Forgetting Yesterday

by Meg Jolie

  I’d had enough of guys making excuses for their bad behavior.

  I’d stayed with Jason far longer than I should have.

  I didn’t want to make that mistake again.

  Until now, I’d mostly managed to keep my tears away. I’d had a distant hope that what Morgan had said had been nothing but a tasteless joke.

  But Alex had confirmed it.

  I wandered to my room and collapsed onto my bed. Finally, I allowed myself to do what I’d felt like doing since yesterday. I gave into a long, hard cry.

  *******

  I hadn’t planned on drifting off to sleep. I awoke with a start when the doorbell rang. I glanced at the clock. It was late, nearly midnight. I scrambled out of bed and pulled my curtain back. Alex’s truck was parked in the driveway.

  As if to accentuate his presence, he pounded on the door.

  I was so tempted not to answer. At the same time, now that I’d had a little bit of time to cool off, I realized maybe I owed it to him to hear what he had to say. Although I couldn’t imagine a good enough reason to excuse what he’d done.

  I scrubbed at my eyes as I padded to the front door. I was sure I was a walking disaster. My eyes felt sore. My cheeks crusty with dried tears. I tugged a hand through my disheveled hair and then told myself it didn’t matter what I looked like. Because really, what did I care.

  I swung the door open just as Alex was ready to pound again. He caught himself, his hand jerking to a halt in mid-air.

  He stepped inside without waiting for an invitation.

  “Why haven’t you answered your phone?” he demanded.

  The fact that he was visibly angry caused my own anger to surge as well.

  “Because I have nothing left to say to you!”

  He shook his head at me. As if I had done something wrong. I crossed my arms defiantly over my chest. I stared at him, waiting to see which one of us would finally break the silence.

  Finally, he let out a small sound of disgust. “Wow. You really let them play you, didn’t you?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Did it ever occur to you to talk to me about what they said? I mean, really talk to me! Not hang up on me?” he demanded.

  Was that why he was so mad?

  “I did talk to you,” I said in my own defense. “You were the one who didn’t seem to see the need to talk to me! The baby—”

  He held up his hand in a halting motion, cutting me off. “There is no baby! Not anymore.”

  My heart tumbled again. My voice was low and accusing. “You made her get rid of it?”

  His face paled and he shook his head at me. He scraped a hand over his face before saying, “Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think that’s the kind of person I am?”

  Did I?

  I shook my head. I didn’t know what to think.

  He was right. I should’ve talked to him. It was obvious that there was a whole lot that had been left unsaid.

  I took in the pained look on his face and I knew one thing for certain. He was not the kind of person I had just accused him of being.

  “No,” I said apologetically. “I don’t think that of you. I’m just so confused right now. I don’t know what to think.”

  He nodded toward the living room.

  When we were both seated on the couch he let out a sigh.

  “You were right about one thing. I should’ve told you what happened. It’s just…really hard to talk about. I figured I’d tell you some day. I just never thought you’d find out like you did.”

  “So,” I said quietly, “what happened?”

  “She had a bachelorette party here, with her friends. Then she left for a weekend away with her sisters. She said they wanted to take her to a nice resort for a spa weekend.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “She asked me to stop by her house to feed her cat. When I pulled up, I realized the neighbor dog got into her trash. It wasn’t the first time and I picked it up for her.

  “I found a box,” he paused, obviously trying to compose himself, “it was one of those, uh, pregnancy tests. I was shocked. Just stood there, finally came to my senses and got everything cleaned up. I brought the box inside with me. Maybe I shouldn’t have looked. I just…maybe it would’ve been better. But she’d shoved the stick back inside. I read the lines, compared it to the back of the box.” He shook his head. “I’ll admit, at first, I was freaked. I called her and it went to voicemail and no way was I leaving that on voicemail. Anyhow, after the initial shock wore off, I was excited. I was so damn excited. I was surprised she hadn’t told me but with the wedding a few weeks away, I thought maybe…maybe she was going to surprise me. So I kept waiting. And waiting. Something that huge? I couldn’t imagine why else she’d keep it from me. It had to be she was waiting for the perfect moment. We’d both been so busy. She was finalizing the wedding plans. I was determined to have the house one hundred percent complete. Especially after I found out about the baby. I wanted everything to be perfect for her. I thought maybe she was just waiting for the right time,” he repeated.

  “Looking back, I was such a fucking idiot. I just never thought…” He clenched and unclenched his jaw. “I decided to one up her. I finally got it in my head she was waiting for our wedding night. So I thought I’d tell her that I knew the night before the wedding. I painted the nursery mint green, set up a crib and got one of those baby name books.

  “Yeah, she was surprised alright. She…uh…she never went to a spa with her sisters. She’d gone to an abortion clinic. She wasn’t going to tell me. She got rid of my baby like it was yesterday’s trash and she was never going to fucking tell me. So yeah, I left her standing at the altar on our wedding day.”

  I didn’t know what to say. His grief was evident on his face. My entire body felt numb as my own emotions flooded over me. “I’m so sorry,” I finally managed.

  “My family was furious. I couldn’t tell them the reason I’d called it all off so last minute. I just couldn’t do that to them. They would’ve been devastated. I didn’t want to put them through that. Finally, I just told them she’d betrayed me in the worst way possible. I let them know I’d just found out, right before the wedding. They just assumed she’d cheated on me. At least it got them off my back.” He let out a disdainful laugh. “Honestly? That would’ve been easier to deal with.

  “I worked so hard setting up this surprise for her. The room, the crib, I was so excited.” His voice turned hard when he said, “I wanted to do something nice for her, and yeah. She was surprised alright. At first, she tried to deny it. It took hours, the night before our wedding, for her to finally tell me because no way in hell was I just going to let that go. She finally admitted that the reason she didn’t tell me was because she knew that I would want to keep it.

  “I don’t know…if we’d just talked about it. She didn’t want to keep it. I get that. I do. But she never gave me the option to keep it. If she could’ve just…I don’t know, hung in there for seven more months, I would’ve gladly taken it for the next eighteen years. Well, for the rest of my life. Or maybe it’s just easy to say that now. Now that it’s not an option. But really, I think if I’d been given the chance, I’d have taken it. And maybe I would’ve sucked at it. Hell, I’ve never even changed a diaper. The only baby I’ve ever even held is my nephew. Maybe I would’ve made a total mess of everything. But I would’ve liked the option to try.

  “I had two weeks to fall in love with that kid. Two weeks to plan its future. Two weeks of thinking I was going to be a dad. It doesn’t sound like a long time but” he shrugged, “something like that, it’s just life changing.”

  I was struggling to understand this. It was clear after all this time, he was still struggling to understand as well. “Was she just not ready to be a mom?”

  “I guess, yeah. That was it. Our careers were just starting to take off. She told me she wasn’t ready for a baby to hold her back. But the point is, we had careers, we had incomes. We had a roof over our heads.
Maybe money would’ve been tight but people with a whole lot less make it work. Then I realized it wasn’t about the money. She just didn’t want a baby. And she didn’t want me to have a say in it.”

  He blew out a breath and scraped his hands over his face. “I mean, it’s not like we were some young, high school kids. It wasn’t a one night stand. We weren’t strangers. We were getting married! We were going to spend the rest of our lives together. She was willing to live a lie for the rest of our lives. I just…I felt so betrayed. Like our whole relationship had been a lie. Because how could I have known her at all? How could she have loved me at all if she was okay with starting our marriage that way?” He shook his head. “I just couldn’t marry someone who was so willing to deceive me. I knew that I would never trust her again.”

  I reached over, placing my hand on his arm. I was almost expecting him to flinch or jerk away after the way I’d treated him.

  “I’m so sorry I just assumed…” I felt my brow scrunch in confusion. “But Morgan made it sound like…” I faded off, trying to remember exactly what she’d said. I realized she’d been very vague. “She made it sound like there still was a baby. Why would she do that?”

  He grimaced. “Why? Because she’s a manipulative liar. That would be my guess. She’s a cold, calculating bitch. She always has been. Looking back, considering she was Kara’s best friend, maybe I should’ve realized just how alike the two of them are,” he said.

  “Didn’t she think I would ask you?”

  He gave me a pointed look. “Maybe she was thinking you’d jump to conclusions and not give me the chance to explain anything.”

  I cringed because he was right. I had come awfully close to doing just that. I had done just that.

  “And really,” he said. “By doing that, she had nothing to lose. If you didn’t come to me, she’d have the satisfaction of keeping us apart. But even now that you did, she’s clearly caused trouble anyway.” He sighed. “Not that I can blame her completely. I should’ve been upfront about it. It’s just that it’s not something I’ve talked about with anyone before. I wanted to be sure things were going somewhere with us before I brought it up with you.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” The moment the words were out of my mouth, maybe even a few moments before, I knew what an absolute hypocrite I was being. I hadn’t been open and honest with him either. Not until he’d pressed me into it.

  “I’ve never told anyone, Zoey. Not a soul. Not my family. No one. But there it is. The whole truth, laid bare and open. I’m telling you because I want to be with you. No more secrets. And I know there’s a good chance you’re going to tell me to go away and I wouldn’t blame you but I’m putting it all out there anyway. I love you. I want to be with you.”

  I placed my hands on each side of his face and pulled him in for a soft, heartfelt kiss. “I love you too,” I murmured against his lips. “I’m so very sorry I didn’t give you the chance to explain. I’m so sorry about what happened to you.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying for just a moment to truly comprehend how heartbreaking his situation had been.

  “I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us,” he said. “We both obviously have things in our pasts that are better off forgotten. Maybe it’s time we both leave the past in the past. I think it’s time we both move forward.”

  I nodded. Forgetting yesterday and moving on with our lives sounded divine.

  I cleared my throat slightly and sat back. “There is one more thing I have to tell you.”

  He looked at me with concern as I told him about the visit with Jason.

  “You were right,” I said once I was done. “He didn’t want to let go.”

  He nodded slowly. “I’m glad he got help. But more than that, I’m glad he’s out of your life.”

  Chapter 20

  “It’s gorgeous,” I said as I stopped next to her to take another peek. “Truly gorgeous.”

  “I know, right?” Claire said dreamily as she held her left hand out. The fluorescent lights of the kitchen caught the diamond just right. The enormous princess cut solitaire glittered and sparkled back at us. She wiggled her hand, looking completely awed. “I still can’t believe it’s real!”

  “Believe it, girl,” I said with a laugh. It made me feel good to see my best friend so happy. “If anyone deserves this, it’s you!”

  It had been almost a week since the ring had been placed on her finger. She was still in awe of it. I would find her staring at it periodically wearing a look of pure amazement.

  She bit her lip before tossing her arm around my shoulder. She pulled me in for a sideways hug.

  “I felt so awful leaving you here alone last Sunday. When I told Sean I didn’t think I could make it, I guess he really freaked out,” she said with a smile.

  I cringed, grateful I had made her go. I would’ve felt horrible if I’d ruined Sean’s surprise proposal. He’d planned it for a Sunday night because he knew that Claire would not be expecting it.

  She released me and wandered over to the coffee pot.

  I went to the oven to pull out the chocolate chip scones that were making the kitchen smell scrumptious.

  “I still can’t believe that conniving bitch, Morgan,” Claire said as she poured. “I’m glad that you gave Alex the chance to explain. The nerve of her. Of both of them. As if Kara hadn’t already put him through enough? Then she thought she’d try to ruin things for him with you?”

  I shrugged, unsure of whether or not Kara had anything to do with it or whether she’d just been blindsided by her friend and had gone along with it. Either way, it had been a shitty thing to do.

  I pulled out two small plates and carefully set a scone on each before setting the plates on the table.

  “Well,” I said as Claire handed me a cup of coffee, “I’ve learned my lesson. I feel so bad for doubting him. I should’ve given him a chance to explain before going off on him. I’m just glad he was still willing to explain, after the way I treated him.”

  My cheeks warmed as I remembered the way he’d looked when he said he loved me. That had been the last thing I’d expected him to say. Now, I kept playing it over and over in my mind. Each time, it brought a smile to my face and a flutter to my heart.

  Claire slid into a seat at the kitchen table. I took a spot across from her. She had a notebook, pens, and stacks of bridal magazines covering the entire space. I noted that some of the magazines were older. She must’ve been collecting them for a while.

  “I was there,” she said, redirecting my thoughts back to the conversation we’d been having. “They were pretty convincing. Even though looking back, they never really lied about anything,” she said.

  “No, they just manipulated the conversation,” I agreed.

  Claire let out a little sound that was close to a growl. Her expression was livid. “The next time I see her out, I am going to let her have it! I can’t believe I was nice to her. I thought we were maybe getting to be friends!”

  I shook my head at her. “Don’t say anything. Please.”

  She gripped her mug in both hands. “Why the hell not?”

  I shrugged. “Because I don’t want to give her the satisfaction. I don’t want her to know that I was insecure enough, gullible enough, to fall for what she had to say.”

  My friend leaned back in her chair as she thought over what I said. “I suppose you’re right,” she muttered, pausing to take a sip. “But oh, how I want to rip her a new one.”

  “Believe me, I know exactly how you feel,” I commiserated. “The last thing I want is for her to know that she succeeded, even if just briefly, in causing problems.

  “But enough about them!” I said as I slapped both of my hands down on the table. “We have far more important things going on! We have a wedding to plan.”

  She took a deep breath and a smile lit up her face. “I know! I’m sure you know this, even though I haven’t formally asked you, but you have to be my maid of honor.”

  I grinned bac
k at her. “Of course. So tell me what you have so far.”

  “We’re thinking a winter wedding. Maybe even a Christmas wedding.” She paused and a look of trepidation settled across her face. “That’s it,” she said stoically. “That’s all I have. I don’t know what color scheme I want. I don’t have any idea about a venue. I have given no thought to save the date cards, because I don’t actually have a date. Not to mention invitations…” She leaned forward on her elbows and pulled her hands through her hair.

  “Claire,” I said as I grabbed one of her hands. “It’s okay. You’ve got months to figure this out. And more importantly,” I teased, “you have me. We’ll get it done. And it will be awesome. Amazing, even!”

  She blew out a breath and gave me a little nod. “Flowers,” she said decisively, finally looking relieved. “I do know what kind of flowers I want.”

  I pulled her notebook my way. “See, we’re already off to a good start then. Maybe next weekend we should plan to do some shopping. We can look at dresses, maybe taste some cake? Maybe Dottie would even cover the shop so we could make a whole day of it?”

  While she had officially resigned, she’d made it known that she’d be happy to fill in if we ever needed her.

  Claire nodded but she still looked shell shocked. “I’ll need to decide on decorations too. Of course that will depend on whether I decided on a Christmas wedding or just a winter theme.”

  “And we’ll have plenty of time for all of that,” I assured her.

  She glanced at the clock. “Are you sure you have time right now? Don’t you have a picnic to prepare for?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, but that’s not until this afternoon. Besides, it’s completely under control.”

  Alex’s parents were finally home. He had planned a family get-together at his house. I was finally going to meet his parents and his sisters and their families. He was going all out grilling burgers, brats and steaks. I’d tried to insist on taking care of the rest of the meal. His family wouldn’t hear of it.