The Complete Legacy Series: Books 1 - 6

by Paula Kay

  “Chase?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “What do you think I should do?” She needed someone to tell her—to give her permission to let the walls come down again.

  Chase pulled her back over into his arms. “I think maybe you need to listen to your instinct on this.” He winked at her.

  He knew her very well already, she thought, smiling.

  “Okay, so let’s say that I was wrong—that she had been telling the truth the whole time. Don’t you think she would have tried to call me by now? Email me? Something?”

  Chase was looking at her with a funny expression on his face.

  “What?” Blu asked.

  “Honey, I’ve seen you angry before.” He was teasing her, but she had the feeling he was about to make a good point. “From the way you described your last conversation with her—so angry, and telling her what she ought to do if she really loved you and Jemma—well, I mean, isn’t she doing what you asked of her?”

  Blu nodded.

  “I mean she probably does feel incredible guilt, even though you know that she’s trying to work through all that. I’m sure it took a lot for her to even come here—to imagine that you might allow her back into your life—into Jemma’s life again. Your words to her probably reinforced her own doubts, I’d imagine.”

  “Hmm.”

  “What’s hmm now?” Chased teased, nuzzling her neck with his lips.

  “I think maybe I’ve made a mistake,” Blu said quietly. She disentangled herself from Chase’s arms once more to sit up and look at him. “The question is, what do I do about it? How do I find out the truth? And what if I’m getting my hopes up all over again and it turns out there’s a perfectly good explanation for why the greedy woman hasn’t cashed my check yet?” She laughed but she was serious about her own doubts too.

  “What if?” Chase was saying. “Then you’ll come to me and I’ll help you to feel better all over again.” He smiled. “Wanna know what I really think you should do?”

  “Yes.” Blu said quickly. “I do.”

  “I think you should go there—to your mom’s.”

  Blu’s eyes widened as he continued. “When?”

  “Soon. As soon as you can. Before you change your mind.” He wasn’t laughing or teasing her. There was something serious about his words.

  “Chase? Are you serious right now? Does that even sound like me?” She was shaking her head in answer to her own question. “I mean, if anything, I was thinking of maybe giving her a call.”

  “Blu.” He was looking her in the eye intently.

  She nodded in acknowledgment.

  “That’s kind of my point.”

  Blu looked at him, with an idea of where he was going with this.

  “I just think that maybe a little leap of faith might be required here—trusting yourself, but more importantly being willing to just go for it, knowing that you’re going to come back home to Jemma—to me—and be fine regardless of what happens.” He looked her in the eye again. “And I just—I just think this thing with your mom is important. Like, really important.”

  Blu felt tears coming to her eyes as she leaned in to give him a big hug, her voice catching on the sob that caught her by surprise. “You’re right. It is important.”

  Chapter 28

  Blu’s stomach was in knots during the entire plane ride to New York. She’d hired a driver to pick her up so that she could go straight to her mom’s place north of the city. She was taking a huge risk that her mom would even be home, but during their earlier conversations, she’d found out that she was still living in the same small house that they’d lived in when Blu was fifteen.

  She remembered the day that her mom had told her they were moving. It was during a period that her mother had been doing better. She’d completed a few months of rehab and kicked Harold out. The outpatient program she was in helped her with securing a job and getting her into a small house. It wasn’t the best neighborhood, but at the time Blu was extremely happy to finally be getting out of the trailer park which had held nothing but bad memories. It was a fresh start for her and her mother.

  The two-hour drive from the airport to her mother’s passed quickly, with Blu deep in thought. What am I really hoping to accomplish by being here? She’d second-guessed herself so many times, but the nagging doubt continued to plague her. She’d never be able to really move on until she got these last answers. What she hoped to find and what she expected to find were two totally different things, and she was continually forcing herself to push both thoughts out of her head and just remind herself that this trip was about closure for her—and on behalf of Jemma. She needed to feel confident for Jemma’s sake that she hadn’t made a mistake.

  They pulled up to the address that Blu had given the driver. The run-down neighborhood looked oddly the same, and looking at the small house brought back a flash of memory to the day they’d moved in. It had been a quick move, with the few pieces of furniture that they’d had. One of her mom’s friends had helped pile it into the back of his pick-up truck, and the whole thing took about ninety minutes.

  What Blu remembered about that day was the picnic they’d had on the floor in the middle of the small living room—their small living room. Her mom’s friend had left, and with a huge grin on her face, her mom had said that they were going to celebrate their new life together. She ordered a pizza, which was a rare treat for Blu, spread out a blanket on the living room floor, and turned up the oldies rock station on the radio real loud—they didn’t have to worry as much about the noise as they had in the trailer. And there was dancing—a lot of silly dancing until the pizza arrived. Blu smiled at the memory of her mother.

  Everything was good for about two months. Then Harold convinced her mom to take him back and within days she’d relapsed again. Before the end of that year, Blu had left for good. On her own at the age of sixteen. And she’d been on her own ever since then.

  She flashed to Chase and the little family of friends that she loved so much. But she wasn’t alone any more. And there was no reason to believe that she ever would be again. She’d found something that she hadn’t even realized was lacking in her and Jemma’s lives. So this closure with her mom wasn’t so much about that. It was coming from a place of strength on Blu’s part, not weakness—not from needing her in any way. But she wanted it, if she was being honest. She hadn’t allowed herself to even imagine a relationship with her mother until these past few months, but once she did, she couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility. A new life with her mother, and possibly for her mother. But she was getting ahead of herself with her thoughts now.

  She sat in the car for a few moments, taking in the surroundings, drawing in the deep breath that she needed to make the trip up the narrow walkway to the front door. The house needed a fresh coat of paint and the yard looked like it hadn’t been mowed in months. She noticed that there wasn’t a car in the parking spot next to the house, which probably meant that no one would be here anyways. If that were true, she wasn’t even sure what her next move would be—how long she’d stay in town or how many attempts she’d make to come by. She only knew that she had to try.

  Blu slowly walked up onto the front porch, for the first time noticing the piece of paper taped to the front door. She took a deep breath and tapped lightly on the door. When she couldn’t hear anyone coming after several seconds, she knocked again, louder this time. She saw the curtain in the window next to the door flutter slightly, and then the door opened.

  “Blu?” Her mother’s expression was that of shock. “Hi. Wow. What are you doing here? I—I mean, come in.”

  It was a natural response to invite her in, Blu knew. But she also noticed that her mom seemed slightly uneasy after Blu had stepped through the door.

  “I’m sorry for not calling—for not warning you that I was coming,” Blu said, wishing it were true that she hadn’t showed up unannounced on purpose, that she hadn’t wanted to give her mom a chance to hide anything—to
prepare for Blu’s arrival. I need to know the truth.

  “Sit down.” Her mom was gesturing towards the same worn-out sofa that Blu remembered from her teenage years. “Can I get you something to drink? I’ve got a pot of coffee on already.”

  Blu nodded. “Yes, a cup of coffee would be great, thanks.”

  She took in her surroundings quickly as her mom retreated to the kitchen. The interior of the small house was just as she remembered. Everything was the same in regards to the furniture. Maybe one chair in the corner was different, and the old black-and-white TV that had never worked had been replaced with a small flat-screened version. There were more books on the bookshelf, and she couldn’t help but smile when she noticed the black-and-white picture of her grandparents, who had passed away when she was a baby. The framed photo was still in the same spot, hanging on the wall in the corner of the room.

  Her mother returned with two coffees, and Blu noticed her hand shaking as she set the tray down on the coffee table in front of them, before seating herself on the sofa next to Blu.

  “I just can’t get over that you’re here,” she said.

  Blu noticed that she was fidgeting with her hands like she didn’t quite know what to do with them. It’s no wonder that she would be nervous to see me after the last time that I spoke to her, Blu thought, while at the same time realizing that she needed to put her out of her misery, letting her know why she had come. She turned her body towards her mother on the sofa, meeting her eyes as she spoke.

  “Why haven’t you cashed the check I gave you?” Blu said evenly.

  Her mother sat up a little straighter on the sofa, squaring her shoulders—Putting on her own invisible armor, Blu thought—her eyes returning the intensity of Blu’s stare.

  “I meant it when I told you that I didn’t want your money. I won’t cash that check. You can take it back or we can rip it up here and now. I don’t want it and I don’t need it, Blu.”

  Blu looked at her, neither of them speaking for a full minute.

  Finally Blu spoke. “What about the eviction notice on your door?”

  “I told you that I still have some things to work out—that being one of them.”

  Blu wasn’t sure what the look was that passed on her mother’s face, but it briefly reminded her of herself—of a position that she’d been in before, that of needing help, but not being willing to take it. But you didn’t offer any help to her, you offered your mother a bribe—one which she obviously didn’t take. The thought crossed her mind as she continued to eye her mother thoughtfully.

  “Okay.” Finally Blu spoke again. “Are you going to be able to do that—to keep your house?” It was none of her business. She knew this as she asked but couldn’t help herself.

  Her mother sighed. “I’ll figure it out, Blu. I will. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  Blu looked down, all at once feeling embarrassed and unsure how to continue the conversation. “But, why—why wouldn’t you take the money? It seems as though you could really use it.” It was a stupid thing to say but she couldn’t resist. She had to hear it again from her mother’s mouth.

  Her mother looked thoughtful—and proud, Blu thought—for a few moments before she spoke again.

  “Blu, when I came to see you, I never wanted anything from you, especially not your money. I can keep telling you and you can choose to believe it or not, but it’s just the truth.” Blu was nodding her head, encouraging her to continue. “I used the bit of money that I had saved to pay for that plane ticket and my stay in the motel. All of that was worth it to me to see you—to try to make you understand why I was there.”

  Blu had been wrong about her mom. She felt it now deep in her gut. She believed her, but she didn’t stop her as she continued.

  “I know that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime. Too many to count, and the most critical ones being losing you and Jemma. I’ll never forgive myself for that, but all I can do is keep working my program to stay sober and better my life. It’s all I have now and that’s okay with me. It just has to be.” She looked down, taking in a deep breath. “Because the moment I give up is the moment that my life will really be over, and I’m not willing to become another sad statistic. I really did make a decision to change, and I won’t stop until I’m on my feet.”

  Blu felt the tears stinging her eyes as she tried to get the words out past the lump in her throat. She had to be sure. “And Harold?”

  “He’s gone, Blu. He really isn’t in my life. I know it seems hard to believe, but the fact that he tracked me down, following me to San Diego, was a total fluke that I had nothing to do with. And yes, he was interested in what he could get from you after he saw your interview on TV.” Her mother stood up from the sofa then, appearing to gather more strength from each word that she spoke. “I really don’t know what else to tell you about him, except it’s over between us—there’s no part of me that wants him back in my life.” She looked at Blu then with a look that reminded her of Jemma—a pure look of defiance—and it was all Blu could do to keep from smiling.

  This woman standing before her now was not someone that she’d ever known before—this was a fighter, unlike any Blu had ever seen in this home. Gone was the sick, helpless woman that Blu had known strung out on drugs so long ago. Gone even was the woman that Blu had met two months earlier, eager to win her approval, to seek her forgiveness. No, this woman standing in front of her now was not apologizing for her past or her future. She was not apologizing for who she was, and the impact of her speech was overwhelming to Blu in a way that moved her to her core.

  Blu stood up, wiping her sudden tears away, and reached for her mother, who willingly moved into her embrace. Blu squeezed her tight, both of them hugging in silence as Blu collected the many thoughts running wild in her brain.

  Finally she pulled away slightly to look her mother in the eye, both women crying silent tears, both overwhelmed by what was happening between them.

  “Mom, I believe you.” Blu said it quietly and watched her mom crumple to the sofa as new sobs overtook her. “I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through—”

  “No, no. It’s I who am—”

  “No, you’ve apologized enough.” Her mother looked at her through her tears and Blu sat next to her on the sofa, taking her hand in her own as she continued speaking quietly. “I’m so—so proud of you—for what you’ve done.” Her mother looked at her and Blu recognized the hope in her eyes—the same hope that she herself had known over the years. Blu nodded her head and grabbed her mother again for a hug, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I’m going to help you—” She pulled away to look her in the eyes again. “—if you’ll let me.

  Blu’s mother nodded her head slowly, followed by a smile that Blu believed signified gratefulness for the life raft that her daughter was throwing her. They were done now—done being on opposite sides of the fight, trying to convince each other of the motives that were, in fact, honest and pure. Her mother’s, to know the daughter that she’d lost so long ago; and Blu’s, to help the mother who deserved a second chance at life. Both had much to gain, both were now willing to take the risk that was so worth it.

  Blu imagined it was a lot for her mother to take in—it was for her too. She didn’t really know what she’d expected in coming here, but she didn’t expect to feel so sure so fast. And she wasn’t doubting herself for a second. She wouldn’t do that to her mother again.

  The two women sat hugging for a few moments in silence. Finally Blu spoke. “I’ll book a room nearby and we’ll spend some time together over the next few days to see what we need to sort out for you with the house—with everything.”

  Her mother nodded but looked like she wanted to say something.

  “What is it?” Bu asked.

  “Do you—would you want to stay here? I mean, I know it’s not—”

  “Yes.” Blu grinned. “It will be perfect—and I have an idea for dinner—my treat.”

  Chapter 29

/>   Blu sat on a blanket on the floor with her mom, eating pizza and laughing as they chatted. Music was playing in the background, and she’d traded the soda of her memories for a bottle of sparkling cider that she’d picked up at the shop down the road. Her mom looked so happy—as happy as Blu was feeling in the moment, to be here with her. It felt totally carefree and completely different than any time they’d spent together in California a few months earlier.

  “Do you remember when we first moved into this house—we had a pizza party like this, just the two of us,” Blu said, feeling an odd sense of traveling full circle.

  Her mom nodded her head slowly. “I do, but only vaguely.”

  Blu thought she sounded sad and didn’t really want to ruin the mood. “It was a happy time—one of the happiest I can remember—dancing here with you, talking about the future in our new house.”

  “Unfortunately, any great memories that I had have seemed to get clouded over by the drug-induced brain fog that I created shortly after them.” Her mom sighed. “I do have a lot of regrets, Blu. I want you to know that—that I wish I could go back and change the past—be a real mom to you—and to Jemma.”

  “I do know that.” Blu smiled and reached out to take her mom’s hand. “But like you said earlier, it’s about focusing on change for you, making your life better now. And you are doing that.”

  Her mom nodded her head, brushing away a few tears. “Yes, I know. I keep telling myself that I can’t live in the past. I have to forgive myself and move on. It’s just that some days doing that is easier than other days.”

  Blu waited a moment to respond, looking at her mom, thinking about how far they’d come in such a short while. “I do want you to know that I forgive you. I really mean that.” And she did—and in doing so, she felt the burden lift within herself.