The Regret (Heartache #2)

by Green, Vicki

  I nod. “Oh. I know.”

  She nods back and looks out in front of her. A smile graces her lips. “There was this vacant lot, not far from where I lived. There was an abandoned building up on a hill. I used to imagine that I lived there. Carefree. Happy.” Her smile begins to fade as her brows lower. “There was this boy. Stephen. He lived in the neighborhood. Another foster house but it was decent. At least they didn’t beat him.” She lets out a sigh, and my heart begins to beat faster. “When things got rough, I used to sneak out my window, run straight to the vacant lot. Somehow Stephen always knew when I needed him.” She looks up at me. “A friend,” she clarifies. “My best friend. We’d lay down on this old ratty blanket and talk for hours or when I’d get hurt, he’d tend to me.”

  Son of a bitch! Makes me want to go there right now and beat the shit out of them. Hurting a defenseless little girl. Jolie. I swallow hard, wanting to ask the one thing I’d like for her to tell me. We lay there in silence for a few minutes, and I’m thinking she’s done talking, telling me things she may have not shared but with a few in her life, if anyone. I open my mouth to ask, but she starts talking again, like she’d read my mind.

  “I knew him for several years. We became inseparable. He was….” She looks up at me and then back out into the room. “He was my best friend.” I watch her swallow her emotions, knowing this has to be so difficult for her and honored she decided to share it with me. She surprises me and turns on her side, leaning her head on her hand so I do the same. “He was adopted when he was sixteen from some man who always wanted a son. He told me he would come back for me when he turned eighteen, get me out of that hellhole, and take care of me. He said he’d keep in contact until then. It was the only thing that kept me going in a world full of hurt.”

  “What happened,” I ask, clearing my throat of my own emotions, secretly knowing exactly what happened, more than she knows.

  She looks down, picking at something invisible on the sheet. “I never heard from him again.” Her eyes move up to mine, sadness filling them. “I’m sure he had his reasons, although I can’t imagine what they could be.” She raises and turns, moving her legs over the side of the bed, letting out a sigh. “I was just a silly young girl hoping that he’d take me away from the nightmare I was living in.” I grab her arm and stop her from leaving. She turns her head and looks at me over her shoulder.

  “Maybe there was a good reason that he couldn’t.”

  “It’s okay. It wasn’t fair of me to hope. He was young too. I’m just happy he got out and hope he’s having a happy life.” She tugs her arm, and I let her go. I watch her walk around the bed and into the bathroom, shutting the door. Shutting me out. She needs some time. I’m sure it was really hard for her to tell me. I could have easily told her, could have relieved some of the why’s she always been wondering about. The look on her face, the hurt, was too much. I lay there and wait anxiously for her to return and when she finally did, she looked – fine. She yawned as she climbed back in bed, scooting close to me, and when I put my arm around her, she laid her head on my chest, putting her arm over my stomach and told me goodnight. Soon I heard the sound of her light breathing while I laid there awake, thinking about the best approach to spill my guts, tell her everything. Maybe tomorrow.

  Chapter 14

  Why in the hell did I word vomit about everything last night? I wasn’t drunk. Hell, we’d had a nice dinner, and I fell asleep against him watching a movie. Then even though I initiated sex later, he made love to me. Made love! And I mean love. He told me he loved me the night before. When he said that to me, I froze. The words were on the tip of my tongue but fear overrode them. Only one person has ever said that to me and look what happened.

  Stephen.

  Maybe I spilled my guts to Tanner last night in some sort of attempt to make him understand why I couldn’t tell him I loved him back? Sad attempt. At least he didn’t look at me with sympathy, like I imagined he would. He looked like he understood and wanted to be there for me instead. He looked like he knew exactly how I was feeling. He wasn’t even shocked when I told him. How can that be? How could he know?

  For so long, I regretted not trying to find Stephen, but I didn’t know his adopted last name or where he moved to exactly. Maybe part of me was too scared that if I’d found him, what would I do then? Would I go to him and say – what? I just came to the conclusion that if he never contacted me, never came for me, he must have not really wanted to. All that time – all my life I thought we were so close. Best friends. I thought he loved me as I loved him. Silly, silly fool of a girl.

  “Jolie? You ready to go to the store?”

  “Yeah! Be right there!” I yell at myself in the mirror intending for Tanner to hear.

  I’ve been battling with myself internally all through my shower, drying my hair, brushing my teeth, and applying my makeup. I have to admit, I feel a little lighter telling him. As I expected, the hurt still remains about Stephen never coming to get me, never hearing from him. Of course, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did a few years ago, but it’s still there. Maybe it always will be. But Tanner? I’m falling so hard and so fast for him, it almost scares me. Am I falling into the same thing, thinking we’ll be happy and then something will happen and take it all away? Am I setting myself up for a broken heart?

  “Jolie! C’mon!” So impatient.

  I smile, seeing him in my mind. Shaking my head, I become determined to live for now. Be as happy as I can. Grateful for what I have. I have a sexy guy in love with me, a great job, and good friends. What more do I need?

  “Coming!”

  My brows lower as I look at my reflection for the last time. “I need a damn wall around my heart so it doesn’t shatter into a million pieces when he breaks it.”

  It’s becoming more familiar being with him, doing little things. Oh, it’s still all new, exciting, and makes little butterflies take off in my stomach every time I see him, am with him. He lets me walk through the front door first then I feel his hand on my lower back as we walk to his truck. He opens the truck door for me and grasps my arm, helping me up and onto the seat. After he closes the door, I watch him walk around the front of his truck. Sure. Confident. Sexy as hell. I look at the concentration on his handsome face, wondering what he’s thinking about. I hardly know anything about him really. Where he’s from, what his childhood was like. He’s as private as I am, but it makes him that much more of a mystery, one I’d like to delve into. I shared a little about me, maybe now he’ll feel like he can share a little about himself.

  He drives us out of our neighborhood, and I look around, my heart beginning to beat faster as I see all the nice houses, immaculate lawns, and get a giddy feeling inside that I live here now. Me. I came from nothing and now I have everything. I look down when I feel his hand cover mine on the seat and look up at him. He’s looking out the front window but there’s a smile on those gorgeous lips. He feels it too. I turn my hand and push my fingers through his and watch his smile grow. Soon he pulls into the grocery store parking lot and when I start to open my door he pulls on my hand that’s still in his. I snap my eyes to his, and he gives me a wink so I release the door handle and wait for him to come open my door. Such a gentleman. He helps me down from his truck, and we walk hand in hand into the store. After he grabs a cart, we start walking down the first aisle.

  “So fucking glad we have all the appliances now. Guess we’ll need everything.” He turns his head and smiles at me. “Just like starting over. Fresh.” He gives me another wink, and I swear my panties are already wet just from him looking at me. So sexy. I understand his double meaning. Starting fresh with our lives together yet each of us has already started over fresh from wherever we came from. From whatever things we left behind. Only I don’t know what he left behind, what things he may have gone through, if any. Maybe he’s had a happy life. I can only hope. If he did
, then why wouldn’t he share it? And then there’s Barrett. All the secret talks they have together. If they were just becoming friends, I’d see them laughing as they talk, or at least smiling. However, they’re always so serious, and yesterday, Tanner looked really upset. Mysterious.

  “Hey.” I turn my head towards him. He comes closer, right in front of me and cups my face. My eyes close briefly then I look into his that have concern in them. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours,” he asks, his eyes searching mine.

  I smile. “Just thinking about how happy I am,” I reply. I am. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, but I hate lying to him. He continues to look at me with uncertainty. Finally, he pulls me into him, his strong arms making me feel loved, safe.

  “I’m glad,” he whispers close to my ear.

  I pull back, still in his arms, and look into his eyes. “What about you? Are you happy?” Now I search his eyes, for what I’m unsure. Truth maybe? They light up as he leans in closer, his lips press against mine.

  “Happiest I’ve ever been,” he says against my mouth.

  I smile, feeling his happiness mixing with mine. We’ve only made it to the third aisle, our cart over half full, but we don’t move, locked in our embrace, in our happy bubble.

  “Get a room.”

  We turn our heads, pressed against each other, and laugh. Hailey is walking towards us with a smile, her normal gruffness gone. “Sheesh. Can’t you even shop for groceries without making out in the middle of an aisle?” Normal Hailey yet she’s laughing.

  “Hey. We can’t help it. When the mood strikes,” Tanner rebuts but with a smile still plastered on his face.

  Hailey stops in front of us. We turn to face her, and I feel like I’m glowing as I feel Tanner’s hand clasp mine, his fingers weaving through mine, and he squeezes tightly. “Don’t you have a new house to do this in so you don’t have to display this every few seconds while you’re out and about?” She winks at me, and I can feel the heat of a blush spreading across my face.

  “Thing is….” Tanner moves behind me and captures me with his arms, resting his chin on my shoulder. “We can’t seem to stop and don’t care who’s looking.” He kisses the side of my head, and I let out a laugh.

  “Well, I’m glad to see you two so happy.” Hailey laughs. Tanner squeezes his arms around me tighter. “Well, have fun, you two.” She waves and turns around and walks back the way she came.

  He brushes his nose up and down my hair. I feel the warmth of his breath by my ear. “Are you truly happy?” Leaning my head back against his chest, I turn my head and smile.

  “I’ve never been happier.” It’s the truth.

  He leans over and kisses me hard, and my stomach does a flip. Sometimes it feels unreal, how happy I am. I never thought I’d end up here, with this sexy, caring, sweet man. I remember my first reactions to him, how he tried so hard to get me to like him, how annoying he would be. Suddenly, I’m spun around and facing him, his hands on my arms.

  “What’s so funny?” he asks with the biggest smile shining on his face.

  My brows raise. “Oh! Did I laugh out loud?”

  I turn and grab the cart and start pushing it down the aisle, stopping to pick up a box of rice. My smile raises when I hear his footsteps jogging up behind me until he’s next to me. “Yes. You let out a laugh. What was so funny?”

  I pretend to ignore him, pushing the cart and looking around. “Oh. I was just thinking about how annoying you were when we first met,” I say nonchalantly. I purse my lips, so I don’t smile when I hear him running to catch up with me.

  “Wait a minute!” He grabs my arm stopping me from proceeding. He gives me an incredulous look. “I was annoying?” I roll my eyes, playfully and try to push the cart, but he has a strong hold on my arm. “You were the one that had to get a ‘point’ every time by your digs and trying to push me away.” I move my eyes up to his, and a small smile makes its way out. He cocks a hip, releasing my arm, but leans against the cart. “You were ‘I don’t need anyone – I am woman’ and then got plastered and could barely walk in your high heels.” He bends down, close to my ear. “Those damn hot and sexy heels.” Shit. Now he’s getting me all horny. He stands and grasps the cart handle and starts pushing it away. All I can think about is how hot he looked in that suit, how sweet he was constantly trying to become friends and doing everything for me. “Seems to me, you were the one that was quite annoying.” My eyes snap to him, and I still don’t move, watching his fine ass swaying away from me. Sigh. “I can’t help it that you couldn’t keep your eyes off me.” Wait! What?

  “What the hell?” I go running up to him, and he’s laughing his ass off. Point for him.

  It’s the weirdest thing, going through the grocery store with your boy – boyfriend? I guess he’s my boyfriend, at least it feels that way. We stocked up one cart and then while I was perusing the ice cream area, he went and got another cart, which we proceeded to fill. I think we now have enough food for a year, give or take. It’s taking us forever to load up his truck, and I’m starving by the time we’re done and driving home. Home. It’s so strange to think that I have a home now, living with a man. Suddenly, my heart starts racing, and I look over at him. He’s staring straight ahead at the road, not able to see my anxiousness.

  “I should pay you rent.”

  I can’t stand the thought of just living off of him. No way. No how.

  He turns to me then looks out the front window. “Nope. Not gonna happen.”

  My internal flame, not the one that ignites when we’re having sex, starts to heat up. “Yes. I’m not going to live off you. How much?”

  He shakes his head. Stubborn. “No, Jolie. You’re not paying rent.”

  I cross my arms over my chest, lifting my girls. His head snaps towards me, his eyes right at them. That got his attention. “Tanner. Either I’m paying rent or half of the utilities. That’s final.” His eyes are glued to my cleavage to the point I have to grab the steering wheel, so we don’t go into the next lane. “Tanner!” He quickly looks back at the road and lets out a long breath.

  “Look.” He sighs, looking at me and then back at the road. “I paid for the house, there’s no house payment, and I can more than afford the utilities on my own. Just use your money for whatever you want. Save it. Buy clothes and stuff. Whatever.”

  Oh.

  My.

  God!

  This has piqued my curiosity even more. “Tanner? How can you just buy a house and not have to worry about money?” My mind is going in overdrive now, conjuring up all kinds of things. He robbed a bank. Won the lottery? Played the stock market. Robbed multiple banks. Shit! I’m getting a headache. Turning slightly in my seat, as far as the seatbelt will allow, I stare at him. “You’re about the same age as me.” I think. “Of course, you’ve never really told me much about yourself. How could someone so young have enough money to buy a house out right?” He shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. “What are you not telling me?” Fear has risen to an all-time high and suddenly, I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake moving in with him. Maybe Hailey was right, and I’ve moved too fast. My heart starts beating faster at the thought that I really don’t know him. Privacy is one thing but if he really loves me – why hasn’t he told me anything about himself, his past, his childhood? Maybe it’s because he can’t. Because he’s really a bad guy and he’s out to….

  “Jolie. Get a grip.”

  My meltdown has landed me sitting in his truck in the driveway with a massive headache. His hand is on my arm, and he’s staring into my eyes that are coming back into focus. He cups my face with his free hand. His brows lowered, and his face full of concern. “What’s going on, Jolie? Is it really the money you’re concerned about?” Perceptive.

  “I….” My mouth’s open but I stall. His eyes search mine. “I don’t really know you,”
I blurt. My verbal vomit is at work again, not really knowing what I want to say. Everything is all jumbled in my head.

  He rubs his thumb across my cheek, and now I don’t remember what we’re talking about. The intenseness in his eyes mesmerizes me. “What do you want to know?” I open my mouth but can’t think of anything. The corner of his mouth lifts. “How about we get the groceries unloaded and put away, and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Deal?” I nod, still not able to speak. How can just a look from him render me speechless? I’m so over my head. He could be a killer, hoping I’d fall into his trap. Maybe I already did.

  Chapter 15

  Shit! I knew this day would come. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be for a while yet. It takes us a bit to unload the truck and we put everything away in silence. The tension in the kitchen is pretty thick. It’s my fault. I should have told her something about me, anything. I’m sure by now she thinks she’s hooked up with a murderer. I may have some secrets about my past, ones that may kill her mentally, but I’m not a murderer. Quite the opposite.

  I grab two bottles of water from the fridge, loving that I can do that now, and start to walk past her. I take her hand, her eyes snap to mine as I lead her into the family room and sit down on the couch. Handing her a water, I lean back, trying to get comfortable, dreading this talk. I have to do it. I have to give her something. She deserves it.

  “I grew up in a happy home. Mostly.” I notice her grip on her bottle tighten. “My mom passed away when I was six. I still remember her, but everything’s so faded. I can’t remember her voice, but I can remember her smile. I can only visualize her face when I’m looking at pictures of her, but I can still feel her love.” She relaxes yet keeps her eyes on mine. “My dad was a good man. He pushed me hard through school. He trained me to take over his business someday, but he died before I actually got to work there.” She reaches over and covers my hand with hers.