The Regret (Heartache #2)

by Green, Vicki

  “Oh, my God, Tanner! You scared the shit outta me!”

  I grab her arms, pulling her up and against my chest. Something falls to the floor and the sound of shattering glass echoes in the darkness. “Jolie,” I murmur against her head, squeezing her. She’s stiff in my arms, slightly shaking, but she’s okay. That’s all that matters. I don’t know what I was thinking. That someone had broken in, hurt her or killed her. The mind is a curious thing and leads into the most horrible thoughts at times. We haven’t been together long enough. Not nearly enough. I’ve dreamt about this for too many years only to have it taken away in the blink of an eye. It’s unacceptable. I lean my head against hers and feel her body relax. Her arms move slowly around me, and my heart starts to slow back to a normal rhythm.

  “I’m right here. I’m here,” she whispers against my cheek, her lips moving over my jaw, finding my mouth. Her hands are soothingly rubbing up and down my back as my tongue enters her warm mouth, tasting beer and her. My mouth is greedy, my need great, but I finally pull back and just look at her. I scan down her body, checking for what I’m not sure. I notice her shiver as I peruse her body. I’m not sure if it’s from my gaze or from the fact that she’s only in a black bra, a silky pink flimsy cover-up that’s fallen down her arms, and black matching panties. If I wasn’t standing so close I wouldn’t be able to see them in the darkness. She lifts her hand, and I close my eyes as she presses it against my face. “What’s wrong?” I don’t answer. I open my eyes and lean down, lifting her in my arms. My mouth finds hers as I carry her inside, closing the door behind me and twisting the lock. I continue kissing her as I take her through the house until we’re in our bedroom. I set her down on the bed and watch her move to the middle of the mattress, getting up onto her knees. I can’t take my eyes off her as I pull my shirt over my head, dropping it on the floor. Crawling onto the bed, I get on my knees as I rest my hand against her neck, rubbing my thumb across her cheek as I lay my forehead against hers. Her hands find my waist, warm against my skin as I look down at her.

  “I couldn’t find you. I thought something had happened. I don’t know….” I can’t finish my thoughts as they’re so jumbled inside my head.

  Her eyes move up to mine. “I’m okay, Tanner. I was just sitting outside drinking a beer and almost fell asleep.”

  Her eyes move up to mine, and I think right now, right this very second, everything hits me hard. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. “I know it seems fast but Jolie….” Her beauty catches my breath. “I love you,” comes from my mouth before I can stop it. For me, this has been coming for years. For her, she may think it’s too soon, too fast, but I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to. I can’t help the way I feel.

  She grabs my belt loop, pulling herself up. Her lips are on mine as she moves flush against me. Our breathing becomes erratic, and I can almost feel her racing heart against my chest. I slide my hand around the back of her neck. My free hand covers her breast over her bra. Our movements become frantic, her pulling the straps of her bra down her arms, my hands moving around her and unclasping it. Her bra drops between us along with her cover-up. I push her down on the mattress, removing her panties quickly. She reaches down, fumbling with the button on my jeans as my mouth covers her nipple, sucking then running my tongue over it. I feel her pushing my jeans down, thanking God I’m commando. When my hard cock springs free, I push it against her folds quickly, running it up and down, eliciting a moan from her. I can’t wait any longer, my aching cock dying to be inside her. I’d love to kiss all over her soft skin, cherishing every inch of her but instead I push inside her. I bite her nipple as her fingernails dig into my biceps as I move in and out in a flurry.

  “Tanner. I….” She lets out a guttural moan as she meets my movements. I reach down, pressing against her swollen clit then rub frantically. I’m already ready to explode but I want her to cum with me. I need her more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. I feel like I’ve lost my mind, my soul, in my need for her.

  “God, Jolie,” I whisper as I kiss my way up her delicate skin until I’m breathing against her ear.

  I begin moving in and out of her so fast, continuing to rub her clit until her legs clamp around my waist and start shaking.

  “Tanner!” she screams so I move faster.

  I’m so close. So close. Her moan echoes around me as she lets go. I cover her mouth with mine as I pay homage to her other breast, my balls tighten with my own release, and I let myself go. “Jolie! Fuck!” I breathe into her mouth. I continue to thrust. Once. Twice. I feel her body relax beneath mine, still shivering, as I lay down half on her, half off. Our bodies are covered in sweat, our breathing heavy, labored. Her hand begins rubbing across my back as we lay there.

  “That was….” Her words are short and I can hear her trying to catch her breath. “Incredible.” I turn my head and look at her, the light coming into the room from the bathroom showing me her flushed skin. I give her a grin but it falls quickly when she speaks again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t….” She doesn’t finish but she doesn’t need to. I know she couldn’t tell me she loves me. Not yet. I reach up and cover her lips with my finger.

  “Don’t,” I whisper.

  We lay here, still trying to regulate our breathing, and stare into each other’s eyes. Finally, I turn over onto my side and rest my head on my hand. “I didn’t say it for you to say it back.” She starts to open her mouth, but I press a little harder against it. “Really. Don’t. I don’t expect you to feel the same in such a short time. Maybe you never will.” Sadness overshadows her beautiful face. “That’s okay, Jolie. If it happens, it’s happens. If it doesn’t, I’ll still love you.” She relaxes a little as I pull her into my arms. I kiss the top of her head as she rests it against my chest. “I’ve loved you for so long I couldn’t stop the words.” She pulls back, her eyes searching mine.

  “What do you mean? For so long?” she whispers.

  I look over her face then back into her eyes. “You’ve been in my dreams for longer than I can remember, always in my head. I knew as soon as I first laid eyes on you, that you’re the one. I’ve waited for you for a lifetime.”

  The look on her face is almost reverent as she leans up and presses her mouth against mine. In this moment, I kiss her with everything I have. Everything I am. In this moment, I know that no matter what happens in the future, she’ll always be mine. She’s a part of me whether she knows it or not. In this moment, I know that I’ll die trying to capture her heart and when the time comes I’ll confess everything. I’ll never give up trying to convince her of my love. Her leg slides over my hips. My cock already hardened again with need for her. This time, I take it slowly, making sure I adore every inch of her before I make love to her.

  Love.

  I feel it for her and deep down in my heart, I know she loves me too or is falling in love with me. I know it as I breathe her in, feel her heart beating, and when I look into her eyes. I know.

  When we finish, I climb off the bed and walk to the bathroom, taking a clean wash cloth from the linen closet and soak it with warm water. I take it into the bedroom and wash her lovingly. By the time I return from the bathroom after cleaning myself off and turning off the light, I find her fast asleep, curled up on her side, facing away from me. I stand here looking down at her. Her skin glows from the moonlight coming in through the small cracks in the blinds. She looks younger as she sleeps, but she’s radiant. Climbing onto the mattress, I fold myself around her, pulling the covers up over us, and slide my arm underneath hers. I breathe her in as I rest my head beside hers, feeling her warmth, her softness. I lay here for hours, wondering if my declaration was too soon for her. Scared her. I couldn’t stop the words from leaving my mouth, not thinking, just feeling. She didn’t seem scared though. I let out a small sigh as I close my eyes, my heart full.

  ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 
“What do you mean the picture didn’t turn out,” I half whisper, half yell at Barrett.

  It’s not even noon yet when I followed him into the back hallway, leaving my client upstairs. He’s not only gonna get me in trouble with Jase but is gonna end up blowing my cover. He gives me a sorrowful look.

  “Frank’s phone messed up. It’s not clear enough to be used as evidence.”

  I lower my head, the hopes of getting closer to shutting down the assholes that call themselves “foster parents” shattered. I look up at Barrett. He’s calm. Cool. “Tell him and the entire team that if something like this happens again, I’ll be on my way there. This is taking too long. We finally know that we can get them and this happens?” I growl. He nods, understanding my anxiousness. “I’m trying so hard not to blow my cover here, but I’ll be on the road if needed. I really don’t want to take the days off. However, I’ll do whatever is necessary. We’re too close, Barrett.” He puts his hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me. “There’s a child, probably more before him, that is being abused. Not to mention what Jolie endured. They need to be stopped before it’s too late.” I’m fuming. Knew I should have gone there. I should’ve told Jase I needed some time off, handled things myself but that would have led to Jolie wondering where I was going and why. That would have led to the secrets I’ve carried for so long. Too much time. Too many regrets. She may never get over the one regret that I’ll finally have to expose. Maybe I should just tell….

  “I get it, man. Getting yourself all riled up isn’t gonna help.” The voice of reason. Reason and my sanity left a long time ago. “They’ll get another picture, more than one. It was only the first opportunity. There’ll be more.” He releases my shoulder and takes a step back. “They don’t suspect a thing. You know they’ll screw up again.” That’s what I’m afraid of. After Jolie, they were so careful, knowing they screwed up more times than not. It’s been over five years since they’ve faltered, slipped up. They may be evil but they’re not stupid. “You know. Once we have them, it would help put them away for life if Jolie would testify against….”

  “No!” I yell a little too loudly. We both look down the hall and into the gym. I can see people at the power bar, some sitting down in the small lounge area in front of the locker rooms, luckily no one looks this way. I look back at Barrett and frown. “She’s been through enough. I’m not putting her into that situation. No way.” She’d have to relive what she went through before a judge and a jury. I won’t let that happen, won’t put her through that.

  “There may not be another way to give them what they really deserve, Tanner. You know this.” I shift my stance, knowing he’s right. “They could get off with a much lighter sentence with only this one instance. How many others have there been, Tanner? After Jolie. How many could you not get evidence on but knew it was happening and not able to do anything for them? How many have suffered?”

  Fuck! I hate that he’s right. How could I even ask her? I’ll be lucky if she speaks to me after we apprehend them. I lean back against the wall suddenly tired. I close my eyes tight, struggling with everything in my head. I feel his hand on my arm and open my eyes, looking at the sadness on his face.

  “Hey, man. Look. I know you care about her.” My brow raises as a smile appears on his mouth. “Okay, you love her. Apparently.” He becomes serious again. “I know I don’t know everything around your history with her and it’s really none of my business, but don’t you think she’ll want to help put these assholes away for good? Have you thought of that?” No. Actually, I hadn’t. And why haven’t I? Because you’ve been too caught up thinking about yourself and what will happen when she finally knows your secrets. He play smacks my arm. “Cheer up, man. It’s all gonna be okay.” Fuck! I hope so.

  I watch him walk back to the gym and slump against the wall. Two people say I need to confess to her. They both can’t be wrong. Can they?

  The day was long. All I could think about was needing to get there to my team and help them catch these people. Then my mind would toil with telling Jolie the truth. All of it. Back and forth. It about drove me crazy. Once I got off, I went home and cooked us dinner on the grill. Thank fuck the appliances will be delivered tomorrow. I’ll be happy when they are all hooked up then Jolie and I can go to the grocery store and get the food we need and the kitchen will be done. I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished. Dinner was great, the company even better. Once we cleaned up the kitchen, we went into the family room and sat on our new couch and watched our new big screen TV. I was glad they could deliver the couch, TV, coffee table, and matching end tables today. They look perfect in here with the freshly painted walls. I would have thought by now Jolie would be curious as to where all this money has been coming from but as far as I can tell she hasn’t. However, that might lead off into telling her my secrets. Maybe that would be a good way to do it? I still don’t know.

  We’ve been watching a movie, my eyes becoming heavy as the credits roll on the screen. I look up at the clock on the wall and see its eleven thirty then look down at the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Her head is resting on my shoulder. Her feet pulled up beside her, and she’s asleep. Picking up the remote from the end table, I turn off the TV and just look at her. Memories flood me from the time so many years ago when all I had was a picture of her as a little girl. I fell in love instantly. Just one look at her and I could tell she was special. When I got into town and first saw her, my heart stopped beating. She’d grown into the most gorgeous woman. Then she opened her mouth for the first time, and I fell in love a little more. Of course, she hated me or maybe just leery of me. She thought I was annoying, but I couldn’t stop trying to get her to like me. Just another thing to love about her – her spunky attitude. I find myself smiling as I continue to look at her. Finally, I raise up, putting my arm around her, and as I stand I lift her up into my arms. I turn the lights off as I carry her to our room and lay her down on our bed. As I start to get up to go to the bathroom, she reaches out, her eyes opening slowly.

  “Don’t go,” she whispers, looking half asleep.

  I smile. “I’m just going to the bathroom,” I whisper, rubbing my thumb over her cheek. “I’ll be right back.” Her eyes close as she nods, and I climb off the bed and go tend to business.

  When I return, I climb in beside her, ready to pull her into my arms for the night. Instead, she rolls over on top of me. I blink several times. She’s naked. She leans down and begins kissing me, and I let her take the lead. She can have anything she wants. I wasn’t expecting this, but it’s gladly welcomed. I place my hands on her arms as her tongue tangles with mine. I moan as she rubs up against my sleep pants, my cock already hardened to the point of aching. My hands drop as she begins to slide down my body, kissing as she goes. “Fuck!” I moan when she sucks on one of my nipples, the barbell making it so much more sensitive. Of course she knows this. Another reason I love her. I grab handfuls of the sheets as she tortures me in such an amazing way. If she doesn’t stop soon, I might blow before I’m inside her. She must sense this as she starts kissing down my abs and starts pulling down my pants. When my cock springs free, I’m thinking “Thank God, I’ll be inside her soon” and then she does something else I don’t expect. Her mouth engulfs my length, her tongue doing the most amazing things, and I let out the deepest guttural moan when she deep throats me. The woman is incredible. I’m already covered in a light sheen of sweat from the work up and can’t take it any longer so I release my death grip from the sheets and grab her upper arms, her mouth releasing me with a ‘pop’ as I flip her over. I’m inside her before she has a chance to catch her breath. We both let out a sigh as I push inside her, deep. I won’t ever be able to get enough of her. She fills my mind. My heart. We were made for each other.

  “Tanner,” she pleads.

  I open my eyes, not realizing I’d closed them with the sensation and being lost in the feel of her. I begin to move, a
nd we become one with our movements. Her legs wrap around my waist. Her feet press into my ass, something I’ve come to learn she loves to do, pushing me inside even deeper. I don’t rush, taking my time to kiss her then pay homage to each breast. Our passion exceeds anything I could ever imagine as we both moan each other’s names when we both find our releases. Once I’ve cleaned us, we lay in bed, in each other’s arms in silence. I’m thinking she’s fallen asleep until I hear her speak.

  “I grew up in a foster home,” her voice is but a whisper. She lets out a sad laugh. “If you want to call it a home. I was only there for the money they’d receive from the state and did everything for them, including being their punching bag.” I cringe at her words, thinking about my punching bag that used to hit against her apartment wall. “I didn’t know my birth parents. From what I was told, they didn’t want me and took me to a shelter right after I was born.” My heart bleeds for her and I tighten my hold around her. Her eyes snap to mine, full of strength. “I don’t want any sympathy. It’s not why I’m telling you this.”