Losing You

by Susan Lewis

  He swallowed and pushed a hand through his hair. In the end, his expression showed only impotence as he admitted, ‘I’m afraid, Emma. I want to see her, I swear I came here intending to, but now I’m afraid of ... I don’t know, what she’s going to be like, I guess, and I don’t think I can handle seeing her with those people.’

  Emma’s voice was steely as she said, ‘Then can I make a suggestion?’

  He regarded her cautiously.

  ‘That you go home and come back when you’re ready to behave like a father and put her first.’

  Temper flashed through his eyes. ‘Emma, for God’s sake, I’m trying ...’

  ‘No, you’re not. You’re only thinking about yourself and frankly, Will, you don’t matter in the slightest. You never did. It’s only Lauren who matters, and when you finally understand that is when you’ll be ready to see her.’

  His head went down as the truth of her words crushed him. ‘Are you going to tell her I came?’ he asked.

  Feeling her heart starting to break as she realised that he really was going to leave, Emma said, ‘Do you want me to?’

  He shook his head. ‘I guess it’s probably best you don’t, for now.’ Then, apparently unhappy with that, he suggested, ‘Or maybe you should decide what to do?’

  As Emma looked at him she could only wonder how she’d ever loved him. ‘I’ll tell her if she mentions the fact that you didn’t come today,’ she said coldly. ‘If she doesn’t, it’ll be like this, you, never happened.’

  A while later, with the bigger party now under way, Emma was walking out of the centre with Russ, smiling at the sounds of the raucous celebrations. They both had meetings to attend this afternoon, though Emma would be back again this evening, if only to say goodnight to Lauren who’d no doubt be totally worn out by then.

  Having already told Russ about her encounter with Will while they were in the kitchen making tea for everyone, Emma sighed wearily now as she said, ‘Her father isn’t exactly a bad man, and I know he does love her, but he’s having a terrible time trying to come to terms with her injuries. And finding out about Oliver has obviously made it worse.’

  ‘Mm, well, I can’t say I’m surprised about that,’ Russ commented. ‘There aren’t many people who’d find it easy to deal with.’

  Emma raised an eyebrow. ‘We seem to be managing,’ she pointed out wryly.

  ‘Ah, but we’re special,’ he quipped.

  Laughing, Emma said, ‘Do you know what I really think? I think that a part of him was glad to have you and Oliver as an excuse not to go in, because now he’s made a gesture without having to face the fact that she might be less than perfect.’

  ‘Mm, you could well be right,’ he replied, ‘but what is that going to do to his relationship with her when he does pluck up the courage to face her?’

  Shaking her head, Emma said, ‘I guess we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Did I tell you she wanted to write to him?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘It was a few weeks ago. She hasn’t brought it up since, so I haven’t either. I spoke briefly to her psychologist about it, though, and he said everything needs time to be processed, and a) she’s not as fast at doing that now as she used to be, and b) she’s probably not ready to deal with her father yet anyway.’

  ‘If that’s the case, then it’s a very good thing he didn’t join the party.’

  Emma nodded. ‘He’d have spoiled it somehow, that’s for sure, and when I think of the various ways he might have upset her ... He’d only have to hear her speak for the horror to show in his face, and when you consider what that might do to her morale, her confidence ...’ Such a violent sense of protection closed in around her that she lost the rest of her words. ‘Thank God I ran into him outside, is all I can say.’

  ‘Maybe you can explain to him, at some point,’ Russ suggested, ‘that however he sees her now isn’t necessarily how she’s always going to be.’

  ‘Maybe I could, but we don’t really know that, do we? They say the faster the recovery in the early stages, the more likely there are to be problems in the longer term. That means anything from seizures, to mood disturbances, to some awful side effect from the operation she still has to have.’

  Frowning, he said, ‘I wasn’t aware of that.’

  ‘They have to replace the part of the skull they removed for the surgery,’ she explained. ‘I don’t think they have the original bone any more, so it’ll be a titanium plate, but it won’t be done until ... Well, no one knows when, because it’s not urgent, so she could be waiting for up to a year or more.’

  Sounding concerned, he asked, ‘But it won’t delay her being able to go home?’

  At last Emma felt some of her tension starting to ebb. ‘No, it won’t do that,’ she replied. Turning to look at him as they reached her car, she said, ‘I haven’t told her the good news yet, because I didn’t want to upstage the lovely present you and Oliver gave her today, but we’ve had a visit from a golden angel.’

  He feigned amazement. ‘Really?’

  Not at all fooled, she said, ‘He came to the house to measure up for a stairlift today – one of my neighbours let him in – and apparently once it’s been fitted, which he said should take about a week from now, the way could be clear for her to leave the centre.’ Her voice started to catch. ‘Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you,’ she gulped, and promptly burst into tears.

  Sounding rather amused, he said, ‘If I thought it was going to have this sort of effect ...’

  ‘We’d never have got one so quickly through the NHS,’ she told him with a laugh. ‘So thank you for bringing the dream of having her back at home another very big step closer.’

  As he drove away in his car a few minutes later, the residue of Russ’s pleasure was fading fast as he began to fear for what his decision to join the party today had done to Sylvie. He knew she’d gone to the airport to meet him, because she’d sent a text to tell him she was on her way, and another letting him know how much she was looking forward to seeing him.

  Maybe we can spend a few days together, somewhere discreet and romantic. I will ask Olivia to recommend somewhere.

  After that there were no more messages, and since neither Olivia nor Hans had called him he couldn’t decide whether no news was good news or bad – except where Sylvie was concerned it was always bad.

  Accepting that there was only one way to find out, he waited until he was in the centre of Bristol and parked before taking out his mobile and connecting to Olivia. At first the answering machine picked up, but then his brother-in-law’s voice came down the line saying hello.

  ‘Hans, it’s Russ. Just checking in to make sure everything’s OK with you.’

  ‘With me, everything is fine,’ Hans told him, ‘with Olivia and Sylvie I am not currently able to say.’

  Starting to turn cold, Russ said, ‘Why? What’s happened?’

  ‘This is what I’m trying to ascertain, but Olivia is not answering her phone. She left about two hours ago to go and collect Sylvie from the airport ... Did you tell Sylvie you were coming today?’

  ‘No, but I can imagine she convinced herself that I did.’

  ‘Hang on, someone is calling on the other line. Let me find out if it’s Olivia.’

  As he waited Russ tried not to berate himself for standing firm against Sylvie’s blackmail, but if she’d done something stupid and he could have prevented it, how was he ever going to face his sons?

  Coming back on the line, Hans said, ‘Yes, it was Olivia, but it seems she has been unable to find Sylvie at the airport, or at Johann’s house. So I am afraid that at this moment we have no idea where she might be.’

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  IT WAS JUST after eight thirty that evening when Emma finally returned to the centre, to hear some sort of kerfuffle going on along Maple Corridor. As a chill sixth sense slid down her spine she broke into a run, knowing already it was coming from Lauren’s room. To her horror, when she got there, she f
ound Will being manhandled away from the bed by a couple of the physios, while Lauren, tears streaming down her face, shouted, ‘Go way! Go way. Don ... wan yooo heeere.’

  A flood of such ferocious anger raced through Emma that she might have attacked Will were she not so keen to push her way through to Lauren.

  ‘It’s all right, it’s all right,’ she soothed, taking Lauren in her arms. ‘I’m here now, no one’s going to hurt you.’

  ‘Make himmm goo,’ Lauren sobbed. ‘Dun ... unnnerstan.’

  ‘Could you kindly take your hands off me,’ Will was saying to the physios. ‘I’m not going to hurt her, for Christ’s sake, she’s my daughter.’

  Turning to him, eyes blazing with fury, Emma hissed, ‘What the hell are you doing here? I thought you’d gone.’

  ‘I don’t have to answer to you,’ Will retorted bitingly.

  ‘It’s time to go, sir,’ Julian, the head physio, told him.

  Will looked as though he might punch him. ‘This has nothing to do with you ...’

  ‘You were causing a scene, upsetting a patient,’ Julian reminded him stiffly.

  ‘What the hell made you come back?’ Emma demanded, still holding tightly to Lauren while wanting to ram her fists into his foul, crimson face. ‘I told you not to ...’

  ‘I’m not just standing by and taking all this nonsense about the Lomax family,’ he informed her. ‘If you can’t see what they’re up to, I can, and she has to stop seeing him ...’

  ‘Get out of here!’ Emma seethed. ‘Get out now!’

  ‘Don wan him heeere,’ Lauren gulped into Emma’s shoulder. ‘He dusn’t unn ... stand.’

  ‘I understand perfectly,’ Will growled, though his voice was softer now he was speaking to Lauren. ‘The Lomax family are terrified that we’re going to claim compensation for what they’ve done to you, and so they should be, because we will, sweetheart. That boy put you here ...’

  To Julian, her voice trembling with rage, Emma said, ‘Please escort him out of here.’

  ‘I’m her father, for God’s sake,’ Will cried, snatching his arm away. ‘I have a right to be here.’

  ‘’No!’ Emma choked. ‘You have no rights at all.’

  ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ Julian said, ‘but you’re obviously upsetting Lauren, so we’ll have to ask you to leave.’

  As both physios started to crowd him towards the door he shot at Emma, ‘You’re a fool if you can’t see what’s going on. Why the hell else would that boy be interested in her, the state she’s in?’

  He barely even saw Emma coming until she grabbed his hair and forced him to his knees. ‘I told you I’d kill you if you hurt her,’ she whispered viciously into his face.

  ‘Get off me,’ he snarled. ‘For Christ’s sake, I’m just trying to point out the obvious.’

  Grasping his collar, Julian hiked him back to his feet. ‘You really do need to go, sir,’ he said quietly, though meaningfully.

  It was clear from the gleam in Will’s eyes that he’d have fought, had he not been outnumbered.

  ‘If you try to come near her again,’ Emma told him savagely as she returned to Lauren, ‘it’s you who’ll have a lawsuit slapped on you.’

  ‘For what?’ he cried incredulously.

  ‘It’ll be a restraining order, and don’t think I can’t get one, because after the way you’ve just behaved ...’

  ‘The way I’ve behaved? I’m the one trying to protect my daughter and look out for her best interests.’

  ‘You don’t even know what the words mean.’

  ‘Lauren, sweetheart,’ Will implored, from the door.

  ‘Go way!’ she shouted. ‘Hate you. Go way.’

  ‘I’m going to do my best for you,’ he told her. ‘I’ll get you every penny you deserve ...’

  ‘Sssh, sssh, don’t listen, don’t worry,’ Emma soothed, taking her back in her arms.

  ‘Heee don unn ... erstand,’ Lauren sobbed.

  ‘No, he doesn’t, not at all.’

  ‘Gl-ad heee din come toooday,’ Lauren said. ‘Heeed have sp-oil ev thing.’

  Unable to deny that, and afraid that he had anyway, Emma said, ‘Try to put him out of your mind and think about all the lovely things that happened today. Granny told me she and Berry danced at the disco.’

  More tears welled in Lauren’s eyes. ‘I cannn-t dannn-ce,’ she said. ‘Wan too dannn-ce.’

  As Emma’s heart folded around her pain, she hugged her even closer. ‘I know, sweetheart, and you will, I promise, just as soon as we get you better, and you’re doing so well now.’

  ‘Not!’ Lauren shouted. ‘Not!’ She began punching her fists into the bed. ‘Am stooo-pid, cannn-t speeek and cannn’t do annny thng.’

  Though Emma had seen flashes of Lauren’s temper and frustration before, unsurprisingly today it was going much deeper. ‘Hey, come on,’ she encouraged gently, ‘you know very well how pleased everyone is with your progress, and you are too. You’re speaking much more clearly than you were even a week ago, and you’re walking ...’

  ‘With crrrr ches.’

  ‘But that won’t be for very much longer. You’re gaining strength all the time.’ She had no intention of telling her that she might always have a limp, because it was only a might, and once again the doctors could be wrong.

  ‘No gooood at annny thng,’ Lauren growled angrily. ‘Wisssh I died now.’

  ‘Oh, Lauren, that’s not a good thing to say when we all love you so much.’

  ‘I’m a nuuuu ... sance. Getting on evvver ... one’s nerrrves.’

  ‘That is absolutely not true. You’re tired now, darling. It’s been a long day and a very happy one with all your cards and presents, and the party. And look at your beautiful necklace. Wasn’t it lovely of Oliver to think of that, and then of his father to add the O?’

  Lauren’s heavy, tormented eyes turned away as she said, ‘Not as expensss ... ive as comp ... sation.’

  Wishing she’d killed Will the instant she’d set eyes on him today, Emma said, ‘Darling, you mustn’t credit them with the same unworthy thoughts as Daddy’s having. You know how much Oliver cares about you. He’s here with you every day, joining in your exercises, swimming with you in the pool, cooking in the kitchen, watching TV, doing everything with you, and making you laugh ...’

  ‘But Dad-deee said how cannn heee like meee when I’m innn thisss state? Am I in a state, Mummmy? Am I ugly?’

  ‘’Oh God no,’ Emma cried, gathering her up in her arms and having to fight back her own tears. ‘You’re every bit as beautiful as you always were, and no one thinks that more than Oliver.’

  ‘But if heee’s ...’

  ‘Listen, you know what Daddy’s like, he gets these ideas in his head and they’re almost always wrong. He doesn’t know Oliver, he hasn’t even met him, or seen the two of you together, so how can he possibly say how Oliver feels?’

  ‘So do yooo-ou thnk Ol-ver reeelly li-kes me?’

  Emma almost laughed. ‘He more than likes you, my darling.’

  Lauren’s eyes were still swimming in tears and uncertainty as she said, ‘I reeely more thannn li-ke himm too.’

  Emma pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘I know you do, sweetheart,’ she whispered.

  ‘Wan toooo come home with yooo-ou,’ Lauren murmured.

  Drawing back to cup her face in her hands, Emma said, ‘You’re going to, my angel, very soon now, because the stairlift’s being fitted and all the other little jobs that have to be done are already under way.’

  Though Lauren’s eyes were shadowed with tiredness, a flicker of surprise showed in the darkness. ‘Will Olll-ver still commme?’ she asked huskily.

  ‘Of course,’ Emma assured her, and she had no doubts at all that he would, but now that Will had raised the subject of compensation she knew that she couldn’t carry on ignoring it.

  The question was, what kind of bitterness was it going to create between the two families once she broached it?

  Sylvie had been missing
for almost a week now, and the only reason Russ hadn’t flown over there was because he’d fully expected her to turn up at her flat in Clifton, or even here at home without any warning. However, no one had heard a word from her, nor had there been any sign of her from the time she’d left the airport – and she had left, they knew that now, because Olivia had contacted the police yesterday and this morning they’d confirmed that there was CCTV footage showing Sylvie getting into a car and driving off.

  Johann was as bewildered and worried as everyone else. He’d even told Olivia that if the police didn’t come up with some answers soon he’d hire a private detective. And probably pay for it with Sylvie’s money, Russ couldn’t help thinking, though he didn’t actually care who paid for it just as long as they found her.

  ‘The trouble is,’ Olivia had said a few minutes ago on the phone, ‘I don’t think the police are very interested. I mean, they’re going through the right motions, but as one of them said to Hans, alcoholics are notorious for disappearing on binges and turning up when they’re ready. In other words, they consider it a waste of police time to go looking for them unless there’s some real evidence that harm has come to them.’

  Though frustrated by the response, Russ knew he had to accept that the police over there really did have far bigger issues to deal with, so he’d simply said, ‘I think Johann’s route might be the best one to take. Does he actually know a private detective, or do we need to find one?’

  ‘I’ll call and ask him and let you know the answer. I’m very worried, Russ. I feel this is all my fault. I should never have allowed her to take a car, or even go to the airport without me.’

  Feeling as though the responsibility was much more his than hers, he said, ‘Let’s try not to get into the self-blame game, it won’t achieve anything, and we have to remember, she’s an adult. We can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do.’

  How true those last words were, and how often he had spoken them in one form or another, but they’d never yet eased the terrible weight on his mind, and he doubted they ever would. His biggest fear now was that she’d been dragged off to one of the townships, or perhaps she’d even taken herself there as a way of punishing him. It would be the kind of crazy thing she’d do when drunk; and he could be in no doubt that she’d found the nearest bar after he’d failed to turn up at the airport.