Pinky nodded. “Sounds like a good evening to me.” He smirked. “As long as Grimbledung recites poetry.”
“You actually like his poetry?”
“At least we ate earlier; I hear you shouldn’t eat within half an hour of Grim’s poetry,” said Akita.
“I’m right here, you know.”
“I thought-a that was swimming,” said Pozzuoli.
“It applies to both.”
“I can hear you talking about me.” Grimbledung tossed in.
“So no-a swimming within a half hour of hearing it. Got it,” said Pozzuoli.
“Every word. Making it into my head.”
“So you like Grim’s poetry, Pinky?” Drimblerod asked. “Really?”
“His poetry? Not a bit.” Pinky winked. “But Julie does and I like to be around when she enjoys it.
“Well, that’s something, I suppose.” Grimbledung picked up his mug. “If we’re moving this party, can we bring our drinks for the walk there?”
Nulu picked up her pitcher. “As long as we sit on the ground floor we’re fine. They don’t allow glass downstairs.”
“But we ought’a sit downstairs.” Said Grimbledung. “That’s where the action is!”
“I thought it was upstairs!” Guffawed Liverioso.
Sage let out a low growl.
“Is what I heard,” Liverioso finished quickly. “From others.”
“Word on the street even,” added Grimbledung. He stood. “We move! Charge your mugs.” He looked at Nulu. “Or preferred container of drink.”
Everyone at the table stood as well. “At least we have the constable with us so we can’t get hassled for having drinks on the streets,” said Julie.
Colossus toasted her. “Here, here.” He looked at his drink. “I’ll just take this with me to the jail. Hate to waste it.”
Cherí laughed. “Well, if you’re going to sit in the jailhouse all night, I might just follow the crowd to the Mora Tau.”
“Yeah, follow the crowd!” Grimbledung said. He started for the curtain and beckoned with his mug. “It’s what the cool people are doing. If you don’t, we’ll just say you did, so you might as well anyway!” He took a drink. “The masses are moving! Say, that reminds me of a poem.”
“Here we go. The traveling poet.” Sage prodded Pinkie. “I think you need to encourage him less. And that’s coming from someone who just met him.”
“No, no; you’re spot on Sage.” Nulu said. “Glad to see you’re fitting right in.”
“I recite!” Warned Grimbledung.
There once was a lass
who went along with the mass
Upfront she’d walk, noble and proud.
“We don’t mind it t’all” said the group
Thanks to her enormous…
Flora cleared her throat. Throatily. In a threatening throaty manner.
Personality
Finished Grimbledung. Meekly.
“I think you’re a good influence on him,” said Drimblerod.
With that, the group walked to the Mora Tau BAR and Bar. Several poems were recited on the way. And all the drinks finished.
Chapter 60
All’s Well That Ends.
Well...
Much later at the Mora Tau…
“Cured ham?” Grimbledung said to the serving wench. “What’d they cure it of? Upstaging? Because, you know... it’s a ham?”
Everyone stared at Grimbledung.
He frowned. “Hey, they can’t all be gems.”
“We’d settle for one,” admitted Drimblerod.
Grimbledung waggled his butt in his seat. “Grrrr!”
“Not at the table, Grim,” said Drimblerod.
“That’s what mother always said,” agreed Sage. She gave Drimblerod a wink.
“What?”
“You missed the conversation at my place,” said Nulu, “because as usual you were late.”
“That wasn’t my fault.” Said Drimblerod. “You see; I was trapped in a chest.”
“A chest of platinum?”
“Pla-tee-what-um?” Drimblerod looked at his mug. “I’m not even sure what that is.”
“Pla-Tee-Num. It’s the most valuable of metals.” Said Nulu.
“Well, who said anything about platinum?” Grimbledung picked up his mug. “Chests are made of wood, last time I checked.” He grinned. “The carrying kind of chest that, that is. I prefer the other kind…”
“And the conversation heads toward the gutter,” interrupted Julie.
“And this treasure hunt you went on...” Nulu said.
“Well, it was more of an outing than anything else,” said Drimblerod. “We were just out and about. With the mild possibility of finding some sort of not very valuable treasure.”
“Has Grimbledung been coaching you on evasiveness?” Nulu leaned over and smelled Drimblerod. “You smell that, Akita?”
“I’ve smelled something on and off throughout the night, but there are lots of smells out and about. I try to ignore most of them.” He stuck out his tongue. “Especially when I’m eating or drinking.”
“Smell that kind of rusty peach smell?”
“Sure, I figured it was of a mix of stuff in the room.”
Nulu leaned Drimblerod towards Akita. “Smell the Gnome.”
“Oooh, I don’t wanna.”
“Smell him.” Nulu gestured at Drimblerod. “Trust me.”
Akita let out a snort then sniffed at Drimblerod. His ears perked up. “Smells like rusty peaches. If that’s a thing.”
“Oh, it’s a thing alright. It’s the smell of platinum.” She pointed at Drimblerod. “He reeks of it.”
“Well, there’s a simple explanation for that,” said Drimblerod.
“That, I would love to hear,” said Semfeld.
“Me too,” said Grimbledung. “Why, I’m dashed. Platinum you say? I’d have to admit under oath to a legal competent authority that I have no knowledge of such a thing.”
“I bought some cologne. It’s… It’s called Raco Pabanne Platinvmis.”
“That explains it all, I imagine,” Grimbledung tossed in.
Drimblerod smelled his armpit. “It’s made with real…
“Platinum?”
“Pabanne.” Drimblerod smiled at Nulu.
Akita snorted. “We know you were going to that amusement park…”
“Told you we should have asked.” Drimblerod frowned. “Saved a lot of time on the road if we’d have.”
“… to look for that lost Picman’s Mine,” continued Nulu. “And I am sure you found at least some platinum because I can smell it on you. Now.” She pointed at Julie, “Even though it won’t be her problem for very much longer, you should at least let us know if there are going to be anyone coming to look for this as of yet unnamed treasure.”
“There were some skeletons.” Grimbledung took a drink. “They seemed upset even before we pitched them into that chasm.”
“Skeletons? Guarding a treasure?” Pinky asked. “By any chance was one of them named Harry?”
“We didn’t get their names while they were trying to hack us to bits.” Drimblerod tilted his head at Pinky. “Harry? You know some skeletons?”
“We might be related if it’s the same ones guarding an underground treasure.”
“So some skeletons who Pinky might be able to reason with.” Julie said. “That’s the only part that isn’t as bad as I thought it would be..”
“What about the Orcs? Think they’ll come?” Grimbledung asked Drimblerod.
“Only if the Ogres bring them,” replied Drimblerod.
“And I suspect they would bring the Rabid Pixies.” Grimbledung took a drink.
“I suspect.”
“Wait.” Nulu pointed at Grimbledung. “You managed to annoy Orcs, and Ogres, and Pixies?”
“Oh my?” Tried Grimbledung.
“Oh my is an understatement, I think.” Pinky said. A thought occurred to him. “Was that it?”
“Isn’t th
at enough?” Julie asked.
“Well, it might be enough, but it might not be all of the offended parties. They were gone for almost a month, remember.”
“The owner of the amusement park comes to mind,” said Drimblerod. “I can see him being upset because of the fire.”
Grimbledung shrugged. “Never saw whoever that was. Say, did that dragon seem upset, Drim? I never saw them after that first time.”
“Them?” How many dragons?” Julie leaned back in her chair. “Dragons-sss he said.”
“Well, there were two we came across while we were flying home. They seemed pretty sociable. Especially after I told them where to find a treasure of plati… plates.”
“Plates. Right.” Nulu looked at Drimblerod. “So was this as yet unnamed dragon upset?”
Drimblerod took a drink. He didn’t make eye contact with anyone at the table.
“Drimblerod Axebreath!” Said Nulu.
“Well, the male was sleeping at the time and the conversation I was having with the female was going pretty well.”
“Was?” Pinky asked.
“Well, it kind of went south there at the end.”
“South? How far south?”
“Well, when I scooped up a bunch of coins and threw them at her before I disappeared, I kind of got the feeling she wasn’t too pleased with me.”
Grimbledung nodded. “If those claw marks are any indication, she was definitely not too pleased.”
“Oh, you two.” Julie shook her head. “We’ve got enough troubles in town without…”
“Wait, what did Nulu mean that it wouldn’t be your problem for very much longer, Julie? Are you leaving?”
Julie nodded at Grimbledung. “Leaving office. We’re having elections. See how much you miss while you’re out running amok?”
“I don’t think we came across any muck. Did we, Drim?”
“No. No muck.” Drimblerod raised his mug at Julie. “Well, congratulations on a very fine term of office. Who’s running next?”
Flora raised her head from the table. “And as your mayoress, I promise to ensure that Grimbledung Sixtoes’ antics will be kept to a bare minimum!” She put her head back down.
“So she’s running on a populist platform.” Drimblerod toasted the inebriated Gnomess. “Very smart.”
“I get to be bare?” Grimbledung waggled his ears. “She’s got my vote! Twice even.”
“Oh dear,” said Nulu.
“Flora O Willowfeet for mayoress?” Grimbledung bounced in his chair. “That’s a candidate I can get behind!”
“Didn’t you say the same thing about me?” Julie eyed him.
“Well, I…” Grimbledung returned to his drink.
“She’s well known so I can’t imagine she’d have any trouble… Who else is running?” Drimblerod asked.
“Some goon named Opus.”
“He a penguin?”
“No, Grim. He’s not a penguin.” Pinky took a drink. “That would have made it easier, I think.”
“Magnus Opus von Magnus. He owns a tailor shop in town.” Nulu jerked her thumb behind her. “And he’s been getting a lot of followers with this magical conch shell.”
“You don’t know if it’s because of that shell. Or if it’s even magical or not,” said Pinky.
“You never see him give a speech without it, do you?”
Pinky shrugged at Nulu. “Well, maybe it’s a comfort item or something.”
“It’s going to make it hard to beat him. The people who listen to him talk while he’s holding that comfort item seem to become mindless believers in anything he says.”
“Hey, Drim! Want to go on a secret mission to steal that shell to see what it really is?” Grimbledung elbowed his partner. “Eh, eh?”
Drimblerod shook his head. “I’m tired of secret missions. Why don’t you try just asking him?”
Grimbledung rolled his eyes. He looked at Rat. “Hey Mister Magnus Opus, sir. What’s that super special conch shell you carry there?”
“This conch shell here?” Rat answered.
“No, the one there.” Grimbledung pointed at Rat’s mug.
“Yes, this one here. It’s just a plain old shell that I use to listen to the ocean sirens sing. That’s all.”
“I see,” said Grimbledung. “So nothing nefarious then?”
“Well sure, plenty of nefarious things. Why I’m going to do something nefarious here in a little bit.”
“I knew it!” Grimbledung banged his mug on the table. “See, right there, Julie; something nefarious.”
“You are aware that you were just speaking to Rat, right?”
“Yes, but he was playing Magnus, so that’s the same thing!”
“I don’t think so. You really need to speak to him... Magnus... personally for that,” said Nulu.
“But you need to be discrete,” said Julie.
“I don’t think he knows what that word means,” said Drimblerod.
Grimbledung downed his drink. “Oh, I know.” He winked. “I know.” He looked at the sleeping Flora. “I’ll become the secret arm of Flora’s campaign. Anything you want found out, I’ll do the finding!”
“How can she lose now?” Julie shook her head. “Oh dear.”
“Fill me up!” Grimbledung waved his mug around. “A toast to the new... whatever you call the secret arm of a campaign!”
Julie filled Grimbledung’s mug. “Business as usual for Grimbledung?
“Well, that spells trouble in my book,” said Rat.
“And campaign manager!” Grimbledung clambered onto his chair.
“Let’s spread the jobs around,” suggested Julie. ”Just stick to that one.”
“Fine, fine. Just one rousing speech then I’ll stick with secretness and underhandery..” Grimbledung teetered a little, then stood upright. “Attention all! Attention!”
A fair number of the patrons turned to face him.
“Close enough,” Grimbledung said. He cleared his throat.
We’ve got to go, town.
To vote!
It's all right. I'm not afraid.
Some time, town, when the electorate is up against it,
when turnout is low and that Magnus is beating Flora,
ask them voters to go in there with all they've got
and vote just once for the Flora.
I don't know where I'll be then, town.
But I'll know about it, and I'll be happy.
So let’s win an election for the Flor’!
Several of the patrons clapped.
One fell out of his chair.
Grimbledung took a bow then sat. “Ahh, looks like the campaigning is working already.”
“I don’t think one speech to a bunch of drunks is going to do the trick, Grimbledung”, said Akita.
Grimbledung toasted the Constable with his mug. “A mighty hurricane starts with one exposition.”
“I don’t think that’s right.”
A Human walked past Grimbledung on his way to the door. He patted Flora’s shoulder. “I didn’t even know we were having an election, but you can count on me.” He weaved slightly on his way out.
“Ahhh, the electorate has spoken.”
“This is going to be a long election.” Julie shook her head.
“When’s the vote?” Drimblerod asked.
“In a couple of months. You really need to get caught up on current events.” Julie said. “A long two months.”
“Two months won’t be that long,” Drimblerod said. “Really.”
“Ooh! I have another speech!” Grimbledung clambered onto his chair. “And this one is poignant.” He cleared his throat.
“Really?” Nulu asked. “Two months won’t seem like a long time?”
“I see what you mean.” Drimblerod gestured at Grimbledung. “Pinky, if you wouldn’t mind.”
Folks, all this stuff you hear about Julesvillers not wanting to vote,
wanting to stay out of the election,
is a lot of O
rc…
Pinky yanked Grimbledung from the chair. “There’ll be time for speeches later.” Grimbledung’s leg flailed as the large man sat him down. “Just sit and finish your drink. Quietly.”
Flora raised her head. “No candidate ever won an election by voting for themselves. They won it by making the other poor dumb candidate vote for them!” She took a drink then flopped back down.
“Yeah, baby! That’s the spirit!” Grimbledung toasted Flora.
“Yeah, this is going to be a long two months.”
“You said it, Nulu.” Julie stood. She teetered and grabbed Pinky’s shoulder for support. “So I think I might call it a night. Akita, will you stop by the wand shop tomorrow to get an assessment of the treasure?”
“What treasure?” Drimblerod asked.
No one paid attention to him.
“I can do that.” Akita said. He smiled. “Did I mention I work for tips?”
Grimbledung hiccupped. “Sounds fair to me. Don’t eat yellow Pixies.”
Sage laughed. “Well, that is a good tip.” She elbowed Akita. “Make sure you follow that one at all times.”
Maca stood. It seemed that no matter how much she drank; it did not affect her at all. “Well, I believe I will allow the fine Constable to walk me to my residence.”
“You will?” Akita stood. “All the way to your residence?” He leaned on the table for support. “Whoa… Or mayhap mine since the alcohol doesn’t seem to affect you in the slightest.”
“Well, there’s a line!” Grimbledung stood. “How’s about we go to my place not yours?” He asked the asleep Flora. He waggled his ears at her.
“It’s a lot smoother the way he said it,” Maca said. “Besides, I think he just wants to make sure he gets home safe and sound.” She chuckled. “Hate to run into a wild Meerkat out there.”
“That’s just a legend,” said Akita. His eyes got large. “As far as I know anyway.”
“Well, better safe than sorry.” Maca took his arm in hers. “We’ll get to the jailhouse and up the stairs safe and sound.”
Akita let his tongue hang out. “If we see any rousers of rabble, I hereby deputize you to deal with them.”
“Yes, Mister Constable.” Maca gave a nod to everyone. “See you all soon.” She glanced at the ceiling for a moment. “See you tomorrow afternoon Grimbledung.”
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 5) Page 32