Digital Me

by Alston Sleet

  “Well…I can’t divorce you. You can’t refuse me since poison wouldn’t kill me permanently anyways, we can test that later if you want,” I got a bit of joy out of seeing her start at the idea of my letting her test poison, “I won’t be forcing you to do anything. What about your maid there, does she have a name?” I asked as politely as I could.

  Straightening, both the maid and Sensa slowed, the maid subtly shifting behind her mistress.

  With a delicate nod and slow hand gesture, no expression escaping her veil, she said, “This is Sasha. I beg you, do not harm or excuse my maid from my service.”

  I was starting to get a bit annoyed with the way everyone seemed to imply I was going to harm or control women. I tried but I couldn’t keep the grumpiness out of my voice, “To be clear, she is your maid, you would be the one excusing her, though I have no coin to pay for her service so I hope that you can pay her. I have a plan for coin in the future but it will be a while till that comes to fruition. Finally, I don’t touch women without their consent.”

  I might have been a bit more forceful with my rebuke than I intended because Sensa did not respond again until we reached house Delsar.

  “May I have your leave to procure my things from my own home. I will only take that which directly belongs to me or my maid. I will not put you into debt with the House of Turmins.”

  Again, an almost servile voice even as it implied I would harm her. With a sigh, I tried for politeness though I don’t think I succeeded.

  “I don’t own you. You don’t have to ask for my permission to leave my presence or get your own things. I’m sorry for what I had to do to your husband, but I mean you no ill will,” I found myself mimicking her polite and flowery prose as I tried to reassure her.

  “As you will,” and with that, both ladies turned and walked away.

  ###

  The trip back to our erstwhile estate was tense, I could feel Sasha practically vibrating in agitation behind me. Her training kept her silent even as my own kept me seemingly poised and controlled, though my emotions roiled beneath my facade.

  The estate guards and servants had already heard the news. The estate steward directed guards to search all trunks before transporting them to ensure nothing of the household’s was taken. Blatant and rude, but technically it was his job to protect the estate and it’s belongings until directed by the Baron. By the rules, he wouldn’t be allowed to direct the guards to help move us to the new home, a kindness hidden within an insult.

  Closing the door to my room I slowly tried to direct my thoughts as to what I could do or how I could avoid my new marriage. I was denied even the unacceptable token rebellion of poisoning my new husband, being left destitute, and by law, unable to accept anyone else’s protection. While it seemed too fanciful, Delana’s confidence in the wizards survival suggested that he really was immortal.

  Thoughts of the wizard made my stomach churn, the constant vocal denial of wanting the use of us, the obvious anger from the mention of the lock on my door, each action and statement concerned me more than the one before.

  The query of Sasha’s name moments after his denial of the claiming of husband rights, it all painted a very stark picture.

  Dark; a violent and controlling man.

  The memory of a fist smeared with blood descending combined with a snap as bone broke caused an involuntary shudder to ripple through me. It was all I could do to muffle my wails as I descended into tears and shaking.

  Slowly I became aware of a warm body wrapped around me, a voice soothingly murmuring nonsense sounds in my ear, my hair slowly being stroked. I could feel my breathing eventually evening out, clearing, even as the tears still ran down my face.

  “Shhhh. We have survived so much together. We have survived your late husband, we will survive this one. We have sacrificed so much. If we have to, we will sacrifice more. We will make it.”

  As always Sasha’s gentle voice calmed my soul, the plan for how we would continue already forming. Turning me slowly in her embrace Sasha’s hand cupped my cheek, her eyes warm, her face as a tear streaked as my own. “I Love you, I have always loved you. We will survive this together, always.”

  The tender kiss and her vow, the same she always made, helped me put myself back together and focus on the challenge of survival.

  Chapter 15

  Keep Enemies Close, Friends Closer.

  Six months since I had entered this world and for what? This. That was all I could think as I stared at my status screen, something I had spent months fretting over as I realized that most would be developing in skills and attributes over that time.

  Status

  Name: Shawn Bradshaw

  Level: 16

  Path: Wizard

  Intellect: 135

  Experience: 10,974 / 10,370,209

  Multi-Tasking: 1

  Concentration: 106

  Memory (short term): 102

  Creativity: 189

  Memory (long term): 150

  Data Correlation: 120

  Skills

  Mental Fortitude

  62%

  Pain Resistance

  63%

  Concentration, one point higher in six months.

  I knew that the upload process which would change me would be a slow and gradual process. I understood that it would take a period of time that I would normally only use to measure the length of human history, but I was starting to get a visceral feel for it.

  Admittedly I wasn’t trying to focus on my memory or creativity, at least in an effort to improve them. The only thing I had been actively working on was just trying to focus on fighting. Concentration was obviously a part of that, though lately it had become a more mechanical process in the deepest part of the tunnels House Delsar farmed.

  I noticed that the weather had been warming up over the last few months as I trudged tiredly back to House Delsar. There had been some mix-up causing the lunch delivery to be late so everyone was being treated to a lunch at a restaurant in town. I had been mixed in with some of the rowdier and rude tunnel farmers and I wasn’t looking forward to dealing with them. I decided to head back to the house and just take a mid-day nap, something I hadn’t been able to enjoy in a long time, before even entering this world in fact.

  The grounds of the merchant house were oddly quiet when I entered, guards at out of the way locations and patrolling the grounds far out to the edge of the ground walls instead of close in. The feeling of disquiet I was experiencing grew as I noticed all the subtle things which were off that I had come to just internally expect. It’s like coming home from work mid-day and finding that the neighborhood sounds different during the day than it does during the afternoon. Nothing sinister, just off.

  I was just about to enter my room when I was stopped by a voice from behind.

  “Well met Shawn, I would make an agreement with you.”

  I made every effort not to hunch my shoulders, I had been avoiding this lady since the duel. She wasn’t on the top of the list of those I was avoiding, but my lack of recognition had to have been noted and it must have been insulting.

  Turning I attempted to bow my head politely as I asked, “Well met Delana of House Delsar, what agreement would this be?”

  As always this woman was an enigma to me. Her polite smile never changed, her clothing was perfectly styled, while an older woman it was obvious in her movements that she was nowhere near infirm. The fact that she was always on hand in the background had first suggested she was some kind of servant. I later recognized that her clothing was always more stylish than any of the servants. In the same style, but of better quality, with details and touches which should have indicated to me from the start, she was more important.

  It wasn’t until later when I had sought her out in an attempt to thank her for preparing Valient’s body for transport and rights that I was informed who she was. Nothing like trying hard to describe someone you don’t know to a servant when the other person then informs you, “Tha
t’s the wife of your host”. Oops.

  I know avoiding the problem was childish, but I was hoping to let a bit of time rest between my inadvertent insult, especially since she had done so much to calm and help Sasha and Seren. Those two were the ladies I was most avoiding. I was doing everything I could to avoid thinking about the situation. Again, childish, but there was almost nothing I could do to make things right, and Sasha seemed understandably skittish when I had passed her once in the hall. They had watched me beat a man they knew and cared for to death, I could still feel the throb of my knuckles and taste the copper of blood in the air when I thought about it, I can’t imagine what they were feeling.

  With a gentle bowing gesture and arm wave, she signaled to enter a side room down the hall. Entering I noticed a luncheon set for two with steaming tea prepared. I was starting to get a bit of an inkling that maybe this had been something prepared for me. Even in my own thoughts, that felt too deeply sarcastic.

  After I seated myself Delana prepared a cup of tea for both of us then seated herself across from me. I could feel her eyes on me as I sipped my tea and ate slowly and hopefully politely. I wasn’t sure why she was watching me like a hawk, but each time I looked up, she seemed to be focusing on her own meal as if oblivious to me.

  Finally, as we reached the end of our meal, I couldn’t wait any longer. Something was up and I needed to either understand what was going on or move on to my nap. It might be my peevishness on the loss of my nap that was also making me grumpy.

  “What kind of deal do you have for me?” I asked, a bit more gruffly than I had intended.

  “I have information for you and an enemy I can turn into an ally. I can’t tell you more than this because doing so would remove my bargaining position. In exchange, I want my husbands deal with you to be improved by 5%. 30% exchange instead of 25%,” Delana said this in a most polite manner, totally ignoring my gruff demeanor.

  Putting both my elbows on the table I started to rub my forehead. Running my hands over my face I rubbed gently then looked up, “How about an addendum if I don’t think this information is valid, we renegotiate? An enemy becoming an ally, if you can do it and depending on who it is, would probably be worth the 5%.”

  With a slow nod, Delana agreed.

  “You’re worst weakness is that you lack knowledge of our culture. You have made long-term plans, but they have been routinely twisted and turned against you since you lack context. As far as I can tell, you ignore culture entirely. You need a teacher. I can provide one for you.”

  With the recent thoughts of my marriage, I had doubts that it was my greatest weakness, but it was probably causing me some serious issues. I know that I’ve always been oblivious to many things. I’ve been a geek all my life, socially adept I am not. I’m not completely horrible; I don’t have any obvious annoying habits or anything. But I’ve seen over the years how many of my relationship issues could have been solved if I just was a bit more capable of phrase or if I had just noticed some subtle implication of a statement or thought ahead a bit further.

  Knowing that when a lady asks, ‘Does this make me look fat?’ she is asking for confirmation she is desirable, not that she thinks the dress makes her look fat. That one question took me far too many years to understand.

  I spent a few silent minutes thinking about it, I needed to avoid any further mistakes if possible. More, I needed to understand how people interact within a culture and how culture moves people. I needed to become an expert on learning cultures, not just this culture. Again, with all projects, starting out solving the problems you can and not taking too big of a bite is the most important part of the beginning.

  With a firm nod, I looked Delana in the eye, “Agreed.”

  A gentle smile and Delana nodded then held her closed hand in front of herself in a way that seemed to be awkward then opened it while moving her open flat hand towards me.

  “In this negotiation, I have provided three mortal insults to you. In any other context, with any witnesses, you would have lost significant standing simply by hearing me out. Many nobles would be willing to break an agreement with you after hearing of such. That is the first part of my agreement. Proof that your lack of understanding of culture is your greatest weakness. If I had not arranged for the house to be empty and you to arrive here at this time to hear my proposal in the way I have, then you would have found yourself with a dagger in the dark later from Valient’s father,” Delana’s eyes never left mine as she stated one action leading to another, I could see she understand I lacked the context to see how that would work.

  “The first insult I gave was to address you as Shawn. You are the Immortal Wizard or the Wizard Bradshaw only. All formal dealings require titles to be given before any dealing. Failure to do so indicates that the title is considered in doubt in some way. Calling you Shawn implies that I think you are simply too common to be considered. You may claim any title you wish, but if someone implies your title is false, you must prove it true.”

  I could see how titles would be important. Even in my old world, this was a common cultural norm. As an American, I was simply unused to considering titles and formalisms. I needed to remember that cultural taboos could be lethal; if I’m going to ignore them, I needed to know that I was doing it and why first.

  “The second insult is that I didn’t state my own title when formally introducing an agreement,” Delana smiled slightly at this then gently placed her hand underneath the table and waited. I’m guessing that hand gesture was some kind of formal gift-giving gesture. Some ritual I didn’t understand. This was Delana’s subtle reminder that this information was vital and that I wasn’t aware of how vital it really was.

  Then we both sat silently. Delana didn’t even blink. She just sat waiting patiently. I knew what she was doing, this whole performance had been masterfully constructed in order to force me to confront my own ignorance. Her expectation was that I would have to ask for the third insult. I was just churlish enough that I had to throw this off, if only slightly.

  “I have two questions. Why are you so eager to correct my mistakes, beyond the percentage value to your House I mean? And of course, what was the third mortal insult?” I asked.

  Slowly rising Delana moved toward the servant exit of the room, “House Delsar has bound itself to you, your success will be our success. Your failure, our failure. Our entire agreement rests on the idea that you will make a large amount of coin over hundreds of years. You assure us this is true, but the other half of the agreement, gaining favor with the King, had been enough reason before.”

  Gently Delana opened the door delicately then smiled at me, “The third mortal insult is that you would trade in any way with a woman. Your teacher will approach you within the month, you will know who she is. Your enemy will become an ally soon after. You will know them at that point as well.”

  Delana’s words rocked me. The idea that simply being female and trading with me could be a mortal insult meant I was even more blind to the differences of cultures than I had thought. I could feel my guts clench in the recognition that I had probably relied on luck for more of my agreements than I had expected.

  ###

  The knock on my prison door roused me out of my stupor. This being after lunch and before dinner meant this could be my husband come for me. I had been dreading this moment since the dueling square. Sasha had just left with our dishes, I was alone and now would be the time.

  I asked for a moment as I rose from the reclining couch, I had been losing myself in reading as an attempt to ignore the world around me.

  Sasha had spent her time trying to turn House Delsar servants but had been unable to collect any information. Each act of kindness or coin had been accepted, a smile, then the servant had walked directly to Delana’s door. The mistress of the House had her servants and spies well trained, no double dealing would be accepted. The obviousness of this had been clearly shown, there had been no attempt to produce double agents. I had directed Sasha to seek
information outside of the House, our coin would not hold if thrown away further.

  I sighed in relief when I found Delana at the door, cream and white dress, hair unbraided and straight. The hair implied a close friendship where dishonesty and intrigue would never occur. Since I found myself locking myself in at night, knowing that I would have to unlock that door myself if asked, I found myself repressing a snort at the hair.

  I quickly schooled my face and stance as best as I could. I understood that with Sasha gone, and the timing being so perfectly as she had left, this would be either a less formal talk or an invitation to a formal talk requiring me to first change.

  With only a slight dip of her head Delana formally began, “I, Delana Delsar, come to provide a favor to you, Seren Bradshaw. I will provide a way for you to have your love, Sasha, safely, without the fear of your husband’s touch, while you also gain power and control.”

  The floor seemed to jump and smack into my knees. I could barely keep conscious as I felt my world tilt. Our secret was out, somehow Delana had learned of our love and now I could lose her. I steadied myself and slowly climbed back to my feet. I was taking deep panting breaths in an effort to keep from fainting. Delana just calmly stood watching me, not even reaching for me when I fell to my knees. Like a statue of stone she just continued to stare at me.

  The rumor of the town was that Delana was the matron of the social scene. The insulting whispers called her ‘The Ralk of Gerthak’, controlled, calm, precise, and a snap and devour when needed. To cross her was to find yourself destroyed in a perfect way later.

  I knew that Delana had spies, every woman of noble birth had spies, but where and who was always the question. Sasha and I had spent the last month holed up in this room only leaving to wash and relieve ourselves. We had not made love in all that time, not even a kiss or word of endearment or comfort. We had spent more time in the past controlling our behavior yet somehow Delana had found out.