The Regret (Heartache #2)

by Green, Vicki

  “Good evening.”

  My eyes snap up to the man standing across the room and I stand up, trying to get a better look.

  “I’m Blake Fairchild, head of tonight’s rescue operation. I will tell you what I can but please understand that some names of the victims have not been released yet. Once I’m done, I’ll try to answer your questions in an orderly fashion but some things I will not be able to provide yet.” Hailey’s arm wraps around my shoulders as we wait for him to go on. “We were alerted about a foster home in the Pinewood district several months ago. It was reported that there was abuse to the children being fostered there so we began a stakeout of the home. Once we obtained sufficient evidence, we moved in. The utmost attention was given to the two small children there and their safety. The names of the foster parents cannot be released yet as we are trying to locate any next of kin. The man was killed as he open fired on the undercover officers trying to apprehend him. His wife was injured and is being tended to and is under police protection until she can be moved to the station. Two of my undercover officers were injured: Tanner Clark and Barrett Kingsley. Mr. Clark is in critical condition, undergoing surgery at this time.” My hands raise and cover my mouth as I gasp. “Mr. Kingsley is resting comfortably in a room with police protection.”

  Critical condition.

  Critical condition.

  My knees buckle and I sit down quickly.

  Critical condition.

  A buzzing sound fills my ears, my shaking hands cover them. Critical condition. Those words keep playing on repeat.

  “Be strong for him, Jole. He’ll need you now, more than ever.”

  I lower my hands. “What exactly are the injuries of Mr. Clark?” My eyes snap up to a man, holding out a microphone towards Blake.

  “Mr. Clark sustained gunshot wounds to his stomach and right thigh. I was just informed that he’s out of surgery. Next?”

  My eyes widen as my mouth opens to speak. I turn to Hailey.

  “I’m on it!” she says as she stands. I watch her make her way around the crowd of reporters and over to the nurses counter. All the noises and sounds in the room evaporate as I stand, looking at Hailey animatedly talking to the nurse. She points to me and continues to talk. She nods at the nurse and runs back over to me, taking my hands in hers. “She’s sending a nurse over here, and they’ll take you to the recovery room Tanner’s in.”

  I shake my head. “But how?”

  She lets out a laugh. “Just remember – you’re his fiancée and you’re pregnant.” What?

  “I’m what?” I lean in, thinking I heard her wrong.

  She gives me a smirk, and it’s the best thing I’ve seen in hours. “Just go with it.” A laugh bubbles up my throat but gets caught as a nurse walks over to me. I look at Hailey, fear and worry consuming me. “He’s in recovery, Jolie. That means he’s still alive. I’m going to find Barrett’s room and will text you the number. You go. Be with your man.” She gives me a wink and all I can do is nod.

  “Please, follow me,” the nurse says.

  I give her a nod, but before I follow her, I grab ahold of Hailey, tight. “Thank you for being with me.” I hear her whimper as her arms wrap around me, squeezing me just as tightly. I pull back and look into her wet eyes. “I’m not leaving Tanner, not for a minute. Text me how Barrett is and tell him….” I sniff, my own tears making my sight clouded. She smiles as she reaches over and wipes away some tears from my face. “Tell him, thanks.”

  She pushes back my wet hair from my face and searches my eyes. “For what?”

  I let out a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I see Tanner. I need to be strong for him. For us. “I have a feeling he’s the reason Tanner’s still with us.” She nods, and I watch as a tear slides down her cheek. I turn and follow the nurse. My insides feel like they could explode any minute, my heart pounding so fast that I feel ill.

  It feels like we’re walking through a maze until she finally stops in front of a door. It’s open just a crack, and my heart lodges back into the base of my throat. Be strong. Be strong. The words are flowing through my mind, but I’m not feeling them. She pushes the door open, and I walk past her, looking directly at the man lying in the too small of a bed. Tubes are everywhere around him. In his nose, moving around his too pale face. Up his right arm. And there are tiny wires coming from round pads stuck on his chest in various places, leading up to a monitor behind him. The only sounds in the small room are of beeps and oxygen pumping into his lungs from another machine.

  “I’ll leave you alone but if you need any assistance, please push the button on the railing of the bed.”

  I nod. I think. I stand here, fidgeting my hands in front of me, then walk over and sit down in the chair beside his bed, picking up his limp hand and holding it tightly. I look over him, from his head, down his body until the covers at his waist inhibit me from going further. His skin is so pale, white as the sheet that’s covering his injured body. I don’t know what to say, no words come to me, so I just sit here, rubbing my thumb over the too cool skin on his hand. What do you say to the person that gave you life? That took away all the horrible and gave you the happiness you never thought you’d ever have? What can I possibly say other than I’m sorry or thank you, to the one person who’s done everything to help put your past behind you? It’s not enough.

  I clear my throat, trying to find the words to explain how I’m feeling. “It doesn’t matter that you didn’t tell me sooner.” I look at his closed eyes, a tear falling from mine. “What you’ve done replaces any thoughts of regret from my mind.” I tighten my hold on his hand and let out a sigh. “Just …. don’t leave me now. Okay? You’ve finally given me the happiness I never thought I’d have and more. You are my happiness. If you go, you’ll take it with you.” I look down at our hands. “I know that sounds selfish.” I start tracing his fingers with my index finger. “Maybe it is but I don’t care.” I look up and sigh. “We’ve not had enough time together. We’re still so young, have so much life to live. What about what you told me? You said you love me, and that you couldn’t live without me. Don’t you know I feel the same way about you?” I weep, hating that I’m falling apart when I should be strong for him right now. I lift our hands, wiping away my stream of tears and lay them back onto the thin mattress. “I want us to be together forever. I want a family with you, in our house. I want a puppy in our backyard, and I want to watch you cook out on your damn grill and have our friends over to celebrate us being together after ten years or twenty. I want to grow old with you.”

  Beeping sounds go off echoing all around the room. I stare at his face wondering if he’s going to leave me when the door bursts open, and I’m pushed out of the way. No! “I’m sorry. You’re going to have to step out,” says a male nurse as he pushes me out of the doorway. NO! I try to walk back in but another person flies by me, knocking me away. A doctor. Oh, my God. Please, no!

  “Ma’am. You’ll have to go to the waiting room.”

  I blink rapidly and shake my head at the police officer standing before me. “I’m sorry but you’ll have to lea…”

  “Jolie?” My eyes snap to that same male nurse in the doorway. “Are you Jolie?” I nod, rapidly. “Please come inside. He’s asking for you.” What?

  “But he just …. he….”

  The male nurse smiles. “He was apparently waking up and started throwing a fit, calling out your name. We need him calm. Think you can help with that?” I nod again, letting out the breath I’d been holding.

  I walk around the officer and past the male nurse, into the room. Tanner is shaking violently, calling out my name. I rush to his side, putting my hand on his shoulder, and grab his hand in my other, looking into those dark brown eyes I’ve longed to see again. “I’m here, Tanner. I’m here,” I say quickly. His eyes snap to mine and that sexy grin appears, making my heart fill with
joy.

  “I….” He clears his throat, his voice rough. “I want that with you too.”

  Tears stream down my face as I reach up and cup his face, my thumb rubbing over his jaw. He heard me! I close my eyes, briefly, tears overflowing, and say a silent prayer of thanks. I open them again, not wanting to miss a second looking at those eyes.

  “I want to pick out the puppy.” He smiles, then coughs.

  I let out a laugh. “You can do whatever you want.”

  He coughs again. “I’m holding you to that.”

  I turn my attention away from him for a quick second. “Can he have a drink of water?” The nurse looks at me and smiles.

  “No but I’ll get you some ice chips to give to him.”

  I nod, thanking her, and look back at Tanner. I start to sit down in the chair but his free hand grasps mine from his face. “Don’t leave me,” he whispers, his head raised.

  I smile, shaking my head. “Never.” I don’t sit down but keep my hand on his face. He lowers his head back onto the pillow and closes his eyes. “I’ll always be here with you. You’d have to pry me away.” His eyes open and he smiles but closes them again. “Sleep, my love. Rest. I need you back home with me to get that puppy.” His smile broadens and I watch as it slowly fades, hearing his light breathing. I’m afraid to move, but I need to sit before I fall down. The nurse returns as I sit and I put my finger over my lips. She nods, smiles, and sets down a cup of ice chips on the small table beside the bed. I look back at Tanner and smile, watching him sleep. My wet eyes grow heavier so I lay my head down on the hard mattress beside our hands. I watch my thumb glide over the soft skin of his hand until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, relieved and thankful that he’s alive.

  “Miss?”

  My eyes open slowly, still so heavy. I blink twice at the male nurse that was so kind to me earlier.

  “We’re moving him to a private room up in ICU. Care to walk with us?”

  I nod, sitting up, and rub my eyes. I stand, hating to let go of his hand. It’s like the nurse knows what I’m thinking. “You can have it back. I promise.” He winks at me and I cross my arms, a smile playing on my mouth from his kind words, as I watch them release the bed’s brakes, the various monitors attached to the back of the bed, and they start to move. “Follow us.” I watch him and another nurse pass me and follow them out of the room and down the hallway. We stop at a set of elevators, the doors opening to one quickly. I watch as they roll him in there and then walk inside. “You can have his hand back now.” The nurse winks at me, and I take Tanner’s hand, missing the feel of him. It doesn’t take long until we’re walking down another hallway and turning in a nice sized private room. My hand is still in his, but I have to let go briefly as they move him from the small bed into a much larger one. While they hook up all his tubes to other monitors, I take his hand back in mine and look down at him. He’s still sleeping, not even realizing he’s changed rooms. It takes a little bit until they’ve gotten everything done but before the male nurse leaves, who I finally notice his name tag says “Travis”, he walks over to me and smiles. “I’ve been ordered to get you a bed or my patient tells me he’s leaving our fine establishment.” A laugh bursts from me as my brows raise. I can just hear Tanner telling him that. “So, we’re bringing you in a cot. Not the best sleep you’ll ever have but it’s the best I can do.” I nod and tell him thank you. I feel so good knowing Tanner is in such capable hands. Travis starts to leave but stops again, putting his hand on my arm. “Are you hungry? I could probably rustle you up something to eat in our kitchen.”

  I smile. “No. Thank you. Could you get some ice chips for Tanner though? I think we left the ones we had in the other room. I know when he wakes up he’ll want some.”

  “Always thinking about everyone else.” My eyes snap down at Tanner. He coughs again, several times. “Get her something to eat, please. She’ll eat even if I have to force her.” More coughs and I watch as he lifts his arm and places his hand over his waist.

  “So bossy.” I smile, loving the sound of his commanding voice.

  “One dry sandwich and a cup of ice chips coming up! Would you care for a beverage?” I shrug, not really hungry or thirsty. “I’ll bring you a couple of different things.” He bows, and I let out another laugh. I really like him.

  I sit down in the chair by the bed, scooting it up as close as possible, never letting go of his hand. “Do you hurt? Do you need something for pain?” He shakes his head but winces as he coughs again. My tough guy.

  “I have all the medicine I need right here,” he says gruffly, squeezing my hand, weakly. My eyes well up again. How can anyone have this many tears in their system?

  I continue to rub his hand, not able to take my eyes from him. “You scared me so badly. You’re either really brave or really stupid.” I give him a smirk as he looks into my eyes, trying to play it off. Suddenly, I swallow hard, trying not to shed anymore tears in front of him. “Thank you for what you did.” My emotions choke me. “But if you would have died, I would have haunted you for the rest of my life.”

  He lets out a laugh and I feel bad when he coughs and winces again. “Tempting as that sounds, I much prefer to be here in person with you. Now. About that puppy.” I laugh and turn my head as the door opens. Travis walks in with a tray, setting it down on a long table on a stand. He slides it closer to the bed.

  “Your meal, M ’Lady, and ice chips for Sir.”

  I smile and thank him and watch him leave. I pick up the plastic spoon and scoop up some ice chips. Once I’ve put it in front of Tanner’s mouth, he parts his lips, and I put them in his mouth. He closes his eyes, and I can imagine how good the wet and coolness tastes.

  “All you heard out of what I said was ‘puppy’?” I kid.

  He smiles and I scoop up more ice chips, placing them in his open mouth. “No. I heard everything. I’ve just always wanted a puppy.” I laugh, and it feels so good to be able to laugh again.

  “So here’s where you are.”

  I turn my head and see Hailey walk into the room. The slight bags under her swollen eyes tell me how tired she is. I give her a smile. “How’s Barrett?”

  She stops at the foot of Tanner’s bed and rolls her eyes. “Ornery as ever. I guess it would take more than a bullet to shut him up.” She looks at Tanner and gives him a smirk. “You shot him? What the hell, Tanner.” My head snaps to Tanner. He’s smiling.

  He shrugs. “I can’t help it that he was standing in the wrong place when my gun fired after I got hit. He really should be more careful where he stands.” He lets out a cough, and I place more ice chips in his mouth, trying not to laugh.

  “He saved your ass and you thank him by shooting him. Nice,” Hailey says but there’s a smile on her face.

  “He saved you?” I ask looking at Tanner, who’s got his mouth open like a little bird wanting more ice chips. He might just end up milking all this attention. I scoop up some more and let them slide into his mouth. He winks at me, still smiling.

  “From what Barrett told me….” I look over at Hailey. “After Tanner shot into the kitchen, he hit one of them but they shot back. That’s when he got hit in his stomach. Barrett shot the man and killed him before he could finish Tanner off.”

  I look at Tanner quickly. The man. Harold. “He’s …. he’s dead?” Tanner squeezes my hand as he nods. I’m not sure how what to feel. Relief? Remorse? Happy? “What about Mildred?” The foster mom who was anything but a mom.

  “I’m not sure,” Tanner replies.

  “She’s alive.” I look at Hailey. “She was injured but she’s alive. They fixed her up and took her to the station, locked her behind bars.”

  I look down at our hands. “She needs to stay there.”

  He tightens his grip on my hand, and I look up. “Hey,” he whispers.

  I shake my h
ead and smile. “I’m good. Right now, all that matters is that you rest and get well so I can take you home.”

  “And get a puppy.” He smiles.

  I let out a laugh and roll my eyes. “And get a puppy.”

  Chapter 21

  I wince as I attempt to turn over onto my side. I finally manage, but it took a lot out of me. With the door cracked open, the light from the hallway streaming through, I can see Jolie laying in the cot they brought in for her. She’s too far away. I can’t touch her. I don’t like it. I hit the nurses call button, and before I can try to sit up, a male nurse walks in. I look at him and then over at Jolie. He gets my hint and walks over to my side.

  “What do you need?”

  I wince, holding onto the railing as I try to move up. He leans down, grasps under my arms and lifts me higher, then hits a button on the railing and the back of the bed starts rising. Once I’ve adjusted, I look over at Jolie. “I need her.”

  I look up at the nurse and he winks. “Well, I am known to be a rule breaker around here.” He gives me a wink and then turns and walks over to Jolie. I watch him bend down, lift her in his arms, and carry her over to my bed, laying her down gently beside me. He’s getting the biggest tip ever before I leave. “Anything else you need?”

  Her warm body next to mine, her head laying on my chest is the best medicine I could ever ask for. I look up at him and smile. “Well, I’d ask for privacy but I don’t think I have the strength to do anything even if I had some.” I let out a cough but continue to smile.

  “Ha! Well, how about some more ice chips for now?” He picks up the empty cup and gives me another wink then turns and walks out the door.