not seek the treasure!” Grimbledung replied. “That is how your partner got himself killed,” he said to the chest. “If I recall, it was entirely his idea in the first place to even go to the mine.”
“Seeek the treasure!”
“No, do not seek the treasure. You’ll get turned into a toad or something!”
Drimblerod scowled. Another thought came to him. “The treasure awaits in the chest! The treasure awaits YOU in the chest!”
“There is no treasure”, Grimbledung tugged on one of his ears. With the other hand, he pounded weakly on the chest. “Stop taunting me ghost of Drimblerod. For something that was probably, for all legal purposes, your fault entirely.”
“The treasure is already in the chest!” Drimblerod screamed. “Just open the chest, you dolt!”
“Hey now, spirit. Just because you got yourself killed is no reason for you to be calling me names.” Grimbledung said. He lifted his head. “Fine, fine. I’ll get the treasure which, by the way, is rightfully mine thanks to community property laws.” He flipped open the lid and looked inside.
Drimblerod was standing knee deep in coins. His hands were on his hips. The coins near one foot were jingling because he was tapping his toes. “Community property laws, really?”
“Well, that’s just something I heard about once that seemed to be important to people who live together and are common to the law of living together but aren’t actually married to each other or in some other kind of relational kind of relationship where you might have to defend what you own from the communal relationship in a court of law if the need ever arose due to the unforeseen and, I might add, unprosecutable death of one of the communal parties.”
“I’m sure.” Drimblerod put his hand up. “Get me out of here!”
Grimbledung leaned into the chest and looked around. Never been inside of one of these. Seems weird.”
“It is. Now get me out.” He reached up and grabbed for his partner’s hand. “Heave me out.”
“Heaving.” Grimbledung grunted as he leaned over until his feet were off the ground. He still couldn’t reach Drimblerod’s hand. “Mayhap I need to find a ladder or something.
“Fine, go get a ladder from the back.” He considered that. “Do not stop to explain anything to Dummy or to look around. Just bring the ladder that is leaned up against the side of the back door.”
“Got it Drim!” Grimbledung moved to the back room.
Twenty minutes later
“Got the ladder, Drim!” Grimbledung maneuvered the end of the ladder into the chest.
“What took you so long?”
“Well, Dummy was explaining something to me. You never put that as one of the rules, so I figured it was alright.” He let go of the ladder and it dropped half way in. “Weird.”
“What was Dummy explaining?” Drimblerod started climbing the ladder even though it appeared as if the top of the chest was just over his head.
“He’s seeing someone.”
“Someone?” After Drimblerod climbed up several other rungs his head finally popped out of the chest. “He’s dating someone? Or more importantly, someone is dating a jousting dummy?”
“The best I can get is that she works for Maca in some kind of inventory control capacity. Hats, I think it is.”
“Hats?” Drimblerod stepped out of the chest. “I thought Maca sold spices and herbs and such.”
Grimbledung shrugged. “Maybe that’s the lots more part; hats.” He began to pull the ladder out, hand over hand. “Diversification is the key to success in business.”
“Or be really good at one thing.”
“Like thieving coins from a lost mine no one knew was actually still lost.” Grimbledung leaned the ladder against the counter. “That seems to have worked pretty well.”
Drimblerod nodded. “That is true, partner of mine.” A thought occurred to him. “Say, when were we supposed to meet everyone for drinks? I think we’re late.”
“Pushaw, Drim. We’ve got plenty of time. Plenty.” Grimbledung waved a dismissive hand. “Let’s go get cleaned up and then head over.”
“Deal.” Drimblerod shut the lid of the chest. “We’ll count up the loot tomorrow.”
“Deal.” Grimbledung gestured at the stairs. “Careful of those things; they’ll reach up and trip you.”
“I saw.” Drimblerod moved to the stairs and gingerly climbed them. They were in fact, all about three inches taller than they used to be and the difference was disconcerting.
An hour (total) later.
Drimblerod and Grimbledung were running at full speed.
“How we doing?”
“Same as always,” puffed Drimblerod.
“That late, huh?”
“Well, if we hurry we can be there right at an hour and a half late.”
Grimbledung dropped to a fast walk. “So does that mean we’re there an hour past when they told us to be there with the half hour margin, or are we an hour and a half past it?
Drimblerod considered that as he too slowed. “We are going to get there an hour and a half after the half hour that we had to get there.”
“Aren’t we allowed to be late since we’re rich?” Grimbledung asked.
“But they don’t know we’re rich yet. All they know is that we’re late. Again.” A thought occurred to him. “You know you told those Dragons exactly who we were and where we lived.”
“Did I?”
“Yes, and I know I told you to stop doing that.”
“Did they seem upset?”
“Well, the male was asleep. The female seemed a little upset we were there.” Another thought occurred to him. “But, I got the impression she didn’t know we had taken any of the treasure.”
“She didn’t see you shoveling?”
Drimblerod shook his head. “No. I was pushing coins in a pile when she snuck up on me. Then the only coins I put in my shovel, I tossed at her.”
Grimbledung looked at his partner. “You threw coins at a full grown dragon?”
Drimblerod smiled. “Seemed like the thing to do at the time. But, that means as far as they know, we tried to sneak in and get the treasure but didn’t manage to. I hope that makes a difference when they show up.”
“Well, I’ll make tea to make sure the scales tip in our favor.”
“Tea?” Drimblerod shook his head.
“Something nice. You’ll see,” Grimbledung assured him. “I’ll have those two eating out of my hand.”
“I’m dreading it already.
The pair slowed even more. “This is absurd,” said Grimbledung. “We’re going to show up sweaty messes.”
“What we need are mounts so we can ride places instead of running. Real mounts that we’re not having to make from Rat. Wait.. Why didn’t we make Rat a Shambler to get us here quicker this time?”
“If he were around, that would have worked. He snuck out with everyone else. He’s probably been drinking the whole time.”
Grimbledung frowned. “Well that’s annoying.”
“We buy mounts in the morning,” said Drimblerod. He pointed. “Look, the Duck is just around the corner. “We’re there anyway.”
“Fine then,” said Grimbledung. “Tomorrow we get mounts.” He smiled. “Maybe we can get Rat something to ride as well,” Grimbledung said. “What’d be a good mount for a rat? How about a cat to ride?”
“I think he should just stick with riding on whatever we have.” Drimblerod shook his head. “It would be the second Great Cat Inci
dent all over again.”
Grimbledung stuck out his tongue. “Good point”
“Right? He stunk for a week.”
The pair walked up to the door of the Duck Inn and Dine.
Chapter 59
Sitting at the Duck Inn and Dine!
“Ahhh, finally!”[34] Grimbledung opened the door and bowed. “After you, my good Gnome.”
Drimblerod bowed to his partner. “I hope they didn’t start without us.”
Grimbledung put his arm around his Drimblerod as they both walked in together. “I can’t imagine. Say, that was a fine adventure if I do say so myself.”
Drimblerod nodded. “You know, we wasted about three weeks we didn’t have to. Next time I say we don’t just rush off head-long and instead do some serious planning and research.”
Grimbledung wasn’t listening to his partner. “Sure, sure. Running with one’s head long doesn’t sound too useful.” He pointed at the curtain. “So everyone’s going to meet us there for some celebratory drinks then? Did word get to Pinky and Julie?”
“Yes, Grim, I imagine everyone’s already there; we’re about an hour and a half late, remember?”
“Well, that’s pretty close to being on time, I should imagine.”
Drimblerod nodded. “I think so too. Fashionably late is what we are.”
Grimbledung smoothed his tunic. “Definitely fashionable. Think Flora’ll be here already?”
“What; serving or drinking?”
“Serving of course. She makes my favorite drinks.”
Drimblerod pulled the curtain open. “Well, I am sure that even if she’s drinking with us, she can still make sure you get your favorite drink.” He paused for a moment. “What is your favorite drink?”
“One someone else pays for, of course.” Grimbledung entered the foyer with a short bow.
“Hey, that’s my favorite as well!” Drimblerod pushed his partner in and followed close behind. The large round table in the center of the room was filled with their friends. They were all laughing.
“And eating and drinking,” remarked Grimbledung.
And eating and drinking.
“Well, let’s catch up then,” Said Drimblerod.
“Ahhh, here are the wayward travelers!” Nulu raised a large mug. “With a quarter hour to spare even.”
“We’re not late?” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Nice!”
“No; you’re an hour past the half hour Nulu gave you,” said Colossus as he pointed at the Trolless. “We all decided that if you weren’t here in two hours, we were going to set Flora on you.”
Grimbledung laughed. “Ahhh, that’s a good one. Send her to find us, you mean.”
“No. Set her on you.” Colossus said straight faced.
Flora was standing beside the table. Her trusty tray was at her side. She stared at Grimbledung. “Set.” She said icily.
“Don’t mind if I do,” Grimbledung said. He scooted to an empty chair and sat in it. “Setting and waiting!”
“I declare the buyers of the drinks are here!” Akita banged his mug on the table. “Anyone second that motion?”
“I second,” said Nulu.
“I third it!” said Julie. She banged her mug on the table. “And the motion carries. “You already have a hefty bar tab, I should warn you.”
“Who?” Grimbledung looked around. “Of course you mean Flora O. Willowfeet. She’s the buyer of the drinks?”
Flora turned and walked off.
“No, my fine Gnome. That would be you and your partner. Your loaded partner.” Akita said.
“Uh oh. The news of our success has preceded us.” Drimblerod frowned.
“Who us?” Tried Grimbledung again.
Drimblerod patted his partner’s shoulder. “Well, if the word is out, I suppose we can cover this evening’s festivities. We’re going to have to do something to make sure we don’t get robbery attempts on a weekly basis with so many people knowing we have a treasure hoarded in our shop.”
“Details, details. I’m a big-picture kind of Gnome.”
“I thought you were more a big pitcher kind of Gnome.”
Grimbledung waggled his ears. “That too.”
“Did I hear pitchers?” Pozzuoli held up his hand. “Several a-pitchers of ale” He said loudly.
“One for me as well.” Said Nulu. “My fingers get tired holding those little glasses.
Akita let his tongue hang out. “So the adventure went well, I hear.”
Grimbledung nodded. “It sure did, why we were able to ...” He stole a glance at his partner who raised an eyebrow at him. “... we were able to get out with a very small portion of the treasure. Really, it was barely enough to cover our expenses. Broke even is what we did.”
Now Akita raised an eyebrow. And one ear. “That’s not the story I heard. I might have’ta hire another deputy with the number of thieves the rumors of that treasure is goin’ to attract. Real or not.”
Flora shuffled to the table. She gently lowered the tray from her shoulder to the table. It leaned precariously to one side as she did. Everyone on that side of the table scooted back until the tray was safely down. “I’m glad this is my only pass to this table. Don’t think I could make another with how much I’ve drunk.” She slid several pitchers to the middle of the table and then one toward Nulu. “That one’s yours.” She pushed five clay mugs off her tray then moved to the chair beside Grimbledung. “Okay, now I’m done’s done.” She put the tray behind the chair then plopped into it. “Ahhh. that feels nice.”
“Being done’s done or sitting?” Grimbledung asked.
“Being off work before the down goes sun…” She blinked and tried again: “Sun goes down.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to pour?” He frowned. “I like the way you pour.”
“It might be safer if I do it, you silly Gnome.” Nulu picked up a pitcher and filled the mugs. “She’s off remember?”
“So’s Grimbledung. More than a little even.” Akita guffawed as he slapped his knee. “I crack me up!”
“You’re a laugh a minute.” Grimbledung took a mug. “It’s good to be home though.” He toasted everyone sitting around the table. “Real good.” He paused. “Hey, where’s that gal of yours?”
Akita’s ears perked up. “Gal? What gal?”
Pozzuoli pushed a mug toward the constable. “The one that’s the...” He wasn’t sure how to describe her. “She owns the herb shop.”
“That’s her!” Grimbledung toasted Pozzuoli.
“It is,” agreed Julie as she also toasted Pozzuoli. “Honestly; everyone who is anyone knows.”
“And even those folk that are no one, I imagine.” Grimbledung hiccupped. He glanced at the mug. “Even the ale agrees.”
Akita shook his head. “Well, she hopped back to that council meeting of the High Elves to make sure news of the returned spices got to them quickly.” He glanced toward the curtain. “I expected her back to...”
Maca appeared in front of the table in a flash of green light. “What’d I miss?”
“Apparently, Akita here has himself a gal.” Grimbledung said suspiciously.
“What?” Akita’s ears went up. “That’s not ‘xactly what I said.”
Maca’s eyes flashed red. “Oh really?”
Grimbledung nodded. “Yeah. And he’s trying to keep it a secret.”
“Oh really?” Maca eyed Akita.
“So don’t tell no one that is anyone.”
Maca eased herself onto the bench beside the fidgeting constable. “Oh, I wouldn’t dare, would I, Constable Akita?”
Julie slid a glass toward the Elf. “You can keep a secret, right Maca?”
Maca elbowed Akita. “I think I can.”
“Then it’s settled.” Grimbledung toasted Maca. “Drinks all around!”
Drimblerod leaned back in his chair. “After the month I’ve had, I need a drink or three.”
“That will still have you behind, just so you know.” Flora sipped her d
rink. “Even me.”
Grimbledung put his hand on Flora’s shoulder. “A drink or three you say? Behind? You been drinking on the waitressing job? Well, I’m dashed!”
Flora slid off the chair and fell roughly onto her butt. She looked up at Grimbledung. “Grimbledung Sixtoes, if you think you are going to traipse into to the Duck Inn and Dine after being long for so gone...” She pointed a finger at him. Or at least in his general direction. She closed one eye to aim better. It didn’t help. “I’ll...”
Grimbledung grabbed Flora by the forearm and yanked her to her feet. “Flora O. Willowfeet, I officially challenge you to the game of drinks.” He kissed her. “The first to sloppy fall down drunk wins.”
Flora swayed. “Oh, Grimbledung, you are such a romantic.”
“I think she’s almost there,” remarked Pozzuoli. He reached out to steady her.
“Yeah, I’m in on that game.” Akita put his hands on the table. “Just say when. Think I’ll put Deputy Colossus on duty for the rest of the night.”
“Hey,” Colossus said. “That’s not fair.”
“Seniority has its privileges.” He smiled. “Tell ya what; I’ll give ya holiday pay for the evening.”
“Deal.” Colossus picked up his mug. “So I’ll just do a toast for the return of everyone then get to the jail.”
“I didn’t know you cared!” Grimbledung toasted Colossus.
“Well, actually” Colossus gestured toward Cherí . “She said we couldn’t have the ceremony until everyone of importance was back in town.”
“Hey, Drim; we’re in the entourage!” Grimbledung thrust his hands in the air. “Whoo hoo! Do I get to wear a hat?”
“You’re attendees, Grim.” Cherí smiled. “But yes, you can wear a hat.”
Nulu picked up her pitcher. “I better get drinking; Grimbledung seems to be in rare form tonight.”
Drimblerod looked about the table. “You know; we should move the party to the Mora Tau then. That way Nulu can drink to excess as well.”
“Neutral territory; good thinking Drim,” Nulu said.
“Julie, Pinky?”
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 31